by Hart, Cary
Clover screams.
Kramer pecks my hand.
Next thing I know, I’m on the floor lying face up, Kramer is in his cage, and Clover is standing over me, still in her robe, still gaping open, and this time, I can see her panties.
“I see you stuck with your granny panties.” I wink. “It’s not exactly my thing, but your ass,” I reach my fingers up and kiss the tips, “muah! Perfection.”
Clover gasps, taking a step back, stumbling. “Why do you have to be such an asshole when you’re drunk?”
“Wait?” I lean up on my elbows. “You stumbled. Are you drunk?” I turn it around on her to buy myself a little time to gain my composure.
“Uh…we had a couple bottles of Pinot,” Clover finally admits. “And maybe a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc we found in your cabinet.
“Clover, that was a three-thousand-dollar gift from the station.”
“I didn’t know.” She throws her hands over her mouth.
“I’m just kidding. I don’t know where it came from.” I belt out a laugh and finally stand up.
“Asshole.”
“Speaking of which.” I pat the top of my head. “Did your bird shit in my hair?”
“Kramer?”
“Do you have another bird around here?” I scan the room.
“Hardy-har. Kramer’s potty trained.” She walks over to the cage and covers it up. “That was his way of calling you a shithead.” Clover’s lips tilt up in a slow smile. “Kind of funny when you think about it.”
“How in the hell do you potty train a bird? Does he use a litterbox?” I smirk, proud of my statement. Pretty hilarious if I do say so myself.
“Jesus, Austin—he’s not a cat. Kramer goes in his cage. So, if you hear him scream poop, get him in there pronto.”
“How was I supposed to know? He freaking barks like a dog, so why not piss like a cat?” I steady myself against the wall.
“Austin, that’s so absurd.” Clover walks by and slaps me on the shoulder.
“Hey!” I whine, rubbing the area. “I think you’re missing the point. Kramer, who is supposedly potty trained, could have shit on me.”
“Well, maybe—but he didn’t.” Clover shrugs as she slides the cover over the cage.
“What are you doing? Putting him in time-out? Because I happen to think that’s a brilliant idea.” I mentally pat myself on the back. I would make an exceptional bird parent. “I mean, running around all hours of the night, dodging humans, calling them names—he’s old enough to know better.”
“Go to bed, Austin.” Clover comes up behind me, turns me around, and gives me a big push toward my bedroom. “Now.”
“But—” I swing around and run right into Clover. “Ouch! You’re like the night ninja, always lurking in corners.”
“Jeez, Austin, Kramer is not a cat, nor a dog, and I’m not a ninja.” She narrows her eyes and scrunches up her nose.
“Fine. No ninja cats here, but I do need to lock up.” I wave my hand around the room like it’s some kind of magical wand. “Hey, what’s that movie with the fine as hell fairy who grants an online sex operator a night of all her desires?”
“What?” Clover locks the door as I stand here and wrack my brain.
“You know, she says, ‘Bippity—Boppity—Boobs,’ and then her tits grow the size of melons!”
“You’re talking about Cinderella, who is basically a slave to her stepmother, and the fairy godmother grants wishes, not breasts.”
“Not the cartoon. I’m talking the porn—Cyber Ella!”
“What does this have to do with locking up?” Clover walks over to turn off the lights.
“I don’t remember.” I stand there puzzled as a pair of panties hit me in the face, followed by a bra at my feet. “Clo, did I just die?”
“Oh shit!” She rushes around the room, picking things up off the floor. “I’m so sorry. CJ and Mal were going through my things, and, well, they got a little carried away throwing my undergarments over their shoulders as they were searching for something that would be suitable for my dates.”
“Well…this,” I pick the white cotton bikini briefs off my face and take a big whiff, “isn’t lace or leather.”
“Oh my God! Did you just sniff my panties?” Clover stands there, her hands full of bras, a grotesque look on her face.
“I’m a man, and this,” I hold the piece of fabric from my fingertips, “fell from the sky. What was I supposed to do?”
