You Were Made For Me

by Jenna Guillaume

  Don’t lie. You love this.

  You’re right. I love this.

  Especially because of what’s coming next.

  Ugggh.

  The dinner.

  It was – what’s the word for it? – oh yeah, excruciating.

  When I brought Guy over, dressed in his very best Kmart duds (yes, he somehow made a $9 shirt look good), most of my family were there already. They practically fell over themselves to get a closer look at him. Mum had regaled them all with every humiliating detail of the sketch incident. She was, of course, right at the front of the line to meet Guy. I couldn’t help but notice her eyes widen when she took him in. In fact, everyone in my family was wearing pretty much identical stunned expressions. My dad was the first one to compose himself, smiling and offering his hand to Guy.

  The actual introductions went something like this:

  Dad: ‘How ya going, mate?’

  Mum: ‘It’s nice to finally meet you.’

  Luke: ‘Yeah, with your shirt on.’

  Mara: ‘Luke! Don’t worry, Guy, they’re actually a lovely family.’

  Uncle Pete: ‘Which family is she talking about?’

  Uncle Dylan: ‘Not this one, that’s for sure.’

  Auntie Roxy: ‘Christ, he’s handsome.’

  Auntie Tina: ‘Wow. You really are handsome.’

  Uncle Frank: ‘You’re brave, meeting all of us at once.’

  My cousin Andrea: ‘Don’t pay any attention to them.’

  My cousin Eddie: ‘Run while you still can.’

  Nunna: ‘Woo-hoo-hoo, he’s a bit sexy, Katie.’

  Me: *Yearning to drop down dead*

  Guy, for his part, took it all in his stride. He smiled, he laughed, he charmed the pants off everyone. Figuratively speaking, of course. Although my nunna wasn’t far from throwing her knickers at him, I think.

  The first hiccup we ran into was about ten minutes later. We had made our way into the kitchen, where my dad and his sister Roxy were just about finished with their ravjul prep. Guy offered to help. Because he was perfect.

  ‘That’s fine, mate,’ Dad said, but Roxy chimed in with, ‘You can make the salad.’

  ‘I’d love to make the salad,’ Guy said. He stepped forward and paused. ‘If you could just tell me how to do that?’

  Roxy looked at him, a puzzled expression on her face.

  ‘Haha, Guy – such a joker,’ I said. I opened the fridge and got out the salad ingredients, placing them on the bench. ‘I’ll help you,’ I said to Guy.

  I could feel Roxy watching us carefully as I showed Guy how to use the vegetable peeler and the right way to cut the carrots.

  ‘Don’t do much cooking at home, then, Guy?’

  Dad was watching now, too. I knew this was going to be a mark in the bad books.

  ‘Well, I don’t really, I mean –’ He looked at me, clearly unsure of what to say. The whole lying thing went against his very nature.

  ‘Guy’s staying at Theo’s, actually,’ I said, taking a great deal of interest in the tomato I was chopping, too scared to look anyone in the eye as I made this revelation.

  ‘Theo’s?!’ Mum choked on the word from where she was sitting at the dining table. The room suddenly got quieter. I heard a chair scraping against the tiles and felt Mum’s presence at my side. I kept focused on that tomato. ‘So that’s why you’ve been there all the time lately?’ Her voice was sharp.

  ‘Maybe now’s not the time to get into this, hmm?’ Dad said.

  ‘Why are you staying at Theo’s, Guy?’ Roxy – who had never met an inappropriate question she didn’t like – asked.

  ‘Kate thought her room was a bit cramped,’ Guy said before I could stop him.

  I swear I heard every head in the room snap my way. ‘Joking! He’s joking! Haha, Guy, what have I told you about comments like that?’ I gritted my teeth in a tight smile in his direction. ‘Guy’s at Theo’s because he doesn’t have anywhere else to stay right now, alright, everyone? Have you had enough of digging into his private life?’

  ‘What about your parents?’ Nunna asked, because apparently the answer to my question was an emphatic ‘no’.

  ‘I don’t have any parents,’ Guy said. All casual, as was his way. ‘Unless you count Kate and Libby.’ He smiled at me, but then he noticed I was panicking. ‘Oh! I wasn’t meant to say that.’

  ‘Huh?’ This came from my cousin Andrea.

