CHAPTER FOUR
Leatrisha stirred as Rand lowered himself beside the angelic creature in his bed. He was getting himself in deep, after warning her not to, he thought with self-criticism. Why he had agreed to bring her with him in the first place was beyond him. She should have remained in England, learning to be the lady her father wanted her to become. She should have found a decent husband that would treat her like the lady she was supposed to be. Now he was saddled with her, and already she was proving to be more than he had accounted for.
Her soft breathing, ruffled a strand of hair that fell over her face, and he found himself mesmerized, just watching the strands lift and fall, with each breath, as he looked at her in the dim lantern light. The lantern swayed with the movement of the ship, casting moving shadows over her face, giving life to her sleeping features. Her smile was intoxicating to him, and if he were not careful she would be able to use it to twist him around her little finger. She already knew how to give him subtle jabs with her words. Using his very words against him at her leisure, when she wanted to prove a point.
The warmth of her body, burned against his chilled skin, from walking the deck, and he wasn’t even touching her, he marveled. He wanted to touch her, though, while at the same time preserving her innocence, and protecting her virtue. The two needs were in conflict, and he knew it.
He gently placed one yearning arm over her, and at the feel of the weight against her waist, Leatrisha turned subtly towards him, throwing her arm over his chest. His breath deepened at the feel of her small hand laying against his chest, and his instinct was to pull her closer to him, to feel the softness of her breasts through the material of her gown, against his body.
But he restrained himself. Instead he slowly turned, placing his back to her, but her hand still rested on him, hanging over his waist, barely touching against him, causing his body, to come to attention at the feel of her fingertips, gently resting on him. Her fingers began to move ever so slightly, as though unconscious in their movement. Her heavy breathing indicated she was still sleeping, though. The woman was teasing him in her sleep, he thought, wondering if he should just remove her arm, but if he did, she may wake up and accuse him of something only she could invent.
Instead, he allowed her to touch him, her fingers tracking trails that lit the fires he had been trying to tamp down, while out on the deck, to no avail. Oh the sweet devil imp that she was. He just couldn’t allow her to weaken his resolve, because it would be disastrous to take her on as his wife. She was too young and willful, and he knew it.
Leatrisha slowly became aware of her fingers touching something warm and firm, and silky smooth. The texture felt pleasing beneath her fingers. The lightheaded feeling of the wine seemed to float in her head somewhere, and it made her feel a little giddy, and contented. The warmth of his body, fitting against her like two spoons nestled together, seemed to fit next to her so naturally, that she moved even closer to him, allowing her arm to lower over his side even more.
There was something familiar about what her hand was caressing, and she was trying to recall it, but the fuzz always seemed to interrupt her thoughts, when she tried to focus on anything. The feel was what she decided to focus on, instead. The familiar delightful feel beneath her fingers, seemed to extend through her arm and throughout her body, each time she moved her fingers over the warm hard velvet feel of…of…She couldn’t think. Something she had felt before, she was sure. It must be part of her dream, she decided, and felt there was nothing to do but allow her dream to carry her away, in what ever direction it decided to go.
She heard a low murmur. It was not herself making the noise, so it must be someone else. Who was she with? Who ever it was, they felt warm and safe, and seemed to be moving against her fingers, as she continued to explore the feel and pleasure, it was giving her, just to experience the touch.
“Lettie?” the voice was saying low and quiet.
“Mmmmm” she replied, trying to place the voice.
“What are you doing Lettie?” it asked.
“Am I hurting you?” she slurred.
“Lettie, I think you are intoxicated,” he murmured, turning towards her.
As he did, her hand went completely around him, and he gave a little gasp, and lowered his hand down over hers.
“You shouldn’t be doing this,” he scolded, holding her hand still.
“You said I could touch you, if I let you touch me…” she mumbled. “I let you touch me, so don’t stop me now.”
“You are half asleep, and don’t know what you are doing,” he pointed out. “Wake up, Lettie!”
“Please,” she purred. “I’m too tired,” She lifted her head to him. “Kiss me James. You kissed me before. Remember?”
She must be dreaming, thinking he was her childhood friend, James. “You don’t know what you are asking,” he murmured against the lips she had pressed against his.
“I thought you were going to marry me,” she whispered. “You told me you wanted to take me to Gretna Green.”
“You are confused. I am not your friend James. It is pretend between you and me. Remember?”
“This doesn’t feel like pretending,” she mumbled, trying to move her hand against him under his own hand.
“Lettie! Don’t do that,” he cautioned.
“Don’t you like it?” she asked innocently. “Am I hurting you? Before, you said it felt good and said you didn’t ever want me to stop.”
“Good Lord, Lettie, I only have so much self control!” He disentangled her hand from him. “Damnation, Lettie. You know better than to be doing that!” she heard the voice cry out softly.
“I want to,” she almost whimpered. “I thought you said you wanted to do this with me again. I am here, James, so why are you so upset?”
“I’m not James, Lettie. Wake up! This will never do!”
