Tracks

by Karen Woods

  ‘It’s too late, Dan. Your mother and I went our separate ways long ago. I don’t know anything about you. Never did. We have no bond, nothing.’

  Dan couldn’t look at him, the cockiness had left him, his voice was soft, choked.

  ‘I’ve often imagined this moment, when we’d finally meet up and I’d tell you I was your son. I never, ever, thought it would be like this, that you’d just want to wash your hands of me.’ And just like that, the shutters came down again and the hard look returned to his eyes. ‘You’re a dickhead, just like my mam has always told me. Well, Mr Fucking Knight, your world is going to fall apart just like mine has. You better tell your wife before I do.’

  Donny was speechless.

  Tina picked that exact moment to march into the office, though she didn’t seem to clock what was going on; she was too deep in her own problems. Dan walked towards the door.

  ‘Thanks, sir. I’ll see you again soon.’ And he was gone.

  Donny sat down again, staring blankly at his computer screen, shaking his head. His heart was speeding like a runaway train and he felt sick. His world as he knew it would never be the same if Dan let the cat out of the bag. He had to think, he had to stop this lad from messing his life up, but how, how would he do this? Everything he’d worked for felt like a house of cards and this kid threatened to knock it all down.

  It was lunchtime. Tina walked into the dining hall and scanned the place for Amelia. The racket was deafening; you couldn’t hear yourself think in here today. Chelsea was the main culprit, as always, and you could hear her sounding off from the other side of the room. Frankie was sat on his own and Tina gestured to the deep bruise around his eye.

  ‘What’s happened to you, Frankie, where are those bruises from?’

  He dropped his head low. She repeated her question. ‘Frankie, are you alright?’

  ‘Yeah, alright miss – just leave me alone. I’m fine.’

  ‘Well, you don’t look fine. After dinner come and see me, I want to talk to you.’

  He completely ignored her, just carried on eating his food.

  Rita was looking around the room to check she’d fed everyone. She caught Tina’s eye and smirked. The teachers sat dotted about the room and ate their food too – there was no private space for staff to have lunch. That had always been one of Donny’s things, everyone ate together in this school. She spotted Amelia, who looked like she was trying to be invisible. Tina sat at the end of the table, trying to catch her eye.

  Melanie came over and sat down next to Tina with a deep sigh. ‘Is it not the end of today yet? I’ve had a crap day so far and I can’t wait to go home.’

  Tina agreed. ‘Tell me about it. The kids here kick off all day, and now I’m having the same at home. I need a break, I tell you.’

  Amelia could hear the teachers’ conversation and dropped her head low, unconsciously moving her hand to her stomach as she glanced over. Mel noticed, nudged Tina and whispered through her fingers.

  ‘Ears everywhere.’ She used her eyes to signal the kids all around, lowered her voice. ‘But I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you alright?’

  Tina nodded. ‘Maybe we can have a proper chat after work? Do you fancy going for a drink later? A few glasses of wine are just what the doctor ordered. I’m sick of men, kids, bloody everything at the moment’

  Mel bit into her salad sandwich. ‘I need a few bottles never mind a few glasses. How have you stuck this place so long? It feels like two steps forward three steps back all day every day. I know these kids need our help – but it doesn’t always feel like they want it. And as for men, I hear you. My ex still won’t leave me alone…’

  ‘From what you’ve said, he seems a right crank. There must be a way of him stopping him treating you like this.’

  ‘I wish, Tina, he’s a law unto himself. It’s making me ill. I can’t live like this anymore.’

  Tina felt like the walls were closing in on her. The school seemed to have more problems piling up every day. If it wasn’t the students, it was the staff.

  Donny was in a filthy mood too. He stormed into the room and shouted at them all to hurry up. It was a world away from his usual easy-going charm. Firm but fair was his normal style, but something was clearly eating away at him.

