Watched from a Distance

by Allison B Hanson

  Dane tensed. Oh, shit.

  Fortunately, she spoke up a little as she continued. “Thank you for watching over our boy and bringing him home.”

  Relief buzzed through him when he realized she was speaking to him as if standing at his grave, rather than because she suspected he was sitting cramped up in their son’s fort.

  And he was, indeed, cramping up. The muscle in his injured leg was twitching painfully. He needed to stretch it out, but to move would give her yet another thing to be afraid of in the woods.

  The ghost of her former husband.

  “I also want to say I’m sorry,” she murmured.

  Dane pushed the pain away so he could listen more carefully.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you said there would be danger. I wish I hadn’t been so selfish…”

  He heard tears in her voice and instinctively wanted to comfort her. But not only was it physically impossible at the moment with his leg locked up the way it was, but it was no longer his place. She had a new husband who loved her more than Dane ever could have.

  He realized now more than ever, they wouldn’t have made it as a couple. If she’d come with him into hiding, she would have resented him for having to give up all the things she’d grown accustomed to. Their marriage hadn’t been strong enough to survive the added resentment.

  Checking the gap again, he saw her walking across the lawn toward the house. He waited until she was inside before moving. When he did, the action caused a groan.

  “Goddamn, fuck me sideways. That hurts.” He moaned in pain as he stretched out his leg and stumbled out of the fort. He managed to make his way through the trees to the car he’d parked on the next street and got in.

  Behind the steering wheel, he caught his breath and pulled out his phone to take it off silent.

  He had a text.

  From Lena.

  Chapter One Hundred Three

  Lena went to the bedroom she was sharing with her daughter to get her phone, only to find Kenzie speaking carefully into the phone, using the voice feature to send a text. It was almost scary the way kids picked up on technology.

  It was even more scary that Kenzie was texting someone. Before Viktor, Lena had always allowed Kenzie to text her grandparents…using the voice commands since she was too young to spell most words. But at the moment, those grandparents were in the next room, so there was no reason to text them.

  “Who are you texting?” Lena asked as she came closer.

  “Dane. I wanted to know if he liked the pictures I sent him.”

  Holy hell.

  Lena hadn’t sent Dane any pictures…even though Kenzie drew him one nearly every day to say thank you. Apparently, Lena wasn’t the only one who felt like they owed him the world.

  The reason she hadn’t sent them wasn’t a very good one, either.

  She’d wanted to wait until she was set up in their new house. Once they were settled, she was planning to invite him to visit. She wanted him to see she wasn’t a mess anymore. That she was capable and successful.

  “Can I have that?” She swiped the phone from Kenzie and nodded toward the door. “Why don’t you go see if Nana wants help putting the groceries away?”

  Thankfully, Kenzie jumped up. “Okay. But tell him I’m going to draw him a picture of a dragon today.”

  Lena gave her daughter a smile. “I’m sure he will love it.”

  Kenzie paused by the door and tilted her head to the side. “Does he like dragons?”

  “Doesn’t everyone?”

  Kenzie seemed to be in agreement, and left the room.

  Lena dropped onto the bed and brought up the text thread on the phone.

  Sure enough, it had started with Kenzie.

  Lena: Is you leg all better?

  Only autocorrect had kept it down to one typo, Lena was sure.

  A long time had passed before Dane answered. Had he not been sure whether he wanted to get involved with her again, or was he stumped by her poor grammar?

  Dane: It’s getting better. Physical therapy is a bitch.

  She frowned but gave him a free pass on the cursing since it was logical to assume he was texting her, not a six-year-old.

  Lena: What is pretzel trophy?

  Lena winced at the screen. What the heck was— Oh. Physical therapy.

  Dane hadn’t answered that one.

  Lena: Did you like the pitcher I made with the ran low.

  This was like playing an impossible game of charades. Pitcher was obviously picture. But ran low?

  Fortunately, the next icon was an emoji of a rainbow. Got it.