She was too much under the influence of the wine she had taken earlier, he decided. He gently pushed her aside and rose up from the bed, pulling his trousers on. From now on, he had better, keep them on, he scolded himself. If he wasn’t careful he would end up being married to this little siren. He just prayed to God, she didn’t remember this in the morning when she woke up.
Rand paced back and forth, looking down at the sleeping figure in his bed. He had set in the chair all night, and his back was aching, and his head was pounding and he was trying to figure out what to do with the imp. He couldn’t sleep in a chair every night, and there was no room on the floor for him to sleep. Perhaps he should tie her hands at night, he thought, smiling to himself. They would be in close quarters like this for the next month. Once they got to Ravenswood, he could put her in a room of her own, and only have her in his bed when Monica was in residence. Perhaps then he would tie her hands, he chuckled to himself.
He would just have to have more self restraint, throughout the rest of the voyage, and not let her drink any wine. He was sure it was the wine to blame. He was anxious to discover if she remembered anything, of the night before.
Eventually, she opened her eyes, and smiled up at him. “Didn’t you come to bed last night?” she asked, when she saw him pacing, and realized she was sprawled over the entire bed.
“I had slept during the day, and wasn’t sleepy,” he lied. “You seemed to be sleeping pretty soundly though,” he murmured, eyeing her.
“I was having this unusual dream,” she murmured. “It almost seemed real,” she smiled sheepishly.
“Did it?” he smiled back.
“Oh, maybe I wasn’t dreaming,” she said slowly. He held his breath. “I think I was remembering. Yes, I was remembering when I had touched James,” she smiled, looking him in the eyes. “I just can’t get the memory out of my head, I guess,” she admitted.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he asked attentively.
“I am not seasick yet, if that is what you mean,” she said cheerfully, sitting up. “I think I am getting used to the movement of the ship.”
“Good
.” he replied.
“But you look horrible!” she told him. “Perhaps you should lay down. Are you feeling seasick?”
“No, but I do have a headache. Maybe I will lay down for a bit. Do you mind?”
“No. I will just go out and stroll on the deck and get some fresh air. It is stuffy down here.”
“Do you need help with your clothes?”
“Yes please,” she said, pulling her nightgown over her head, before he realized it. “Do fetch me my shift and pantaloons,”
Rand, let his eyes fall over her white body, taking in it’s beauty in a way he had never looked at a woman before. She was not like any woman he had frequented over the years. There was something pure and innocent about her, and yet, last night she did not act innocent at all, which made her all the more alluring to him, he thought.
“Are you going to stand there and gawk at me?” she asked.
He pulled his eyes away from her, and brought the articles of clothing over to her, placing the shift over her head, and handing her the pantaloons to put on. He knew she was doing this on purpose, and he was determined not to fall for her tricks.
When she was dressed, he opened the door for her, and watched as she left the room, and then fell into the bed, holding his head, and cursing himself for taking the girl on. Once he got some sleep, he would feel better, he told himself. Then he could think more clearly.
Leatrisha walked aimlessly over the deck, thinking of the night before. He didn’t even want her touching him, she thought, sullenly. She hadn’t understood what had come over her during the night, but she knew she wanted to touch him, and the way her head felt, it seemed the right thing to do. Somehow, though, it was all tangled in the memory of James, and what they had been doing. Perhaps it was the wine, she thought, but it wasn’t the wine that always made her feel contented when she was next to Rand.
His rejection of her stung though, and she would never put herself in that position again, she determined. After all, he had told her he never intended to marry her. It was all a game. She was a mere servant, ordered to play the part of his lover when it was convenient to him.
“Where is your husband to be?” she heard a voice beside her, and she looked to find that James had fallen into step with her.
“We made love all night, and he was tired, so he decided to sleep in,” she smiled. She needed to keep James at a distance, she decided.
“But you don’t look so tired for the exercise,” he murmured. “I didn’t know it was acceptable to make love to a man you are not yet married to,” he frowned. “I suppose it becomes you. You seemed to enjoy touching me.”
“Only because I was curious, and for no other reason,” she insisted, glaring at him for bringing it up. “And for your information, Americans do not have the same kind of ethical codes we do. It is perfectly fine for a man to make love to his intended,” she lied. “Since we will get married, what difference would it make?”
“I don’t believe you love him,” he hissed. “You don’t even know him, Lettie. How could you agree to marry someone you just met?”
“It wasn’t hard,” she responded. “Father was going to force me to marry someone I hadn’t even met yet.”
“Why aren’t you wearing a ring?” he asked suddenly, noting that her gloveless hand was bare.
“He hasn’t had the opportunity to get me one, since we had to leave so quickly from London,” she fabricated.
“Break it off with him, Lettie. In America, status means nothing. Anyone can marry whom they please. Break it off with him and marry me, Lettie!”
“You are dreaming, James. He is a plantation owner. He can take care of me in the style I am used to. You have nothing to offer me but your love, and I don’t feel the same way about you, that you do about me,” she said bluntly.
“I don’t believe you. This has all just gone to your head. In the end you will regret it, Lettie. I know you better than anyone else. You will be sorry in the end.”
