by Read, Calia
I mimicked her movements. “There are a lot of guests I don’t know.”
My admission brought a brilliant smile to Nat’s face. A tightness filled my chest as I looked down at her. All I could think of was how could I get her to smile like that again.
Frowning, I looked away. Where had that thought come from?
I cleared my throat and looked back at Nat. “Would you care to dance?”
She dipped her head, her smile never leaving. “Of course.”
She hooked her arm through mine and we walked onto the dance floor. We faced each other, my hand settling on her waist, and the other gripping her small, delicate hand. The skin-to-skin contact felt like a jolt of lightning. I was almost tempted to jerk back. But I didn’t. My fingers spread ever so slightly across the middle of her back. I had to stop myself from moving my hands any further.
Why had I agreed to this? Oh yes. Étienne. My best friend. He trusted me. Thought his sister would be in safe hands. But if he knew the thoughts in my head right now, he would change his mind.
“You seem to be enjoyin’ tonight,” I said as we moved across the ballroom floor.
“It’s wonderful. Everythin’ I imagined it to be.”
“You look nice, Nathalie.”
She frowned ever so slightly, and I felt a brief sense of panic. I shouldn’t have said nice. She looked beautiful tonight, but I couldn’t say that.
“You don’t have to call me, Nathalie, you know.”
“I know. But…” I looked around, staring at the people moving about the ballroom before I turned back to her. She was looking at me with wide, almond-shaped eyes. “This is your debut, and a debut is considered your first appearance in society, but I think it’s a transition.”
Nathalie watched me with interest. “How so?”
“You’re peelin’ the last layers of your childhood and presentin’ yourself to the world as a lady. Similar to a butterfly sheddin’ it’s cocoon.”
Nathalie stared at the center of my chest as she pondered my words. I’d like to say this silence was uncommon in conversations with me, but it wasn’t.
“You think I’m peculiar, don’t you?”
Nathalie immediately tilted her head back to look at me. “Of course not. Why would say that?”
“Because of the…” I looked over my shoulder, as we turned, to make sure no one was listening. I didn’t know why, but I felt protective of this dance, of this very lady I was holding, and the conversation we were having.
“Because of the butterfly comment?” Nathalie provided.
I nodded.
“I liked the comparison.” Nat lifted an elegant, bare shoulder. Had her skin always glowed? Perhaps it was because we were beneath the lit chandeliers but her creamy skin was flawless. My eyes traveled down the neckline of her dress toward the bodice and lingered.
“Asa, did you hear me?”
My head lifted and met Nathalie’s gaze. She smiled and waited for my reply, unaware of what I was doing seconds before. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I said, I think butterflies are beautiful.”
Sweet Nathalie. Always my champion. I found myself smirking; Nat may have been growing into a dazzling young woman, but her sweet personality was still the same. Her old soul remained the same. The longer I stared into her hazel eyes, the faster my heart beat until I was struggling to breathe. I couldn’t look away. All the subtle changes that had happened to Nathalie throughout the years seemed to hit me at once. And now I was left to stare at the conclusion. The stunning and undeniably enticing finale.
Why keep searching for any other woman? With Nathalie, you would never have to fear rejection ever again.
The words were startling, and deeply unsettling. To entertain the idea of Nathalie as anything other than Etienne’s sister was to accept the loss of his friendship. With her in my arms, it was tempting to believe the risk just might have been worth it. But I didn’t know if I could hold onto someone as perfect as Nathalie.
The very idea of letting go made my hand around hers tighten. It was an instinctual reaction. A way for my heart to speak the words, “No. She belongs to only me.”
I didn’t understand what I was thinking or feeling. But if I didn’t find my balance, I might have fallen over and never gotten back up.
“Do you know the oldest debutante ball is said to be the Christmas Cotillion in Savannah, Georgia? The year was 1817,” I blurted.
Nat didn’t question the sudden bout of information. Rather her eyes widened with interest. “Is that so?”
