by Roni Loren
But Elle was supposed to be the mature one. The logical one. The tough one.
With a heavy sigh, she grabbed her purse and coffee, slipped her heels back on and got out of the car. She tried to walk up the path like she didn’t have a care in the world, but it was hard to look dignified when her feet were throbbing from the new shoes and her dress was so wrinkled it might as well have been made from tinfoil.
Elle felt her sister watching her. She gave Nina a prim nod. “Morning.”
“Hey.” Nina’s eyes were bloodshot, her nose red around the edges.
Elle told herself to keep walking, but some old big sister habit decided to show up at the wrong time and had her halting her step. She let out a tired breath. “Are you okay?”
Nina sniffled. “Would you care if I wasn’t?”
Elle frowned and set her coffee on the porch rail. “I don’t know. It depends, I guess.”
“At least you’re honest.” Nina took the shawl that was wrapped around her and swiped at her eyes. “I guess I wouldn’t give a shit about me either if you’d done to me what I did to you.”
Elle didn’t answer that. What was there to say? You’re right?
“I canceled the wedding.”
The words dropped like a heavy stone between them. Elle stared. “What? Why? Because he has a busted nose?”
Nina looked down at the fringed edges of the shawl, separating the strings with her fingers. “Well, that would’ve made for some interesting wedding photos.”
“Nina, you can’t cancel the whole—”
“I didn’t do it because of that.” She shook her head, still staring down at her fingers working the shawl, her expression distant. “I did it because last night I realized what this has been about all along.” She smirked, no humor in it. “This wasn’t about love or fate. I was part of a revenge mission. Henry wanted to marry me to get the final word with you.”
Elle sank into the other rocking chair, her mind whirling.
“I mean, I’m not dumb. Or at least not that dumb. I suspected that was part of it early on, when our relationship first started. He was so angry with you. The things he would say about you.”
Elle swallowed past the squeezing tightness in her throat. Henry had never shown that to her back then. He’d played the part of doting husband, the resentments manifesting in more quiet, insidious ways instead. If anyone had been dumb, it’d been Elle.
“But I thought that eventually…we fell in love for real. That it was meant to be. That’s why I gave up so much to have him, pushed down the guilt. I thought I’d be the one shunned from the family. I was willing to give it all up for him. I never thought they’d expect you to…accept it.” Nina rubbed the spot between her eyes. “But then you were so hateful afterward and it just confirmed all the things he’d told me about you, the side I didn’t see.”
Elle stared. “You slept with my husband. How did you expect me to react? Did you want me to throw you a party?”
“I know,” she said, her voice breaking, her tone desperate. “I know how horrible I was, okay? How wrong. I’m the worst sister in the world. But…” Tears pooled. “I loved him.”
“More than you loved me,” Elle said flatly, wholly unmoved by the tears.
Nina stared at her lap, tears falling onto her wringing hands. “I was blinded by it. Haven’t you ever been blinded by love? It’s like a goddamned drug. You make dangerous and stupid decisions. You’re willing to sacrifice everything.”
Elle’s stomach tightened and she glanced warily toward the house, picturing Lane tucked away in her old room.
“We’ve been happy,” Nina said, her voice catching on the last word like it’d gotten sticky in her throat. “I thought it was all meant to be. But when you showed up this weekend, he was so…unhinged by you and Lane. Why would he care who you brought to the wedding? Why would he go through the trouble of digging up your fiancé’s record?” She swiped at her nose. “And then after everything went down last night, all he could do was rant about you. You bringing a guy here has driven him crazy. The jealousy was so transparent it was laughable. It was like I wasn’t even there.”
Elle frowned and pulled a tissue out of her purse, handing it to Nina and not knowing what to say.
She took it and crumpled it in her fist. “I’m such an idiot. All this time, it’s just been about you. I’m a tool to get back at you. You must’ve thought I was such a joke.”
Elle released a breath, a bone-deep weariness settling in and dampening some of her anger. Betrayed or not, she had a hard time watching her little sister in pain. “I don’t think that’s really the case. Henry wouldn’t have stayed with you this long if there wasn’t something there between you. I haven’t been in the picture. Seeing me probably just triggered old resentments. He may genuinely love you, but he’s also a selfish, self-centered asshole who couldn’t stand seeing me happy with someone else. The two things can exist concurrently.”
Nina looked up, eyes puffy with tears, reminding Elle of the baby sister she used to be instead of the grown woman who’d stabbed her in the back.
“Are you happy?” Nina asked softly.
Happy. Elle’s chest compressed with some unfamiliar emotion and she rolled her lips inward, trying to keep her composure as she thought about the last two months with Lane. Was she happy? Could she even recognize what that felt like anymore?
But warmth moved through her as pictures filled her head, of last night, of the evenings she’d shared with Lane, of the way she felt when she was curled up in his arms or even just bantering with him.
She didn’t know what exactly that feeling was, if it could be called happiness, but she knew it made her stomach dip and her lips want to curve. “I could be. Maybe. I’m working on it.”
“With Lane?”
Elle clasped her now damp palms in her lap and nodded. “Yes. With Lane.”
