by Read, Calia
Asa releases my hands and breathes deeply through his nose. My arms wrap around him as he gives me every thrust left in him.
When he slows to a stop, the two of us are left panting and trying to regain our breath. Feeling sated and pleased, my eyes open and close several times before they close completely. I’m dimly aware of Asa slipping out of me. He settles on his side and slips an arm around my waist, holding me securely against him.
“I am your home, Nathalie.” He sighs. “And you are mine.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
1911
Asa
“I’ve looked this over, and I think this is an investment you should consider at length.”
Étienne reached out and took the papers from my hands. Leaning back in his chair, he nodded while I spoke of the newest business proposal.
EAL Corporation wasn’t close to where we wanted it to be. For Étienne, this encouraged him to go further. One goal had almost been achieved, why not set a new one? I was far too analytical. I looked at numbers like a chess game. Each number had its place. My mind wouldn’t stop until each one was where it needed to be.
I knew with one bad investment, failure was very much an option. If Étienne wanted to be comfortable with his company, it would take another year of hard work and countless hours spent hunched over his desk, making wise investments, before he could hire on more staff and lessen his workload.
But working hard was something the both of us did quite well.
Every contract earned felt like a nod of approval from the world. I felt as though I was doing my job well and proving to my father that I had made the correct choice in working for Étienne.
After a long beat of silence, Étienne nodded and lowered the paperwork onto his desk. “What I’m readin’ doesn’t appear to be reassurin’.”
“I know that, and that’s why you should thoroughly think this through. However, I believe it’s important to give Uptown Machine a fair chance. They are a relatively new company but show possibility of high workin’ capital within time.”
Étienne arched a brow. “That they only have five thousand invested into their company from some retail executive is concernin’.”
“And now you have to decide whether you want to be the second man to invest in the company.”
Instead of replying, Étienne’s gaze returned to the papers. He stared long and hard at the information in front of him before he nodded. “Very well. I’ll invest.” Étienne gave me a rare smile.
“So much for the consider at length part,” I murmured.
“You’ve yet to lead me down the wrong path,” Étienne replied.
Solemnly I nodded, taking his words to heart more than he knew. He was my closest friend. I would do anything to make sure he succeeded.
Étienne signed off on the paperwork and when I took them from him, I straightened the papers on the edge of the desk and immediately put them in my briefcase.
“Precisely how long will it be until you think we have an office of our own?” I asked.
“Not much longer than a month or two.”
My face remained impassive, but I felt the energy drain from me. Étienne and I either worked from my home or Belgrave. I preferred to stay away from Belgrave for one pressing reason.
There was a soft knock at the door, and before Étienne said to come in, I knew, I just knew it was her.
My pressing reason.
The tension around my shoulders and neck nearly pulsated as Étienne lifted his head and smiled. “Good afternoon, Nat.”
I smelled her first as she brushed past my chair. Her scent was a combination of lilacs, sunshine, and fresh air. Briefly I closed my eyes, and when they opened, I watched Nat walk toward her brother from the corner of my eye.
She was no longer a little girl. I was struck by that realization the moment of her debut ball and for the past three years, I’d been subjected to watching her settle into the beautiful woman she was meant to become. Her breasts strained against the white, high-neck blouse, and her small waist and hips were pronounced in the gray skirt she wore.
Any man with a pair of eyes noticed the change in Nathalie. The anger I felt when I would catch them staring went far beyond protective. I had white hot fury running through my body. I wanted to stand in front of her and roar at each of them to stop looking at her. I had no claim over Nat. She was Étienne and Livingston’s sister, and they were protecting her just fine. And they would continue to do so. No matter how many times I told myself that, it didn’t take long for jealousy to swell when any man attempted to approach her. I simply stopped acknowledging her presence.
I couldn’t become angry at what I didn’t see.
Most of the time, that theory worked, but there were moments I broke.
She took off her riding hat, revealing her recently cut hair. It was a short style with the ends of her hair brushing her jawline. Étienne was furious with her impromptu decision; he had never been one for change. At length, he spoke of what a rash decision she had made, and the longer he talked, the more heartbroken she became. Her hazel eyes widened with hurt and all I felt was a surge of anger at my best friend. The emotion shocked me because I’d never felt anything less than respect, understanding and gratitude toward Étienne.
He was my first friend. The first person to stand by me and not run or tease me mercilessly about my eccentricities. With his friendship, I found an extended family. And here I was, wanting to hurt him.
All for wounded hazel eyes.
Yes, it was best if I kept my distance from Nathalie as much as possible. But when I was around Nat, I felt as though I had wings. As absurd as it sounded, it made perfect sense to me. If you found yourself around a bird long enough, pretty soon, you would believe you could fly as easily as them.
Throughout the years, I thought about what made Nathalie different. I didn’t give women thorough care and affection like Livingston did, but I wasn’t a saint either. The women that captured my interest did not linger long in my life, and the blame went to me. I would become so fixated on work that I’d merely forgotten about them. They became a distant thought and by the time I remembered them, they had long since gone.