I should have stopped, but I couldn’t.
This is Nat! The little girl you would talk to when her brothers were too afraid.
And now, here I was, seemingly nervous of the same girl. Although now she was no longer a little girl. That much was made noticeably clear tonight. I couldn’t help it. My eyes, once again, drifted to her décolletage. The upper swells of her breasts were white and creamy and smooth. So smooth my mouth went dry.
Not once had I ever noticed that.
Because she was always covered up.
Because she was only seventeen.
At once, I averted my gaze and looked over my shoulder at Étienne. He made a shooing motion with his hand, as though to say, Don’t stop. Keep dancing.
He wanted to prevent absolutely any chance of Nat dancing with a womanizer like Conrad.
As the song drew to a close, the couples around us separated and clapped. Nat began to do the same. Her left hand moved away from my shoulder, and seconds later, she began to remove her right hand from my grasp, but I tightened my hold. Immediately her confused gaze met mine. “Asa?”
The sound of Nat’s voice saying my name made the muscles in my gut clinch.
“Shall we dance again?”
Considering I stared down her dress and gave facts about the first debutante ball she had every reason to say no.
There was no hesitation from Nat. She gave me a bright smile. “One more dance would be wonderful.”
I nodded, and as the next song began, I held her closer than I had before.
Hours later, after every guest had left, Livingston remained on the floor, dancing with a woman he had set his sights on the second he saw her. We all knew this game. He would smile and whisper words in her ear that were guaranteed to have her leaving on his arm.
“My God. How long can this go on?” Miles said with a thread of awe in his words.
Rainey crossed her arms and slouched in her seat. She appeared to be glaring at Livingston, but her gaze was set on the woman in Livingston’s arms. As though she wanted to tear the woman in half. How curious.
Nathalie sat beside Rainey, her elbows resting on her knees. Her posture was less than ladylike, but I didn’t care. When she sat like that, her sleeves nearly touched her gloves, and I saw more creamy cleavage. Several times I had to turn and discreetly adjust myself.
My God, why was I reacting this way? Better yet, when was the last time I’d been with a woman? Months? Hell, I believed it had been nearly a year. That was how consumed I had been with work. I cast a longing glance at Nat. Apparently not that consumed.
“Is he still with that woman?” Étienne asked as he walked back into the ballroom.
At once, I tore my gaze away from Nat and focused on what was left of the orchestra. The musicians remained in their seats, but their shoulders were slouched, and their eyes heavy as they continued. They were waiting for this night to end just like we were.
Miles shrugged. “He’s been with her for over two hours. Your brother is nothin’ if not persistent.”
“Oh, he’s persistent all right,” Étienne muttered under his breath before he walked across the room, his steps determined, and strode right up to Livingston and the chosen lady to warm his bed.
He clapped his hand so loudly, the lady jumped. Livingston appeared mildly annoyed. “All right. I’m afraid the dancin’ portion of the night is over. Take your seduction elsewhere, Livingston.”
Miles snorted loudly, which in turn, made Rainey and Nat erupt into giggles. The woman appeared mortified, pushed out of Livingston’s arms and rushed out of the room.
Livingston turned to his twin and somberly stared at him. “She could be my wife.”
“Well, if she is, I give my apologies to my sister-in-law, but it’s late and this ball must come to an end.”
Livingston shrugged, already forgetting about his future wife. “But should it? How about one more dance for the beautiful debutante?” Livingston suggested to the four of us.
Rainey and Nat looked at each other before Nat nodded. Rainey hopped out of her seat, and bowed before Nathalie and playfully held a hand out. Giggling, Nathalie accepted it and the two of them ran onto the ballroom floor.
While the orchestra played, Rainey and Nathalie danced in the middle of the ballroom. Only one chandelier was lit, but Nathalie’s happiness was an extra beam of light.
I couldn’t understand what had changed about her. And I wanted to. She had become a math problem I wanted to solve. But I shouldn’t have searched for an answer with her or it would be all I seek.
