UnLucky in Love_Final

by Hart, Cary

  Agreed, my friend.

  “Well, Clover, now that I’m here, I can already tell two minutes isn’t nearly enough time with you.”

  Swoon! I mentally fan myself. This man already has me falling at his feet and we haven’t even gone on a date. His little comment has me agreeing that two minutes definitely won’t be enough. Unless he screws up the next minute, he is for sure making it to the next round.

  “I agree.” I blush.

  Idiot! Way to play hard to get. How about you just lie there and spread your legs on the table.

  “So, Clover,” Nick takes a step back and opens his arms, “I’m all yours. Ask me anything you want.”

  “Well,” I stand there examining Nick as he settles back in at the table, hanging on my every word. “What made you apply?”

  “Clover,” Nick leans in, “I don’t make it a habit of propositioning women I hear on the radio, but there was something about you.”

  “Oh, really?”

  I know this is probably a line, but I wouldn’t mind sending him through to find out. I mean, what if we do work out and we have great sex and we live…

  Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. Time to slow it down.

  “Yeah.” Nick nods. “You put yourself out there in the most vulnerable way possible and that speaks volume about your character.”

  I want to ask him a million questions about said character, but I don’t. We are down to the wire and I have a lot more to find out.

  “Well, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He gives me the sexiest grin. Pearly whites and all.

  “So, if you made it through to the next round, where would you take me on a date?”

  This is the million-dollar question. Please be the right answer.

  “There are so many adventures we could go on, but honestly, I’m going to treat you to a nice dinner and a movie. The classic date.”

  Interesting.

  “Well, you can’t go wrong there.”

  I can’t stop smiling. This man has me crushing on him hard. Like I’m one step away from giggling and agreeing with every word he says.

  “You can’t. The first date is crucial. Why make it awkward by planning something you don’t even know she would like? Stick with dinner—a quiet nice restaurant so you can hear each other talk.”

  “That sounds good, but the movie? That’s a little too quiet, don’t you think?”

  “Not at all. If dinner goes well and you have everything to talk about, then a movie should complement it perfectly. There is nothing better than sitting next to someone for almost two hours,” Nick reaches out and runs his fingertips over mine. “Brushing hands while reaching for the popcorn, snuggling close when she’s a little frightened.” He winks.

  I giggle. Like a silly schoolgirl. So much for keeping her inside.

  “Or laughing together during a funny moment.” He smiles. “You have a nice one.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Laugh.”

  “Oh.”

  “You know what the best part about the movie is?” Nick pulls his hand back and straightens—a sign he knows our time is almost up. “Just sitting next to someone you connect with. No words are needed to fill the silence. You just know being there is enough.”

  “Wow. I’ve never thought of it like that.”

  Jeffery hated to go to the movies because of how crowded they were, and when we were at home, he would spend most of the time on his phone. That should have been a major clue right there. We didn’t know how to communicate.

  “I have a feeling we would be the best silent partners.” Nick’s lips curl into a smile.

  Oh my God! That smile will be my undoing. It’s absolutely scrumptious. It’s all I can do not to jump over this table, into his arms, and yell, “We have a winner!” as I devour those perfect, yummy, lickable lips.

  But I can’t. So I won’t.

  “We will have to wait,” the bell chimes before I can finish, “to find out.”

  “Clover, it’s been a pleasure.” He takes my hand in his again and brushes his thumb over the top, sprinkling goose bumps over my body. “Hopefully this won’t be the end.”

  “Hopefully not,” I agree as Nick Reed turns and walks away.

  If this is what every two minutes is going to be like, then I’m in trouble. Because Nick was on my yes list the moment his lips met mine. Well…my hand—same difference. Either way, he made parts of me tingle that haven’t tingled in—well…forever.

  “I hope that fucker is on the no list.” Austin crashes my Nick high. “He was way too handsy with you.”

  “I thought it was on mute.” I check the remote.