I didn’t forget Nathalie. It was hard to forget someone who made you feel most comfortable with yourself. Even as a child, not once, would she flinch or look away from my stare. She listened to my spontaneous ramblings, and at times, I swore she enjoyed hearing what I had to say.
No, I couldn’t forget my Lady Gouldian, any more than I could forget myself. And that was the problem.
“Hello, Asa.”
My body tensed up at the sound of Nathalie’s voice. I couldn’t very well ignore her. That would only bring more attention to me. I lifted my head and gave Nat a curt nod. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”
Hurt appeared in her eyes at my terse greeting. For how long the hurt lingered in her eyes was beyond me because my attention was already on the papers in front of me.
“I just returned from Rainey’s,” Nat brightly replied.
“Did you now?” Étienne snorted. “Was that good for nothin’ brother of hers there? He was supposed to have lunch with me.”
Nat laughed. My stomach clenched at the sound. “Miles’ friend is visitin’ him. He’s quite a charmin’ man. I spoke to him briefly before Rainey and I went ridin’.”
My grip around the pencil I was clutching became so tight my knuckles turned white.
She was twenty years old and the men were sniffing around her like bloodhounds. It drove me and her brothers mad for entirely different reasons. I wanted her to myself.
The sound of my pencil snapping in two made the two of them go silent and my thoughts drew to a standstill. Looking at Étienne, I held the broken pencil between us. “I’m afraid I need to borrow a pencil.”
Étienne regarded me as though I’d grown three heads. Reaching into his desk he pulled out a writing utensil and handed it to me. “I’ll do you one better. Here’s a pen.”
&
nbsp; I murmured my thanks and turned back to the documents in front of me. In truth, the only thing I was focused on was Nathalie and every word that fell from her mouth. I wouldn’t get any work done while she was so close. Smelling all… Nathalie and laughing so sweetly my breath became stuck in my throat.
Abruptly, I lifted my head and looked at Nat. “Must you have this conversation right now?”
Nat’s head turned in my direction so quickly strands of hair caught on the corner of her mouth. Impatiently, she tugged them away. “Pardon?”
“We’re workin’ and you comin’ in here discussin’ frivolous matters won’t help Étienne further his company.”
Étienne lifted a brow. Nathalie’s doe eyes became even wider, making me feel as though I’d wounded a helpless baby bird.
Shit, shit, shit.
I knew my tone was harsh. My tone was always harsh. But never with Nathalie.
The three of us remained silent. Étienne glared at me for hurting his sister. Nathalie appeared ready to cry at any moment, and I refused to say another word because I didn’t know what else I would say to hurt Nat.
After several unbearable seconds, Nat cleared her throat before she smiled at Étienne. “I should be goin’. I have other matters I must attend to.”
Before he could respond, Nat stepped away from his desk.
“Nat, wait—” Étienne protested.
But Nat continued walking, brushing past me as though I didn’t exist. The door slammed shut behind her with a resounding thud, causing me to wince.
Once again, the room became shrouded in silence. On the whole, I preferred silence above anything else. But this was strained because I knew Étienne wanted answers to my unexpected response to Nat.
“Well,” Étienne stated after several seconds, “that was…severe.”
I gave a brief nod. “I didn’t mean for it be.”
What would Étienne prefer? The truth? I’m a thirty-one-year-old man who found himself distracted and fascinated by the very presence of my best friend’s sister.
I was not a betting man, but something told me the truth would leave me in a world of pain.
Étienne sternly looked at me. “You should apologize.”
I turned my attention to the ledger in my lap. “She will compose herself.”
“She might have difficultly today,” Étienne paused. “This is the anniversary of our parents and Julian’s accident.”
At once, I became frozen. I’d been so focused on work and trying to remain indifferent to Nathalie that I didn’t remember today’s date.
Tossing my ledger onto the desk, I dragged my hands through my hair. “Fuck.” I looked at my best friend and saw him somberly nodding. “Étienne, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t tell me. Tell Nat.”
I looked over my shoulder at the empty doorway. “I don’t think she will want to speak with me.”
“You seem frightened of her. This is Nat. The same girl who tearfully ran back to Belgrave with a bird cupped between her hands because she thought it couldn’t fly and she wanted to care for it.”
“Yes, I recall.”
Years ago, she tended to me when I had a broken foot. She always had an affinity for damaged creatures. I couldn’t disregard her. Especially now that I knew what today was.
I stood and excused myself and went in search of Étienne’s little sister.
Just as Étienne said, I found her at the cemetery.
It was nestled beyond Belgrave with trees here and there. Grass was overgrown, but there was a path from many footsteps back and forth from the house leading to a gate. A black iron fence surrounded the perimeter. Judging from the rust on the gate, the cemetery had been here for quite some time, but the fresh cut grass around the tombstones and fresh flowers laid on gravesites revealed it was frequently visited.
On her knees sat Nat with her face buried in her hands. I gripped the fence and watched as her shoulders gently moved up and down.
I should probably go. I should give her privacy but seeing her like this made me feel even worse about how hard I was on her.
To turn my back on her now, during a broken, vulnerable moment, would be cold and callous of me.