“Not sniff them.” She runs over, snagging them and the others that fell at my feet. “Let’s just go to bed and forget about this. Okay?”
“Pinky promise.” I hold out my little finger.
“Ugh!” She stops toward her room.
I may not remember this tomorrow, but my dick has other plans, which means getting drunk was a waste of a hangover.
Living with Clover Kelley is going to be the death of me. She may be my friend, but she is my friend with a smokin’ hot bod who doesn’t have a clue. My current situation is every man’s fantasy and my nightmare.
CHAPTER 9
CLOVER
I can’t believe how fast this week has flown by. I closed on two houses, managed to survive a shopping trip, get a mani-pedi, and reluctantly waxed the lady bits, which hurt worse than that stupid four-leaf clover hip tattoo I got during spring break my senior year of college.
The good news? Forty-eight hours later, the pain is gone, and…well—the bits—are a bit tingly. However, this girl isn’t going to complain—at least, not anymore.
“Can you believe tonight is the night?” Mal gushes.
“I can.” CJ sits back in her seat, pulls out a bottle of champagne, and pours each of us a glass. “I think after the week we had with this chick,” she hands me a flute and passes another to Mal, “we all deserve to enjoy this ride and have a little bubbly.”
“Here, here.” Mal tips her glass toward ours. “Clover Kelley, you look absolutely stunning. May tonight be the fresh start you were looking for.”
“And the perfect orgasm!” CJ chimes in.
“Now that I will drink to.” I clink their glasses. “Cheers, ladies.”
“Cheers,” they repeat.
Lifting the glass, I let the bubbles tickle my lips and drain every last drop.
“Whoa there.” CJ reaches for the flute and fills it up again. “I’m guessing you need another one of these.”
“I do.” Mal smiles.
“Um, no,” she mumbles. “Lightweight.”
“I can hear you.”
“Here you go, Clo.” CJ passes me the champagne, and this time, I savor the sweetness. “Drink. This will loosen you up a little.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I twist in my seat and watch the people we pass wondering if any of the men are walking to the studio. Are they coming to see me? Do I even want them to?
“It’s nerves. It’s totally normal,” Mal tries to reassure me.
I stare at my two friends who have hopped on this crazy train with me. “I thought this was what I wanted.”
“Clo, you know what you want, you just have to speak it to believe it.” CJ pulls me in for a hug. “I think you have always known, you’ve just ignored it.”
“Really?” I give her a squeeze back.
“Yes, really.” She pats my head. “Now, get off me. That’s enough emotional BS for now.”
Sitting up, I raise an eyebrow. “You liked it.”
“She did,” Mal agrees.
CJ purses her lips while tilting her head to the side trying to decide if we’re right or wrong. “Mmm…maybe.”
“You know what, CJ?” I examine her from head to toe. “You look incredible. Who knew an old vintage Rolling Stones shirt could be dressed up with black leather pants and red heels?”
“Don’t forget the jewelry and red lips.” Mal puts in her two cents.
“Yeah! What’s the occasion?” I fluff up her hair that’s been blown out and straightened for an edgier look. “Do you ha
ve a date after this?”
“I don’t date.” CJ begins to twist her hands.
That’s weird. She doesn’t usually get nervous about anything.
“Plus, there is going to be fifty men filling that studio, and you are only going to pick four. You may call it sloppy seconds, but is it really if you never got sloppy in the first place?” CJ bats her eyelashes over the rim of her champagne-filled glass, satisfied with her answer.
“Speaking of which…” I place my hand over my stomach, “my nerves are getting to me. Big time.”
“Oh boy! Someone having anxious ass leak? Fluttering flatulence? Or maybe the shivery shits?” CJ seems concerned, rubbing my back. “It’s going to be okay.”
I just stare at her.
Mal snorts a laugh.
I twist around in my seat and really look at my friend. As crazy as she seems, her love for us is even crazier. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be by my side tonight. CJ Collins says all the wrong things at the right times. “You’re crazy.”
