by Read, Calia
“I waited for you all night,” she says softly.
My brows become furrowed as I attempt to discern which Juliet I’m being presented with. Some moments she is lovely. Other times, she is aloof and cold. And there are rare occasions where nothing but hatred is reflected in all of her actions. The rapid changes are enough to test even the most patient of people. It is one more reason why we shouldn’t be together. I don’t understand her, and when I look into her eyes, I know she doesn’t understand me. If we don’t comprehend and appreciate one another, why are we together?
I walk back down the stairs and the whole time I feel Juliet watching me closely. The hair on the back of my neck stands at attention. I can’t say that I blame her. She has every right to look at me with open confusion and hurt, but something is brewing behind her eyes. I can feel the impending storm waiting to be unleashed.
Once I’m standing in front of her, I look her dead in the eyes. “My apologies I never came back last night. I’m afraid I drank too much, and fell asleep in one of the guest rooms at Belgrave.” I’ve never had a lie fall faster from my mouth. I feel guilty for lying, but the need to protect Nat and what occurred far outweighs my conscience.
Juliet holds my gaze for a moment longer before she nods, as though she finds my answer satisfactory. “I understand. But I was rather worried.”
“I know, and I’m very sorry.” Clearing my throat, I look to the left and right. A servant walks behind me and it becomes painfully clear that the conversation I’m about to have isn’t as private as it should be.
I nudge my head in the direction of the sitting room.
“I think we need to sit down and talk.” I gesture for Juliet to go first and follow behind her, sliding the pocket doors closed.
When I turn around, I find Juliet sitting on the settee with her hands in front of her, and a faint smile on her face. “Can I speak first?”
I sit down beside her. “Please do.”
Juliet takes a deep breath, as though she’s gathering the courage. Her eyes remain focused on her fingers linked together. “I know we haven’t had this discussion, and it’s rather soon in our marriage, but I haven’t been feelin’ well the past week.”
My shoulders tense, and very slowly, my heart begins to sink to my stomach.
“I sent for a doctor this mornin’ because I haven’t improved…” Her words fade away as she takes a deep breath. “I’m with child,” she announces.
I blink several times, waiting for her image to dissipate and be replaced with Nathalie’s. And when that doesn’t happen, I expect my legs and arms to violently jerk seconds before I wake up, and I realize all of this is a dream. Nothing happens, though. No one moves. Every item in the room stays in place, and the setting never shifts.
This is all real.
Loudly, I swallow, still unable to fully process Juliet’s words. “Excuse me?”
“I’m pregnant,” Juliet breathes.
Her smile is waning, and her complexion is so pale that if she wasn’t sitting down, I’m afraid she might faint herself. She leans in, placing one of her cold hands over mine. “We’re goin’ to start a family of our own. Isn’t that wonderful?”
My body feels numb. I heard the words she said, but I can’t seem to understand them.
A child.
Juliet is pregnant.
I drag all ten fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. This is wrong for multiple reasons. Minutes ago, I was walking in here to tell Juliet our marriage is over, and the entire time she knew she was carrying my child. I can’t leave now. There is no love between Juliet and me, but I need to be there for her and my child.
But Nathalie.
Nathalie.
“Asa? Did you hear me?”
Dropping my hands between my legs. I lift my head and look at Juliet. “Yes, yes,” I give her a wane smile, “it’s great. A child.”
Juliet regards me carefully, as though she’s undecided on whether to believe. Finally, she smiles back. Like me, the smile doesn’t meet her eyes.
“Now we will be together forever,” she whispers.
At her words, a chill trickles down my spine. As Juliet reaches out to hug me, I stiffly wrap my arms around her. Inside of me, my heart beats to one name and one name only.
Nathalie.
My God. What have I done?
CHAPTER THIRTY
Asa
In my life, the idea of being a father wasn’t something I’d given much thought to and when I did, the one person I vowed to never be like was my own father.