  ‘What he means is, his parents, they disowned him. Isn’t that right, Guy?’ I looked at him pointedly and he nodded obediently.

  ‘Why would they do such a thing?’ Mum said, a look of horror on her face. Whether it was over the thought of parents disowning their child, or what Guy might have done to deserve being disowned, I couldn’t decide.

  ‘They had a fundamental disagreement over Guy’s education,’ I offered. ‘Do we have to talk about it now? It’s a bit of a sensitive subject, you know.’

  Mum was about to say something, but Uncle Dylan, bless him, stood up, holding a wine bottle. ‘Who needs some wine?’ he asked cheerfully. I shot him a grateful look, and he winked. I knew he was my favourite uncle for a reason.

  ‘Oh, I’d like to try some,’ Guy said. Because, of course, he was actually a giant toddler who wanted to put everything in his mouth.

  Everyone was staring at him again.

  ‘Joking!’ I cried. ‘He’s joking!’

  Guy looked at me uncertainly, his smile faltering.

  This was going to be a long night.

  We managed to make it halfway through dinner without any more major mishaps.

  Just some minor ones.

  Like when Mum brought the subject of school up again, and Guy finally admitted he didn’t go.

  I could practically see my parents’ black book of bad things getting thicker and thicker.

  ‘So you’re working then?’ Frank said.

  ‘Ah, no. I don’t work.’

  My parents exchanged glances. I felt the brownie points Guy had earned when he’d described the ravjul as the best thing he’d ever eaten disintegrating into nothing.

  ‘Guys, come on,’ I said. ‘What is this, an inquisition? Give him a break.’

  ‘Ah, it’s all part of the fun,’ Frank said.

  ‘This isn’t fun,’ Andrea said. I made a mental note to hug her later.

  ‘Oh, you know what’s fun?’ Luke said. ‘Did I tell you guys how we found out Katie had a boyfriend?’

  Mara elbowed him.

  ‘Yes, Luke, we’re all well aware you came home to find Katie with a half-naked Guy, thanks very much,’ Uncle Pete said, and half the table laughed.

  ‘It was for Kate’s mural,’ Guy offered. ‘She’s a great artist.’

  ‘That she is,’ Dylan said.

  ‘So,’ Auntie Roxy said, looking at Guy as she broke apart a piece of garlic bread and stuffed some in her mouth. ‘Are you guys having sex yet?’

  I nearly choked on my lettuce. Guy rubbed my back and said, ‘No. Not yet.’

  I think his ‘not yet’ nearly caused my mum to choke, too. ‘Katie has explained our rules to you, hasn’t she, Guy?’ She looked at me. ‘Think we might be adding some about going to Theo’s, too.’

  I started to protest but was interrupted by Guy reciting the rules back to Mum.

  When he was done, Roxy turned to Mum. ‘Jeez, Fi, they’re teenagers. What do you expect? Wouldn’t you rather them be safe at home instead of parked in some random side street or down a dark alleyway?’

  That just set Mum off. What followed was an argument about where and when I should be having sex. Involving half my family. It was pretty wild, especially when you considered the fact that I had been kissed exactly one (1) time.

  Well, technically twice. Although the first time I kissed him so –

  You’re getting off track. Bring it back to the dinner of doom, please.

  Right. So after what felt like an eternal argument about my sex life, in which I pleaded in vain for a subject change, and G
uy looked from one of my family members to the next with an expression of complete confusion – it was the most rattled I’d ever seen him, actually – my dad finally spoke up. ‘Alright, alright, enough.’ He looked at his sister. ‘Roxy, when you have kids of your own, you can do what you want with them, but for now, please respect our rules. Just like Katie and Guy will. Isn’t that right, kids?’

  ‘Of course,’ Guy and I said in unison. I reached for his hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. He squeezed it back, twice. I felt my insides untwist a (very) little.

  Roxy, meanwhile, downed the rest of her wine in one gulp. I think she was hurt by what Dad had said – the no kids thing was a sore subject – and I began to feel bad for her. But I was still annoyed she’d kicked off the mess in the first place.

  The conversation finally, mercifully, shifted away from Guy when Auntie Tina started telling the story of the weirdest patient she had ever treated in the emergency room (it involved a rectum; I will say no more); basically, it was back to business as usual for my family.

