by Hart, Cary
“A very good thing, Clover.” I smile.
“Thank you, Austin.” She stretches on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek.
I reach up to wipe the lipstick off. “For what?”
“Don’t worry. It doesn’t come off.” Clover puckers, then flashes me a cheesy-ass grin. “But seriously, thank you for always supporting me.”
Reaching down, I grab a hold of her hand and give it a little squeeze. “Always. Hey, I have a question.” I bring her hand up and clasp it between my two. “I think you should have a safe word for tonight.”
“What?” Clover’s eyes go wide.
“You know, something simple, like pineapple, porcupine, jalapeno.”
“Austin, I know what a safe word is for.” She narrows her eyes. “But why do I need one?”
“In case two minutes ends up being too long.” I lean over the glass edge and scan the crowd. “I guarantee you one of these guys,” I wave my hand around, “has some kind of toe fetish, picks their nose, or tries to get handsy. If that’s the case, you should say your safe word.”
“And what? Scream pineapple and security will come running?”
“What?” I whip my head around, laughing.
“I’m not shouting a safe word,” Clover demands, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Of course you wouldn’t.” I signal to Owen coming up the stairs. “Explain the safe word,” I holler out.
“Ahhh! The safe word.” He chuckles. “That’s this asshole’s idea, but I have to say, it’s a good one.” Owen hands Clover a folder. “This has the profiles of every single guy in here. They are in numerical order.” Owen hands me the mic pack while he explains the earpiece to Clover. “This is your ears. Austin will give you their names and three fun facts on the interest form they filled out to keep convo going.”
“So, Austin will be able to eavesdrop on all my dates?” Clover eyes me.
I flash her an evil grin.
“Of course not.”
“I won’t?”
“No, Austin, you won’t.” Owen takes the mic pack.
Clover sticks out her tongue.
“This is your voice. If you need anything at all, use your safe word and someone will be there,” Owen assures her. “I think the best place to hook this up is in back.” Owen turns Clover around. “Just lift up your shirt a tad and I’ll place this belt around you.”
“Okay.” Clover lifts her arms and lets Owen install the mic. “So, what should I use as a safe word?”
“Did someone say safe word?” CJ butts in.
“Here we go,” Clover says, looking over her shoulder.
“This just so happens to be my area of expertise.” CJ begins to count them out on her finger. “Sassafras, pumpernickel, Armageddon, and my favorite, Justin Bieber.”
“Justin Bieber?” We all look at each other.
“Um, yeah! Wouldn’t you stop what you were doing if someone screamed out Justin Bieber?” CJ gets a serious look on her face. “However, I don’t suggest that one if you are role-playing. Hashtag just sayin’. Hashtag Bieber Fever. Hashtag TMI.”
“Um, how about a favorite number, color, something you hate…?” Owen rambles on.
“Borrrrrrinnnnnng!” CJ fake yawns. “That’s almost as bad as using a fruit, or hell, even the word safe word. That’s equivalent to using password as your password. It’s not advised.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree on this one.” I throw my thumb in CJ’s direction.
“You,” Clover points to me, “don’t get to agree with her. And you,” Clover lowers her arms and turns around, “I would ask you how you know all this, but it’s almost time to start and I don’t have time to Google it.” Clover holds out her phone. “Speaking of which, can one of you hold my phone?”
“Sure, Clo.” CJ holds out her hand.
“Where are you going to put it?” Clover eyes her friend.
“In my bra!” CJ cups her right tit. “Mine’s in my left. It will be like our phones are twins while hanging with the twins.”
“No thank you.” Clover pulls back. “Boob sweat is not covered under insurance.”
Fuck, CJ has overrun this conversation. I came up here to see if Clover was doing okay and now we’re discussing sex lives and boob sweat. Not my cup of whiskey.
“You guys are fucking nuts,” Owen says, straightening her mic pack and pulling her shirt down into place.
“I think this train has derailed.”