I stand by the windows, tense and alert. Every time someone walks by that has the same hair color or resembles Nathalie, I straighten and face the doorway, but their shadows move across the floor and heels echo down the hall.
Perhaps she’s not coming to work. It’s cowardly of me to think that. But all night I thought of how I would begin this conversation. I could think of no gentle explanation that wouldn’t devastate her.
That’s all I care about.
Nathalie.
And I know, after this conversation, the chances of me losing her forever are strong.
I know I was married, and I made vows, but the night I had with her at Belgrave felt as though I was just getting her back. I can’t lose her again.
After several minutes, I glance at the closed door before I take a long, deep breath and walk toward it. I can’t prolong this conversation any longer.
Walking out of my office, I am numb at the conversation I am about to have. I walk downstairs, listening to the hum of the ladies answering calls.
I find Nathalie downstairs in the hallway, waiting for her shift to begin. I take a moment to watch her before everything crumbles around us. She’s beautiful, even in muted colors. Her prim white blouse is tucked into her navy-blue skirt. Light is starting to come back into her hazel eyes. Do I want to be the one to snuff it back out?
No, but she has to know.
Stepping forward, I clear my throat. “Ms. Claiborne?”
At once, she stops speaking to the girl beside her and turns to me. Her brows lift in surprise. Yet she maintains her composure, appearing unmoved by my arrival.
“Yes, sir?” she says politely.
Under any other circumstances, I might be amused by her performance, but I know what lies ahead. There’s nothing to smile about. “May I speak to you for a moment?”
Her brows become furrowed the longer she looks at me. She knows something is amiss. “Of course.”
I turn and begin to walk toward the stairs, toward my office, without another word. Seconds later, I hear the echo of her heels behind me. And I feel as though I am walking toward my death. I’ve had many uncomfortable conversations in my life. I’ve had to let people go from their jobs for a myriad of reasons. Some beg and plead not to go, some scream and shout. And it never feels right, but I soothe the sting by telling myself it’s my job. It’s what I have to do.
However, this… this is all self-inflicted. This is entirely my fault.
I make it up the second-floor stairs and am grateful, yet dreading the sight of my office doorway.
You must do this, Asa. Nathalie deserves to know.
I make it into my office and stop in the middle of the room. I hear Nat step into the room and close the door behind her.
My eyes close and my hands curl into fists, as I take a deep breath.
“Asa, what’s wrong? Why did you call me up here?”
I turn and solemnly face her. Nathalie sees the expression on my face and rushes toward me. I hold my hands out in front of me because I know if I touch her that will further complicate things.
She stops in front me with hurt in her gaze. “Asa? You need to tell me why I’m here.”
I swallow as I sadly stare down at her.
“Juliet is pregnant.”
The utter devastation on Nat’s face feels as though someone’s twisting a knife in my gut, and I have no one to blame but myself. I’d do anything to take back my words
; she’s already been through so much in her life and I never want to add more pain. But I’m doing just that.
There’s nothing but silence and space between us. Nathalie wraps her arms around herself, staring blankly at the ground. She looks so small and broken.
The silence becomes insufferable. I will take rage and cruel words. I will take anything but this.
“Please, say somethin’,” I beg.
She lifts her head and I see her eyes glimmering with unshed tears as she gives me a cordial smile. “You will make a wonderful father.”
“Nathalie, please,” I croak and reach out for her.
She steps away and blinks back her tears. “Please, what?”
I’m losing her, just as I knew I would. This was inevitable, but her actions gut me in ways I can’t describe.
You deserve this. If she never speaks to you again, you deserve it.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “This… this is not what I envisioned for us…” My words fade away. I can’t seem to finish them.
Nat takes another step back and shakes her head as though she can’t hear the unspoken words. She stares at her laced fingers, making it impossible for me to see her face. “But it’s how it will be.”
“Nathalie, you are everythin’ to me. My world is you.”