  Dane: Is this Kenzie?

  Lena let out a breath of relief that he’d finally understood.

  Lena: Yes.

  Dane: How are you?

  Lena: Good. Mommy and me are living with managed and poppyseed.

  It seemed Nana and Poppy were not in the dictionary.

  Lena: I get to swim. Do you like to swim?

  Dane: I do. I get to swim in pretzel trophy.

  Lena smiled. Smartass.

  Lena: Can you come swim with me? I have a do fun.

  Lena was pretty sure that was supposed to be dolphin, in reference to the large inflatable dolphin Kenz loved to ride on.

  Dane: Where’s your mommy? We’d have to ask her.

  Lena: I get

  That was where Kenzie’s conversation had stopped.

  Lena stared at the phone in her hands, wondering what to do next. What could she type that wouldn’t make him want to swoop in to save the day?

  Lena: This is really Lena. Sorry about that. I hope you’re doing well.

  Dane: Hi. I’m good. Sorry about cursing.

  Lena: Not your fault.

  Dane: I think I was invited to a pool party.

  Lena frowned and tugged at her lip. She couldn’t invite him to visit this week or next. They would be having Brandon’s memorial service tomorrow. Regardless, it would be disrespectful for her to invite her—whatever Dane was—to stay at her in-laws’ home just after burying their son.

  Lena would settle on her new home in two weeks, and she and Kenzie would be moving. They had been fortunate enough to find the perfect house, and the sellers had already relocated. She had too much going on right now.

  Lena: Now’s not a good time.

  She winced because it seemed rather harsh.

  Dane: No problem. Take care of yourself.

  Lena: You too.

  That was it.

  And it made her feel like hell.

  Chapter One Hundred Four

  Two days after getting his hopes up for no reason, Dane hobbled into the task force conference room using the cane Angel had picked out for him. The handle was a pistol grip. She said it was functional and cool.

  He didn’t want to have to rely on a cane, at all, but he was happy just to be walking. Every day he was getting a little stronger.

  Thorne sat at one end of the conference table. Sam was next to him on one side, and Angel was on the other. Their husbands took up the other two chairs, so Dane flopped into the seat at the other end of the table.

  It was good to see them all outside a hospital room.

  He avoided looking at Sam, but when he finally did, he didn’t see the same guilt-ridden expression he expected. Instead, she looked happy.

  Maybe she’d finally forgiven herself for shooting him the first time. Lord knew, he had. He would have done the same thing in her situation. A stranger had been a threat, and she’d taken him down. He could only be glad she went for the leg.

  They spent the next hour going over the brief for their raid on Viktor’s yacht. While the prosecutor had been charged with bribery and various other things, they still needed to formally account for their actions.

  Thorne was confident it wouldn’t be an issue. Once they gave their statements the case would be closed, and everyone could go about their business as usual. Too bad Dane wasn’t quite ready for business as usual.

  He rub
bed his leg and sighed as they continued talking.

  When they were done, Thorne thanked them all for making the trip in to town, and suggested they go out for dinner while they were all there together.

  Dane left the cane in his car before going into the restaurant. It was a little more of a distance to walk than he was used to, so he was hurting by the time he slid into his seat at the table. He was feeling it, but he’d made it without the cane. Progress.

  At the restaurant, they sat in the same arrangement as they had at the conference table. Dane realized it was because he and Thorne were the ones who were alone.

  After the orders were placed, everyone fell into silence. He wondered if they were all thinking what he was thinking—about how much their group had changed over the last few years. Justin was gone, and that left a hole in their family. But they’d also added Samantha and Colton to the team.

  “Did you see Justin’s star on the wall?” Angel asked, verifying his suspicions.

  Everyone nodded including him.

  He’d worried Justin’s star for death while serving wouldn’t be awarded since their mission hadn’t been sanctioned, but Thorne had pushed that he’d given the order as his boss, so Justin’s service wasn’t to be questioned.