“Agreed, man.” Owen backs me up. “We need to get this show on the road.”
“Okay, Clo.” I clasp her shoulders and look her in the eye. “Last chance.”
“Man, we’ve talked about this,” Owen complains.
Clover looks over my shoulder.
“Back here, Clo.” I angle my head till we are eye to eye again. “You are one hundred percent sure you’re all in?”
“I am.” Clover’s answer is quick and slightly hesitant.
“Okay. Well, if that’s the case, I’ll hold your phone.” I reach between us and grab her cell, sticking it in my back pocket. “And you need to give us your safe word.”
“How about seven?” She purses her lips. “It’s my lucky number.”
“Of course it is,” I mumble.
“Seven it is.” Owen glances down at his watch. “It’s almost go time. Let’s move.”
“So soon?” Clover begins to fidget.
“Finally!” CJ pulls on Mal’s arm. “Let’s get into position.”
“Wait.” Mal breaks free and hands Clover a tube of lipstick or something. “Just in case you need to touch up.”
“Thanks, guys.” Clover hugs Mal and waves at CJ.
“Don’t worry. We’ll be where you can see us.” My sister gives her a squeeze before Owen rushes them off.
“Austin, fill her in on the rules.” Owen scans his phone. “The tweets are coming in from the contestants.” He flips the screen around so I can see. “Hashtag ‘unluckyinlove’ is trending.”
“Wait? I’m trending?” Clover pulls on Owen’s arm so she can get a better look.
“Yeah, you are.” I let out a deep breath. “Which is why we need to go over these rules.”
“Yeah, you do that.” Owen dials a number. “Showtime in five.”
“Austin…” Clovers begins to bounce from foot to foot. “I feel like I’m going to be sick.”
“You’re not.”
I want nothing more than to agree and tell Clover to run in the other direction—tell her this thing she’s trying to find isn’t down there. CJ and Mal have painted this picture of how great single life is, but it’s not. Hell, I’m living proof of that.
Sure, I have my fun, but nothing worthwhile. Those women could care less about Austin Montgomery. They want Dr. Feelgood.
But you can’t tell someone what they think they want isn’t what they need because that will make them want it even more. So, you ride it out. Let them make their mistakes and be there to help them pick up the pieces. Just like I did with her ex. I knew he was a douche, but how do you tell a girl, who is stuck in her own make-believe fairy tale, it’s never going to come true.
You don’t.
“It’s normal to feel this way. There are fifty guys vying for your attention.”
“Oh my God! What am I doing?” Clover begins to panic. Her chest rises and falls as her breathing becomes rapid.
“Clover.” I reach for her hands. “You are doing exactly what Clover Kelly wants to do. You are going to shake this off and go down there and flirt your sexy little ass off.” I shake her arms a little, trying to ease the nerves.
She closes her eyes and smiles. “Wait!” They quickly open. “You think I’m sexy?”
“How many times do I have to tell you? You look fucking hot tonight!”
Too fucking hot!
“You’re right. I look good, and those guys down there are here for me. I’m in control. I make the decisions. I decide who I want to go on the date with.” Clover talks her own self
down.
“Speaking of which.” I notice the time. “I have exactly two minutes to explain this to you and get you in position.”
“Let’s do this. I’m all ears.”
“Okay! You have the folder. Save it for later because I’m going to be in your ear telling you who is next and what their interests are.”
“Got it,” Clover agrees.
“You will see each contestant for two minutes. After you meet with all fifty, you will then choose ten you want to have more one-on-one time with. We will give you five minutes with each guy.”
“It doesn’t seem like much time.” Clover worries her bottom lip. “What if I can’t choose?”
“Trust me, two minutes is enough time for these douches to show their true colors.”
“Austin!” Clover gasps.
“What?” I hold up my arms. “It’s true.”
“What if I need a break?”
“Five minutes every ten people. So, every twenty minutes or so.” I pull out my sheet to make sure I’m right. “Yup, every ten contestants.”