At that, her head snaps up in my direction. “Yet you are married, and your wife is pregnant.” Nat begins to pace the length of my office with her hands on her hips. In true Lacroix fashion, her dark brows are slashed down as she furiously thinks. Abruptly, she turns, shaking her head and staring at me with disappointment. “When we were…” she stops talking, and swallows before she starts again, “when we were… together, did you know the entire time, she was pregnant?”
I’m shaking my head before Nat can finish her sentence. “God, no.”
Nat closes her eyes as she nods. Her fingers rub her temples slowly.
“Juliet told me when I came home from Belgrave,” I confess.
Nat darkly laughs. “When you came home,” she repeats. She nods, seeming to process my words, when suddenly she lifts her head. “How far along is she?”
“I’m uncertain,” I answer truthfully. I’ve been painfully honest the entire time, why lie now?
Nathalie scowls. I wait for another question from her but when none arrive, I sense our time is ending. As terrible as this conversation may be, a part of me clings to it, because I know it might be my last with Nathalie for quite some time.
She gives me one last look and begins to walk to the door.
I lunge for her, grabbing her arm. “Nathalie, wait.”
She turns, her eyes shattered. “Asa, no, I can’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper raggedly. Tentatively, I reach out and cup her face between my hands. My thumbs brush across her cheeks.
Nat closes her eyes and exhales. We stand there, our foreheads nearly touching, when Nathalie whispers back, “I’m sorry, too.”
She steps out of my grasp, and I let her. My hands fall to my sides as I watch her walk quietly out of the room. The door softly shuts behind her.
With my heart pounding in my chest, I look around my office and try to regain control of myself. Everything is still in its rightful place, but nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.
I turn to my desk, staring at the perfectly organized items with misplaced resentment. With a roar, I reach out with both hands and sweep everything off the surface. Papers flutter around as I pant for breath.
I can lose Nathalie, this time, maybe for good. No, I cannot.
I will not.
Turning away from my upended office, I stalk to the window. I open the blinds and watch a bird perch itself on the tree just outside my window.
As I watch the bird, my breathing steadies. When I told Nathalie we were each other’s homes, I meant it.
Me and my Lady Gouldian will always find our way find back to one another…
Acknowledgements
Thank you to YOU, the reader. The world of Belgrave is one that I hold close to my heart. When I see the messages, edits and comments it makes my heart swell. It means everything to me that you are invested in these characters.
I can’t thank my beta readers enough: Talon, Alyssa, Azalia, Melissa, Kim, and Allie. Thank you ladies for taking the time to read Nat’s story.
MAC Pack- I don’t know what I’d do without you two. You understand when I go silent for an insane length of time and welcome me back as though no time passed. I can’t wait to see you both again.
Ms Betty’s Design Studios- thank you for the phenomenal graphics! You did an amazing job.
Kim and Michelle- my proofreader extraordinaries. I am so grateful for you two.
Michelle and Annette from Book Nerd Services- there are not enough thank yous for the both of you. Your hard work doesn’t go unnoticed.
Clarise from CT Cover Creations- Once again you delivered another stand-out cover. My jaw always hits the floor when I see what you create!
Rebecca from Fairest Reviews and Editing Services- Finding an editor is easy. It’s finding one to properly fit your needs that’s the hard part. Thank you for being so understanding with me. I know my story is in good hands with you.
Juliana from Jersey Girls Design- Your creativity astounds me. I love working with you. Plus no one has the patience for a la Calia style.
And lastly, my husband- no book is complete without you. You are always by my side, giving me support when I need it, and watching the kids when I need to finish a book. Air five. I love you.
About The Author
College seemed like too much stress for me. Traveling across the world, getting married, and having five kids seemed much more relaxing. Yeah, I’m still waiting for the relaxing part to kick in...I change addresses every other year. It’s not by choice but it is my reality. While the crazies of life kept me busy, the stories in my head decided to bubble to the surface. They were dying to be told and I was dying to tell them. I hope you enjoy escaping to the crazy world of these characters with me!!
•Follow me on•
Facebook - Twitter - Instagram