  I got up to make cups of tea for everyone and Guy followed after me to help.

  ‘I’m so sorry about all of this,’ I whispered to him.

  ‘Sorry for what? Your family is wonderful. Loud, a bit overwhelming . . . but wonderful.’ He looked back at the dining table. ‘It must be nice.’

  ‘What must be nice?’ I said, standing on my tiptoes to get some mugs off the top shelf. ‘Complete humiliation?’

  He stood behind me and easily plucked them down. ‘Having a family,’ he said.

  I didn’t know what to say to that. I stood there staring for a moment, while Guy gave me a smile that wasn’t like any of the others I’d seen from him.

  This one seemed . . . a bit sad.

  ‘You two aren’t smooching over here are you?’ Nunna interrupted.

  ‘Nunna! We’re making tea.’

  ‘The water’s boiled. Where’s the tea?’ She reached up – and I mean reached, my nunna is really short – to touch Guy’s bicep, giving it a gentle rub. ‘Of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you were smooching.’ She waggled her eyebrows.

  ‘Nunna, stop objectifying my boyfriend,’ I said.

  ‘Oh, poo. You don’t mind, do you?’ She punctuated her question with another squeeze of Guy’s arm.

  ‘Not at all,’ he said with a grin. He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  She giggled – she actually giggled – and playfully swatted at his face. ‘You make an old woman blush.’

  ‘Nunnaaaaaa.’

  ‘Alright, alright,’ she said, shrugging and picking up a couple of cups to take back to the dinner table. ‘I’ll leave the smooching to you.’

  The rest of the evening was, thankfully, relatively uneventful. Guy and I escaped with my cousins and Luke and Mara outside while the adults kept drinking inside. We played Monopoly. Guy didn’t know how, which admittedly seemed weird, but not so weird that it was a problem. He picked it up pretty quickly, too.

  As he was saying goodbye to me at the front door later, he leaned down to kiss me. I felt Mum’s eyes on me from the lounge room, and I turned my head so his kiss landed on my cheek.

  ‘Goodnight, Guy!’ Mum called. ‘Tell Nick and Theo I’ll be over tomorrow to discuss the rules!’

  ‘It was lovely to meet you,’ he called back, waving. With one last squeeze of my hand, he walked away into the night.

  (And around the fence to next door.)

  Wait – tell me more about that rectum thing . . .

  Fourteen

  Our third kiss took place at the movies.

  It was a Sunday afternoon session. Theo, Alex, Libby, Guy and I went to see the latest Marvel movie. I had originally intended for it to be a double date with Libby and Michael, but Libby insisted Michael couldn’t come, and Alex said he wanted to see the movie, and we somehow ended up going as a group.

  My mum was pleased with the development. She’d made good on her promise and gone around to Theo’s that morning. His dad wasn’t home, but she had stern words with Sophia, Theo’s oldest sister, about the rules and how I wasn’t allowed to be alone with Guy. Sophia smiled and nodded and said, ‘Of course, of course.’ I was glad it was her and not Lena who was getting this lecture, because of the two of them Sophia was actually the more laidback.

  ‘Never thought you’d have restrictions on coming over, hey,’ Theo said, lying on his bed and cuddling Mr Fluffybutt to his chest.

  ‘Sorry about Mum,’ I said. Guy squeezed my shoulder.

  ‘At least she counts my sisters as adult supervision. If she was relying on my dad to be here, you’d literally never be allowed over these days.’ I detected a note of bitterness in his voice, but before I could pursue it he changed the subject. ‘So what’s the plan for today?’

  After much discussion we wound up at the movies. Guy, unsurprisingly, was absolutely delighted by the whole process. Theo borrowed his sister’s car to drive us to the cinema, and as we headed down Alex’s street to pick him up, Guy wound down the window and stuck his head out like an actual golden retriever.

  ‘This is my first time in a car!’ He giggled with delight.

  Every time I started to get used to his presence, he said and did stuff like that which reminded me just how bizarre the whole scenario was. Not that I ever truly got used to him, anyway.

  ‘It’s a shame Michael couldn’t come,’ I said to Libby as we lined up at the candy bar. ‘I haven’t seen him in ages.’

