Lady Gouldian

by Read, Calia

  “Lacroix House is a great idea, Serene. I’m sure Livingston would love to have me as guest,” I say.

  “Until I speak with him and he realizes what horribly foolish ideas you have in your mind,” Étienne quickly retorts.

  “Étienne, she’s a grown woman. You can’t forbid a single thing,” Serene reminds him, her tone gentle.

  “The hell I can’t!” he hollers.

  Serene slowly rises from her seat, ready and willing to go against my brother. “The hell you can. You forget she has been married and away from Charleston for years now. She’s very capable of making her own decisions.”

  “Yes, but she lived with her husband,” Étienne points out.

  “So she has to live with a husband to be able to function in this world?” Serene challenges.

  “I-I,” Étienne sputters.

  “Besides,” Serene continues, “We both know Oliver wasn’t the proper kind of husband to Nathalie, so find another excuse.”

  The moment the words slip out of her mouth, Serene turns to me, hand covering her mouth, a look of sheer embarrassment on her face. “Oh, Nathalie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

  I hold a hand up. Anxious for the sorrys to stop. “Please. All is forgiven.”

  “I should have never said that,” Serene continues. “Étienne was just being a pompous douche and-”

  “Hey-” Étienne interjects.

  “I was angry at him for trying to tell you what to do,” Serene continues. “And I… I’m sorry.”

  “You’re fine,” I quickly reassure her.

  And she is. Because I don’t hate Oliver, but I don’t miss him the way a mourning widow should miss a spouse; he wasn’t a proper husband.

  One could say you weren’t a proper wife to him, either. In every sense of the word.

  I swallow loudly, and say again, “You’re fine.”

  Serene nods and gives an embarrassed smile. “Good, good.”

  The dining room becomes quiet with the three of us looking for a proper change of subject when Étienne mutters, “I’m not a pompous douche.” He looks between Serene and me. “I merely care about my sister.”

  Serene shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “We know that. But care without being a barbarian.”

  “It’s not barbaric!” Étienne yells.

  Round two of their bickering is beginning. It’s astounding how the two of them can quarrel with one another with zero regard of their surroundings. Do they realize I’m here? Better yet, do they realize the person they’re speaking of is right beside them and can hear everything?

  “You may think I’m bein’ boorish in my ways, Serene, but I’m tryin’ to protect my sister.”

  “Nathalie can protect herself.”

  Unexpectedly, I stand and place my napkin on the table. “Nathalie is right here and understands everythin’ the two of you are sayin’. Nathalie can also speak for herself.” I dip my head in Serene’s direction. “Although I appreciate you advocating for me.”

  Serene dips her head back.

  I look between my brother and his wife and take a deep breath, speaking in what I hope is an assertive and confident tone. “I will live in the Lacroix House and find a job.”

  Étienne opens his mouth, without a doubt to express his disdain, but before he can say a word, a small voice comes from the dining room entry. “Why all the yellin’?”

  Alex’s question makes the three of us turn in her direction. Étienne and Serene stand while Alex walks into the dining room.

  “We weren’t yelling. We were having a discussion,” Serene says as she meets Alex at the opposite end of the table. She holds out her hand and just seeing Alex trustingly clasp her small hand into Serene’s makes my heart twist.

  The two of them walk toward us.

  I never see Étienne smile more than when his children are around. The moment Alex is within reach of her dad, she bolts away from Serene and latches onto Étienne’s leg as though it’s a lifeline.

  Another tight painful twist from my heart. I remember doing that to my daddy when I was a little girl.

  “Why does Aunt Nat look so sad?” Alex bluntly asks.

  Before anyone has the chance to speak for me, I say, “Because I’ll be movin’ soon.”

  “Movin’?”

  I nod and ignore the harsh glare coming from Étienne. “To the Lacroix House.”

  Alex’s brows furrow. “Why?”

  “Because I want to find a job.”