“Thanks, sweets.” CJ pats me on the leg. “I love you too.”
“We’re here!” Mal scoots closer to the window. “Holy cow! They have a red carpet for you.”
“What?” I peer out the window. “Why would they do that? We didn’t discuss this.”
CJ moves between us. “Look! Paparazzi.” She starts to roll down the window.
“No!” I yell, jerking her hand away. “I need to call Austin.”
“No need.” Mal points to Austin easing his way down the red material with so much swagger.
“I’m sure he’s loving this,” I say to no one in particular.
Austin was made to be in the limelight. He talks the part, and now, he looks it, wearing some kind of black designer button-down shirt with his sleeves rolled up, gray tailored slacks, and black Armani leather dress shoes.
He’s exactly the man you see plastered on buses and billboards. His unruly dark hair is slicked back, emerald eyes shining with flecks of yellow and blues, perfect white teeth and olive skin—these are just some of his natural accessories that make his six-foot-two frame of lean muscle stand out. Austin is oozing confidence.
I just wish I was.
The door opens. “Ladies,” Austin greets us. “Clover.” He offers his hand as the corner of his lips curve up. “You ready to get your whore on?”
I let out a groan. “I’m never going to live this down, am I?” I ask, placing my hand in his.
Helping me out, I make sure to keep my knees in as I stand. That’s all I need is for someone to get a shot of my goods. It’s not like I’m a famous celebrity or anything, but the attention I have been receiving lately sure does feel like it.
Austin whistles out.
“What?” I look around, waiting for someone to come from behind me.
“Clover, you look…” he lowers his mouth to my ear, whispering. His clean, woodsy scent invades my senses, making me weak in the knees. “So—damn—beautiful.”
For a minute, I let myself get wrapped up in everything Dr. Feelgood, but the man standing next to me isn’t him. He’s just Austin Montgomery, my best friend, my go-to guy, my protector—not my date. No matter how good he looks or how yummy he smiles.
A shiver runs down my spine. I shake it off and manage a reply. “Why thank you.”
Austin offers me his arm. “You ready to do this?”
Wrapping my arm through his, I lean in. “Can you believe I went from getting dumped to speed-dating fifty guys for a possible Hotline Hookup? How crazy is this?”
Austin growls. “You know how I feel about this, but I’m not going to ruin your night by trying to talk you out of it on the red carpet entrance.” Austin turns us toward the crowd and lowers his voice. “Smile, hand on hip, leg out, arch back.”
With the biggest smile on my face, teeth clenched, I managed to get out. “This sucks.”
“Turn,” he demands.
I follow his lead.
“Almost done,” Austin whispers into my hair as he rubs circles on my lower back, calming my nerves.
Even though this entrance seems pretty big, the one where we actually walk through the doors is going to be huge and all eyes will be on Clover Kelley.
“Okay, Clo. There’s no turning back once we open those doors,” he warns, as if he’s hoping I kick off my heels and run.
I let go of Austin and take a step forward, unsure of what will happen, but ready for a change.
A new look.
A new attitude.
A new plan.
“Clover?” Austin steps up behind me. “You don’t have to do this…”
That’s my cue.
I place my hands on the glass and push my way through double doors. “I want to.”
CHAPTER 10
AUSTIN
“Austin, my man!” Owen hollers from the station table where the contestants are still signing in.
“This turnout is crazy.” I walk over and clasp his hand while Owen pulls me in for a bro-hug.
“Corporate is going to eat this shit up.” Owen steps back and does a quick live stream for our social media account. “What do you think?” Owen zooms in on Clover. “Four of New York’s finest will get to land a date with this hot chick right here.” He turns the camera on me. “This wouldn’t be possible without this guy, Hotline Hookup’s very own Dr. Feelgood.”
“What’s up, New York.” I give the camera a nod.
