“Is everyone talking about my boy now?” Zayden snorted. “So I’m not fucked in the head. There is something wrong. I haven’t fabricated this in my head?”
“Of course there is!” Nevyn threw his arms up. “But we can’t force him to tell us and fix it for him, Zayden! You know Varon and I love him. You know that. You know I would move mountains for him. You know Varon would give him whatever help he needs if it’s called for. But there’s a difference between knowing there’s something wrong and behaving like you are.”
Zayden leaned over, putting his face in his hands. “I don’t know another way.”
“Why don’t you try just offering him support quietly? Prove to him you’re listening. Give him the space he wants.” Nevyn patted his thigh. “I just wanted to come out here and say that.”
“It hurts to be blown off by my only family,” Zayden admitted. “I’ve done nothing but love that boy, and…”
“I’m sorry, Zayden, I am. But you need to leave him be. I think that’s the healthiest thing for your relationship with him at this point. Treat him like an adult. Let him make mistakes and get hurt.”
“He shouldn’t be getting hurt!” Zayden snapped. “He should be living a really happy life away from all of this!”
“It’s not the life he wanted.”
“He won’t live as long as us…” Zayden repeated from earlier, always thinking about it.
“Which is why it’s all the more important that you let him grow up and experience all the things the rest of us adults get to experience. Like falling in love and getting our hearts broken. Learning a new skill and getting hurt.” Nevyn patted his thigh. “Your parents obviously didn’t hold you back. Don’t hold your son back.”
“I can’t promise anything,” he muttered. He didn’t know if he could control the raging fear in his chest at the idea of Rain being hurt. Nevyn was right, the rai always rode him hard. He’d always been that Andinna, with the fierce temper and the deep feelings.
And the day he held Rain for the first time, he realized that nothing could ever dim that passion. He had never known such depth to his feelings.
Now he was being asked to step back. Didn’t they know how hard that was?
“I’m not asking for a promise. I’m asking you to try. For Rainev’s sake and for the Company’s sake. Luykas and Alchan are losing their patience with your behavior. They see Rain as an adult and a member of the Company. He doesn’t deserve to be hounded, and they don’t deserve your pissy shit when Rain demands what you rightfully owe him.”
Zayden winced. He shouldn’t have gotten pissy with Luykas below deck. “Who sent you to come yell at me?” he asked.
“Varon and Luykas. Rain is hiding in Bryn’s room, and we’re all going to let him.”
“Okay.” Zayden didn’t argue. If that’s what they wanted, then he would give it to them. He would try his damnedest to leave his son alone. It hurt like hell, but he would try. He couldn’t imagine life without Rain or the Company.
And if I get my dumb ass kicked out, Rain will still be out there trying to play soldier with the rest of them.
He needed to behave and be protective from afar for a moment. He could handle that.
Nevyn walked off after that, leaving him alone with the red moon. He continued to watch it as it moved through the clear sky. The freak storms in the area always left the night sky like this, completely clear, not a cloud in sight. It was a good thing, since he could hear Sen talking to a sailor about their route. The storm had pushed them closer to their destination, which was a blessing. Sometimes, the storms continued to push ships away from port and it would drag the trip out by weeks, until everyone was going mad from it.
Zayden didn’t know how long he was sitting out there, but he knew it was too long when he heard the light footsteps of the only female on board. For who she was, he always figured she would stomp around. She didn’t. She walked lightly, as if always on her toes, ready for action.
I guess that makes more sense than her having a heavy step.
He turned to see her standing in the night, awash in the moon’s red glow. She held two short swords and began to work through the steps of an invisible fight. They all knew she would come out onto the deck long before they woke up and did so nearly every morning. He had never been around to witness it before.
Seeing her train was like watching a dance. She flowed from attack to attack, into a block. He watched the sweat form on her, making her skin shine. He thought about watching her take down the mounted horsemen. She had done it with very little help from him. All her insecurity, and he’d been thinking about how unimpressive she was. Then she did that and left him in shock.
She knows what’s wrong with my son. As his big sister, she has to.
He didn’t ask, though. He didn’t break her concentration, because he didn’t want to be rude. He’d spent weeks wrapped up only in what was going on with Rain and ignoring her. He felt a little guilty for it now. He never asked Matesh how the pits were and made sure his oldest friend was okay. He never checked in with this female to see if she was doing well.
She stopped and looked over at him. He didn’t budge from the stare for a moment, then respectfully dropped his eyes. She was more dominant than him and it was something he’d missed that first night of knowing her. She fell into following orders well and he hadn’t thought about it. The weeks on the ship made him realize she would expect his deference.
Another reason I’m not going to bother her about Rain. Would rather fight with Matesh over it. Or anyone else, really.
“Why are you still awake?” she asked. He could tell she was actively trying to make small talk. The question was awkward and forced, but it was there nonetheless. All that power and skill, but simple conversational skill was evasive to her.
For some reason, he could nearly relate to that.
He shrugged. “Your little brother is a prick and I want to strangle him.”