  This is a weighted conversation for a five-year-old to have. But Alex isn’t like every other five-year-old. If anyone has the potential to do powerful things in this world, it is this little girl. I can feel it.

  Alex processes my words for several seconds before her eyes widen. “You will have a profession?” Alex asks in awe. You would think I just told her I was the Queen of England.

  “I hope so.”

  “But you won’t live here.”

  “No, I won’t. I will live at the Lacroix House, but I will visit Belgrave frequently.”

  She nods, her eyes solemn as she takes in my words. “Understandable. You should be close to your profession.”

  “Yes,” I say, my eyes filling with merriment.

  Alex’s eyes remain wide. Her childlike wonder is palpable and brings a smile to my face. Alex turns to Étienne and says, “Daddy, how remarkable.”

  Serene and I look at him. He stares at his daughter with his heart in his eyes. He can’t say no in front of his daughter. No matter how badly he wants to protect those he loves, I think there’s a part of him that wants to see how far we can go with our dreams.

  Étienne sighs. His shoulders sag ever so slightly. “It’s truly wonderful.” He briefly looks at me. “I would say it should have happened sooner.”

  I smile, grateful for his words, while Serene picks up my niece. Alex manages to wrap herself around her mom as though it’s second nature.

  Thank you, I mouth.

  He nods and quickly looks at Alex.

  “Someone’s birthday is soon,” Serene says in the softest voice, before she tickles Alex’s stomach. “How old will you be?”

  Alex drapes an arm around Serene’s neck and giggles. “Momma, I’ll be six.”

  Étienne and Serene smile with unabashed pride at their daughter.

  My heart beats fast as I watch their interaction. Tears nearly well up in my eyes. Behind my back, my hands curl into fists, and my nails dig into my flesh.

  Do not cry in front of your brother. Do not cry.

  As I chant those words in my head, Étienne suddenly turns to me, his gaze serious. “You should know that we did invite Asa to attend Alex’s birthday…”

  Asa is one of Étienne’s best friends. I expected nothing less. “It will be lovely to see him and Juliet again.”

  Étienne glances at Serene then back at me. “Yes,” he finally says. “I suppose so. I thought you deserved to know.”

  A faint smile appears across my face. “Thank you for informin’ me.”

  Alex stands between her parents, scrutinizing me with eyes far too wise for someone her age. “Well, I need to speak with Livingston about me stayin’ at the Lacroix House. If all goes well, I could be settled in Charleston within a few days’ time.”

  With those words, Étienne’s perpetual scowl deepens. For the sake of his daughter, he doesn’t say a word.

  I don’t leave the room any less broken than when I stepped foot into it. I find that to be a success, considering I now knew when I was going to next see Asa and Juliet face to face. It’s because I have something, no matter how small, to look forward to.

  The only problem was I didn’t know how to search for a job. Growing up, I was taught to believe the most gratifying job I could have was one of wife. But I had no fulfillment at being Oliver’s wife like I was raised to have.

  So I have to find fulfillment elsewhere. Even if that fulfillment rests in a profession that is menial or demanding, all that matters is for the first time
in a long time, I will have something decided by me alone.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Nathalie

  “I believe that’s everythin’.”

  Étienne looks around my new room, utterly baffled. “That was two suitcases.”

  I shrug a shoulder. “I didn’t pack a considerable amount of belongins’.”

  In the hallway Alex runs, her feet lightly thumping against the wood floor followed by Serene warning her to slow down.

  “Well, if that’s all,” I say gently, hoping Étienne understands the hint.

  Yet he stands back. I believe he thinks I’m going to have a change of heart and decide to come home with him, but that isn’t the case. As much as I love my family, and the memories made in Belgrave, times have changed. I have changed. Étienne’s creating a new family there, and truthfully, I don’t need my brother the way I did before.

  I’m tempted to grab his hand and gently tell him, “It’s okay. You don’t have to take care of me any longer.”

