An Amish Winter (Love Inspired)

by Vannetta Chapman

  “Maybe I’m smiling for a different reason,” he teased.

  “Like what?”

  “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

  “Maybe I have a secret, too,” Leah countered. And as she opened the mudroom door, she decided, And tomorrow’s the day I tell him what it is!

  * * *

  When Jonathan woke on Tuesday, February 14, his first thoughts were of Leah. Actually, they were about what Leah kept suggesting about him having SAD. The story she’d shared about her deacon sure seemed to match what Jonathan had experienced himself and the more he thought about it, the more it seemed Leah might be right; he might need to see a doctor.

  But today, he had other plans. Ever since he’d nearly broken down in front of Leah, she’d been especially tenderhearted and helpful to him and even though he was embarrassed by his own behavior, he wanted to show her how much he appreciated hers. And since the Lord had blessed him with Leah’s presence for another week, Jonathan thought Valentine’s Day was the perfect occasion to demonstrate a token of his...affection. Yes, it was definitely affection, as much as it was appreciation, that he felt for her.

  After caring for the animals and milking the cow, Jonathan fetched the pint of white paint he’d been keeping at room temperature, along with a paintbrush, from his kitchen. He went back outside and, using a straightedge, he proceeded to paint the semblance of a shuffleboard design on the surface of the driveway. Although the pavement was cold so the paint wasn’t adhering as well as it would have in the summer, in the end, Jonathan was pleased with the results.

  Once he put the paint away, he went next door for breakfast. Surprisingly, Gabriel and Esther were already at the kitchen table, sipping coffee. On her hands and knees on the floor, Rebekah was rocking in place like a pony whose hooves were nailed to the ground. Adding to the festive mood, Leah announced she was making heart-shaped pancakes, topped with strawberries and cream and a drizzle of chocolate, as her little gift to everyone.

  “So, what did you get me for Valentine’s Day?” Esther teased Gabriel.

  “Probably the same thing you got for me,” he replied. “A germ-free kiss.”

  “That’s the best gift I can think of,” Esther answered with a giggle, bending over her knees toward Rebekah. She clapped her hand against her arm twice, saying, “Kumme to mamm, Rebekah. Kumme to mamm.”

  At her mother’s beckoning, Rebekah abruptly starting crawling across the floor, hesitantly at first, but then gaining speed as everyone cheered her on. When she reached her mother, Esther swept her into her arms, laughing. “I take back what I said, Gabriel. Seeing Rebekah crawl for the first time was the best gift I could think of!”

  Jonathan hoped Leah would feel the same way about her surprise, but since the paint was still drying, he waited until they’d both finished their morning chores before he invited her outside to see it. Leah looked curiously at him, but she put on her coat and bonnet and followed him onto the porch.

  When he handed her a broom, her mouth drooped. “You brought me out here to sweep the porch? That’s the surprise?”

  “Neh. The broom isn’t for sweeping.” Jonathan hopped down the porch stairs, pointing to the driveway. “Kumme see.”

  The gleeful expression on Leah’s face when she spotted the shuffleboard court and the round wooden discs he’d fashioned told him how much she liked them, even before she exclaimed, “This is the best Valentine’s Day surprise I’ve ever received!”

  She threw her arms out and for one split second—one hopeful second—Jonathan thought she was going to embrace him, but instead she twirled around with excitement.

  “I didn’t have time to make shuffleboard sticks, so we’ll have to take turns using the broom as a cue,” Jonathan explained. “But this will at least get you into practice before you go to Pinecraft.”

  “It can help you get into practice before you go to Pinecraft, too,” Leah said, tilting her chin upward so she could look him in the eye. Then she proceeded to tell him about an opportunity to repair houses in Florida for a couple of weeks, possibly longer. She said the warm weather might be exactly what he needed and that Nancy Ebersole had repeatedly expressed her willingness to stay with Esther and Gabriel during their continued recovery.

