by Raine Miller
I offered the first olive branch.
“I’m—I’m so—sorry for ruining your night with…Cora—”
He snorted at me. “I wasn’t there for Cora tonight,” he said, shaking his head.
He wasn’t? This was news to me. As much as I wanted to hope, I forced my fluttering heart to calm. “You weren’t there for Cora tonight.” I said the words slowly and deliberately, an edge of questioning sarcasm in my tone that asked the burning but unspoken, then why in the hell were you there tonight, Neil?
“Nah, I wasn’t.” He looked over at me, his expression giving nothing away.
It was apparent he wasn’t going to tell me why he was there either and the realization annoyed me greatly. “So, if you know about Cora, then why do you stay with her? She’s running around on you as soon as you go away. She’s a cheater. Every time, Neil. She doesn’t love you like I—like—like she should do!”
Oops.
The silence in the car screamed in the small space between us.
“I’m not with Cora anymore.”
“You were when you first got back. I saw you with her more than once.”
He narrowed his eyes. “But, I’m not with her anymore, Elaina,” he said with a bite.
“Really.” I couldn’t say much more, I was so surprised at his declaration. Neil and Cora were finished? If I wasn’t sitting in a car and felt better, I might just jump up and do a jig in celebration, but my head continued to pound, and my stomach continued to storm.
“Really, there’s nothing there,” he sailed right back. “I’ve known for a long time what she gets up to and it doesn’t matter anymore what she does when I’m away.” He turned his head slowly to me, taking his eyes off the road. “We were just using each other from the get go…”
We were just using each other? Lovely. Picturing that twat getting even five minutes of Neil’s attentions made me insane with jealousy. Images of him and Cora making love, touching each other, kissing passionately, flashed through my head until I couldn’t help but groan against the cool window of his car. “Oh…I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
Insane jealousy wasn’t the only thing I felt either. There was also the violent urge to be sick again.
“Pull over!” I managed to sputter.
The second round was mostly just a lot of mortifying gagging and retching. There was nothing in me now except for the water I’d sipped. Neil didn’t say anything once it was over. He kept quiet, bundled me back into his car, and drove us away. I closed my eyes and let him take care of me sure this was all a nightmare I would eventually wake from.
In the morning, I would deal with facing up to the spectacle I’d made of myself in front of Neil tonight.
I would pretend it had all been just a dream…because that was the most my poor heart could manage to do.
CHAPTER 5
I could smell him again. The scent in my nose was so wonderful I didn’t ever want to leave where I was in my beautiful, Neil-scented dream. I opened my eyes and saw darkness and unfamiliar surroundings…and him.
Neil was on his side watching me in the bed. Well, more specifically, in his bed.
“Wakey, wakey,” he said softly with a smirk to go with it, not more than two feet from me.
I bolted up fast and found the blinking glow of the clock. 12:45 a.m. “I—I—I’m at your flat? Mum will be—”
“—Just fine.” He cut me off smoothly. “I rang your house and talked to your mum. She knows you’re with me so you can relax. How do you feel? Any better?”
I brought both hands to my head and rubbed, realizing I was missing my dress as I sat up in Neil’s deliciously smelling bed. Bra and knickers only. I turned my head slowly to look at him in the dim light. “You undressed me?” I couldn’t imagine the scenario of what that must have been like, and was again annoyed with him, because damn it all, if Neil was undressing me, then I sure as hell wanted to be awake when he did.
He nodded and then gently tugged me down to where I’d been positioned when I’d first opened my eyes. I settled back into my side arrangement and focused on him.
I decided to wait for him to explain. No need for me to start blabbering out a bunch of nonsense if I didn’t have to.
“You fell deeply asleep after you were sick the second time. I carried you in and when I laid you down I could see your dress was spotted with…ah…puke…so I took it off you.” I had to give Neil credit for keeping it cool because he kept his eyes on mine throughout that entire awkward explanation.
But, what he did share embarrassed me so much, I couldn’t move, or speak. My mortification paralyzed me to the point I could only manage one thing. Cry. I did it quietly but the flood was unstoppable once it began. I couldn’t take my eyes off him this time as they spilled over with tears.
“Don’t cry, darlin’, it’s only me.” He brought his thumb forward and brushed at my tears.
I just stared at him and kept crying. I couldn’t look away and I couldn’t stop my tears.
“Are you kidding me?” he said. “I got to see you in your knickers and watch you sleeping in my bed. I should be the one crying…in gratitude.”
“Don’t tease me. Please don’t,” I whimpered, holding up my hand, hating the sound of my voice and totally shocked at my predicament. Surreal. Nearly naked and in bed with Neil after being sick in front of him twice and passing out. I clamped a hand over my mouth. “I must stink to high heaven, and—and I need some water or something.”
He helped me sit up again and handed me a glass from the bedside table along with two Nurofen tablets.
One, I was impressed with his forethought, and two, his total calm with me in the absurd situation. He said nothing while I downed the pills and sipped my water. He merely watched with that intense expression of his. I had absolutely no idea what he thought about all that’d been said and done between us since he showed up at the pub.
