“Go on outside and fish or something, Theodore,” she mumbled. “I’m going to take a bath.”
She had heated the water, and longed for a tub she could immerse in. It reminded her of when she was on the ship and had to wash from a basin. At Least, she could stand in a wash tub, and pour the water over herself, she thought. But it wasn’t much better. In the summer she could bathe in the river, but by summer she probably wouldn’t be here any longer, she reminded herself.
Leatrishia let her clothes fall to the floor, and stepped into the shallow wash tub, slowly trying to pour the water over her hair to wash it, but having a hard time.
“Hell and damnation,” she muttered, and then she felt the pitcher being lifted from her hand.
“I’ll do it,” she heard Gus whisper, and she turned to look at him. She hadn’t even heard him come in.
“How long have you been here?” she asked in a shaking voice.
“Hell, sweetheart, like I told you before, there isn’t any part of you I haven’t seen already. What difference does it make?”
He slowly started to pour the water over her head, and handed her a bar of soap.
Leatrisha made a lather in her hand and raised her hands to her hair, as she started working the lather into her hair.
“Always loved your hair,” Gus whispered, but he was not looking at her hair. He was watching the way the suds slid down over her shoulders, and over her breast, allowing their pinkness to peer through.
“Any time you’re ready to rinse, just let me know,” he continued to mumble.
When Leatrisha nodded, he poured more water over her head, watching her fingers work through the long strands.
“Didn’t Theodore tell you I was taking a bath?” she asked, wondering why he had come inside without knocking?
“Wouldn’t matter if he did,” Gus murmured.
“You don’t think I need any privacy?” she asked.
“I’ll leave if you want,” he offered.
She turned and looked at him.
“Maybe you don’t think women are as much a bother as you pretend,” she smiled.
“Some are, some aren’t,” he smiled back. “Now you’re all woman with your clothes off, but when you put them on again you’re a power to be reckoned with.”
“You’ve seen every part of me,” she said softly, “But I’ve never seen any part of you.”
“You asking to see me?” he whispered, leaning in a little closer to her.
“Seems fair,” she breathed, remembering another time she had said those words.
“You want to wash my hair?” he asked.
“You want me to?” she responded.
“I could step right into that tub next to you, and see how well you do it,” he suggested.
“But I am a married woman,” she reminded him.
“You certainly don’t act like one,” he accused.
“Lately, I don’t know how to act,” she admitted.
“You act loney,” he told her. “Even with me right next door, you seem lonely.”
“It’s getting cold,” she whispered.
“Then I shouldn’t just stand her,” he smiled, as he started to remove his clothes.
A moment later he stepped in beside her, handing her the pitcher of water, and when she started to pour it over his head, he put both of his arms around her waist and held her against him.
“You’re no bother, sweetheart, but I know better than to over step my bounds, and this is coming pretty close to it,” he admitted.
They continued to wash each other, not saying a word. Leatrisha was afraid to talk. She knew this was wrong. She was a married woman, and she was beginning to remember how much she actually loved Rand, whether he loved her or not.
She thought about when she and James first looked at each other, and touched, and she knew she was doing something wrong then too. But she went right along and did it, not listening to her own warnings.
That was what got her into all this mess in the first place. Her inability to know when to stop herself from doing something she knew wasn’t acceptable. She had always just gone head-long into it with out even thinking about the consequences.
Gus was lifting her up in his arms and carrying her to the bed, pulling her beneath the covers with him.
“No more than this,” he whispered. “This alone will make me happy. I know you are lonely and confused. You will have to decide what you want to do, come spring, but right now, I just want the warmth of you, against me,” he murmured, as he held her to him.
She was right, Gus thought. She was a married woman, but she had been abandoned here with him, and he was not a complete pillar of strength, not when he had to see those sad green eyes of her’s everyday, and look at her pouting mouth, he justified himself, and apparently she wanted that warmth as much as he did, judging by the way she was snuggling close to him.
