by Read, Calia
Conrad shrugs and smirks. “You cannot blame a man for tryin’.”
Conrad has done wonders for my confidence and broken heart tonight. The alcohol has helped, too. We spend the rest of the dance laughing and talking about past memories. Most of them having to do with him and Livingston up to no good.
And the entire time, across the room, a pair of brown eyes follow me wherever I go.
Asa danced with Juliet once. Conrad and I were dancing at the same time, and I was glad for it. But there was a moment where we were so close. A moment where I turned, my skirts flowing around me like a sea of gold. The material of my dress brushed against his black pants, and as I walked back toward Conrad, I felt the fleeting brush of a finger. It was so quick I questioned it, but long ago, I had memorized Asa’s touch. Memorized the feel of his hands into my memory so I would never forget it.
He reached out for me.
“Do you know why I’ve enjoyed your company tonight, Conrad?” I blurt.
“Why?”
I smile and remind myself my focus needs to remain on him. No one else. “You speak such wonderful nonsense. Your words aren’t stern, and your face isn’t pensive.”
Conrad shakes his head, but his smile remains intact. “Thank you?”
“I like that,” I rush to say. “Stern is quite exhaustin’.”
But someone like Conrad would never be steady and reliable…
“I suppose it could be,” Conrad slowly agrees.
I open my mouth, ready to list another reason I enjoy his company when someone clears their throat behind me. The sound causes my heart to drop in my stomach. Abruptly, I stop and almost cause Conrad to trip over me. He immediately rights himself and now there’s no avoiding who’s behind me.
Cautiously, I turn and see Asa stoically standing there, as though it’s proper protocol to interrupt a dance.
He gives Conrad a smile, but it almost resembles a baring of teeth, and then turns his focus to me. “Would you like to dance?’
“That’s very kind. But no.” I turn my back on Asa, determined to finish my dance with Conrad as though nothing is amiss. Not even two seconds go by, before I feel a large, very male hand land on my shoulder.
I stop talking and look at the fingers on my skin.
“Please. I insist,” Asa says, far too close for my liking. “For old time’s sake.”
I want nothing more than to shrug him off and tell him to dance with his wife. I want nothing more than to say a lot of things, but even in the haze I’m under, I know better than to create a scene.
I turn to Conrad and give him an apologetic smile. Conrad is a gentleman and steps back for Asa. “Please do.”
Asa takes his place, and Conrad says, “I get the next dance, Nathalie.”
Asa grabs a hold of my hand and curls his other hand around me, his touch possessive. Above my head, he stares daggers into Conrad’s back.
We fall into step with the rest of the of the dancers. Every turn is flawless. Every step I take, he follows with his own.
Asa stares down at me. Stubbornly, I stare right back at him. We’ve moved across this ballroom floor before. I fell deeper in love with him the night of my debut ball. As he spun me across the room with the scent of gardenias in the air, I thought he might love me back.
I thought life might lean in my favor.
I couldn’t predict what was to come next.
I can’t bear to think of the past anymore and look away first. “Where is Juliet?” I ask.
“She went home with my parents.”
“Why didn’t you go with her? You hate large gatherins’.”
Asa continues to watch me. I’m all too aware there are people around us who are watching and would love nothing more than to see another scandal similar to the one I created at his wedding.
“I couldn’t leave yet,” Asa confesses from the corner of his mouth.
His answer causes a shiver to sweep down my spine.
The song changes to one that immediately takes me back to past memories.
I haven’t heard the tune to “Cuddle Up a Little Closer” in years, but I would recognize it anywhere. After my debutante ball, I listened to the song as much as I could. Each time, I would think of Asa and the two perfect dances we shared that night. I dreamed of having another dance like that with him again. Never in my dreams was I a widow and he married to someone else.
I can’t dance with him to this song. Not again. But he doesn’t let go of me.
“You are cruel,” I whisper.
“Am I?” he whispers above my head.
