by Raine Miller
My only consolation was that Neil despised my former boyfriends just as much as I’d loathed him with Cora, and others over the years. I hated that bitch.
The most important aspect in all of this though, was how much we wanted to be together and needed what only the other could give to each of us. Now that we’d had a taste of how it could be, no other would ever do. For me, it was Neil…or nobody. He loved me in spite of my past and I felt the same for him.
We held onto each other our first night together, whispering in the dark, sharing our dreams and unburdening our demons. With Neil’s arms around me, I drifted off to sleep peacefully. I knew that the scent of him was real when I breathed him in.
So much hope was riding on the future back then. I didn’t imagine anything could take him away from me after such a hard-won victory.
Life wouldn’t be so unfair to Elaina Morrison after all I’d already endured.
His love was something I never questioned on my part and I did have it. I can look back now, and say with complete conviction, that I definitely had Neil’s love.
I had it for a short time.
Far, far too short a time.
I had Neil’s love until fate swiped it away and took from me…again…until I was lost once more.
Alone. Once more.
PART TWO
Neil
Drifting on a sea of forgotten teardrops,
on a lifeboat sailing for your love.
Jimi Hendrix, Drifting~
CHAPTER 8
That month with Elaina was the happiest time I could ever remember. I don’t have many memories where I was truly happy. I lived for the day and got along the best I could. It’s always been my way. But the time with her trumped everything else I’d known up to that point.
I’d known longing. Hell, I’d been longing for Elaina since forever so it didn’t feel any different. I just had to wait on her for a time, and then…I got to be the luckiest man in the world when everything came together for us. I finally got my chance to tell her what she meant to me.
I had my girl, and she loved me too. We were together and we had forever to stay that way.
There were many things to learn about each other, despite the comfort of being with a person you’d known for ages, and yet, there were still mysteries. I could spend my life discovering her and never grow tired of the journey. This I knew.
The first person we told about us was Elaina’s mum. Well, finally the two of you have sorted out what the rest of us have known from the very beginning was the first thing out of her mouth, along with a shriek and hugs all around.
It was a wonderful thing having a family that wanted you.
Her brother, Ian, was next on the list to share our news. He was happy for us and showed a similar reaction as Elaina’s mum but with a bit of You shagging my little sister, now, mate? thrown in with a challenge. I assured him as best I could, but…yeah, better if we two didn’t discuss that part.
Well, I wasn’t technically, but that would be changing. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and the shagging would definitely be happening sooner rather than later, at that point.
The problem was, I didn’t have a long time before my leave was up and I went back on another tour. There was a great deal of ground to cover in those few short weeks, and I wanted everything to be perfect when we were together for the first time.
I took Elaina for the weekend to the Somerset coast at Kilve. A fellow officer, I’d met in the SAS, had a sister who ran a bed and breakfast there. He’d mentioned the place to me on more than one occasion. Thankfully, when I gave Hannah Greymont of Hallborough Park a call, I was able to secure a booking. I was as sure of my plans away, as I was of my destiny…
***
“How did you find this place?” she asked in awe as we came up the gravel drive.
“One of my mates, a fellow officer in the SF, told me about it. Blackstone’s his name. His sister owns the house with her husband. Pretty amazing isn’t it?” And it was. The Gothic stone house in front of us was a country mansion that rivaled anything you’d see on the BBC.
“It’s beautiful, Neil,” she said quietly, “a perfect place to bring us.”
She looked so gorgeous next to me, all graceful and fine in her blue dress and long sexy legs curved in the seat of my car. I had picked up on some vibes, though. My girl was feeling a bit shy and I had a pretty good idea why. I’d take care of that little problem just as soon as I got her alone in our suite, though. Very slowly and with great care. Down, lad! I really had to focus on the ultimate goal of this trip and what my purpose was. And it wasn’t just to get her into bed, taking our relationship to the next level, although I’m sure it looked that way. It was bloody difficult to focus when she looked like she did.
“You’re beautiful,” I told her, “and I love you for agreeing to let me sweep you away for the weekend.”
“Just for agreeing to come here with you?” She gave me a look.
Stupid idiot moron dickhead. “No, not just because of that. I love you all the time.” I reached for her and pulled her against me, searching her face for clues. “Second thoughts?”
She shook her head, blue eyes bright and whispered, “Never.” Elaina brought her hand up to my face and held it there. “I’d go anywhere you asked me to. I love you, remember?”
“I won’t forget you told me that.” And I wouldn’t. Those words were precious words to me.
“Good. You’d better not forget.”
I adjusted her against me and kissed her good and slow, until she was pliable in my arms, and I was thinking about beds and getting her naked, and a shit ton more inappropriate ideas for the moment.
“So, I have a plan here,” I confessed against her ear.
“Hmm, thought so,” she purred. “What is this plan you have?”
