Smokescreen

by Iris Johansen

  She should probably go back to her own cot across the room and try to get a few hours sleep herself, but she knew she was too wired to relax. Too much had been going on in the last twenty-four hours, and she hadn’t had Eve’s nonstop work to burn off adrenaline and energy.

  And these nights, she had to be as exhausted as Eve had been before she could sleep without the nightmares coming.

  Don’t think about them. It was only a matter of time before she’d overcome that damn weakness.

  Fresh air.

  Clear her head and listen to the soothing night sounds.

  She quickly moved past the worktable, avoiding looking at the Varak reconstruction as she headed for the door. Not now. She’d face that battle again later. He was part of this village’s nightmare as well as her own personal nightmare. She needed to get away from him for a little while.

  She drew a deep breath as the cool night air hit her face.

  Bright moonlight.

  Night sounds. Jungle sounds. Birds. Animals…Was that a monkey?

  That was better. She could feel some of the tension leaving her. She sank down and leaned back against the stucco wall of the museum. Twenty minutes, and she’d be ready to go back inside and try to sleep…

  “Is everything okay?”

  She jumped.

  Novak was a dark silhouette a few yards away.

  “It would be if you didn’t move like a damn panther,” she said wryly. “I didn’t hear you. What are you doing here?”

  “Making phone calls. Checking on the sentries I set up. Waiting for Quinn to show up and raise hell. According to Gideon, he’s as pissed off as we thought he’d be.” He dropped down beside her. “I didn’t think that you should be the only one to take the flak.”

  “I was prepared for it.” She leaned her head back against the wall and gazed up at the night sky. “After all, it was my plan. When will Quinn be here?”

  “Three or four hours. He would have gotten here sooner, but he’s having Gideon drop him off at our private airfield at Baldar and will make his way here on his own.”

  She frowned. “Why?”

  He shrugged. “He was a SEAL. His instincts are to go in and make that first strike before anyone knows he’s hit the ground running. He’ll want to slip in and look the situation over. Particularly where Eve is concerned, and he trusts no one in Jokan.” He grimaced. “And that includes us.”

  She studied his expression. “And you’d do the same?”

  “Certainly. I have a few problems with trust myself.” He was suddenly bending toward her, his eyes narrowed on her face. “You didn’t answer me. Is everything okay? I saw the lights go out in the museum, and I thought you’d both be going to sleep.”

  “Eve’s asleep. I thought I’d get some air before I tried to settle down.”

  His gaze was still searching her face. “Why?”

  She was suddenly aware of something different about him tonight, a tension, a recklessness, and that tough ruthlessness that was such a part of him seemed more obvious than usual. It was making her uneasy. “For goodness sake, because I wanted some air. Stop interrogating me, Novak.”

  “But I do it so well,” he said mockingly. “Check my credentials. Though I’m better with Al-Qaeda and Isis. You’re really not worth my expertise.” He changed the subject. “You didn’t think Quinn would go easy on you?”

  “Why should he? I think Eve is beginning to forgive me, but I knew her family might never do that. I can take any flak Quinn hands out.”

  “Yeah, you’re just collateral damage,” Novak said bitterly. “How could I forget?”

  “I don’t know. I guess because it seems to bother you.” She was trying to keep her tone light. “We’ve discussed this before. In your job, you usually accept it as a fact of life. Yet you seem to be making some kind of exception for me.” Her gaze shifted to his face. “You were even kind to me those days in Nairobi. Extraordinarily kind.”

  “Imagine that,” he said dryly. “Since I’m sure you didn’t deserve it. You’ve caused me nothing but trouble since the day you came to me with that wild tale about Hadfeld. And when you showed up at the U.N., I was ready to break your neck.”

  “I know.” She moistened her lips. “But I had to do it.”

  “You made that clear. No debt left unpaid.” He added harshly, “What did you say? You’d been alone all your life, but I hadn’t left you alone when you needed someone that night. So I had to have my payoff, too.”

  “I was grateful. I don’t understand why it upset you.”