I didn’t want to dance with Asa to begin with. It is too painful being this close to him. But with this song playing? No, I am finished. I start to move my hand out of his grasp and step back. At once, Asa’s grip on my waist and hand tightens until my body is flush against his.
My eyes jerk upward. Angrily, I glare at him and meet the gaze of his light brown eyes. His normally kind eyes are tense, searing almost, as he stares down at me.
“Don’t,” he says.
“Don’t? You dare to say that as though I asked you to dance,” I whisper.
Those eyes become heated with fury. “You dare to dance in front of me with Conrad.” He watches me closely. “I never realized you were close with him.”
“I’m not. He’s a friend of Livingston’s, and I believe he is a friend of yours also.”
“He’s not my friend. Conrad is a cretin with bad intentions. His name is always linked to scandal. That’s why you should stay far away from him.”
“Because of scandal? One could say I’ve created my fair share of scandal recently. Connor and I could be a match in scandal paradise,” I quip.
Asa’s fingers tighten against my back and he nearly growls at the last of my words.
“Besides,” I continue, as though I didn’t hear him, “it shouldn’t be of any importance to you, because you’re married to someone else.”
A muscle along Asa’s jaw jumps, but he doesn’t reply. As harsh as the truth may be, we both know we can’t change it.
“When this dance is over, you can leave knowin’ you did the right thing by warnin’ me about Conrad. You can go back to Juliet. And I’ll go back to Conrad.”
With that said, Asa’s eyes narrow. His nostrils flare.
The song comes to an end and, at once, I take a step back from him, and then another. Asa watches me, his chest rises and falls from the words he hasn’t unleashed.
I said too much. I pushed too far. Space is what both of us need.
Yet my heart wants to burst free and let go of everything it’s been holding onto. It wants to scream out the rest of the truth. But my fear is far more powerful, and it tells me to run. Get far away from Asa while I still have the opportunity.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
1908
Asa
“Gettin’ hot around the collar?”
Pulling my gaze from the guests dancing before me, I looked at Livingston. His hands were tucked in his pockets as he leaned against the wall. He slowly scanned the room, smiling—and occasionally— winking at the ladies in front of him.
“No,” I replied.
At that, Livingston looked at me from the corner of his eye. He knew I was lying. My bow tie felt much too tight, and even though I have worn this tuxedo on several occasions, it had never felt more ill-fitting.
I didn’t attend black tie events often, and when I did, I tried to stay for the appropriate amount of time and then slipped away when no one was noticing. I became so tense, I found myself tripping over my words or talking about nothing but work or giving away purposeless facts that had no bearing on the moment.
It was better if I stayed away from any dinner parties or balls. But I knew this was one event I couldn’t decline. Although I wished, more than anything, that I could, but for an entirely different reason. It was hard for me to reconcile that it was Nat’s debut into society.
She might be seventeen, but she was still Nat. Étienne and Livings
ton’s little sister. Just yesterday, I could’ve sworn I was kneeling beside her talking to her about cloud houses and promising her she wouldn’t have to go to live with her aunt in New York, and now we were at this moment.
“What possessed you to do this?” Rainey’s brother, Miles, asked.
“Nat,” Étienne grumbled beside me.
Étienne was a fierce man, but for Nat, he would do anything if it made her happy. And tonight? This was everything his sister wanted and more. The Belgrave ballroom was transformed into a garden. Vines traveled up the columns. Flowers in an array of colors blended in crystal vases. But that wasn’t the pièce de résistance of the room. It was the solid wall of noisette roses. How the flowers managed not to fall, I didn’t know, but even I had to admit it was an impressive feat and sight.
The guests flurried about the room, their eyes wide with merriment. They were merely excited to be invited to what would undoubtedly be the soirée of the year. I didn’t recognize many of the female faces that passed by me. They must have been Nat’s friends. But nearly all of them looked at Livingston, giggled, and scurried away. His reputation preceded him.
The longer I stood there, the more uncomfortable I became. “Is the guest of honor goin’ to attend her own ball?” I asked.