  “I didn’t have to hear. I have twenty-twenty vision. That guy was all over you from the moment he walked up to that table.”

  “If I’m going to do this. I can’t have you going all big bro on me.” I twist around so Austin can see me as I give him a dose of his own medicine. “He’s not doing anything you haven’t done before.”

  “Ouch, Clo.” Austin fakes a stumble while grasping his chest. “That hurt deep.”

  “Oh, shut it and give me the details on contestant two.”

  “Fine.”

  Austin runs down the list, giving me all the details I need to interview the next one. Is that what it is I’m doing—interviewing them? I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.

  Needless to say, the next string of contestants couldn’t even touch Nick Reed and his charming personality, landing them all on the “hell no” list.

  Contestant #2 — Video game champion. Enough said.

  Contestant #6 — Went in to swipe his nose, then ran his finger over his lips. Pretty sure he is a secret booger eating ninja.

  Contestant #8 — Wore Crocs with his khakis. Comfy…not cool.

  “Austin!” I holler, and everyone turns, even Austin.

  “If you’re talking to me, you need to unmute it.” He smirks.

  “I want to wipe that smirk right off your face. Tell me, where in the hell did you find these guys?”

  “We didn’t find them anywhere. They found you.” Austin goes on and on, reminding me of the process.

  “It’s break time.” I stomp off to the bathroom. “I’m telling you, if the next one is like the last seven, we can skip the dating round and I’ll just proclaim Nick the winner.”

  “Come on, Clo. What’s that sayin’ you girls like?”

  “There are no sayings for this fiasco,” I spit back.

  I’m fuming. This whole dating thing is a joke. Background checks my ass. Hotline Hookup is no different than those singing talent shows or whatever they are that have those crappy contestants on for all the world to laugh at. For what? Ratings!

  “Yes, there is.” Austin uses his singsong voice to irritate me—to prove he’s right when he’s finding this just as amusing as everyone else. “Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your Prince Charming.”

  I lift the neck of my shirt up to my mouth and whisper very loudly into the mic, “Fuck Prince Charming.”

  “Whoa! Clover Kelly, breaking out the F-bomb.”

  “Austin,” I warn.

  “Lighten up. You’re just frustrated. I get it.”

  “Do you?” I ask as I walk into the ladies’ room and lock myself into a stall. “I feel like this is all fun and games for you.”

  “You know what? You have two minutes to make it back to that table. Make sure you’re there.” I hear a slam.

  “Austin?” He doesn’t answer. “Austin, are you there?”

  Maybe I took it a little too far. After all, this wasn’t Austin’s idea. Actually, he’s tried to stop it on more than one occasion. I guess it’s true what they say, you take things out on the ones you care about the most, making me less of a goody-two-shoes and more of a dick.

  Wonderful!

  “Just in time.” Austin’s voice is low and back in my ear.

  “I thought you were mad at me.” I look over in his direction
as I walk across the floor.

  “I needed a minute.”

  “Yeah. Just taking a minute to go to the bathroom helped me. I felt like I was suffocating in here.”

  “Speaking of which, next time you go to the bathroom, could you please mute me? I’m pretty sure I heard you poof.”

  Poof?

  I jerk my head in his direction as I reach my table. “I thought I did mute you, and what do you mean poof?”

  Austin chuckles.

  “This isn’t funny.”

  “Sure it is. You don’t’ know what a poof is.”

  “Fine. Tell me what a poof is because I’m certain I didn’t do it.” I tap my toe, annoyed at my friend who is supposed to be prepping me for number eleven, but instead, he chooses to discuss my bathroom breaks. I knew this mic thing was a bad idea.

  “It’s that little pocket of air that releases right before you go to the bathroom. You know, the moment where you think you may have to go number two, but once the pressure is relieved, all is good. That’s a poof.”

  “Goodbye, Austin.” I scrunch up my nose, turn around, and mute the guy.

  “You know you can mute me, but I can still talk to you.”

  Don’t turn around. Don’t cave.