  No one said anything else for a long moment.

  Finally, Garrett let out a sigh and shifted in his seat. “We have a bit of good news to share,” he said.

  Samantha’s eyes went wide, and she shook her head slightly.

  He smiled. “I know we said we would wait, but I can’t hold it in.” He turned to the group as he rested his arm around Sam’s shoulders. “We’re having a baby.”

  Thorne—normally distinguished and calm in any situation—shouted with joy and leaned over to hug his daughter.

  “I’m sorry, Dad. We just found out yesterday, and we were going to tell you first,” she told him after a mock glare at Garrett.

  Thorne waved it off. “It’s fine. I don’t mind sharing the moment with my entire family.”

  It was the first time Dane heard his boss admit to thinking of the team in that way. Dane had come to think of Thorne as a father figure—a real father, not a distracted excuse for a father who forgot Christmas and birthdays, and who never realized what a joy Tobey was.

  One by one, everyone congratulated the happy couple.

  “This means I won’t be going on any more missions,” Garrett said. “I know I was semi-retired before, but now I’m officially turning in my badge. I promised Sam I wouldn’t make her worry.”

  “I don’t want my child to grow up without a father.” Sam said, glancing at Thorne. “I had to do that, and even though I got you back eventually, I wish you’d been around when I was younger.” Her lip quivered as she spoke.

  “I understand.” Thorne nodded and patted her hand. “Believe me, I wish I’d been there, too.”

  Colton cleared his throat and looked at Angel. “We were waiting for the right time, but since we seem to be doing this now,” he sighed, “Angel and I are out, too. Officially.”

  “I never really thought about the danger before,” Angel said. “But now that we’re parents we have to consider it. Since Viktor is no longer a threat, Colton will be able to reunite with his brothers and his mother. We just want to be a normal family without looking over our shoulders all the time.”

  Dane hated the jealousy that reared at the sight of the two happy couples. He’d had to give up on his chance of being in a normal family. He knew he’d done the right thing. Caroline and Tobey were happy and safe.

  But sometimes, the price seemed a little too steep.

  Thorne nodded and smiled at Angel. “I completely understand. I expected as much. I might look into getting some new recruits…or maybe I’ll see what retirement has to offer,” he said.

  Dane’s pulse hiked at that last bit. He glanced around the table and cleared his throat. He might be on medical leave for another month or two, but eventually he would be coming back to work.

  Maybe he’d given that father figure thing too much credit.

  “You kind of forgot someone, didn’t you?” He said evenly.

  “Oh.” Thorne studied him as if just realizing he was there. “I— I assumed you would be going to make a life with your young lady.”

  Dane blinked. “Uh, no.” He didn’t have a young lady. “She… No.” Hell, Lena hadn’t even wanted to invite him over for a swim, let alone to be in her life.

  It was better this way. He still wasn’t free to do what he wanted, even if Task Force Phoenix disbanded. Tim Reynolds was not in jail, and Dane was supposed to be dead.

  Everyone shifted their focus to him, as if he was their biggest priority.

  “Why not?” Angel asked with a puzzled expression. “What happened? I told you to call her.”

  Dane shook his head. “I left Caroline and Tobey behind so they wouldn’t have to live in hiding, afraid of bad guys like Viktor Kulakov coming after them because of me. I’m not going to do that to Lena and Kenzie.” He shrugged, just wanting to get this awkward topic over with. “Besides, things didn’t work out between us. She moved on. I don’t have anything to offer her, anyway.”

  There was a moment where everyone looked around the table at one another in a stunned silence. Then their gazes came back to rest on him.

  “Did you tell her you want to be with her?” Sam asked with hiked brows. “It’s important to communicate exactly what it is you want, so the other person knows.”

  Colton caught his gaze and held it. “Don’t be afraid to tell her you want to be with her. Even if she turns you down the first time.”

