Jordan pulled a face. ‘Couldn’t he have picked a better song, though?’
‘Don’t be so judgey,’ Nat said.
‘It was pretty cheesy,’ Libby said. ‘But we all know how much Katie loves cheese.’ She took a bite out of her banana, then held it towards me like a microphone. ‘So tell me, Katherine Camilleri, how does it feel to have all your dreams come true?’
I swatted the banana away. ‘I wouldn’t say all my dreams have come true.’
Libby rolled her eyes.
As I headed into Maths – my first class that day with Mikayla – I felt nervous, but also a little excited. I wanted to see that bitter expression on her face again. The one that said she knew she was wrong.
But when I saw her, she was wearing her usual smug bitch face.
Well, at least she can’t say anything about me today, I thought.
As usual, I thought wrong.
I was unpacking my backpack when I heard her say, ‘I don’t know, I don’t get it either. Maybe she gives really good head. It’s the only explanation.’
I stiffened.
‘I mean, why else would he be with her?’ She said that loudly. Pointedly.
I ignored her. Or at least, I pretended I was ignoring her. I stared straight ahead, never once looking behind me. I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter as the period wore on. Mikayla was quieter but I could hear her and her friends whispering and giggling every now and then. I felt sick.
How was everything somehow even worse now?
When the bell rang, I shoved my things in my bag and got out of there as fast as I could. Mikayla Fitzsimmons’s laughter echoed in my ears as I exited the room.
As I headed to Geography, I thought about what might happen next with Declan Bell Jones. I was expecting a message. Or another Google doc. A teasing comment. A cute meme. A personal question. Anything.
But I got nothing. He didn’t even look my way when I entered the room, instead staring at his textbook.
It was the most engrossed in it I’d seen him all year.
I’m not sure I’m ready to write what comes next.
Don’t worry. I’m here for you.
That’s a bit of a spoiler, isn’t it?
It’s alright. It’s good to reassure people of a happy ending. We need that in this chaotic world, right?
Yeah. But first we’ve gotta get through all the crap first before we can reach it.
Libby came over to my place that afternoon. I was in desperate need of some best friend time, I told her.
It was just what I needed.
Until it wasn’t.
I was unloading on her about the events of the day – how everyone was looking at me, talking about me, judging me. How nobody thought I was good enough for Guy. How I wasn’t good enough. How Mikayla Fitzsimmons was being a bigger bitch than ever. How Declan Bell Jones had been ignoring me.
She’d been listening for the most part, tossing my old stuffed Jemima Puddle-Duck up and down in the air as she lay on the bed next to me. Every now and then she’d make sympathetic noises, but then she sat up suddenly. ‘This is too much,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘I swear, it’s like you want there to be drama in your life. Like you can’t just let yourself be happy. I mean, think about it – you pined for the perfect guy. And bang! The perfect guy shows up. In your bed. You want him to be all romantic and stuff. And voila! You got your perfect first kiss. He does this big grand gesture in front of the whole school. He’s taking you to the formal. Meanwhile, you’re all flirty with another guy. And you somehow twist all this into the idea that you’re not – what? Pretty? Funny? Smart? Because you are all of those things, Katie. You are good enough. Your problem is you secretly don’t think anyone or anything is good enough for you.’
I sat up too, feeling hurt by the sudden outburst. Her words had struck home, echoing what Theo had already said to me – and what I’d been ruminating over myself.
I wasn’t ready to admit any of that out loud, though. All I could say was, ‘Excuse me?’
Libby got off the bed. ‘You know what? I think I need a break.’
‘A break? From what?’ When she didn’t answer, I added, ‘From me?’
She hesitated a moment. Then she said one word that cracked a small piece of my heart. ‘Yeah.’
‘What? I don’t – what’s your problem?’
She just shook her head and turned to walk away.
‘Fine! Be a weirdo then,’ I said.
She froze in the doorway. I seized the opportunity to lash out and vent some of the hurt I was feeling.
‘This is about Guy, isn’t it?’ I stood up. ‘Ever since he showed up, you’ve had something up your butt. You’re jealous, aren’t you?’
She turned to face me, her face redder than I’d ever seen it before.
‘That’s it, isn’t it? You’re jealous,’ I continued. ‘He likes me, and not you. We made him for me, and not you. Even though you’ve got a boyfriend. Not that you seem to really care about him. I mean, you never want to see him or talk about him. Why are you even with him?’
‘Unbelievable,’ she said. ‘You really just . . . have no idea, do you?’
‘Well? Why are you acting like this? I mean, just when I need you most, you’re totally abandoning me.’
‘I’m abandoning you?! Wow. Wow.’ She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, anger radiating off her. ‘You’re the one who’s basically ditched me for a guy!’
‘That’s not true,’ I said quietly.
She scoffed. ‘It is! You know what, Kate? You’re the one with something up your butt. It’s your giant head. It’s so far up there, you can’t see anyone else.’
She stepped closer.
‘You think I’m being a lousy friend? Ha. Alright. Tell me this. What kind of friend doesn’t even notice that their so-called best friend has had her heart broken?’