The covers slipped down to my waist, exposing me in nothing but a light blue bra, nearly all of me on display for him to see.
Oh, he saw all right. Neil’s eyes roved over my skin and then flicked back up to my eyes and held them. It was impossible to know what he was thinking in that moment of supreme weirdness. I was unable to tell, and at a complete disadvantage with him. Was he repulsed by me? Turned on a little because I was nearly naked in his bed and he was a man? A soldier home on leave, and more than a little horny, in need of a woman? Did he even see me as a woman or just as a responsibility? Who in depths of hell knew? I surely didn’t. Why had he picked me up and brought me to his flat in the first place?
“I can promise that you don’t stink to high heaven, and are the prettiest wino I’ve ever had the pleasure of smelling in my bed.” He sniffed in my direction. “Eau du Cabernet?”
“No bloody fair,” I said pitifully.
“Sorry, that was awful.” He brushed my cheek with his thumb. “I’ll be good now, I promise.” Another sweep of his fingers took the rest of my tears away before he set the glass aside and faced me again.
I dug deep for the courage to ask him what he was doing with me. I had to know or I knew I’d surely go mad. “What was all that tonight, Neil?”
He shook his head slowly. “I’m just in awe that you’re really here.” He reached forward again, this time entwining his fingers with one of my hands, until he gently held them suspended between us. “I can hardly believe it,” he whispered. He stayed quiet for a minute, just holding my hand before he spoke again, his eyes carefully watching. “You never answered my question back at the pub, you know.”
I gasped and shook my head, pulling on my hand to unclasp it from his. “No, that was bloody stupid and I didn’t mean it.”
My efforts at resisting were completely pointless because Neil wasn’t having any of it. He just gripped my hand harder. “Tell me, Elaina. Who do you want that you think you cannot have?” His voice was liquid soft and hard as steel, both the same time. I couldn’t lie to him. Not when he a
sked me like this, face to face. The tension between us so raw, there was nothing to stop the hemorrhaging of my heart as it bled out all over Neil’s bed sheets.
“You,” I whispered, sure that my world was about to collapse in shambles once the truth was out there.
The most remarkable thing happened then. Neil closed his eyes for just a second, as if in relief at my answer, before bringing his forehead to rest against mine. We stayed like that for a bit, just the normal night sounds of London and the touch of our heads and hands, reminding me that this was indeed real and not a dream. My heart pounded deep in my chest, serving as another reminder that I wasn’t dead and had just survived something miraculous.
A second miracle occurred when he nudged his head down and found my lips.
Neil kissed me.
We kissed.
I let him explore me, his soft beautiful mouth merging with mine, learning the feel of my lips as I learned his, gaining the experience of knowing what it was like to share the intimacy. His tongue was even softer, seeking entry in a gentle way but one I couldn’t refuse either. I was aware only of us coming together and trying to ride the immense wave of attraction I felt for this man.
Neil took his time with our first kiss, but he could have taken me anywhere, done anything to me, asked anything of me. I would have been willing.
Nibbling on my lips in the softest way, tangling his tongue in with mine, he made me ache for more, and at the same time, want to weep in thankfulness that he’d finally come for me. This is really happening.
I don’t know how many long moments passed before he stopped kissing me and pulled back. “Let me be the first to tell you that you were wrong.” He stared at me, his thumb brushing back and forth at my cheek, his expression firm and solid.
It was my turn to close my eyes in relief this time. “I was wrong?”
“Dead wrong, Cherry.” He nodded slowly, his eyes searing. “You may have me.”
“What?” The ability to comprehend information had obviously left me.
“You can have me,” he repeated, still holding my hand intertwined, his expression still burning into me with his dark, soulful eyes.
“But why—when did you know this—wait—you came to the pub tonight—you came tonight because…?”
“Because I heard you’d broken off with that fuckin’ arse, Tompkins, and I was home on leave to actually do something about it for once. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for this?” His voice then had a definite edge to it. “For the timing to work out for us?” He sounded frustrated.
“You were waiting.” I was in such disbelief I again repeated his words, trying to accept everything he was telling me. “You’ve been waiting...”
“I have.” He leaned in toward my lips but didn’t touch them. “Waiting and waiting forever. For you. Waiting for you to grow up. Waiting for you to see me as something more than just a friend of Ian’s. Waiting for the right time to tell you how I feel about you.” He whispered so close, I could feel the brush of breath from his beautiful words. “Just a very long time of waiting, Elaina.”
“Oh…” I felt more tears threatening to spill.
“I don’t want to wait anymore.” His eyes melded into me and held on. “Please don’t make me wait for you any longer,” he pleaded. “I can’t do it, Cherry. I just can’t.”
Such beautiful words. And they came from his mouth to my ears, about me…
“So tell me now, please.” I took a deep breath and reached out a trembling hand to his face. I needed to touch him and feel the warmth of his skin. I needed to feel him in order to help my poor brain accept that this was really and truly happening in the moment—not some beautiful fantasy dream I would have to wake up from. It sure felt like a dream though. Neil has been waiting for me…
Here we both were talking about our feelings and wants and desires. Neil had me close enough to touch in his bed at his flat.