“If you want to follow Clover on her mission to get lucky, head on over to our website. The link is in the comments.” Owen ends the live feed and tucks his phone in his back pocket. “Austin, this is going to catapult Hotline Hookup to the top!” Owen pauses, getting one of those lightbulb moment looks. “We should make this a regular segment.”
“Whoa! That is where I’m going to have to step in. This is a one-time thing, and honestly, it should be a no-time thing. Clover may act like she’s ready for this, but she is nowhere close.”
“Her outfit says differently.” Owen scans the audience to where Clover is with CJ and Mal eyeing up the contestants.
I open my mouth to defend my statement, but how can I? Damn if she doesn’t look stunning in her red lace camisole and black leather miniskirt. Clover seems confident and ready to do this—a far cry from the girl trembling on my arm moments ago.
“See?” Owen pats my back. “She’s even left Dr. Feelgood speechless.”
“I-I’m…” I clear my throat and point in her direction. “I’m just going to see if she needs anything.”
“You do that. I’m going to help get the rest of these guys signed in so we can get started.” Owen grabs a seat and hollers for the next one in line.
Pushing my way through the crowd, I eavesdrop on what these douches are saying.
“Have you seen that skirt?”
“I would like to bend that ass over.”
“Those tits.”
“Do you think she likes Star Wars?”
Fuck! This place is filled with horny assholes. I wish I could blame it on the crowd we drew in, but honestly, they’re men. If they aren’t saying it, they’re sure as hell thinking it. Now, this last guy seems harmless. But since he’s here to compete for a date with Clover and has Star Wars on the brain, I’m willing to bet his mind is more on Yoda and Princess Leia than her—not cool.
“Austin!” Clover hollers over the crowd.
“Hey.” I climb a few steps to get to the girls who are watching the guys from the balcony. “Are you ladies ready for this?”
“Hells yeah!” CJ high-fives me. “Let’s do this!”
“I’m just here for moral support.” Mal seems less enthused.
“Well, looks like someone is pumped.” I laugh, wrapping my arm around Clover’s waist and turning us around.
“What’s going on?” Clover bites her bottom lip.
“I just want to make sure this is for sure what you want to do.”
“Actually, I’m kind of excited.” She nods. “Scare
d, but excited.”
“You have no reason to be scared. Owen and I will be working the room, plus we have security ready to step in just in case.”
“No, I’m not scared of them.” Clover glances over the railing at the men sizing each other up. “I’m scared I won’t be enough for them. What if they don’t like me?”
“Clover…” I try to get her attention, but the swarming of dudes below has her distracted. “Clover,” I reach around and cup her cheek, “look at me.”
She does.
“You are more than any of those bastards deserve.”
She smiles.
“Not only are you incredibly smart, kind, and one of the coolest chicks I know, but you are also the hottest chick in this room.”
She smacks my chest and belts out a laugh. “It’s because there are only three of us and one is your sister and the other one freaks you out.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Look at you.” I grab a hold of her hand and give her a quick twirl.
“Austin!” Clover tries to hide her giggle.
“Leather and lace. Your outfit alone is enough for any of these fools to get drunk off of.”
Clover drops my hand and begins to tug on her way too short skirt. “I’m not sure, Austin. This isn’t me.”
“How does it make you feel?”
“Oh no! Don’t you Dr. Feelgood me.” Clover backs away, waving me off.
Throwing my head back, I let a laugh escape. “Come here.” I reach out and pull her back in. “You aren’t going to hide behind your insecurities.”
“Fine.” She crosses her arms, tapping her foot. “I kind of feel sexy. I never thought I could pull off this look.”
I can’t contain my feelings. She may be just a friend, but she’s also my hot friend whose ass just so happens to look fucking perfect in that tight as hell leather skirt.
Biting my lip, I let out a whistle. “I still think you’re a pale pink girl, but this role-playing thing suits you.” I wink.
“That’s a good thing?” She still questions me after I basically confess my attraction to her. Lord, this girl is clueless when it comes to her appearance.