  As Leah studied Jonathan with those big, doe-like eyes of hers, he wanted nothing more than to accompany her to Florida. Yet he heard himself resisting. “I’d love to go. But what excuse would I give for running off on a vacation?”

  “I’m running off on a vacation and I don’t feel the need to justify it.”

  “I didn’t mean that to sound like a criticism. I only mean...I’d feel guilty. I promised I’d never abandon the farm again. Gabriel would be disappointed in me.”

  “You aren’t abandoning it—you’re coming back in a few weeks. I realize you don’t want Gabriel and Esther to know how out of sorts you’ve been feeling, but the truth is, they’ve already noticed it and they’re worried about you. I think they’d be relieved you’re doing something to take care of yourself.”

  Jonathan nodded slowly. “Okay. I’ll talk to them about it.”

  “Jah!” Leah cheered, clapping her gloved hands together. “The sunshine will change your perspective and renew your strength. You’ll see.”

  I don’t know if the warmer weather will help me, Jonathan thought as he beheld Leah’s smile. But being with you will do me a world of good.

  * * *

  As Leah suspected, Esther and Gabriel fully supported Jonathan’s plan to go to Pinecraft with Leah. Also as she suspected, Esther teased Leah about it relentlessly.

  “If you end up marrying Jonathan, will that make you my sister-in-law?”

  “Who said anything about getting married?”

  “The way you two look at each other says it all,” Esther taunted. “Why are you so averse to getting married, anyway?”

  Although Leah pretended not to hear her friend, she’d been asking herself the same question lately. She knew what her response would have been before she met Jonathan: Leah didn’t want to have a baby and go through raising children again. But these past couple of weeks had caused her to realize how much easier it was to care for a child and a house when she had a man to help her. Particularly, a man like Jonathan.

  If she wasn’t mistaken, his feelings about courting may have changed, too. At least, she surmised as much, judging from his comments and gestures toward her. Maybe a change of scenery would boost his self-esteem—who knew, maybe he’d even feel confident enough to ask to become her long-distance suitor. But right now, his health is the top priority, she reminded herself.

  Knowing how overwhelmed Jonathan was feeling and concerned he’d back out of the trip, Leah helped him prepare by ironing his summer shirts, contacting Moses Kasdorf on his behalf and booking a ticket for him. Blessedly, Jonathan got the last available seat on Monday’s minibus—otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to leave until Thursday. Granted, Jonathan wasn’t sitting next to her, but she figured someone would switch places with them once they boarded.

  “Are you sure you have everything you need?” Esther asked her on Monday morning, shortly before the van driver was scheduled to pick up Leah and Jonathan and take them to the bus station.

  Leah had just come downstairs from tucking Rebekah in for her midmorning nap and she took a seat beside her friend on the couch. Gabriel was resting, too, and Jonathan was taking care of some last-minute business at the bank in town.

  “Jah. Unless you’ll let me take the bobbel with us. I’m going to miss her terribly.”

  “Sorry, but Gabriel and I will be lonely enough as it is without you and Jonathan here,” Esther said. “Shouldn’t he be back by now?”

  Leah glanced at the clock. It was ten forty-five. The van driver would pick them up at eleven; the minibus departed from the station at noon.

  “I’m sure he’ll be here
any minute,” she said, even though she was beginning to wonder what was keeping him, too.

  * * *

  Jonathan felt like it was difficult to breathe, so he unwound the scarf from his neck. Traffic on the main road had come to a standstill. For what must have been half an hour, he had struggled to keep the horse from getting agitated. He’d struggled to keep himself from getting agitated, too. Because there were cars behind him and in front of him, and snowbanks on both sides, there was no way he could change direction. He was stuck.

  Although he didn’t wear a watch, Jonathan figured it must have been close to eleven o’clock and he was still at least twenty minutes from home. Knowing how devastated Leah would be if they missed the minibus, Jonathan prayed, Please, Lord, let the traffic start moving again.

  When at least fifteen more minutes passed and Jonathan realized there was no way he’d get home in time to catch the minibus, he began to wonder, What if this is Gott’s way of keeping me in Fawn Crossing? He tried to banish the thought from his mind, but the longer he was delayed, the more it seemed a likely possibility.