  ‘Lessons start in ten minutes. If you’ve not finished your dinner, then it can go in the bin. You’ve had plenty of time to sit down and eat, so don’t come crying to me if you’re still hungry.’ He looked at Frankie. ‘Did you hear me? Don’t just look at me like I’m an idiot, hurry up and finish your food.’

  Frankie dropped his fork onto his plate and looked up. ‘Don’t you start on me again. I’ve finished my grub, save it for Chelsea and that lot over there, they’ve only just started eating.’

  Chelsea heard him and stood up. ‘This is the first thing that I’ve eaten all day so you can take a running jump if you think I’m rushing it down.’

  Donny was in no mood for games today. ‘You can take your food to my office then or you can make up the time missed from your lesson at the end of the day, simple.’

  All eyes were on them both now. ‘Listen, sir, stop taking your shit out on us. If you’re in a mood then sort it out, we don’t need you shouting and bawling all bleeding day. I can get that at home.’

  Tina could see that Donny was about to lose the plot and she jumped up to intervene. ‘Right, less of the backchat, just eat your food and get ready for lessons. Mr Knight, I’ll sort this out, you go and have a break.’

  Donny looked relieved. He needed a ciggie to calm himself down. After the shit had hit the fan with Dan he needed to sort his head out. If Susan got wind that he had a secret son she would pack her bags and leave him for sure. They’d discussed having a family when they first got together and agreed that they would try for kids, but not until they’d got where they wanted at work and were ready for it. Somehow that day had never come. He’d mentioned Bethany briefly years ago when they’d talked about exes and that but he never thought she’d be back in his life – let alone with a kid in tow. When he’d got caught out cheating before, the only thing that had made Susan stay was his word that he had no other skeletons in the closet.

  Donny headed into the kitchen to have a go at Rita. ‘Can you make sure that this lot are only served up until half past twelve. I don’t care what they tell you, don’t give them anything after that because they are taking the piss.’

  Rita stood with her hands on her hips. She didn’t get it. One minute he was making her come in early to do breakfast and saying never let a child go hungry and the next he was saying don’t feed them. He needed to make his bleeding mind up.

  ‘Donny, if a kid comes to me late, I feed them. They could have been late coming out of a lesson or something. I’m not to know, am I? And, if you remember, you’ve told me to make sure every child gets fed as it might be the only meal they eat all day.’ There you go, right back at you.

  Donny couldn’t really argue with that. He felt like he was suffocating, needed some air. ‘Just shout me in future before you feed them late then.’

  He walked out through the car park and off school grounds and stood sucking hard on a cigarette. He had to sort this mess out, but how?

  Donny scrolled through his emails on his phone until he found the one with Dan’s new starter details. He couldn’t put this off. He copied the number into his contacts and hit dial, his hands shaking slightly. The person on the other end picked up and Donny swallowed hard.

  ‘Hello, Bethany, it’s me, Donny. I need to talk to you.’

  There was silence at her end. Donny forced himself to continue.

  ‘Look, Dan barged into my office today and said that I’m his dad. That’s bang out of order. Why are you letting this kid throw these kinds of accusations around? And as for you, if you’re that sure he’s mine, why are you dropping this bombshell on me now after all t
hese years?’

  Bethany had clearly been waiting for this call and had plenty to say. Donny was having none of it.

  ‘You listen to me, Bethany. Do you think you can just walk into my life and destroy everything I’ve worked for? It’s not happening. I’ll destroy the pair of you if you don’t back off. Two choices. Come and meet me tonight after school and we sort it out. Otherwise we can go down another road and, trust me, if we go there, you’ll wish you never started this.’

  Bethany was shouting down the phone now.

  Donny hung up and stood looking up at the sky. What a mess, his life was coming apart at the seams. He needed someone to take away the sickness that he felt in the pit of his stomach. There was only one person who could fix him when he felt like this. He rang his wife.