Later, he got up and got dressed, leaving her sleeping in her own bed, to return to his houseboat. He had crossed over the line by doing that, he chastised himself. It had been worth it, though, even though he told himself he could never do it again. Giving into his need to be near her, would only lead to other things, and he reminded himself that she came to him carrying a child that didn’t belong to her husband. She certainly did not need to go through that again, and heaven help him, if he put himself in this position again, he might not be able to stop himself from going beyond the point of no return.
*********************
Leatrisha put her hands over her eyes, as she saw the small sloop turn over to their landing, and someone throwing a rope over the piling. She came out of the houseboat, and walked to the landing, suddenly stopping and taking in her breath.
“Rand!” she cried, as she stood motionless.
“Nat told me where to find you,” Rand said. “He told me you lost the baby, Lettie. I’m sorry about that, maybe if I hadn’t…”
“It’s not your fault!” Leatrished hastened. “I made my own choice.”
“But I forced you to make that choice, Lettie.”
“No….perhaps you made the right choice, Rand. I never would have given up helping the slaves. You know I wouldn’t. You never should have married me.”
“I never should have loved you either, Lettie, but I couldn’t help myself. I still love you Lettie,” he murmured.
“You never told me,” she said quietly. “You always scolded me instead.”
“Well I’m telling you now,” he reached out to her with his eyes.
“Nat told me he thought you loved me, but it’s too late, Rand. With you I have to pretend to be something I’m not. I have to be a plantation owner’s wife with slaves I don’t want to have. That is not what you want.”
“What are you going to do, Lettie? Nat tells me you can’t help the slaves escape any longer. Bring Theodore, and come back home. All the slaves miss you.”
“I miss them too, Rand, but I don’t miss that life. I was like a slave there myself. I need to be free, Rand, and you loving me keeps me captured, just like being indentured to you, kept me captured. I wouldn’t be able to make a move without fearing how it might affect you and your plantation.”
“That is what marriage is all about, Lettie. Give and take.”
“You said yourself you were too old for me. You think of me as a silly child. My father wanted me to be a lady, and you want me to be a dutiful plantation owner’s wife. It’s not my nature, Rand.”
“I was afraid you would say that. But I’m starting to understand you better, now Lettie. I now realize all the mistakes I had made with you. To tell you the truth, my life is empty without you. I miss your impish ways. I’ll give you time to think about it. We are on the brink of war, and it may be unlawful to own slaves in the future, if the North has their way. I’m thinking of releasing my slaves, and then hiring them on as my workers instead.”
He looked pleadingly into her eyes. “You would like that, wouldn’t you, Lettie?” He gave her a weak smile. �
�Nat warned me before I came, but I had to make the effort. I brought Theodore’s papers, in case anyone questions you about him. I also brought the divorce papers for you to sign, if I couldn’t talk you into coming back. I left your belongings with Nat, for him to bring out, in case you refused to return to me. Once you sign the papers, there is no turning back, Lettie. You sure this is what you want? You won’t receive your inheritance until you turn twenty one.”
He handed Leatrisha some papers, and she looked down at them in her hand. She put Theodore’s papers in her pocked as her hand holding the divorce papers shook, uncontrollably, when she glanced down at them again.
“You don’t have to sign them now.” Rand mumbled. “If you do sign them, though, give them to Nat when you see him, and he can bring them to me. Then I will know what you have decided,” he said quietly, and started undoing the rope from the landing.
Leatrishia watched as Rand pulled the rope free. Her heart was torn. He had loved her and made her believe he was merely tolerating her. Maybe if he had told her, she thought. But how could she turn back the pages of time? She stood her ground watching the boat rocking slowly as Rand started back in the direction he came.
Gus came up to her side. “Who was that?” he asked. “I was coming back from setting traps, and saw someone sailing away from the landing.”