Truly unbelievable.
Again, I summoned my courage and asked, “I want to—no—Neil, I need to know exactly what you feel for me,” I whispered. “I have to hear you say it to believe it.”
He took hold of my shaking hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes never wavering from mine, and said the three words I’d dreamed about for forever, but never believed would come.
“I love you,” he said clearly, just before kissing my hand again.
CHAPTER 6
His declaration was soft and gentle in the way he formed his words, but so honest and clear at the same time. I believed he meant it. Neil had just told me he loved me and I believed him.
I felt my heart lose a beat—sure it’d just up and stopped working—when he’d said those three little words to me. Hearts will do that when under emotional duress or when something sad or terrible comes along. I think his declaration qualified as emotional duress. No sad or terrible anywhere in it though. Hearing those words from Neil was nothing short of glorious and perfect.
Neil loved me.
“Neil…I—I’ve loved you since I can remember. There was never a time when I didn’t.” I looked to the side and gathered more courage to say the rest. “But then, there was never a time when I thought you’d ever feel the same about me, either.”
“Look at me, Cherry.” He took my chin and tugged me back to him. “You silly, beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, amazing girl, were once again, so very, very wrong about me and what I was feeling for you all these years. How could I not love you? You’re perfect, remember? Utterly perfect. I just had to wait for the right time to tell you is all.”
I listened to every word he said as he smoothed over my hair.
“Every time I was home, you’d have someone new and it wasn’t fair for me to try to steer you away from them and into my arms.”
I started crying again but this time it was mostly in happiness. “I wish you would’ve.”
“No.” He shook his head once. “No, I had to wait.”
He took my face in his hands and brushed along the tears wetting my cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re so beautiful to me, Cherry, even when you cry.”
And then he kissed me like he had the right to. The way I’d always wished he might. Neil kissed away my tears and wiped out all of the longing I’d known for ages, all in an instant. I melted into his big body and savored his touch. His lips. His words. I had everything I’d ever wanted from him now.
“You were my Cherry Girl when you were little.”
“I was.” I nodded into his hands.
“And you’re my Cherry Girl now.”
“Yes,” I managed another nod and just that one word.
“I love you, Elaina Morrison, and you’ll always be my Cherry Girl. Always. Nothing will change it for me.” He leaned forward and kissed me sweetly, whispering, “Believe me.”
I couldn’t speak. My ability to voice words had completely left me. I was so overwhelmed. All I could do was stare back. And breathe.
Neil tilted his head at me. “You look like maybe you don’t.”
“I do but I—I have to take a shower now,” I blurted. “And use your toothbrush, and get something to wear. I puked with this mouth tonight. Twice. And I’ve got no clothes on.”
He broke into a smile at my announcement, and didn’t even flinch at my puke comment. He must really and truly love me.
“Please say I get to help you with all of that.”
“The teeth brushing, maybe—the shower, no,” I fired back, suddenly feeling shy about the direction this conversation was heading and my state of undress. In the sanctuary of my mind I could be bold about wanting to be with Neil, but it was too soon to just slide between the sheets together and start shagging. I needed to come out of my shock first before we got down to the sex part. What if he wants it tonight? How would he take the news when I told him I needed a little time to get to that point?
Turned out I had nothing to worry about because Neil was the perfect gentleman with me, as always.
“I know that, beautif
ul girl,” he said, with a peck to my nose, “but you’re staying here tonight, yes?” He swept his eyes over me again before landing on my face. The look he gave me was almost a look of pleading. I could see how much he wanted me to stay, just as much as I wanted to pledge myself to him.
“Yes.” I nodded slowly. “I’m staying here tonight.” I planted both hands on top of the sheets, one on each side of my hips, showing him I really meant it. “I want to be here with you.”
“Good. That’s all I need right now. I just want to hold you and know you’re here, safe with me and that this—with you…is real.” He brushed over my hair with his hand again. “I’m afraid I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone. I need to get used to the idea of having you all to myself.”
Yes please!
The burgeoning shyness grew stronger until I had to look away. My eyes landing on the thin sheet barely covering my body didn’t help me to feel extra confident either. I needed to establish some truths first.
“Okay…” God, I sounded like such a trembling idiot. “This…with us…it is real, right?” My insecurity rang out clearly in the tone of my voice. I breathed heavier as my heart pounded, waiting for him to answer.
“Yes, Cherry, it’s real.” He tugged on my chin with his index finger to get me to look up.
I could see the earnestness in his eyes, and in the way he studied me with his dark browns when I finally looked at him.
“Completely real.” He took one of my hands and placed the palm over his heart. “Feel that while I kiss you,” he said, before sliding behind my neck with his other hand and pulling me onto those soft magical lips of his, “and you’ll know it’s very real.”
But this time, Neil was trying to make a point, and his kiss was more demanding as he tangled tongues with me. He plundered my mouth and I allowed him access. And I did feel his heartbeat under my hand.