  “Then you should have thought about it,” he said curtly. “I know you, Jill. You forget that I was there with you after those therapy sessions that shrink put you through in Nairobi before he’d release you. I know what kind of life you’ve led.” His words were suddenly spitting like bullets. “Talk about collateral damage. You trailed all over the world behind your father from the time you were four, and he paid more attention to his camera than he did to you. It’s no wonder that you were so confused you had to develop your own concept of who you are and how to survive. You had to fend for yourself.”

  “I never said that,” she said quickly.

  “No, but you made a few slips, and after I left Nairobi, I did a check to fill in the blanks. Your father never even made provisions for you if anything happened to him. When he was killed in Tibet, you ended up in an orphanage in Hong Kong for over a year until you managed to convince the local U.S. ambassador that you were a U.S. citizen. You were only eleven years old, and you had to do it yourself.”

  “My father never intentionally hurt me,” she said quietly. “I just wasn’t high on his list of priorities. Some men aren’t meant to be parents. I’m not a victim, Novak.”

  “No, you didn’t let yourself be a victim even when you were bouncing through five foster homes, who accepted you only for the paycheck and treated you less decently than that orphanage in Hong Kong.”

  Novak was really on the attack, she realized in bewilderment. His intensity was overpowering, and she could almost feel the electricity he was generating. What was happening with him? Suddenly, she didn’t care. He had no right to bring back the memories she kept firmly tucked away. She sat up straight. “You’re damned right I didn’t let myself be a victim,” she said fiercely. “You’re only a victim if you don’t learn from a bad experience. It was one of the first things I found out when I was a kid. Do you know how I won that Pulitzer?”

  “You wrote a series on the corruptions in the DFAC system,” Novak said. “I made the connection. But it wasn’t enough. Not unless it ended with your own foster parents ending up in jail.”

  “Maybe they did. I don’t know. I wrote the series years later. I was past any desire to punish individuals. I just wanted to punish the system, so it couldn’t happen again to someone else.”

  “I wouldn’t be so forgiving.” His smile was suddenly savage. “As a matter of fact, I have to admit to taking down their names for future reference.”

  “What?” she said, shocked. “You’re joking?”

  “If you want jokes, call on Gideon. As you’ve said, I don’t tend to be soft and easy. I grew up on the streets of Detroit, and I guarantee that everyone who ever caused me problems ended up regretting it.”

  “I can believe it. But these are my problems, Novak.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve decided you’re entirely too philosophical and I should take over the handling of this type of difficulty myself.”

  She gazed at him in disbelief. “Are you crazy? Not if it’s my business.”

  “It’s all how you view it. That doesn’t seem to make any difference to me.” He added through set teeth, “Which really is beginning to piss me off.”

  “I’m the one who should be pissed off. You’re not making sense. Why are you being like this?”

  “It was bound to come out sooner or later. I’ve been holding it in too long.” His lips twisted. “I don’t want this. I want it to be like it was when I first met you
over a year ago.” His light eyes were glittering. “You were smart and gutsy, and I wanted to go to bed with you three minutes after I met you. That was all I wanted, very simple and clean, with no complications. That’s what should have happened.”

  “What?” She inhaled sharply. “You never said anything. You never made a move.”

  “We were both busy and at opposite ends of the country most of the time.” He smiled sardonically. “But tell me you didn’t know it was there waiting to happen.”

  She was silent. The words had shocked her, but she couldn’t deny that what he’d said was true. Yes, she had known, but she had refused to acknowledge it. She had instinctively blocked even thinking about him sexually. She was still doing it. Because along with that instant explosive sexual attraction had come the realization that he would demand too much of her. She had a career she was passionate about, and he wasn’t like anyone else she had ever met. He…disturbed her. Novak was too difficult, and she had not wanted to have to deal with him. She swallowed. “Well, then it was a good thing that it never got past that first three minutes.”