Impatiently, Étienne pulled out his pocket watch. “She will be here. She might be thirty minutes late, but she will be here.”
I didn’t know why I agreed to attend. I rarely saw Nat. Étienne’s business was slowly growing, and with that came more responsibility. Right now, it was manageable for Étienne and me to handle, but within the next three or four years, he would need to hire more employees.
When I came to Belgrave to discuss contracts or a client, Nat was with Rainey. As she grew older, Nat spent a lot of time at the Pleasonton home. Which I think Étienne might have objected more too, if it wasn’t for Mrs. Pleasonton. She became a second momma to Nat, giving her advice and being there when she needed a shoulder to cry on.
“She may be your sister, but I will wait for only five more minutes and then I’m departin’,” Pleas announced.
Solemnly, I nodded in agreement.
“You will do no such thing. If I have stay, so do the rest of you.” Étienne hesitated as he looked at Conrad. “Except for you. You can leave if you want.”
That pulled a laugh from all of us, while Conrad managed to appear offended.
“This is horrible,” Pleas muttered. “I can feel the eyes of every momma upon us.”
Conrad nodded and leaned in. “They’re circlin’ us, tryin’ to decide which one is the best choice.”
“Certainly isn’t you or Livingston,” Pleas observed. “You two would be a liability.”
“Now wait a minute,” Livingston objected, while Étienne tried to remain stoic.
“It would be me, Asa or Étienne.”
“They would dismiss Asa. Everyone knows he’s as skilled as a toddler when it comes to speakin’ to girls. One conversation with him and they would run the other way,” Conrad hooted.
The only person who laughed was Conrad. Pleas looked down at his feet, and even Livingston turned away. But no one denied it.
“Conrad,” Étienne said, his voice matching the lethal expression on his face.
Immediately, Conrad quieted down and murmured an apology. I dipped my head in acknowledgment, feeling as though I had stepped into the past where Étienne was back to saving me from every child who teased me.
The only difference was, I now knew what I was and what I was not. I would never have ladies falling at my feet like Livingston did. I would never be able to express myself in the proper ways. I was never going to be understood. I was content with that.
It was then there was a murmur of conversation that travelled across the ballroom, saving me from the uncomfortable silence that had descended around us. Heads began to turn toward the entryway, so I looked in that direction, too.
Nat had finally arrived.
She stood there with her hands at her sides. A smile of barely contained excitement graced her face as she looked across the room. Her happiness had always been contagious. But tonight, that was not what I was drawn to.
It was the way she looked, and how she carried herself. She barely bent to grab the material of her gown, so she could walk across the ballroom floor. Like most debutantes, she was wrapped in white. There were overlays of brocade and lace with the barest touch of ivory. Her sleeves were silk and hugged her arms, highlighting the elegant slope of her bare shoulders. A floral design circled the hem of the dress and traveled up, stopping around her impossibly small waist. It should have been overpowering, but on Nathalie, it was delicate, almost dignified. Over-the-elbow gloves in snow white hid her arms.
Nat followed the rules and wore the veil every debutante was required to wear. It traveled behind her, catching the air and floating ever so slightly.
As she walked past us, I saw the back of the dress and the narrow V it made. When had she cut her hair? Not long ago it was long, hanging down her back with a bow in place. Now the dark strands were to her shoulders. The exposed skin of her upper back pulled a reaction out of me that I was not prepared for. I felt as though I’d been sucker-punched in the stomach as I watched her walk throughout the room.
I knew I would never see a woman as beautiful as her.
I knew the men around me were seeing the same thing. One glance, and it was confirmed. They were staring at her like they wanted to unwrap her.
“My God,” Conrad muttered under his breath.
In unison, Étienne and Livingston looked to him, their eyes narrowed into thin slits.
“Have a care, will you?” Étienne growled. “She’s seventeen.”
“It’s a debut,” Conrad pointed out.