I opened the gate, and when I did, the creaking broke the blissful silence of the outdoors. At once, Nat lifted her head. Her tear-streaked eyes caught me walking into the cemetery.
Sniffling, Nat hastily stood. “What is it that you need, Asa?”
“I came to apologize,” I said as I walked toward her, names and dates of past Lacroix and Livingston relatives were all around me.
Nat wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Apologize?”
“For my behavior in Étienne’s office. I spoke out of turn and that was wrong. Forgive me.”
“There’s nothin’ to forgive.”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes.” She lowered her arms to her sides and gave me a terse smile. “I should head back to the house,” she replied, although she made no move toward Belgrave.
I looked over my shoulder toward the gate and then back at her. Nat stubbornly stayed put. I knew she was waiting for me to go. She was simply too polite to ask me to go away. Even when she was angry, she was kinder than me.
“Remember when I would call you Lady Gouldian?” I asked.
She kept her eyes fixed on the graves in front of her. “Yes, I remember.”
Slowly, I approached. “It seems long ago, but it isn’t.”
Nat took a deep breath. “Eight years.”
When I was only a few steps behind her, I stopped and peered at the gravestones in front of her. It shouldn’t have come as a shock to see she was in front of her parents and Julian’s final resting place, but it was no less painful. I averted my gaze, unable to look at their names.
“I believe you’re right. It’s been eight years,” I continued. “You were unsure and scared of what would happen, but that’s all changin’.” I stared at her beautiful, yet delicate profile. I never once thought her change in life would be my change. It now seemed like a cruel twist of fate where I was forced to watch her grow into this beautiful woman that I would never have. “Soon, you’re gonna be all on your own.”
Suddenly, Nat turned around. “Did Étienne force you to speak with me?” she cut in.
I frowned. “Pardon?”
Patiently, she repeated her question, her chest rising and falling with each word. Tilting my head to the side, I studied her. Her eyes were bright and glassy from crying.
“No,” I lied. “I came out here by choice.”
Nat shook her head and suppressed a frustrated laugh. “Asa, ever since my debut, you go out of your way to avoid me. When you see me, you turn the other way, and you barely say two words. The times you do look at me, you can’t look away quick enough.” Solemnly, she stared at me, pain reflected in her beautiful eyes. “Why do you hate me?”
My eyes widened in shock. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You truly think I hate you?”
Nathalie threw her hands up in the air. “Of course! What else would I think? Asa, I don’t understand what I did to make you—”
“You’ve done nothin’!” I confessed in a loud burst. Nathalie’s eyes widened. “I don’t hate you. Far from it.” I began to pace, looking at Nat from the corner of my eye. “The truth is I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. You are on my mind every single day and it’s drivin’ me mad.” Before Nat could reply, I stepped forward and made the worst make mistake of my life. I did what I had wanted to do since Nathalie’s debut into society and I saw her walk down the stairs and every single part of me said mine.
I kissed her.
When my lips crashed against hers, my mind screamed at me to stop.
This is wrong. It can’t continue.
Her lips were so soft. Softer than I could ever imagine. But they were rigid against my lips. Her entire body was rigid, with her hands at her sides. It was as though the moment I kissed her, she became frozen in place. As the s
econds went by, her mouth became pliant. I still kept my arms at my sides, my body shaking at the effort.
I angled my head and glided my tongue across her lips.
Open for me. Just for me.
Nathalie let out a gasp.
At once, I pulled back, and it was agony. I had to force my arms to remain at my sides because Nat stood before me, flushed, her eyes slightly glazed.
She tasted even better than I imagined.
Dragging my hands through my hair, I exhaled a deep breath and began to pace. “Oh, God. Oh, God. I shouldn’t have done that. Nathalie, I’m sorry.”
Nat followed me under the tree. “Don’t be sorry. Please,” she whispered.
I whirled around, and stared at her, eyes wide. “You’re Étienne’s sister.”
She lifted a delicate shoulder. “So I’ve been told.”
“I have to tell him because he’ll discover the truth. This is Étienne. He finds outs everythin’.” I thought of what Étienne said to me during Nat’s debut into society. He meant every word, and I couldn’t lose my friendship with him because it was more than that. It was a brotherhood.
The moment I mentioned confessing to Étienne, Nat shook her head. “No, no, no. I won’t say a word, and neither will you. It will stay between us. All right?”
Tears clung to her black lashes. Her eyes were so bright and vivid they bordered on yellow. She was so beautiful. I had never been able to say no to her. There was no possible way I could at this moment.
Wordlessly, I nodded.
Gratefully, she smiled before she looked at her clasped hands. “You don’t regret the kiss, do you?”
Why must she ask me that so soon? Why? Because I had no remorse for kissing her. My remorse was that she was Étienne’s sister. My remorse was that the kiss hadn’t gone further. Perhaps the truth showed on my face because Nat slowly smiled and took a step toward me.
Abruptly, I backed away. Anxious to have space between us. In my haste, my feet stumbled on an exposed tree root. Like a fool, I fell to the ground with my legs awkwardly spread out in front of me.