  Finally, the police officer waved Jonathan’s lane forward and as his horse slowly clip-clopped down the road, Jonathan spied the cause of the delay: a green minivan had crashed into a telephone pole. Its front hood was crumpled, the windshield was smashed, and the engine and hood were a gnarl of metal. When he spied a child’s car seat in the back of the vehicle, Jonathan had such a vivid recollection of the accident he’d been in with Lisa, his stomach lurched.

  As soon as he could, he turned off the main thoroughfare and onto a side street. He got out of the buggy, pacing back and forth, his queasiness worsening as memories swirled in his mind; not just memories of the accident, but also of his mother’s death and his father’s disappointment. Even remembering the jubilant expressions on his parents’ faces when he came home for good caused his stomach to cramp. The guilt was overpowering and he retched into the snowbank.

  What was I thinking, to imagine I need a vacation? The same thing that happened with Lisa is happening with Leah—I’ve let her talk me into doing something she wants me to do, when my responsibility should be to my familye. Am I really so lonely that I’ve lost all my common sense again?

  Jonathan climbed into the buggy and headed toward home, trying to think of how to tell Leah he wasn’t going to Florida with her after all. He knew she’d be disappointed by his decision and she’d likely be furious he’d caused her to miss the bus, too. Maybe there’s a chance she left without me and I won’t have to deal with her reaction in person, Jonathan thought. But he doubted Leah would do something like that.

  Sure enough, he hadn’t even made it up the driveway before she came rushing out of the house, her coat and bonnet on. She must have been watching for him. He halted the horse and got out of the carriage.

  Leah’s nose was pink and her lips and eyes were swollen, as if she’d been crying. “Jonathan! I was so worried about you. What happened?”

  “I’m so sorry, Leah,” he apologized. “There was an accident in town. I couldn’t get past it. I know the bus has left by now.”

  Adding to his deep disgrace, she flung her arms around him and said, “That doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re okay. We can catch a regular Englisch bus tomorrow. It will cost more, but it’s worth it.”

  Jonathan stiffened and pushed her arms away from him. As quickly and firmly as he could, he told her, “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not going to go to Florida, after all.”

  Leah took a step backward. “You—you’re joking, right?”

  “Neh. I couldn’t be more serious.” Jonathan couldn’t stand to look at the devastated expression on Leah’s face, so he stepped around her to lead the horse to the barn, but Leah dashed in front of him and blocked his way.

  “Why? What made you change your mind?” she asked, her eyes welling.

  “I’ve got responsibilities here.”

  “So does Moses Kasdorf. You gave him your word you’d go help him. He’s counting on you.”

  Frustrated that Leah didn’t seem to care as much about him as she cared about her cousin’s acquaintance, he snapped, “And who’s to blame for that?”

  “What do you mean, to blame?”

  “You’re the one who arranged for me to work for him.”

  “But I thought you agreed it would be helpful if—”

  “Stop badgering me!” Jonathan cut her off. “You were the one who thought it would be helpful for me to go to Florida. And I can understand why it would be schpass for you to have a traveling companion, but I can’t be so self-indulgent as to take off for the beach just because the mood strikes me.”

  * * *

  Furious at what Jonathan was implying, Leah thrust her chin in the air and spouted off, “There’s nothing more self-indulgent than sitting around and wallowing in your own misery and making everyone else miserable, too. You can go crawl into a cave and waste the rest of the winter pouting for all I care, Jonathan Rocke, but if you didn’t want to go to Florida, you should have had the decency to tell me before you ruined my travel plans!”

  Leah was so livid she could hardly see straight as she stormed back to the house. When she got inside, she poured out her heart to Esther, who suggested Gabriel should go try to change Jonathan’s mind.

  “Neh!” Leah uttered, dabbing her tears with her sleeve. “That’s the last thing I want!”