Livingston’s lighthearted demeanor vanished in an instant. “Does not give you liberties to stare at her in such a manner. Don’t forget you are standin’ beside her brothers, Conrad.”
My lips curled upward as I took a drink, even though it should not have. I took the same liberties as Conrad. Every man with a pair of eyes in this room was going to notice Nathalie. I couldn’t very well say that unless my goal was for Étienne to rip my heart out with his bare hands.
Conrad held both hands out in front of him and took a step back. “I mean no harm.” He looked at his half-full drink. “I do believe I need another drink. If you’ll excuse me.”
The moment Conrad was out of earshot, Étienne turned to me. “Ask my sister to dance before Conrad does.”
His order took me by surprise. “What?”
“Ask her,” Étienne repeated. “I trust you. I do not trust Conrad. In fact, wouldn’t trust Conrad around a pack of wolves.”
Livingston snorted. “He wouldn’t dare attempt anythin’ in our presence.”
Étienne nodded. “Yes, but I already know the thoughts in his head. And that’s enough for me to cut his hands off and beat him with them.”
Livingston, Pleas and I solemnly nodded. For Livingston, Étienne, and Pleas, they had common ground: a sibling. Specifically, a little sister. I’d watched them protect Nat and Rainey relentlessly. I found myself doing the same, as though the two girls were my own sisters. Even though, at the end of the day, all of us knew they weren’t.
That instinct to keep Nat away from every ass such as Conrad made me nod even though there was a resistance in me, telling me this was not a good choice. “I’ll dance with her.”
Étienne sighed with relief and clapped me on the back. “Good man.”
With that conversation over with, my shoulders visibly relaxed when I noticed Étienne and Livingston staring at me expectantly. My eyes widened. “You don’t mean right now. Do you?”
“If not now, then when?” Livingston asked. “Take it from a fellow…” he searched for the right word, “lover of women that Conrad is not goin’ to waste time.”
“He has a valid point,” Pleas remarked dryly.
Livingston elbowed him while maintain
ing eye contact with me. “He will dance with Nat the moment we have our backs turned.”
Étienne and Livingston would be relentless until I took Nat onto the ballroom floor and danced with her.
“Fine,” I grumbled.
Pleas laughed. “It’s Nat. The same as Rainey.”
“No one is the same as le savauge,” Livingston murmurs.
Pleas elbowed him.
“I know that. But you know how I don’t care for dancin’,” I said as a weak excuse.
I had viewed Rainey and Nat the same way since they both came into my life. But when Rainey stepped into the ballroom tonight, I noticed nothing different about her. I could dance with her tonight with ease because she was Rainey. And I wasn’t tracking her every movement throughout the room like I was with Nat.
The biggest problem of all was I didn’t know what spurred this sudden change of events. It was not as though Nat had been away at boarding school for years, and she had unexpectedly returned. She’d been here the entire time. I had simply been spending all my time at work, staring more at numbers on pages than people around me. If I would have looked up, just once, perhaps I would’ve noticed the change in her.
“I’ll be back,” I said to my friends.
I walked slowly and steadily across the ballroom floor as though I was getting ready to face the guillotine. And in a way, I was. As I approached Nat, I saw her standing with Rainey and two other girls. I didn’t remember their names, just that they giggled a lot and it was incredibly irritating.
One of the gigglers spotted me and whispered into Nat’s ear and then giggled. Rainey looked over Nat’s shoulder, and once she saw me, she shrugged a shoulder, seemingly underwhelmed that it was me. Nat kept her back to me, but once I was close enough, she turned, her cheeks slightly red and eyes bright. “Hello, Asa.”
“Good evenin’, Nat.” I dipped my head toward Rainey and her friends. “Ladies.”
“I hope you’re enjoyin’ tonight.”
Nat enthusiastically nodded. “Very much so.”
I looked around the ballroom. “A lot of people are in attendance to celebrate you.”
Nat leaned in, a twinkle in her eye. “There are some guests I don’t know.”