  She nodded but didn’t say anything. After a moment, she said, ‘Wanna hang out later, just the two of us? It’s been a while and –’

  ‘Kate! What is that?’ Guy was pointing at the frozen Coke machines, where two boys were filling giant cups with every flavour they could.

  ‘That,’ I said, smiling up at him, ‘is about to be the best thing you’ve ever tasted.’

  I was so caught up in him I didn’t really notice Libby sighing behind me.

  As for the movie: if you asked me what it was about, I still couldn’t tell you to this day.

  Guy was . . . distracting.

  At first he was just excited to be there. The 3D glasses in particular were a revelation to him. ‘Whoa!’ he cried as he reached out his hand at one particularly explosive moment. He quieted down after a while though. It happened around the time we interlocked hands.

  His thumb started tracing slow circles on my skin and suddenly that was all I could focus on. All I could feel.

  My heartbeat sped up and my breathing slowed down. After a few minutes, I let my own thumb move along the surface of his skin.

  The noise of the movie faded into the background. All I could see, hear, feel was Guy and the connection fizzing between us. I shifted closer to him and soon we were pressed together, side by side. When I turned my head, he was looking down at me, a soft smile playing on his lips. He leaned forward and closed the remaining space between us, bringing our lips together. His tongue flicked across mine and –

  NO TONGUES. NO TONGUES, PLEASE, I BEG.

  Seriously, this was awkward enough to sit through the first time.

  Yes, folks, what Katie has conveniently left out here is that I was sitting right next to her. Theo and Alex were on the other side of Guy. I exchanged looks with Theo around Katie and Guy’s interlocked faces. I think we were both suddenly off our popcorn.

  Yeah, sorry about that.

  No you’re not.

  I mean, I am, kinda? I dunno, at the time, I was just having a lot of fun.

  I enjoyed this kiss a lot more than the last one.

  Maybe it was something about the darkness of the movie theatre. The anonymity of it all. Maybe it was just that it wasn’t the first time anymore, and there wasn’t so much pressure on it.

  Whatever it was, my brain kind of left the party and let my body do its thing.

  You can say that again.

  TL;DR they made out for basically the WHOLE MOVIE. Even right up until the end credits scene!!

  I
don’t know how you still managed to get oxygen into your system.

  Hey. Maybe that explains my brain exiting stage right.

  Our fourth kiss happened in Theo’s room.

  Wait. We’re not going through every kiss, are we?

  Because . . . that will take a while.

  No, not EVERY kiss.

  I mean, seriously. Don’t make me endure it all again.

  Okay, okay, just let me finish this bit, alright?

  As long as there’s no mention of tongue.

  ‘So, you and Guy seem to be, er, getting on?’ Theo said to me. He bit into the piece of thread he was using to sew a button onto a shirt, snapping it off.

  ‘Use scissors for that!’ I admonished him. ‘It’s bad for your teeth.’

  He playfully bit the air in my direction in response.

  ‘And yeah,’ I went on, glancing at the bathroom door. Guy was on the other side of it, doing, you know, human things. ‘Things are going well. I mean, Mum is a bit of a nightmare with all her rules and third-degree questioning every time I get home, but other than that . . . things are pretty good.’

  Theo cleared his throat. ‘About that,’ he said. He held up the shirt, examining his handiwork closely. ‘I know you probably, uh, want alone time? So I can, like . . . make myself scarce. If you want.’ He glanced at me and quickly looked away.

  This was so awkward.

  ‘Oh! Um, thanks? But this is your room, I’d feel bad –’

  Our conversation was cut off by Guy emerging from the bathroom.

  He sat down on the beanbag next to me and reached for my hand.

  Theo stood up. ‘Um, I’m going to go . . . see if Sophia needs help with dinner.’

  I was going to tell him he didn’t have to leave. But the truth was I did want some alone time with Guy.

  Theo paused before he went through the door. ‘Oh! Before I forget.’ He bent down and took something out of his backpack. ‘Here. Found this at the Salvos.’ He handed me a book. It was a memoir about writing from one of my favourite authors.

  I gasped. ‘Oh my god, thank you! I’ve wanted this for ages!’

  Theo nodded and turned away again. ‘Um. I’ll be back,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘But not for, like, half an hour. At least. Okay? Okay.’ With that he made a beeline out of the room.