I pulled back so she could see me. “My plan is to get us settled into our room first.” I tilted my head at her raised brow, sure she was thinking my motives were in the gutter. Well, they mostly were, but she didn’t need to know that, and I hid it well. “And then…how ’bout I take my gorgeous girl to dinner where I can sit across the table from her and drown in her exquisite beauty? What do you say?”
She laughed at me. “Okay, I say yes to that.”
“Are you laughing at me, Miss Morrison?”
“I believe I am, Captain McManus.” She nodded through more giggling, and then pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “You have a touch of poet in you, I fear. Better you don’t let your troops know it.”
“And I thought my little speech was well done,” I protested.
“Aww, you can talk like a poet to me any time you want to, babe.” She blew me a smiling kiss.
I shook my head as we made our way inside to registration. I had Elaina happy and glowing on my arm, yes, but thinking about how I had to leave her in a few short weeks—I had no idea on God’s green earth how I was ever going to manage to do it.
Blackstone’s sister, who told us to call her Hannah, put us in a lovely corner suite done in blue, that overlooked the sea from its windows. The view of coastline and lavender fields was superb, but seriously underappreciated by my filthy mind. Yeah, the only view I cared about was one of Elaina in front of it. Naked. That was the view I wanted to gaze upon. The only one that mattered very much.
As I stared through the glass, I realized I had it bad.
Elaina was rustling around in the bathroom setting out her things while I pondered the anticipation of what was finally going to be a reality after so long a time of wanting her.
But, I wasn’t without some reserve over what we were about to do here in this beautiful stately house along the scenic Somerset coast. Elaina was an adult, but she was also considerably younger than me. Sometimes I felt guilty for wanting her when I probably should have picked a woman closer to my own age, but I’d learned a long time ago, that you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. They chose you.
For me, that person wa
s a beautiful girl with cherry-coloured hair and dark blue eyes, and she alone held the sole key to my heart.
Just those few thoughts about her woke up my cock to the point where some discreet rearranging was required. Well then, we might really need the whole box of condoms I’d packed for us in my bag—
“Oh babe, you should see the view in here,” she called to me from the bathroom, interrupting my shag logistics for the time being. Thank bloody Christ. As I went to her I chastised myself for the trepidation I felt the need to hide, trying to get past the idea of what I’d be doing with her, and to her, as much as I possibly could, in the limited time we had left.
Facts were facts. Elaina wanted me as much as I wanted her. Nobody here was underage, nor an innocent, either. That fact bothered me and then it relieved me, too. I wasn’t the first man to be inside her but then I didn’t have to worry about deflowering a virgin either—something I’d never done, and had no desire to experience. No, I had my girl, and she was all I wanted.
Elaina was an adult woman. We had the blessing of her family who knew she’d stayed at my place overnight a few times already. They had to suspect. So, why was I feeling like a horny teenager about to sneak a shag?
“Are you coming, babe?” she called out to me again.
Oh yeah, darlin’, I will be and so will you.
I stepped into the bathroom to find her plastered against a similar window with basically the same view I’d just been staring at, but Elaina’s was over a giant bathtub I hoped we got to enjoy together at some point.
Stepping up from behind, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on the top of her head. “Beautiful,” I said, inhaling the scent of her that had become my addiction.
“I know, it really is,” she said, bringing her hands up to tuck over where my arms intersected. I loved whenever Elaina touched me. And I soaked up every single touch she offered no matter how small or how fleeting. The unique feel of her hands reaching out to touch me meant something. Knowing she gave to me so freely also meant something, and I would cherish the memories of our time together when we were separated. It would get me through the rough patches. I hoped. I got a flash feeling of panic at the thought of leaving her behind in England once my R & R was up. Don’t think about it.
I turned her around and took her face in my hands. I held her to me, searching her questioning eyes and tracing over her beautiful features, memorizing every small detail of what made Elaina the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
“I wasn’t talking about the view,” I told her, before I took her mouth with mine.
I kissed her for a long time in front of that picture window. I cherished my girl until I was good and satisfied. Until I’d tasted her enough to let her go so I could make good on my promise to stare at her over dinner.
We were definitely a little late.
Elaina’s blush at the server when he came to seat us, and the looks of the other guests, probably guessing the reason behind our tardiness to dinner, caused all kinds of protective urges in me. One look at Elaina, and anyone could see from her flushed complexion and puffy lips from all the kissing, and have pretty good idea about what we’d been up to.
I slid my hand possessively down to the small of her back and led her to her chair, seating her first, the way my gran had taught me. I wanted all those people to know she was mine. If I could’ve managed it without everyone believing I was a complete nutter, I would’ve made an announcement too. This beautiful girl is mine, people, and she loves me.
I figured either way, I came out winning, nutter or no. I still got to stare across the table at her over dinner.
CHAPTER 9
“What do you like best about being a captain in the Special Forces? You don’t talk much about it.”
“We’re not supposed to talk about it, darlin’.”
Her face fell and her lips made an adorable pout that made me want to do things to them that required a locking door.