  ‘Hi babe, no, just wanted to hear your voice. I’ve got a meeting after work tonight and I’ll be late but I just wanted to talk to you now.’

  They chatted for a few minutes but he was choked up by the time he ended the call. He couldn’t play the part of the tough guy like normal, but he didn’t want her to hear he was upset. He needed to feel like he was the good man she thought she’d married. It really was like being trapped in a bad dream. Donny let out a growl and braced himself against the brick wall at his side. He had to man up. No one messed with him and got away with it. He’d sort this out, he’d make this problem go away. One way or another he’d put an end to this.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Clare opened the front door. Kevin was leaning against the wall. She hated this man with a passion. Her husband. Looking at him, stood there, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, she didn’t feel even a flicker of warmth for him. Instead, anger bubbled inside her. How dare he smile at her after all the heartache he’d caused her? Clare studied him. He looked thin, frail. Was this really the man she’d loved with all her heart, the father of her child? He looked older, grey, haggard. Just hearing his voice sent shivers down her spine.

  ‘Are you going to invite me in then or what?’ He was still a cheeky fucker then, still full of himself.

  Clare spoke through clenched teeth. ‘Ged’s in the front room.’

  He brushed past her, not looking back. ‘I know where it is, I don’t need a guided tour.’

  Clare slammed the front door shut and stood with her back against it for a few moments before she followed him, catching a whiff of cheap aftershave. He must have used half a bottle of the stuff. She could taste it in the back of her throat. She took a deep breath before going back into the living room. She wanted to keep a close eye on him. He was a thieving bastard, and leopards never change their spots.

  Kevin had sat next to his son and they were sharing a moment. Ged was in his dad’s arms, she could see he was emotional. Kevin’s words sounded heartfelt but she knew him well enough not to believe him. He must have heard them in a film or read them in a book because they definitely didn’t come from him.

  ‘I’m here now, son. Nothing will ever hurt you again, I promise you. I won’t let it.’

  Clare rolled her eyes, she was immune to his bullshit. They were just words, and action spoke far louder than words in her book. But here he was, playing Father of the Year. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes, mate, she thought. She could see right through his act.

  Clare steadied herself, this had been a long time coming and she knew she had to keep her cool, play nice for her son’s sake.

  ‘Kevin, do you want a drink or anything?’ See, she could be polite and calm when she wanted to.

  Kevin lifted his head away from Ged and nodded. ‘Can I have a coffee, nice and milky, you remember how I like it don’t you?’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ she snapped.

  He chuckled. ‘Two sugars and plenty of milk, babes.’

  Oh my God, was he still calling her that? She hadn’t been his babe for years so he could cut that shit out right now. What a cheeky bastard, thinking he could just waltz back into her life and talk to her like they’d never been apart. Clare moved towards the kitchen as Kevin sat back in the chair still holding his son’s hand – the hand he’d held to help him up when he’d fallen, the hand that held him tightly when he was afraid of the dark as a small boy, and the same hand that he’d shaken when he’d come to see him. Kevin’s eyes were flooded with tears. His emotions were clearly sky-high and he was struggling to hold it together. Prison could do that to a man, Clare supposed, it could break them down and leave them bare. She turned away, glad to leave them to it.

  ‘Son, if you want me to sort this out you have to be straight with me. I’m your old man and I love you more than all the world. But please don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you got jumped. I don’t want any lies, just the truth.’ Kevin sounded like a man on a mission.

  Ged couldn’t look his father in the eye. ‘Dad, turn it in, eh. I don’t want you getting involved with anything. I can handle my own shit. You’ve just got out the nick and you need to keep your head down.’

  Kevin wasn’t interested in that argument. ‘You’re my boy and your troubles are my troubles. You can either tell me the score yourself or I’ll investigate things my way. Trust me, I’ll get to the bottom of it and when I do, heads will roll.’