She tilted her head. “Is he really your fiancé?”
“No,” she admitted. “We’re…dating.”
“And he’s a sex surrogate? Like, sleeps with strangers? I googled it last night.”
Elle adjusted the hem of her dress. “Yes. It’s an important position at The Grove. He helps people who have sexual problems. It’s not seedy like people think. It’s a legitimate form of therapy.”
“Wow.” Nina leaned back in her chair and shook her head, an awed look on her face. “You must have confidence of steel, Ellie. I’m not sure I could deal with knowing that the man I was with had that kind of job. He must be a really great guy to make that worth it.”
Elle smiled, though a hollow feeling pinged in her chest. “He’s an amazing guy.”
“And super hot,” Nina said with a smirk. “Like, had to pick my tongue up off the ground when he walked into your kitchen shirtless that day. Christ.”
“That doesn’t hurt.” Elle laughed, the sound drifting between them and into a foreign space. She didn’t laugh with her sister anymore.
Nina pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m glad he makes you happy. You deserve that more than any of us.”
Elle looked down.
“What we did, what I did, was unforgivable.” Her voice wavered. “I know I’ve said it before, but I mean every word of it. I’m sorry. I am so sorry, Ellie.”
Elle’s teeth pressed against each other, emotion bubbling up past her guards. Nina had said she was sorry before but this one hit home. The regret seemed genuine. But Elle didn’t know how to close the chasm between them. So much had been lost. “I just don’t understand why you did it. Or why you didn’t come to me when he first made a pass at you or you started having feelings for him. At least give me a way out with dignity instead of making me the fool. You could’ve given me that.”
“I know,” she said, quiet tears surfacing again. “I was a coward and selfish. I let Henry tell me that fate intervened and that we couldn’t help ourselves and that you pushed him away, that it was just bad timing. I wanted to have that romant
ic story, the we-were-meant-to-be thing. But I chose to believe those things to make myself feel better.” She let out a rattling breath. “Truth is, I was lonely and depressed. I’d been fired and didn’t know what to do with my life. I resented you having it all together. You had the good-looking husband, the big-time job, the brains. It always looked like everything came so easy to you. So when Henry came to me, telling me I could give him something you couldn’t, I wanted to believe it. It made me feel special.”
Elle closed her eyes, the memories from back then assaulting her. Her sister sleeping in the guest room, the lost look on her face, their parents calling daily to see if Nina had gotten a job yet. She’d let Nina stay with them because she wanted to help, to give her encouragement, but she hadn’t. She’d been too wrapped up in building her own career to pay attention.
“I’m sorry,” Nina said again. “I don’t know how I could ever fix it, but if it makes you feel any better, karma has paid me back. I’m left with less than I had before. In my thirties, canceling a wedding, and working a job that I hate. I’ve wasted all these years on a man who used me to hurt someone else and I lost my only sister. I’m alone, and I deserve every bit of the pain that goes along with that.”
Elle lifted her head, finding Nina’s face tear-streaked but her eyes sincere. Her heart squeezed in her chest. “It doesn’t make me feel better to see you hurting. You’re my sister. You’ve broken my heart but I never wanted bad things for you.”
Nina lowered her head to her knees, her shoulders jerking with a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
Something broke inside Elle as she stared at her sister, a long-fossilized relic crumbling. Memories filtered through the haze. Nina falling off her bike when she was seven and running to Elle to fix it like a doctor. Nina curling up in Elle’s bed on nights when the spring thunderstorms got too loud. Nina painting portraits of all the animals in the neighborhood and putting on an art show so they could earn money to buy a puppy—an idea her father had squashed even when they’d made enough.
They’d been each other’s best friend for so long, their childhoods inextricably intertwined because their parents had rarely been home. They’d sworn to always be there for each other. They’d both broken that promise. Nina in a more dramatic way and Elle in a subtle abandonment, once she’d started her own career. She’d followed her mother’s example, and Nina had been left behind. It didn’t excuse what her sister had done, but it at least explained where her head had been. She hadn’t done it out of vindictiveness. She’d done it out of loneliness, and Henry had smoothly offered her an enticing solution.
Elle stood and walked over to her sister. She put her hand on her shoulder, the contact feeling foreign. “I believe that you’re sorry.”
Nina lifted her head, a glimmer of hope on her face. “Really?”
Elle sighed and stepped back, putting her hand out. “Come here.”
Nina’s brow scrunched in confusion at first, but then it registered. She rose from the rocking chair, the shawl falling to the porch, and Nina stepped close to her, unsure and awkward. Elle put her arms around her sister and hugged her.
“You’re going to survive life without Henry. You deserve better than someone like him, anyway. We both do.”
Nina crumpled in her arms at that and pressed her face into Elle’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Tears slipped down Elle’s face, her muscles unknotting. “I’ve missed you, too.”
And that was the truth. Elle had felt the loss of her failed marriage. But she’d mourned Nina more. She didn’t know if they’d ever be able to recapture the relationship they’d had before Henry, but maybe they could find a new path where they could be in each other’s lives.