  “The hell it is,” he said roughly. “If we’d just gone to bed together, then it might have been over by this time. It wouldn’t be like this. I don’t like feeling what I’m feeling now. It’s too damn complicated. And I don’t have any way to control it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I’m getting out of it is that you’re angry and it’s somehow my fault that we didn’t jump into the sack together. That’s not complicated, it’s plain nuts. And it’s bullshit that you’re not in control. You’re always in control of yourself and everyone around you.”

  “If I were in control, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. After Nairobi, I swore to myself that it wasn’t going to happen, that you were off-limits, that you were walking wounded, and that’s how I had to treat you.”

  She stiffened. “Walking wounded?”

  “What do you think? It killed me to see you like that. I didn’t expect to feel that way.”

  “Walking wounded,” she repeated. “You son of a bitch. How do you have the nerve to say that?”

  “With extreme trepidation. You don’t want anyone to know you’re not invulnerable. It doesn’t go along with the story you’ve created to always keep your personal world in order. But I was there with you when you woke from those nightmares. You’re still having them, aren’t you? I think I might have held on if you hadn’t lied to me tonight.” His eyes were blazing. “That’s why you came out here, not because you wanted a breath of air.”

  She didn’t answer him. “I’m not walking wounded. So you can stuff your pity, Novak.”

  “You’re not listening. Don’t worry. There wasn’t pity even when I was there with you in that hospital. I don’t know what it was. I was just…aching and wanting to kill someone, anyone.” He added fiercely: “And there’s sure as hell no pity now, or I wouldn’t have decided to toss out all that crap about going through this by myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. So I’m going to be my usual selfish self and take what I want any way I can get it.”

  “Going through what by yourself?”

  “I feel something for you, dammit.” He added fiercely, “It’s that same sexual attraction multiplied about a thousand times, all mixed up with what I felt in that hospital and what I’ve learned to feel about you since then. You don’t want pity? Great. Because sex was my first choice anyway. Though I doubt if we can go back to square one. It probably wouldn’t be enough for me.” He was suddenly on his feet, looking down at her. “I just had to give you warning that if you really are walking wounded, you should get away from me. Run, not walk. Because these days, whenever I look at you, I want to take you to bed. If I can talk you into it, that’s where we’ll end up. And I don’t know where we’ll go from there because I’m not sure I’ll be able to let you go after that.” He reached out his hand and pulled her to her feet. “And now you’d better go in and get to bed. You shouldn’t have to worry about having nightmares unless they’re about me. I’ve given you enough to think about to distract you.” His voice was suddenly low and intense. “But remember that I’d never hurt you, and it would always be your choice.”

  Electricity. Intimacy. His hand grasping hers was warm, vital, and she could feel her pulse pounding in her wrist. He must feel it, too, because his thumb was rubbing back and forth on the pulse point. She was shaking, her breasts firming, tightening. He was too close…No, he wasn’t close enough.

  She needed to pull away from him. Why didn’t she do it? Because her emotions were in such a shambles that her responses were purely physical. She couldn’t think, she could only feel. Don’t let him see it. She had sworn she’d never be weak again, and no one was more dominant than Novak. She nodded jerkily. “Of course it’s my choice. And you won’t hurt me because if you did, I’d pull out the Beretta in my jacket pocket and shoot your nuts off.”

  He blinked. “Point taken.” Then he threw back his head and laughed. “And that side of you is another reason why I’m finding handling you so complicated.”

  “Then don’t try to handle me.” She turned toward the door. She had to get away from him. Because she wanted his hands on her again, dammit. He had only touched her hand and wrist, yet her pulse was still pounding crazily. “I was right, the first time. It was good that it never really started. It would never have worked out.”

  “Maybe.” Then he was smiling recklessly. “But this is a new game with new rules. And we can change those rules as we go along. Anything you want to do.” He reached out and gently touched her cheek with his index finger. “Go to sleep. I had to be honest with you, but I’m not going to let it get in the way of what we have to do. Good night, Jill. If I can deter Quinn, I’ll try to do it.”

  Her skin was warming, throbbing beneath that gossamer-light touch. She moved her head to avoid it. She had an idea that “honesty” couldn’t help but get in the way. It was as if he had ripped down a safe, sheltering barrier between them and left only heat, electricity, and vibrant awareness. “I told you I didn’t need your help.” She opened the door. “Good night, Novak.”