  But that isn’t necessarily true. I went from Belgrave to the Lacroix House, under the care of one brother to the next. And I know Étienne’s concern is unending. He can’t help but worry.

  He’s more than a brother. He’s a father to me.

  Scratching the back of his head, Étienne stares at the floor, deep in thought. Suddenly he looks at me. “If this is about the money you gave Rainey.”

  “It’s not,” I cut in, and for good measure, I add, “Don’t offer me money, Étienne. I know you want to, but I won’t take it.”

  “You’re my little sister. My only sister.”

  “I know. But your little sister was holdin’ your little son this mornin’ and havin’ a spirited debate with your little daughter over breakfast about why cookies first thing in the mornin’ is not a good idea.”

  “Why are you tellin’ me this?”

  “I’m tellin’ you this to remind you that I’m no longer the little one of the family.”

  Étienne crosses his arms and scowls. The last thing he wants to hear is this, and to be honest, neither do I, but deep in my heart, I know it to be true.

  I no longer know myself and no amount of money will fix that. Just time and courage.

  At least, that’s what I believe.

  We become quiet. With unsaid words and questions between us. I don’t want to answer Étienne’s questions. I don’t have the energy for it. So, I shift the conversation. “Speakin’ of your family, I hear Chris P. Bacon might be joinin’ your family.”

  Étienne momentarily frowns before his eyes close. He shakes his head. “No more pets. Just the cat.”

  I grin. “It’s a clever name.”

  My brother tries to appear stoic and unmoved, but I see the way the corner of his mouth curls up ever so slightly. “I suppose.” He lifts a shoulder. “If the cat remains alive by next year, perhaps Mr. Bacon can join the family.”

  Unbelievable. Not two minutes ago he was saying no more animals and now he’s contemplating the idea of having a pig as a pet. Alex has her daddy wrapped around her little finger.

  “I wish you could see the way your face changes when speak about your children,” I say.

  Étienne frowns, but remains quiet.

  “It only confirms what I said earlier. I’m no longer little, but there’s two little children, and your wife, who need all your love and attention.”

  For once, my brother says nothing. He wants to, but he knows I’m right.

  Serene peeks inside the room, lightly bouncing my nephew in her arms. “Étienne, we should be going. Trace is getting fussy, and Alex acts as though this is her first time indoors.”

  Seconds later, there’s a thump somewhere in the house and a wail. Serene’s face falls before she disappears out of sight. “Gotta go,” she hollers. “Love you, Nat!”

  Étienne gestures to the open doorway. “I should leave before my children drive their momma insane.”

  I faintly smile. “That’s probably for the best.”

  “Don’t forget. I’m sending one of the cooks from Belgrave to help with cookin’ and the house.”

  “You don’t need to do that.”

  “Livingston has been livin’ like a bachelor, more so since he returned from war. Trust me, I’m doin’ you a favor.”

  I smile faintly. I’ve fought my brother on a lot of things lately. I’ll give him this. “Well, thank you.”

  Étienne dips his head. I can tell he wants to say more. Of course, he does. It’s Étienne’s nature to control everything around him, and to keep his thoughts to himself has to be torturous.

  “You’re welcome. Let me or Serene know if you need anything.”

  “I will,” I say, as I walk with him toward the door.

  Étienne gives me one last look, sighs and then walks down the hall. Moments later, the shrieks turn to giggles as I hear him speak French to Alex as he picks her up. His family is far from quiet as they move toward the front door.

  The silence that follows as the door clicks shut behind them is a bit unnerving.

  I have a moment of doubt. What if I made a hasty decision? Perhaps living at Belgrave really is in my best interest. Perhaps-

  I shake my head to rid myself of all my doubts. The truth is I’m just terrified at what comes next. I don’t know how long it will take or how much rejection I will face. More work opportunities arose after the war for women, but nothing compared to the options men had.

  I take a deep breath and whisper aloud, “You will be fine.”