Nina sobbed softly and they stood holding each other for long minutes. The sun peeked over the horizon, slanting warmth along Elle’s back, and hope bloomed fresh inside her. The start of a new day…and maybe the start of a lot of other things in her life.
Only when their mother stuck her head out the door did they pull apart.
“Come on, girls,” her mom said softly, her eyes brighter than Elle had seen them in a long time. “It’s time for breakfast.”
Chapter 23
Lane climbed out of the car after pulling up in front of Elle’s house and set her bag on the porch. Elle busied herself digging her keys out of her purse. The entire road trip home, they’d managed to stick to safe topics like Elle's new truce with her sister and if her mother needed anything before her surgery. They'd dutifully avoided talking about the state of their relationship—or if there even was going to be one.
He wasn't going to take back what he’d said on Friday night. He'd been honest. But he also wasn't going to force the issue. She'd had life-changing shit thrown at her this weekend. He didn’t plan to add to the pile. He could push her boundaries in the bedroom. He wouldn’t on this.
“I want to try,” she said from somewhere behind him.
He turned, distracted. “Try what? Visiting home more?”
That had been the last topic they’d covered, and he figured she was ruminating over it.
She frowned and hitched her purse higher on her shoulder. “No. Try with you.”
“Try what with me?” he asked cautiously.
She straightened her spine, looking somehow fierce and adorable at the same time. “Dating…with intention. And an open mind.”
An open mind. Which meant an open road. None of the rules and restrictions they’d been messing with. Freedom. His lips curved on their own. “Yeah?”
She exhaled and squinted toward the pond in the distance, as if looking at him was too much. “Yeah. I think…”
When the sentence drifted off and she still wasn’t looking his way, he reached out and touched her elbow. “You think what, doc?”
She tipped her head back and looked at the sky like she wished she could beam herself up to some other place. “I think you make me happy, okay?”
The words hit him right in the sternum, unexpected and breath-stealing. He made her happy. But the perturbed look on her face had a laugh rumbling out of him. “You sound kind of pissed about that.”
She groaned and finally looked at him, those bright blue eyes drilling right into him. “I am, a little. This wasn’t the plan. You were supposed to be…”
“Just a hot piece of ass on a lonely Friday night?” he supplied with a smirk. “Let’s face it, I’m still that on every night of the week. All is not lost.”
She snorted. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
He crossed his arms, all too pleased. “Nope.”
“Fine.” She rolled her shoulders, looking ever the put-together doctor, though anxiety flickered in her eyes. “Yes, you were supposed to be a hookup. You weren’t supposed to matter. You weren’t supposed to make me want things I’d given up on. And you definitely weren’t supposed to make me feel…lost at the thought of you walking out of my life.”
His heart gave a hard thump in his chest, all desire to joke draining out of him. He took her hands in his. “Doc…”
“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at this because Lord knows I’ve made a disaster of it so far, but I want to try. I want to be happy…with you.” She shrugged a shoulder. “You know, if you want that, too.”
He laced his fingers with hers and pulled her to him, guiding her hands around his waist. He gazed down at her, a surge of affection welling and nearly choking off his words. “I want that. So much. You make me happy, too, doc.”
She closed her eyes, released a breath.
“Well, when you’re not driving me absolutely batshit crazy,” he added, hoping to take some of the pressure off. He could see how hard this was for her, how frightening. It scared the hell out of him, too. Things between them had been fast and intense. They were both driving headlong into unknown territory, but neither of them were ready to jump out of the car.
A quiet, derisive laugh escaped her. “But fair warning, I have no idea
what I’m doing.”
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t know how to do this either.” He cupped her face and tilted it toward him, catching her gaze. “But I know how I feel when I’m with you. That’s what matters. We can figure out the rest as we go along.”
A softness crossed her face, one he’d never seen on her. It nearly broke his heart in two. This was the woman behind the layers of armor. This was the woman who’d been hurt and betrayed, who’d been let down by the people who loved her. This was her trusting him not to crush her.
He hoped to God he was worthy of the gift.
He slid his hands into her hair, bent his head, and kissed her. Because one more second without her lips on his would’ve been too much.
She melted into the kiss like she’d been needing it just as badly as he had. Her lips parted, granting him entry, and she aligned her body to his. Soft and pliant. But when he slid his hand along her nape and gripped, she groaned, and the sweet turned steamy almost instantly.
He put his other hand to her hip and fitted her against him, his cock stiffening at the feel of her heat. His tongue stroked hers, and he guided her against the column of her porch, pressing her into it. He wanted to slide her skirt up her hips, stroke her, push aside her panties and see if she was as ready he felt, but he reined in the impulse.
She was willing to go public with their relationship, not get naked on campus. He had to remember that they both had professional reputations to maintain. He broke away from the kiss. “How about we take this inside, gorgeous?”
“Good idea,” she said, her chest rising and falling with panted breaths.
She hurried to unlock the door and he grabbed her bag. The door hadn’t even clicked shut behind them before he was dropping the suitcase and lifting her over his shoulder. He kicked the door shut behind him.
“What are you doing?”