“Well, that’s over with,” Étienne huffed.
Clearing my throat, I nodded. “Indeed.”
Étienne looked back and forth between Nat and me. His eyes slowly narrowed. “What were you lookin’ at?”
“Nothin’,” I lied.
Slowly, he nodded as he looked at his sister. “Hmm. Could have sworn I saw you intently starin’ at Nat.”
The sharp edge of his words had me looking in his direction. “Never.”
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and lifted a brow. “Good. Because as much as I treasure our friendship, that is my little sister. She will always come first.”
The implications of his words were clear: look at her, touch her and I will kill you.
Squaring my shoulders, I faced my best friend and dipped my head. “Of course. I expect nothin’ less.”
Étienne scrutinized me, and after a long, strained silence, he cleared his throat. “I think I will turn in.”
I stood there, knowing that the best thing for me to do was to follow Étienne and go home where a long night of work awaited me. But I didn’t. I stood there, quite aware that the moment my best friend left I’d stand against this wall and watch his little sister with a tight fist of desire in my belly.
And that was what happened. With my back against the wall, I watched Nat dance around the room with her best friend. She tilted her head back and laughed at something Rainey said, exposing the elegant line of her throat.
“Asa, do come dance with our debutante!” Rainey called out.
Clearing my throat, I stood straight. “I did earlier this evenin’.”
“Oh, la di da,” Rainey said with a wave of her hand. “Someone is awfully stuffy.” Rainey quickly dismissed me and looked to Livingston. “Come dance with us.”
Livingston arched a brow, but nonetheless, he sauntered back onto the ballroom floor. He loosened his tie as he walked past me. “Le savauge, hold your hands where I can see them. I need to make sure you aren’t hidin’ your bow and arrow underneath that dress.”
Rainey sneered at him before she raised both hands. “No weapons, Limp Lacroix.”
“I don’t believe a word you’re sayin’. But for the sake of tonight, I’ll pretend I do.” As Livingston took Rainey’s hand, he looked above her head at me. “Come on, Calhoun.”
“I’ve already danced.”
Livingston turned and looked at me with a twisted-up face. “I don’t want to dance with you. I merely want you to serve as a reinforcement in the event Rainey strikes me. Dance with Nat.”
Even from where she was standing, I could see the stain on Nat’s cheeks. She might not have been able to hear our entire conversation, but she heard the last portion of it.
Regardless of what I was fighting inside myself, I couldn’t say no now. Not tonight. This was her night, and I didn’t want to devastate her.
I nodded and wordlessly followed behind Livingston. Once I reached Nat, I dipped my head and held my hand out to her. “One more dance to finish the night?”
Her head rapidly moved up and down as she took my hand. The violinist began to play the instrumental version of “Cuddle Up A Little Closer” by Ada Jones and Billy Murray.
It felt far more intimate than before. Maybe because it was. I was wisely keeping my mouth shut. At the ball, I couldn’t be trusted and made the most arbitrary remarks. Nathalie was polite and smiled, but if it was any other lady, I was certain I would never have seen their face after the ball came to an end.
Nat hummed the lyrics of the song lightly to herself. They seemed to vibrate through me. Each one hit me in the chest as a personal blow.
To ignore the sweet sound of Nat’s humming, I thought of the lyrics:
Cuddle up a little closer, lovey mine
Cuddle up and be my little clinging vine
My grip on Nat’s hand tightened. At once, she looked at me, almost sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I like this song.”
“No, no. No,” I rushed out. “I apologize. You can continue. You are a good hummer.”
Smiling, Nat dipped her head. It came as no surprise that her soft humming didn’t resume.
Good hummer? Good hummer? You know how to speak to ladies, Asa! Pull yourself together!
“Do you want to know somethin’?”
Nat stared up at me, her hazel eyes dancing with life and mischief. I arched a brow, but found myself smirking. “I don’t know, do I want to know somethin’?”