“Rand brought Theodore’s slave papers. I can set him free now,” she told him, pulling the papers from her pocket and showing him.
“Is that the only reason he came?” Gus asked.
“No. He brought the divorce papers for me to sign.”
“Did you sign them?”
“No, not yet. He actually told me he loved me, Gus. Can you believe that? He never told me once he loved me and then after sending me away and saying he was divorcing me, he decides to tell me!” She looked up at him as her eyes started to brim with tears.
“Do you love him, sweetheart?” he asked quietly. “It’s not too late to go after him.”
“I’m so confused, Gus. I think I have loved him from the first moment I sat next to him on the train, but I was just too stubborn to admit it, or even tell him how I felt. I didn’t think he really wanted me, the way I wanted him. Hell, he wouldn’t even let me touch him when he didn’t have any clothes on, until we got married!”
“I’m sure he wanted your touch, sweetheart. Maybe the gentleman in him didn’t want to cross the line, until he knew you loved him, the way he must have loved you.”
“What am I going to do?” she whimpered.
“Well, I’d let you stay here with me, but you know how I think women are just a bother,” he smiled. “Maybe you should go back with Rand. Don’t mess your life up anymore than you already have, sweetheart.”
It took every ounce of strength for Gus to say that to her, because he knew deep down inside she wasn’t a bother, but she was someone else’s wife, and apparently she loved her husband, and he loved her.
Leatrisha looked from Gus to the boat that was slowly heading away. She could see that Rand had his head bowed, it seemed in resignation that he may not ever see her again.
“Rand!” Latrisha called.
He didn’t look up.
“Rand!” she screamed, waving the divorce papers in her hand.
She saw him lift his head, and turn back to look at her as he sat at the tiller.
“Come back Rand!”
She threw the papers over her head, letting them land in the river.
“Don’t leave me Rand. I love you too!”
When Rand saw the papers fluttering into the water, his heart look a leap. He couldn’t believe that she had changed her mind. Had she said she loved him? He hadn’t quite heard. He turned the boat around and headed back to the landing, where she was standing.
“What’s goin’ on?” Theodore, asked, as he came up beside Gus and Leatrisha.
“We’re going home, Theodore. Rand wants me back!”
“I knows he loved yous,” Theodore smiled. “I knows it all along!”
“I’m going to miss you, sweetheart, so you make it a point to come and visit me sometime, won’t you?” Gus mumbled.
He had never seen Leatrisha looking as happy as she was looking at that moment.
“You know I will, Gus! You should come to the plantation sometime as well. I think we are going to be life long friends.”
Rand was stepping out of his boat, sweeping Latrisha into his arms.
“Lettie! Lettie!” he cried, crushing her against him, and then consuming her mouth in a passionate kiss. “I thought I had lost you for good! Promise me you will never leave me again,” he begged.
“I promise,” she whispered.
“I’ll send the barge back to get the horses,” he told her. “What do I owe you for looking after my wife?” Rand asked Gus.
“It was a pleasure. I enjoyed her company, and she’s a mighty fine chess player, to boot,” Guss mumbled.
“Keep my pouches of money,” Leatrisha offered. “I won’t be needing them now.”
Gus nodded. “Take good care of that wife of your’s,” he said. “If she runs away again, and comes here, I may not want to let her leave, the next time.”
“Don’t worry. Things are going to be changing around my plantation in the future. Lettie is the best thing that has ever happened to me, even if I didn’t let her know about it at the time.”
“Really?” Leatrisha asked astonished. “After all the grief I gave you?”
“I think that may have been what I liked about the most. You were always full of surprises. I never knew what you would do next, but no matter what you have done, Lettie, or no matter what you may do in the future, I will always love you. Just remember that!”
Then his mouth was covering hers once more, and Leatrisha realized that she was finally learning what love was really all about, and even though she had doubted that Rand loved her in the past, she knew for certain that she would never have to doubt his love in the future.
THE END
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