“Okay. That works.”
“Do I have to choose the top four tonight?” Clover opens the folder and flips the pages. “Because that is a lot of pressure.”
“How about you take your cell and keep notes?” I fish it out of my back pocket and hand it over. “Start a list.”
“We are on a schedule. Won’t this throw it off?”
I shrug. “If you think about it, this is your show. Your rules.”
“Huh…I never thought of it that way.” She pulls up her notes on the screen and begins to prep.
“Well, start thinking about it. You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do. Make the demands you want.”
“Austin, I think I’m ready,” Clover speaks up, her voice stronger and more confident than before. “I’m still a little nervous, but knowing you’re in my ear makes this process so much easier.”
“Awww, someone getting a little sentimental?” I tease.
Clover intertwines her arm in mine. “All right then.” We begin to walk. “Let’s get me lucky.”
“Not so fast.” I pull her in closer. “First, let’s just get you a date.”
CHAPTER 11
CLOVER
This is really happening. I’m finally putting myself out there in the dating world…again. It’s been over six years since I’ve cared about what another man thought, let alone fifty of them. Now, I have a hundred eyes on me. I have to say, my nerves are a little shot.
Fifty guys in a little over two hours—with breaks. That is totally doable. And me? Well, I’m hoping they think I’m doable as well. After all, that’s my mission. Find the perfect orgasm, land the forever guy. Right?
I sure do hope so. The guy and the O should be a bundled package. Only makes sense. If one doesn’t work, the other won’t either.
Now, I’m standing in the center of the room with nowhere to hide. Only a cocktail tabletop stands between me and each date. Of course, that’s my fault. They offered me a table with two chairs, but I have this thing with guys shorter than me when I’m in heels. Owen said they combed through all the men under five eleven, but people lie. It’s not like I have something against shorter men, but when I fantasize about my dream guy, he’s tall, dark, and extremely handsome.
Okay, I get it. It’s just like every other girl out there. Same dream, wrong reality. According to CJ, we should blame Disney.
“Testing, one-two-three. Testing.” Austin comes through my earpiece, interrupting my thoughts of possibly suing Disney for falsely advertising that dreams can come true if you kiss a frog.
I place my finger on the earpiece and lower my head to speak into the mic. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Nothing.
“Testing, one-two-three. Testing,” Austin repeats.
“I’m here.”
“Clover, my little blonde friend, unmute the mic. It’s on the remote on the table.”
“Ohhh!” I see the little device sitting on the table. I thought it controlled one of the televisions lining the lobby. Tapping the little red button, I finally answer Austin. “I’m here.”
“What’s your safe word?”
“Seven.”
“Good. Once Owen rings the bell, asshole number—”
“Austin,” I warn.
“Fine. Contestant number one will walk over to the table and your date will begin. Then, as soon as the bell rings again, your date is over and the next one will begin in a matter of seconds,” Austin explains once again. “Just remember you don’t have to pick any of these bastards.”
“I’m sure they aren’t all like you, Austin.” I turn around and search the stage area where Austin is sitting and flip him the bird. He stands and takes a bow, letting me know I won that round. Hopefully, it will be the last one, but with Austin in my ear, I’m assuming this isn’t over. Not by a long shot.
As Owen takes the stage giving the guys their rules, I search for Mal and CJ in the cheering section they created for themselves. With all the clovers and hearts, it looks more like a St. Patty’s Day celebration instead of Hotline Hookups version of the Love Lust Connection.
My friends may be a mess, but they are everything I need right now. CJ with all her crazy is the calm to my storm, and Mal is just Mal. She doesn’t have to say much because her actions speak louder than her words. She’s the sister I never had, and even though she’s younger, she is wiser beyond her years.
Smiling at the two ladies sitting across the room, who refused to let me go through this alone, I hold up my hands and make a heart. Then quickly blow them a kiss letting them both know how thankful I am they’re here.