  I leave my room to go in search of Livingston. Like I anticipated, he had no qualms about me living in the Lacroix House. He didn’t ask questions either. The contrast between my brothers goes far beyond looks. Étienne is a solemn, sharp businessman. Livingston is an insouciant, charming man. He tries to find the humor in most things. Even in the macabre.

  After a quick search of the third floor, I find my brother on the second floor, in his office. Surprisingly, he’s sitting behind the desk, deeply focused on the papers in front of him. Typically, it’s Étienne that’s engrossed in documents.

  I knock lightly before I enter.

  Livingston lifts his head, his eyes wide with surprise, almost as though he forgot I was here.

  “They left,” I comment as I look around the office that also serves as a library.

  “I know. I felt the silence that filled the house the moment the door shut behind Alex.” Livingston stops rifting through the papers, and blindly stares ahead before he shudders. “My God does that child have endless amounts of energy.”

  “She does,” I agree. “My room was close to hers at Belgrave, and she never sleeps.”

  “She looks like Serene, but her personality is all Étienne.”

  I give a small smile. “Quite remarkable, isn’t it?”

  Livingston arches a brow. “Does little Alex already have you wrapped around her finger?”

  I shrug. “Perhaps. She’s an incredibly special girl.”

  “That she is.” Livingston sighs and looks around the room. “Are you situated in your room?”

  I nod. “Didn’t take long. I didn’t take a lot with me from Savannah.”

  “From the way Étienne carried on, I thought there were trunks filled with your belongins’ that needed to be moved in.”

  I shake my head. “The reason Étienne carried on and stayed as long as he did is because he was hopin’ I changed my mind and went back to Belgrave with him.”

  Livingston briefly looks away before he looks back at me, his eyes filled with compassion. “You understand that everyone is concerned about you.”

  “I know.”

  “And you know that both Serene and Étienne want what’s best for you.”

  “I know that too.”

  “It’s…” Livingston struggles to find the right words before he sighs. “You’ve changed, Nattie.”

  My mouth opens, ready to tell Livingston what I had prepared to say, but he lifts a hand. “No, I don’t believe it’s a require
ment of you to tell all your secrets. I understand more than you know that it’s your choice to decide when it’s the right time to talk.” He shrugs. “Or not talk at all. Your decision.”

  At Livingston’s words, a half-smirk graces my lips. “Thank you,” I say.

  Just as I promised that I would someday come back to Charleston, the same cannot be said for my time at Brignac House. When I left, I closed that door of my life. And that included memories of that dark time. I know there will come a day I’ll unlock that door, but not now, and certainly not tomorrow.

  I don’t know when it will be. I just know I’m not ready.

  My family will say that ignoring the past won’t make it go away, but everyone has their way of coping. Étienne buries himself in his work. Livingston gets by with alcohol. We’re all flawed. The only difference is my siblings found someone to save them. I’m still drowning, frantically trying to find anything to cling to.

  “What are you doin’?” I ask, anxious to change the topic.

  Livingston’s gaze travels to the papers in front of him, albeit reluctantly. “Goin’ through documents.”

  I stand there and watch Livingston. Now that he’s engaged to Rainey, his life has changed. He doesn’t have a woman hanging on his arm every night. His drinking has stopped. Not considerably, but altogether.

  He still holds the charm and humor that makes him Livingston, but there’s somberness in his eyes. I know I’ve missed so much since I’ve been away from Charleston. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who has changed.

  I want to ask him what he experienced, but there’s a part of me that instinctively knows I need to earn back trust I undoubtedly lost since I’ve been gone.

  “Why are you goin’ through all this paperwork?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light.

  “I sold my shares of AT&T in late August,” Livingston replies, continuing to thumb through the documents. “Right before Rainey and I got engaged.”

  My brows lift. “You don’t regret that?”

  Livingston barely gives my question much thought. “No. I think you’re confusin’ me with Étienne. But I did my due diligence and spoke with Asa and—”