She frowned at him. “He’s your son…”
“No, I love my son, and he’s a wonderful young male who listens to me. Your little brother ignores me, yells at me, and is much darker than my son.” He needed to say it. “My son was taken by the Empire and I didn’t get him back.”
He watched hurt flash over her face before she did that thing he hated. He’d seen it before. They all had. Her face became blank as walls came up and locked away whatever was going on underneath. Nothing about her body gave away a single piece of her emotion.
“The pit changes people,” she said calmly. “I’m sorry that the experience changed Rain in the way that it did.”
“I know you are,” he said, accepting the apology. “Doesn’t change that something in the hellhole you lived in was so fucked up that it’s really hurt my boy. But here you are…” He bit back his last comment. He didn’t want to piss her off.
“Here I am what?” she asked, stepping closer. He noticed a small slip in control, as a growl came out on the last word.
“Practicing your languages. Working out. Laughing. Fucking Matesh all the time. My son is missing and you’re…doing anything else.” He shouldn’t have answered, but his anger at it all was now boiling over, seeing her there. Rain’s illo amyr. She should be helping him more. If Rain wouldn’t accept his help, then she should be there for his boy.
And it looked like she wasn’t.
“He doesn’t want my help,” she said quietly, looking away from him. “I tried.”
He narrowed his eyes on her. “Did you?”
“I tried to tell him what I went through…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. He didn’t want to listen.”
He was frowning now. “If not you, me, or Matesh, then who?”
“I don’t know. Bryn?” She walked to him now, closing all the distance, and sat next to him. “I hate this too, you know. I’m…lost. I’ve never tried to help someone like him before. I’ve never wanted to help someone before. He’s my first family, did you know that? I h
aven’t heard anyone claim me as family since the day my mother died. Rain did. Rain saw me alone and decided I needed a family.” She looked up to the moon. “And I can’t help him now. I’m sorry for that.”
Zayden listened and realized he was wrong about her. “I’m sorry too. We can mope together, I guess.”
“It doesn’t help that since becoming free he and Bryn have been very good at reminding me of everything I went through.” She huffed, shaking her head. “It was a hard world to live in. You should be proud of Rain, though. You should be happy he’s here at all.”
“I am, but I’m not sure why-”
“He lived through it. He came out different, and that hurts and I know it. He came into the pits so bright, and I couldn’t resist the young male who wouldn’t stop talking to me…but at least he survived. Not many do.”
“I know you’re right,” he conceded. “I’m not trying to argue with you.” He also wondered how much of Rain’s survival was really due to her. Did she save his son’s life in every way she could? He had a feeling she did. He’d had the sneaking suspicion he owed her when he saved her from drowning. Now it was growing to a belief.
My son is alive because of this female. This awkward, out of place gladiator female. And here I am, accusing her of not caring for him. I’m a fucking idiot.
They sat in silence for a time after that. He was still uncomfortable with the female. He was always getting mixed signals from her. Insecurity and bold confidence. Peace and turmoil. It scratched at his temper a little, but he tried not to act on it.
“How is your Andena going?” he asked, tired of the silence.
“Slow, but everyone seems to be rather forgiving for it.” She bared her teeth. “I want to learn faster, but it’s not an easy language. It’s so different from Common and Elvasi.”
“Always feel comfortable asking us to explain something.” Zayden didn’t know where to go from there. He didn’t find Andena hard at all, but then, he grew up with it as his first language.
The conversation died again. Skies, he was bad at talking to this female. He normally didn’t talk to females at all. After Summer had passed on, he focused on Rain and ignored the females, falling out of practice.
Though, Matesh always says I’m bad at females. Summer had been nice to me, tolerating me, he claimed. The prick.
Finally, she got back up and began to train again, ignoring him. He watched the sky and wanted to take a deep breath of relief when the sun began to creep over the horizon.
And with it, a sliver of land to the north.
“LAND!” a sailor screamed from the bird’s nest.
13
Mave
“LAND!” A sailor screamed right as the dawn of a new day lightened the sky. Mave stumbled in the middle of a swing.
Did I hear that right?
“LAND!” the sailor called out again. “Captain, we’re here!”
“Aye! I see it, boy!” Captain Sen hollered back, laughter in his voice.
Mave’s heart began to race and she looked up to see where the sailor was pointing to. She raced in the direction of the sailor’s pointing hand, squinting as she hit the rail, and there it was. On the horizon, there was land. Free land. A place where she could be Andinna and no one would put a collar on her neck.
Zayden came up next to her. She hadn’t expected to share this moment with the cranky father, but then, she expected nothing that happened on this long trip, even the fact that she would be taking it.
In a sense, it was poetic. If it weren’t for the sudden appearance of this male, she would never be here. She would be dead on the sands, her dying wish being that Rain and Mat could survive in the pits without her.
“Welcome to Olost,” he said to her. “And you know, I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but…thank you for being there for my boy in the pits. Thank you for taking him and Mat in. Without you, I don’t know if they would have made it through.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “For bringing me this far.”