Mal is about to do the same when CJ leans over, smacks her hand out of the way, and pretends to catch my kiss. She stands like she just won the world series, and shouts, “That’s my ho!”
“Clover. You there?” Austin’s in my ear.
“You see that I am.” I turn back to the stage and hold out my hands. “Duh.”
“Smart-ass. I didn’t know if you had it muted or not because of the echo.” Austin pauses. “Hold on.” He covers his mic while Owen whispers something in his ear. I can’t hear a thing, but Owen looks concerned and is pointing behind the stage.
“Is everything okay?” I ask as soon as Owen jumps off the stage behind them.
“Yeah, we’re just down a dude. Apparently his girlfriend…”
“His girlfriend?” I cut in.
“Or his ex if you ask him, came barging in really upset about this whole thing.”
“Oh my.”
“Yeah—not cool. We decided to eliminate him from this round.” Austin stands to make sure I can really see him and smiles his sexy as sin smile that has girls falling at his feet. Well, all of them but me. I’m immune to his charm. “Clo, you okay?”
I stand there looking at the man who cares more about me than his show. The same man who has been there through everything, from the time Justin Joliff pushed me down on the playground, to holding my hair back on my twenty-first birthday when I refused to listen and mixed all my drinks, to my boyfriend of six-years dumping me, to now—supporting me on my quest to find the perfect orgasm.
I really need to quit saying that or one of these guys will probably take me seriously. Luckily with the interview Austin had me do, it sounded less like me wanting to be a whore and more about a good girl looking for more adventure after six years with a boring fuddy-duddy.
Austin Montgomery might be a player, but if he ever finds the one, she will be one lucky lady. I just wish he would cut the Dr. Feelgood act and be who I know him to be—the man, on the stage, who cares more about me than anything else going on in this room.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I grin. “Does that mean I get an extra break?”
Austin looks to the ceiling and belts out a laugh. “If we add in any more breaks, Owen will probably have a heart attack.”
“Well, we don’t want to do that. So, what do you say?
You wanna get this show on the road?”
“Sure. I’m going to brief you on C-1, which is contestant one. As soon as you give me the thumbs-up, mute the mic, and Owen will send C-1 your way. Sound good?”
“Yep! Let’s do this.” I turn around and swipe my phone to life, bringing up the notes app. If anything stands out, I’m prepared to jot it down.
“C-1: Nick Reed—twenty-nine, fitness trainer, never been married, originally from California, loves to surf, moved to NYC after his online fitness/nutrition app took off on IG.”
Okay, Nick Reed doesn’t sound so bad on paper.
He’s older, so he should know what he wants.
He’s into fitness, which means we don’t have to worry about stamina issues like Jeffery had. That’s a huge plus.
He created a successful business from scratch, which means he knows how to work hard to get what he wants.
Sounds like a great start.
“Tell Owen I’m ready.” I give Austin a thumbs-up and mute the mic.
CHAPTER 12
CLOVER
It’s go time.
Contestant #1
I can’t even speak. The man walking toward me is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. And when I say beautiful, I mean this man is prettier than most women. He’s so perfect, he has to be cut from the same cloth as Adonis.
A trim waist, thick shoulders, tan, bright eyes, and hair so perfect, I begin to wonder if he’s even real.
I blink. Nope. Still there.
I blink again. Nope. Almost to the table.
Blink one last time.
“You must be Clover, Ms. Unlucky in Love.” Adonis is now standing at my table, holding out his hand.
Oh Lord. He has manners.
“And you must be Nick.” I place my hand in his, but instead of giving it a little squeeze or a quick handshake, he brings it up to his beautiful, thick, extremely kissable lips and lets his mouth linger on my skin as he properly greets me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I could get used to this.
I look over Nick’s shoulder to see CJ standing there making an exploding motion with her hands over her lower frontal region—which can only mean one thing: ovary explosion.