  Ged could see his dad was getting angry. ‘Dad, just chill, will ya? We can have a talk later but for now, button it before my mam comes back in. That’s all I need is her getting on my back.’ Kevin nodded slowly. Bingo – he’d known all was not what it seemed.

  Clare returned and plonked Kevin’s coffee down on the small wooden table next to him. She’d put extra milk in it to cool it down so he could drink it as soon as possible and get gone out of her life. Every time she looked at him, she wanted to scratch his eyeballs out, tosser. He had led her a dog’s life and she never ever wanted to go back to how he made her feel before he got sent down. The man had fucked with her mental health when he was in her life, she’d been on antidepressants, Valium, the lot. He had messed with her head and it had taken all her strength to get back on the level. Clare sat down on the chair opposite the two of them. All of a sudden, she felt cold, she was shivering. She reached behind her and grabbed her blue cardigan. Kevin stretched his arms above his head and yawned. ‘It’s good to be home, I’ve dreamt of being here with you two for years. I never thought it was going to end. I can tell you now that this sentence has broken my back. Doing time is a young man’s game. I don’t want to be one of those old geezers that have spent more time inside than out. That was the last stretch I’ll be doing, let me tell you.’

  ‘Dad, we’re going to do whatever it takes to help you get back on your feet. I even spoke with my teacher to see if they can help. They know the system – all the help we can get. Who knows, you might be able to start your own gardening business like you said.’

  Clare tutted and rolled her eyes. As if anyone in their right mind would let an ex-con like Kevin work in their home. He was a thieving git – and he wouldn’t think twice about helping himself to anything he could lift. He clocked her expression.

  ‘What are you laughing at? It will happen, I’ve been planning it for a long time. I can get all the stuff I need for cheap. You can laugh all you want but watch this space.’

  Clare just couldn’t help herself. Why should she sit there and have to listen to his lies any longer. ‘Kevin, if I had a pound for every time you said you had a business idea, I would be a rich woman. Let me think. Oh yes, the window cleaning round that lasted two days, and don’t forget the gutter cleaning business and the rest. You’ve got your head up your arse. You’ll never work and hold down a proper job. You tried for years and you always messed up. Too lazy to do a proper day’s work when you’d rather go on the rob. Do yourself a favour and stop chatting shit. I’ve heard enough to last me a bleeding lifetime.’

  Ged hauled himself up to standing. His mother just couldn’t keep her mouth shut, could she, she always wanted drama.
Here was his dad fresh out of jail and she was kicking him when he was down. No support whatsoever.

  ‘He will do it, Mam. Maybe if you had supported him his businesses might have taken off. Stop putting him down, give the man a chance.’

  Clare wasn’t going to listen to any more crap. ‘A chance, are you having a laugh or what? I gave him years of my life and he just shat on me. He promised me the world and I was that young and naive that I believed him. I can’t just sit here and let him do the same to you. He’ll let you down, Ged. He always does. Everything he touches, he messes up. Take it from somebody who knows.’

  Kevin sat there calmly and let her finish talking. This was a first, usually he would have been right back at her.

  Maybe he has changed, Clare thought for a moment.

  ‘Yep, she’s right, Ged, I did let her down. But I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been in jail. You realise when you are behind your door on your own each night who and what matters in your life. I’ve cried tears, I can tell you, so many regrets too. I messed up and I know that now. You two were all that mattered to me and I should have realised that back then.’

  A tear started to roll down his cheek and Clare leant towards him a little to see if it was real. He was putting it on, surely. This man never cried, ever.

  Ged reached over and took his dad’s large hand in his own. ‘Don’t get upset, Dad. We can do this together, I’m here to help you.’

  ‘Thanks, Son, but I can’t depend on you to sort me out. I have to do that myself. Clare…’ He paused and lifted his eyes up to look at her. ‘I know you don’t like me anymore and I can’t say I blame you, but you have never left my thoughts, every minute of every day. All that I’ve thought about is you, us. I still love you.’