“What?” He frowned at her, not understanding her reference. She grinned at the dawn, the land right there.
“You freed me that night. Thank you. I would have never seen this if you hadn’t come.” She couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. “I would never be here if it weren’t for you.”
“Ah…well…” Zayden looked away, scratching the back of his neck. “You were with Matesh and Rainev…and well…”
She laughed, patting his shoulder, then turned back to Olost. In the beat of a few seconds, the deck was flooded with people. Arms wrapped around her waist and a large chest nestled between her wings on her back.
“We’re here,” Matesh whispered, holding her close.
“We are.” She was unable to stop smiling, just watching them draw closer.
Around them, people were cheering. She could hear Alchan and Luykas try to direct the Company to get ready for things they needed to do in port, but no one was listening. She certainly wasn’t. Dawn was right there, and by midday, their feet would be on solid ground. It had taken just over a month. Thirty-two days. She had counted, because it was the first thirty-two days free she ever had.
“How do you feel?” he asked softly, not loosening his grip.
“Excited.” That was the first feeling. “Nervous.” She had never walked free before, not in her living memory.
“No fear? Of course not,” he said, chuckling.
“No fear,” she confirmed, nodding. “Not right now.” She had those moments of fearing it, but in that moment, there was none. She could only imagine what sort of new life she was about to have and she hoped he would stay with her through all of it. Something about confirming that they were in a real Andinna relationship made her less insecure.
“COMPANY! TO ME!” Alchan roared, the angry order going over the cheers. The Andinna quieted and the sailors scattered to get back to work. Mave sighed as Matesh let her go and took her hand instead.
“Come on, before he pops that vein in his forehead.” Matesh was still in a good mood, even with Alchan roaring and stomping his feet on the deck. Mave followed dutifully, knowing this was her life now. Alchan and Luykas gave orders and she promised to follow them. If she wanted to remain in the Company, she had to, and the idea of being in the Company was all she had going forward. She didn’t know what other job she could do.
They circled around the half-brothers. Alchan took the lead and began barking out instructions.
“When we get off the ship, the sailors are going to hold our things. Bryn, you’re going to run out and get us an inn for one night. You understand? One night. Take Matesh and Mave with you and leave them there so she stays out of trouble.”
“Why would I get into trouble?” she asked, cutting into the next part of his speech.
His eyes narrowed at her. She liked the amber color of them and wondered what they would look like plucked out of his face and threaded on a necklace. She was strongly considering it.
“It’s not so much you looking for trouble as others causing it. Female Andinna don’t leave our unofficial territory. There’s too much risk of hunters grabbing them and selling them to the Empire for a quick payout. I don’t want you out and about with only Matesh.”
“Okay.” She could agree to that, then; just as long as he didn’t think she was going to go off and explore a place she’d never been to and get into fights by herself. She was tough, but she wasn’t that stupid.
“You accepted that fairly easily,” he noted, still watching her.
“No reason for me to argue. I’m not in the mood to get recaptured and sent back.”
A couple of the males snorted, obviously trying not to laugh. Alchan finally looked away from her, and continued.
“Luykas, you and I will run out and set up supply pickups for tomorrow. We’re also going to check on our horses, and let’s hope they’re in good shape to ride out quickly. I’m hoping we leave tomorrow. We’ll probably need to see the bank to make
all this happen. Bryn?”
“Aye, ya will. We have enough. I wrote down the numbers for Luykas.”
“Thank you. When we’re done with that, Luykas will meet you all at the inn. Varon, Nevyn, Rainev, and Zayden, once Bryn is back from the inn, he’ll lead you and a few of the sailors in taking all our gear to the inn. Wait for Luykas, then you can all go out to drink and have a good time. Don’t leave Mave alone out there, though, and stay together. Don’t do anything stupid. We’re only doing this tonight. I’m not in the mood to sit around this city.”
She noticed he wouldn’t be coming back with Luykas. She didn’t like him enough to ask about it, but she was still curious. She considered the idea of asking someone else later why their leader would be allowed to disappear with no one, when it was obvious that the Company needed to stay in at least pairs.
“With that, everyone go pack up your cabins and clean up. We’re not leaving this ship a mess for Captain Sen. He’s been a real life-saver this mission.” Alchan clapped and the males began to disperse. She followed Matesh back inside, only glancing back once to see Olost drawing closer. It was so exciting, but she knew they had a lot of work to do before getting off the ship.
It took a long time, but by the time they were docked, everything was on the deck. Mave waited for the ramp to drop. She was about to put her feet on free land. She wondered how it would change her. There was another good thing about this as well.
I’m so ready to be off this ship.
Mat stood patiently next to her. Together, they watched the sailors drop the ramp. A few of them started cheering again. Captain Sen was the first off the ship, meeting someone official looking at the bottom. A couple of seconds later, he looked back up to them and waved them down.
“You’re free again! Get off my boat!” He was smiling. She watched Luykas and Alchan go first, then Bryn.
Mat nudged her gently. “Let’s go,” he said.
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