  Angel placed her hand on Colton’s. “Make sure she understands you’re willing to give up the danger to start a normal life with her.”

  Thorne reached for the sleeping baby in Angel’s arms. “You deserve to have something good, Dane. Just because you can’t have your old life back, doesn’t mean you can’t make a new one that’s even better. You can have the life you were supposed to have.”

  “Did you even try?” Garrett crossed his thick arms over his chest.

  Dane’s mouth had dropped open at all this sage counsel. “Wow. Okay. Good thing you’re all off the team since everyone’s turned into advice columnists. Bad ones, at that.”

  “Thing is, you’re off Task Force Phoenix, too,” Thorne said, patting the baby like a pro.

  Dane’s jaw dropped even further. “What? Why? My leg will be better in a month or two. I’m already getting around easier. I don’t even need the cane.” He pointed out how he didn’t have it with him now.

  “First, let’s address the cane issue.” Angel held up her index finger in her standard lecturing stance. “You’re not getting around without it. You’re too damn stubborn to admit you need it. Which leads me to my second point—the woman you’re in love with. And how, again, you’re too freaking stubborn to admit you need something. Or in this case, someone.”

  Dane ground his teeth. Angel was relentless when there was blood in the water.

  “I’m not too stubborn,” he insisted indignantly. “She’s moved on. She got insurance money and bought a house in Charleston.” He may or may not have used some of the skills he’d learned from Angel to cyberstalk Lena. He’d never tell. “She didn’t include me in any of those decisions or plans. Which means she clearly doesn’t want me involved.”

  He was happy Lena was nicely set up, but he wished they could have made a life together.

  His statement about her not wanting him involved was met with a collective groan, an “Oh, boy,” and muttered “Dipshit,” from Garrett.

  Colton held up his hand in a stop gesture to the group.

  Dane gave a weak smile. It was nice to have at least one person come to his defense.

  “I’ll take care of this.” Colton turned to Dane and patted his forearm as one might do when teaching something to a child who wasn’t getting it. “That’s not what it means when someone strikes out to make their own life.”

&nb
sp; Dane didn’t respond. Because he had no clue what the hell that meant. He knew someone would enlighten him.

  It was Samantha. “It means,” she said in a long-suffering tone, “since you didn’t tell her you want to be with her, she assumed you don’t want to be a part of her life, and she has no choice but to move on without you.”

  Was that what really happened?

  Doubtful.

  Lena was strong and independent. Even when she had needed him, Dane knew she wasn’t comfortable with that. Her husband had let her down badly. Maybe she preferred to take care of things on her own because she thought she had to. For survival.

  “Lena is probably still carrying around a lot of guilt over what happened with Tobey,” Angel said. “Maybe she thinks deep down you’re still mad about that.”

  Which would be a very painful explanation. Dane hoped to hell that wasn’t it.

  “We’ve all been where you are,” Garrett said. “Trust me, I know telling a woman you love her is scarier than walking into a firestorm.” He kissed the top of Sam’s head and whispered something to her that made her smile. “But once you get through it, it’s totally worth it.”

  As always, Thorne was brutal and pragmatic in his concern. “If Lena turns you down, I’ll consider continuing the team just for you. But I have grandchildren to spoil now, so make sure you put some effort into making it work with her.”

  Dane’s head was spinning.

  The team dispersed with hugs and plans to get together again soon.

  Dane nodded and smiled, but felt completely adrift. He’d already been forced out of the family he’d built with his wife and son. Now he was being forced from the family he’d managed to piece together with his team.

  He didn’t know if he was strong enough to go through all that pain again.

  He and Lena had helped each other through something most people never had to face. They’d shared so much, including their hopes and strength.

  But was that enough to build a real relationship? After living through something so extraordinary, how would they handle normal, everyday life?

  One thing was certain, Lena had her safe life back, and it made sense she wouldn’t want to sign up to live with someone in his previous occupation. He didn’t blame her one bit, but was he able to put his heart into having a family again?