  “Just admit it. You poofed.”

  I flip him off.

  “Okay, fine, I get it. It’s slightly embarrassing, but I’m your best friend, you can tell me. No one else has to know. How about you hold up one hand if you did poof and two hands if you didn’t.” Austin laughs that annoying laugh he does when he thinks he’s funny. It almost sounds identical to seventh grade when his voice began to change.

  I don’t say a word. Instead, I raise two arms in the air and let the birds fly. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. It’s one statement that will never get old.

  “Fine. I’ll leave you alone about it, but next time, mute me.” Austin gets the last word in.

  For now.

  Austin prepped me for date eleven, which wasn’t so bad, and then date twelve, which started off great, but every time I spoke, he narrowed his eyes like he was either annoyed or wanted to kill me.

  Contestant #11 — Definite maybe. Comes from a great family, from the Midwest, and loves baseball.

  Contestant #12 — Has serial killer eyes. Note to self: don’t date unless you want to end up on an episode of Dateline.

  Now, hopefully, number thirteen is a little luckier.

  “C-13: Logan Long. Hmm…sounds like a porn name.”

  “You would know.”

  “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. He’s twenty-eight and originally from Utah. Came here when a modeling agency signed him. He has forty-five tattoos and two piercings.”

  “Ears aren’t so bad,” I chime in. “You see it more and more.”

  “Really, that’s it.” I can hear Austin shuffling through papers. “Oh, wait! He’s allergic to cats and bananas. Time’s up. Good luck.”

  “Thanks. I’ll need it.” This time, I don’t forget to mute it.

  Contestant #13

  “Wow!” Logan grins from ear to ear, his pearly whites sparkling like a toothpaste commercial. I didn’t even know you could get teeth so white. “Look at you.” Logan walks up to me, takes my hand, and twirls me around.

  “Oh!” I laugh out nervously, the twirl a little unexpected.

  “Mmm-mmm-mmm!” He brings his hand up to his chin while he checks me out. “I bet you taste like a juicy peach.”

  “What?” I scrunch up my face, unsure if I should be offended or take that as a compliment and let these next couple minutes turn R-rated.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Logan’s cheeks turn beet red, burning hot with embarrassment. “I grew up a PK—aka preacher’s kid—and after keeping all the forbidden thoughts up here for so long,” he taps his temple, “I can’t help but blurt out what I’m feeling. It feels good to be truthful.”

  “That, I can respect.” I smile, still unsure what to think of the guy. Once I get past his smile, I have a chance to really check out Logan Long. He’s well over six foot, lean muscle, long, dirty blond hair wrapped up in one hell of a sexy man-bun, and colorful tattoos peeking out under his nicely pressed gray dress shirt. It’s as if he came straight from a photo shoot because this guy is runway ready.

  “So, Clover, what can I do to get you to go out on a date with me?” Logan unties his hair and lets it fall down around his shoulders before he secures it back into place.

  This man has better hair than me.

  “Well, how about we get to know each other better and see what happens?”

  “Ask away. I’m all yours,” Logan crosses one arm over the other as he leans forward on the table.

  “Okay, um, so you love tattoos. Tell me about some of them.”

  This gets his attention. I found a subject we can talk about. Win for me.

  “Well, these…” he stands up and rolls up his right sleeve, “most of these are spiritual. Verses or symbols that have been imprinted on my soul. Reminds me of home.” Logan then rolls up his left sleeve. “And this one I just started. I call it my sin sleeve.”

  “So, this one…” I reach out and run my fingers over a couple shot glasses with a poison symbol crossing over it.

  “Ah! Yep. It’s there to remind me of an evening I first had when I landed my modeling contract. Let’s just say it’s the celebration that almost ended my career before it even had a chance to start.”

  “I think we’ve all been there a time or two.”

  “What’s yours?” Logan inquires.

  “Mine?”

  “Yeah, your celebration that went too far.” Logan watches me as he rolls his sleeves back down.