She laughed. “I believe you do.” Nat leaned in ever so slightly. “My friend Doris was quite disappointed that she never received a dance with you tonight.”
My brows crinkled together. “Doris…Doris. I don’t know which one is named Doris…” My voice faded as I thought of who Nat was referring to, and then a face took shape in my mind. “Oh, do you mean the girl that repeats herself constantly and has eyes so wide she resembles an owl?”
A short burst of laughter escaped Nat. “What?”
I realized my blunder and quickly said, “That description did not come from me. Livingston told me that.”
“Of course, he did,” Nat murmured. She continued to shake her head and smiled. “Well, apparently ‘the owl’ is fond of you.”
“I’m flattered,” I said diplomatically.
“If it was anyone else, I would doubt that, but you are so honest, I believe it.”
My honesty had always been viewed as my worst quality. Something everyone around me tried to change and condemn, but Nat almost made it sound like my best trait.
Those light eyes continued to stare at me. Child adoration was gone from her gaze and replaced with contained intensity. She was slowly maturing and learning the best way to walk through life is to hold her emotions close to her. But I rather missed the child adoration. I didn’t know what to do with this new Nathalie with knowing bright eyes framed with thick black lashes.
“Do you know that by third grade I was almost as tall as an average wingspan of an owl?” I uttered suddenly.
For the third time tonight, I had opened my mouth without thinking of the words about to come out. And for the third time, Nat hardly seemed surprised and merely widened her eyes ever so slightly.
“Is that so?”
I couldn’t abandon the conversation now. I owed her some sort of explanation. “At that time, I found a book about owls and did some readin’ and discovered the average owl’s wingspan is between ninety-one and one hundred and fifty-three centimeters. I decided to measure myself and discovered I was one hundred and twenty-seven centimeters.”
When I told the story out loud, it didn’t seem near as fascinating as it was when I was a child. I still remembered the pride and excitement I felt at my discovery and being so encouraged by what I learned that I read about birds, and anything else that was interesting to me. I was remarkably lonely and without any friends. Books and the words wit
hin them became the friends I never knew I had and while my father would typically find no fault in my reading, in his bouts of rage, he screamed at me, “Your fixation on topics is maddenin’! This is why you have no friends!”
The song ended. We separated and lingered on the ballroom floor. “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?” I asked.
Nat looked at me with nothing but happiness. The same way she always had. But tonight, with the moon highlighting her sharp cheekbones and her long lashes brushing against her cheeks, it was beguiling.
She shouldn’t be enticing. She should be how she was before… Nat.
“It was perfect. Everythin’ I wanted and more,” she confessed.
I nodded and looked away. “I’m happy to hear that.”
She sighed with a faraway look in her eyes as she wistfully gazed at the flowers adorning the ballroom. We both knew that by tomorrow, they would all be gone. I continued to stare at her.
My Lady Gouldian was ready to fly. This was the start of the life she deserved.
For me, this was the beginning of my demise. I felt it in my gut. The possession I felt for her at the beginning of the night hadn’t waned but grew stronger. It occurred to me I wanted her to fly, but around me because she was too beautiful to be set free.
“Nattie, I’m tired. I beg of you, let’s go to bed!” Rainey groaned as she heavily leaned on Nat.
Nathalie gave me an apologetic look as her friend began to half drag her across the floor. I watched her the same way she watched me. Tonight had been the most peculiar night of my life, and I was afraid if I stayed much longer, I’d find the answers I needed to know about Nathalie Lacroix.
“You’re starin’ at my little sister.”
I looked Livingston straight in the eye. “And you were starin’ at Rainey earlier.” I pushed him out of the way, and headed toward the door. “There’s a special place in Hell for men such as us.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Nathalie
I can feel Asa behind me, quietly walking. For being so large, he’s graceful with every step, and doesn’t make a sound, but he’s there. I can feel his eyes on my back, moving down my spine and grazing across my body.