  Esther offered to fix her a bowl of soup for lunch, but Leah was too upset to eat. Because the chartered minibuses that catered to the Amish were all full until Thursday, she wanted to purchase a ticket on a regular bus. And since the larger Englisch transportation company wouldn’t reserve a ticket over the phone without a credit card, and the Amish didn’t use credit cards, Leah knew she’d have to go to the station in person. But first, the horse needed time to rest and she needed time to compose herself, so she went upstairs to her room and closed the door.

  Weeping into the pillow, she thought, My first impression of Jonathan was that he was surly and judgmental, and I was right. How dare he imply I was being selfish when all I’ve ever done is put his needs and the needs of his bruder’s familye first?

  As disgusted as she was with Jonathan, Leah was even more disgusted with herself for being so gullible. For believing that he was different and that he truly cared about her, when really he’d just been pretending to be supportive and helpful. Clearly, he couldn’t keep up the act. She should have known better. I’m just glad I didn’t allow myself to get even more emotionally involved with him than I did, she tried to tell herself, but it was a small consolation, considering how much her heart was already aching.

  * * *

  When Jonathan heard footsteps on his porch, he assumed it was Leah coming to try to convince him to go with her to Pinecraft. Or at least coming to apologize. Instead, it was Gabriel who rapped on the door and then let himself in without waiting for Jonathan to open it. His brother didn’t mince any words, saying, “I think you made a big mistake by canceling your trip to Florida.”

  “Did Leah send you here to tell me that?”

  No doubt tired from trekking across the yard, the farthest he’d walked in weeks, Gabriel dropped into a chair. “Neh, definitely not. I doubt she wants to be within ten miles of you and quite frankly, I wouldn’t blame her. It wasn’t right to give her your word and then change your mind, especially after all she did to arrange the trip.”

  “I gave Mamm and Daed my word I’d stay on the farm and she knew that. It wasn’t right of her to try to convince me to violate my conscience. She reminds me of Lisa.”

  “You were only going to be gone for a couple of weeks, Jonathan, and you would have been staying with Mennonites and other Amish people. That’s not the same thing as when you went to live among the Englisch for four years.” When Jonathan didn’t respond, Gabriel shook his head and pushed against the table to rise into a standing p
osition. “The only similarity between Leah and Lisa is their names. It’s a pity you can’t recognize that. And it’s a pity you have the opportunity to live the abundant life God would want you to live, but you’re rejecting it out of some false sense of guilt.”

  After his brother left, Jonathan leaned against the kitchen sink, rubbing his temples. He didn’t care if his brother thought he was making a mistake; he wasn’t changing his mind about going to Pinecraft. But he supposed he ought to make it up to Leah for missing her bus, even if it wasn’t his fault he’d been delayed.

  Waiting until the horse was well rested, Jonathan headed to town to purchase a ticket for a seat on a regular Englisch bus. Fortunately, there was one departing early the next morning and although there were a couple of transfers along the way, there weren’t any layovers, which meant Leah would arrive in Pinecraft by Wednesday. She might be more tired, but essentially she’d get there at the same time as if she went on the minibus and stayed overnight in South Carolina.

  On his way home, Jonathan stopped at the phone shanty to call Moses and tell him he wouldn’t be joining his construction crew after all. When he picked up the phone, he heard the familiar rapid beeping that meant someone had left a message, so he dialed into the voice mail system.

  “This is Betty Zehr. I’m calling for Leah Zehr, who is staying at Esther and Gabriel Rocke’s home. If you could please ask her to call me, I’d appreciate it. Denki,” Leah’s cousin said, before leaving her phone number.

  Knowing his horse shouldn’t make another trip later that evening and it would be too dark for Leah to walk to the shanty by the time he relayed her cousin’s message, Jonathan reluctantly dialed the number Betty had left. Apparently she was staying in an Englisch-owned rental in Florida, because she picked up right away. When Jonathan explained who he was, she greeted him enthusiastically, saying Leah was supposed to call and confirm she was arriving on Wednesday, but she must have forgotten.