  “Well, on my twenty-first birthday, I got a little too tipsy and when my best friend helped me home, I almost kissed him,” I admit for the first time ever. I was pretty drunk, but the next day, Austin never brought it up, so neither did I. Seemed like the right thing to do.

  “Almost?” he pries.

  “Yeah, almost. Luckily for our friendship, as I was leaning in, my stomach began to heave, and I had no choice but to quickly turn and empty everything I’d consumed that night into the parking lot.”

  “Eck.” Logan makes a sour face, which is kind of cute. “Brutal.”

  “Agree.”

  “So, back to you. Your form said you have two piercings.”

  Hmm?

  He must have let them close up because his ears are free of any holes, there’s nothing in his nose, and his lip and tongue are also metal free.

  “I was wondering if you had the balls to ask me about those.” Logan winks. “Well, I had a barbell in my tongue, but I had to take it out a day after I signed up for this thing for some secret modeling project. The hole is still there, but it already started to close. I couldn’t get it back in.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Don’t worry, though, I still have another one that’s for her pleasure as well.” Logan leans in, and whispers, “It will give you that orgasm you’re looking for.”

  “Excuse me?” I clear my throat.

  Logan lowers his voices. “My cock is pierced. I can guarantee you I will hit the G-spot every damn time.” He clicks his tongue.

  “Oh!”

  I’m not sure if I’m disgusted or turned on. On one hand, he basically admitted he is here to give me the orgasm I claimed I wanted, and on the other, he basically admitted he’s here to give me the orgasm I need. Same difference, I just have to decide if he’s the one I want to give it to me.

  I’m not sure what to say or do, so I pick up my phone and glance down at the timer. Twenty more seconds.

  “Clover, you choose me, and I promise, no more two minutes. I will set you on here and let you ride this bronco.” Logan begins to pelvic thrust with every single word.

  All. Thrust.

  Night. Thrust.

  Long. Thrust.

  “Logan.” I gasp and look around the room. My eyes land on CJ, who is mimicking
everything Logan is doing. I can’t help but burst out laughing.

  “There’s nothing funny about this, sweetheart. Logan Long can love you long time.”

  I want to stay straight-faced. I try. I really do, but with a comment like that, how can I? The laugh is right there, bubbling from deep inside my chest. I try to hold it in, but my muscles ache as they grow tight. The soon-to-be outburst is about to break like a busted water main. There’s no stopping it. It’s like a domino effect.

  Mouth twitching.

  Eyes watering.

  Knee slapping.

  Cries of laughter soon follow along with my phone flying out of my hand.

  “Clover, are you okay?” Logan seems concerned, which makes me laugh even harder.

  “Um.” I try to point to my phone that slid across the floor, but between the out-of-breath pants and hands flailing around, I’m not sure if he catches on.

  “What?” He searches the area.

  “My phone,” I manage to choke out. “There was a picture,” I lie, but can’t stop laughing. “Funny.” I try to get my breathing under control before security decides to come haul me away. “Fell.”

  “Oh!” Logan scans the area. “There it is.” He bends over and grabs it, and I lose it all over again.

  Logan Long is wearing a florescent pink thong, and if that isn’t enough, he has an electric blue dolphin tramp stamp.

  “Time’s up!” Owen announces as he rings the bell.

  Saved by Owen.

  Logan, who I thought would be turned off by my crazy, just holds his hands out wide and hollers as he walks backward. “Pick me. Date me.” He points his fingers down to his pierced peen. “And get this.”

  What can I say to that? Nothing.

  If I would have met Logan Long under any other circumstances, maybe things would have been different, but when you are given two minutes to give your whole life story, sometimes things that would have been no big deal end up being way too overwhelming.

  After the last break, Owen and Austin agreed we needed to fast track this night, so the contestant rundowns and bathroom breaks were the first things to go.

  Contestant #15 — Cute smile guy.

  Contestant #18 — Uses way too much hair product.