  “Jill.”

  She looked over her shoulder.

  He was standing there, lean, muscular, infinitely male. “I just wanted to tell you that you’ve convinced me.” His smile was both intimate and knowing. “After careful observation, I can see you’re no victim and definitely not walking wounded. What a relief.” He turned away. “Let the games begin…”

  Games? Jill’s pulse was pounding, and her breath was uneven as she closed the door behind her. This wasn’t any game she wanted to play. No, that was a lie. It was obviously one that she wanted passionately to play in every single physical way possible. She just couldn’t permit it to happen.

  If she could stop it. Because Novak had decided that wasn’t the way he wanted it. Screw it. It was only sex, dammit. Why didn’t she just go back outside to him and find somewhere to make it happen?

  Because it was never only sex to her, and she couldn’t risk its being anything more to her with Novak.

  I wanted to go to bed with you three minutes after I met you.

  That had been an exaggeration. He’d been too angry with her during those first three minutes on that mountain in Botzan. And she’d only been concerned with persuading him to get out of her way so that she could get to that bandit, Abdi Zolak, and keep him from getting killed…

  * * *

  Botzan Mountains

  Eleven Months Ago

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Jed Novak was skidding down the hill toward Jill. His blue eyes were glittering with fury in his taut face as he pulled her down behind a banyan tree. “Do you want to get killed? There’s a band of roving bandits camped up on that hill. I gave orders that this area was to be cleared.”

  “I know you did, Novak,” Jill said impatiently. “You didn’t make any secret about it in any of the villages I had to go through to get here.�
�� She jerked her arm away from him. “You wanted to send a message to Zolak that the big, bad CIA were on their way and that he’d better not throw in his lot with those Botzan mercenaries. He was just to meekly give up his weapons and let you take him down.” Her eyes went back to the top of the hill. No movement. But there probably wasn’t much time before Zolak would get edgy that she hadn’t shown up yet. “Only he won’t do that, and you’re stupid if you think he will. He’s too scared of not dying a brave death that will make his sons proud of him.” But Jill knew that Novak’s reputation was that he was far from stupid. She had only seen him from a distance since he’d arrived in Maldara, but she’d made it her business to research him. He was superintelligent, and the word was that he’d been sent here to Maldara by Langley to try to find a way to stop this hideous war. So reason with him. Persuade him. It was her only hope to get Abdi Zolak home to his village. Her gaze shifted back to Novak’s face. “He’ll fight you. He has fifty-two men in this band he’s gathered. There would be deaths on both sides.” She leaned forward, her voice urgent. “But I can keep that from happening, Novak. The only reason he’s here at all is that he agreed to come down from his hideout and meet with me. Wouldn’t it be better to let me go up there and talk to him?” She wasn’t getting a response. Okay, try harder. “Look, I’m Jill Cassidy, and I’m a reporter, not some missionary out to save Zolak’s soul. I know he’s been a thief and a bandit most of his adult life. But he’s always taken care of his family and his village. And he’s not a murderer…yet. But if he joins those mercenaries, he’ll become what they want him to be. Here in Maldara, that means butchery. And the only people who can stop him are his wife and family. He cares about them. I might be able to talk him into going back to them so they’ll have a chance to do it.”

  “I know exactly who you are, Jill Cassidy.” Novak’s eyes were fixed on her face. “I had reports on you from my men watching that village down the road. I’m used to handling reporters getting in my way, but I didn’t think I’d have to deal with one who seems ready to get herself killed for the damn story.” He looked up at the hill, then turned back to her. “I have credible info that Zolak is up there, and I’m going to go get him. I have orders to find any way I can to keep those mercenaries from recruiting any more local people to add fuel to the fire that’s burning up this country. Zolak’s an experienced fighter, he’s exactly what they’re looking for.” His voice hardened. “And I don’t give a damn about Zolak’s soul or the story you’re hoping to get from him. I’d prefer you stay alive, but that’s up to you.”