“You let me be sorry then, James. Because there is nothing you can do to change it. I am committed, and dedicated to Rand, so don’t try to sway my mind.”
“Kiss me, Lettie. Kiss me and then tell me you love him, and not me,” he breathed, as he came closer to her.
“Will you leave it be then?” she asked.
“If you can kiss me and then say you don’t love me, then I will leave it be,” he whispered.
“Very well, James, but after this, you must promise to drop your hopes of me ever changing my mind.”
“Just do it,” he whispered, as he put his arms around her waist, and bent his head towards hers.
Leatrisha, lifted her arms and put them around James’ neck. She thought of all the times they had played together as children, all the happy times they had spent together. He was so familiar, to her, the thought of loving him, never entered her mind. He was too much of a brother figure to her, so there was no way she could have any more than a fondness for him. The one thing she didn’t want to do was hurt him. However, if this was the only way he would come to his senses, she would give him his way, and be done with it.
Her lips softly touched his, reminding her of the kiss he had given her, when her father had caught them together, but then his lips began to move slowly against her lips as his arms tightened about her waist, and just as she started to open her mouth to tell him the kiss was over, his tongue was pushing into that opening, exploring her inner cheeks, and touching her tongue causing her to shiver at the feel. She couldn’t understand what his kiss was doing to her, and why she started to touch his tongue with hers as well.
Something inside of her was melting, and all the memories of the happy times spent with him came crashing in, as the kiss continued. When their lips parted, she merely stared up at him.
“Don’t ever kiss me again, James,” she murmured in a shaking voice. “Even if I did love you, I am promised to another,” she whispered, and pushed herself away from him, heading up the deck, into the wind, trying to calm the indecision that was battling within her.
James had caught her at a weak moment, after Rand had rejected her, told her he would never marry her, refused to allow her to kiss him in the privacy of their bed, and reminded her that she was indentured to him for the next six years or so. On top of that, he had told her she could not marry anyone while she was in his service. So even if she did love James, there was no chance she could marry him for at least six years. How many more mistakes would she make, she wondered.
Rand was the plantation owner who would merely support her for the next six years, pretending to be engaged to her, to ward off unwanted lovers, but that was all he would ever be to her, and the powerless feeling it gave her, bit at her very nature. She had left the demands of her father, only to be at the demands of Rand.
Rand rubbed his eyes. Laying in bed made him even more restless. What he needed was some fresh salt breeze on his face. It was stuffy in the cabin, and too many memories from the night before kept haunting him. His lack of power over the little spit fire was starting to worry him. Worse yet, a fondness that was starting to grow for her worried him even more. But they had to come to some understanding, he realized, or he would be fighting her off, in the same way he had been fighting Monica off.
He took in his breath, and the salt air tasted good, he thought, but then he stood stunned. There, a little ways up the deck, he saw Leatrisha with her arms around James’ neck. They were in a deep embrace, and it wasn’t like he was just stealing a kiss. The kiss lasted far too long for it to be something he had forced her into.
The imp had been lying! She was in love with the lad after all! So why had she been so intent on touching him last night, he wondered. Then he remembered that she kept calling him James. She must have thought he was James, all along, and then when she found him on deck…. The thought pained him for some reason.
What ever the reason, though, it didn’t matter. She was his indentured servant, and she had promised fidelity for as long as she was
under his roof, and indentured by him! The first thing she does is break that agreement. His fury rose within him and he could barely keep it under control!
Leatrisha was brought up short, by a strong grasp on her arm, she looked up shocked, to see Rand looking at her with such anger in his eyes, it frightened her. He didn’t say anything to her though, he just propelled her along the deck and back to their room. When they reached the room, he released her so suddenly that she almost fell.
“What is the matter?” she whimpered, looking up into the snapping blue blaze of his eyes.
“You know very well what is the matter,” he ground between his teeth.
“No I don’t!” she spat.
“Are you so bent on kissing someone?” he rasped. “Touching some one? Are you so curious that the moment you are near any man that is familiar to you, you are always grasping out? You are supposed to be engaged to me!” His voice rose as he put emphasis on the last word. “Not kissing someone on deck for others to see! The boy you touched? The boy you dream of touching in your sleep, while you are touching me? Do you want kissing and touching that bad, that you would go to him, when you promised to remain dedicated to me if I took you to America? You little imp!” he cried, taking her shoulders and shaking her. “I told you if you touched another man, while you were in my service, you would have to answer to me! Do you want kissing? Well here is some kissing,”
He growled low in his throat, and his mouth clamped down over hers grabbing her up to him so suddenly that Leatrisha caught her breath. The pressure of his lips bruised against hers, as his tongue forced her mouth to open, pushing deep, seeking some inner need that he didn’t even know he was looking for.
Leatrisha was shocked. It had happened so suddenly, she wasn’t sure it was even happening. At first she stiffened in his arms in fright, but his kiss changed from abusive to tender, and wanting and something else, she wasn’t sure of, but as it progressed, she found herself returning his kiss, pushing her tongue to meet his, clinging to him helplessly, but the moment she responded to him, he pushed her away.
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