“Well, what can you tell me? I need to know something about what you do over there in Afghanistan.”
I shrugged over my plate of perfectly cooked venison and gave her the most honest answer I could. “It’s just work that’s been a good opportunity for someone like me, I suppose. Hard work and very dreadful at times. Lonely. Harsh. Dry. Fucked up.” I looked up from my dinner into her caring eyes, and for the first time ever, wished I wasn’t a soldier.
“Sounds wonderful,” she said sarcastically. “How much do I need to worry about you coming back to me safely, Neil?”
I covered her hand with mine. “I’m coming back in ten months and when I do it’ll be for good. That’ll make a six-year haul for me, and it’s plenty, believe me. I want to do something else with my life, and I promise this is my last tour, Elaina.”
“Thank God.” Her voice was relieved but the concern still showed in her face.
“It feels nice to have you worrying about me, though.”
“I’ve always worried about you, I just wasn’t privy to what was going on before. Now, it’s different. Now, I’m bloody terrified that something bad will take you from me, that I’ll lose you—that we’ll never have our…time together.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not accepting that. I’m going over there and I’ll do my job, and when my time’s up, I’m coming home to you. That’s a promise I’m going to keep.” I picked up her hand and held it against my mouth. “I love this hand so much.”
Her eyes grew watery when I said the last part.
“I love the man holding my hand. So much,” she whispered with teary eyes, “and I want him to come back to me in one piece.”
I knew it was time. Time for us to be close and put away all the doubts we’d both carried around for far too long. Time for us to learn what we had to lose by not being together, and making us both see how we couldn’t live without it for another second.
“Look into my eyes when I tell you that I’m coming back. I will. I’ll be gettin’ off a plane and scanning the crowd for my Cherry Girl to come running up to me, where I can pick her up and hold her very close, and know we’ll never have to be separated again.”
She nodded imperceptibly, her eyes still glassy and beautifully blue in the candlelight across from me. “Promise?”
“With everything I’ve got in me.”
I saw her visibly soften in her seat, the tension lessening some, and wished we were alone and not in a room with others. It’s time to take her upstairs and love her completely.
I whispered so only she could hear. “I need to be with you now, and we can make all these worries and fears about all the bad things that frighten us, just disappear,” I spoke with my lips up against her hand and my eyes on hers. “We can make it all go away, for tonight.”
“Yes, please.” A single tear slipped down her smooth cheek as she nodded her agreement at me from across the table.
I got my answer and it was all I needed.
We held hands all the way up to the room, passing by museum-worthy portraits, which were at least eight feet tall, mounted on the stairwell, and artwork of amazing forms and variety. I couldn’t really take in what was around me, though. I only cared about the girl beside me.
Once the stairs were behind us, I swooped her up and carried her the rest of the way. I wanted her weight in my arms. I wanted to carry her to the place where we would be together.
“You’re going to hurt your back by hefting me around.”
“Not a chance of that happening, beautiful girl. You’re a feather. My arms love the feel of carrying you, so I think you’d better get used to it.”
My Cherry blushed for me, looking shy and mouthwatering, just by being her sweet self. “Put your arms around my neck,” I said.
She complied with my request, her small hands sliding up around me to hold on firmly. It felt like heaven. I dropped a kiss on her while holding her up, somehow managing to get the door open and thankful for old fashioned doorknobs that weren’t locked from the outside.
I didn’t want to let go of her mouth as I fumbled with doors and locks to get us situated inside, finally into some privacy. I needed the connection. I felt a growing desperation to complete us, like, if I waited another day it would be too late to claim her as mine, that somehow she would be lost to me.
I reluctantly set her down on her feet, steadying her until she found her legs. She looked up at me with hooded eyes, and kicked off her shoes.
I pushed mine off as well.
She bit down on one side of her lip in a way that made me so hard, I let out a groan. “You’re so damn sexy when you do that.”
She didn’t respond except to start unbuttoning my shirt. Those perfect white teeth of hers biting down on her pink bottom lip, just about had me losing my business before we got started.
“I love sky blue. It’s my favorite colour, you know.” She finished the buttons and pushed my shirt off my shoulders the rest of the way. “It looks good on you, too.”
“I love the way you take my shirts off me, and I’ll be sure to wear this colour for you again.”
“Your turn,” she said, presenting her back to me.
I reached for the zipper on the back of her dress and took it down, sliding the silky straps off her arms. With nothing to hold it up, it dropped down to the floor the second I let go. She turned back around to face me in nothing but her knickers and bra. Sky-blue lace. Matching set.
Gods help me.
My eyes were still admiring, when I felt Elaina’s hands on my belt, and then the tug on the zip of my trousers. I kicked those bastards off so fast, that they flew across the room, the belt crashing into a table leg with a clank. Not much separating us then, just a few bits of cloth, and maybe a little temperance of being careful to do our first night right. The noise of my belt crashing notched up the passion a bit, and sort of gave the green light for everything we were about to do.