I recoiled, trying to process what she had said. ‘Wh– what do you mean?’
‘You want to know why I’ve been acting weird? It’s because I’m completely and utterly devastated.’
‘Is this because of Gu–’
‘It’s not because of Guy!’ Her arms were stiff at her sides and her hands were balled into fists. I stared at her. Max got up from where he’d been curled on my pillow and plodded over to lick her hand. After a moment, Libby let out a deep breath. ‘It’s because of Michael.’
‘Michael?’ Now I was really confused.
‘We broke up.’
‘What?!’
‘Yeah.’
‘When? How?!’
‘It was the weekend Guy showed up. Remember when I came to your house? You guys were making cupcakes.’
‘What?! But – why didn’t you tell me?’
She looked away, over my shoulder. ‘You were so caught up in Guy. It’s like you didn’t have any brain space for me at all. You didn’t even notice something was wrong.’
I thought back to that day. Libby had been acting strangely. But I never thought it was something this serious.
‘You’re the one who never wants to talk about Michael, or any of this stuff,’ I said. ‘How was I supposed to know?’
‘You could have asked.’
I made a noise of disbelief.
‘You’ve just . . .’ Libby added. ‘You’ve been a really shitty friend lately. Really shitty.’
‘I’m sorry, but you don’t get to be angry at me for not being a mind-reader.’
‘And you don’t get to tell me how I can and can’t feel.’
‘Fine then, be angry!’ I flailed my arms.
‘Fine, I will!’
‘Good!’
‘Good!
We stared at each other a moment.
‘Goodbye!’ she finally said.
She walked out the door and I slammed it after her.
Whew. I need a bit of a break after that.
Me too.
Gonna go bake some cookies.
&n
bsp; Oh good. I’ll come eat them.
Nineteen
‘Okay, but we’re going,’ Alex said, flopping himself over Theo, who was lying on his bed scrolling through his phone. It was Saturday, and Alex and I had come straight to Theo’s after work. Theo and Guy had got there before us, and as soon as we arrived Guy began recounting everything that had happened to him that day, including the fact that he’d found five whole dollars in a trolley. He’d handed it in to the store manager, despite Theo protesting that the guy would just pocket it himself.
Now I was flicking through my social media, sitting on one of Theo’s beanbags next to Guy as he rubbed his foot against mine. I was checking Libby’s profiles to see what she was up to. She’d posted about studying, and then there was a pic of her and Jordan getting ice-cream together with the caption, Get you a friend who will drop everything for ice-cream.
‘Don’t,’ I said to Guy. He thought I was joking, I think, because he giggled and rubbed at my ankle with his toes. I got up and moved to the bed, where Alex was trying to convince Theo to go to some party that night. Theo was grumbling about being too tired.
‘Come onnnnn,’ Alex was saying. He poked at Theo’s sides. ‘I’ve been at work all day. Tomorrow I’ll be studying. Tonight I need some fun.’
‘I’m not stopping you from going,’ Theo said, turning on his side and facing away from both of us.
‘Some of the boys from Hill High will be there. I need a wingman.’
Theo said nothing.
‘And when was the last time you got any action?’ Alex said, not relenting. ‘You’ve basically been a nun lately.’
‘Priest,’ Theo said without turning around.
‘Huh?’
Theo twisted to look at Alex. ‘You mean priest.’
‘Oh, so you have taken a vow of celibacy?’
Theo sighed and glanced at me and Guy, who had moved to sit below me on the floor, his head resting on my knee. ‘No. I’ve just been busy.’
‘Right, which is why we should go tonight. You need to let off some steam.’ Alex nudged him. ‘And it’ll give these two lovebirds some alone time.’
Guy looked up at me, warmth in his eyes.
‘Or we could come to the party, too,’ I said.
‘What?’ Theo asked.
‘Can we come with you?’
‘No.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m not going.’
‘Yes you are!’ Alex said, eyeing Theo. ‘We all are. It’ll be fun.’
‘I’ve never been to a party before,’ Guy said.
Me either, I thought but didn’t say.
‘See,’ Alex said. ‘We have to go now. The cult kid needs to experience a party for once in his life.’
Theo looked between me and Alex for a moment, clearly debating in his head how he was going to win this fight. Then he threw his arm over his eyes with a groan, defeated.
Theo’s sister Sophia dropped us off at a double-storeyed house on the other side of the lake. A song I didn’t recognise was blaring from inside. I took a deep breath and smoothed down my hair, which I’d straightened with my mum’s help. She’d also done my makeup, all the while talking about how I wasn’t to drink or smoke or do anything at the party I’d be ashamed to tell her about. It had taken A LOT of convincing for her to let me go in the first place, and she’d only agreed because Theo was going too and his sister was dropping us off and picking us up.
Guy had let out a ‘Wow, you’re beautiful,’ when he’d seen me, and I willed myself to believe him and let go of some of the tension of the last few days. Theo had nodded and said, ‘You look nice.’ Then he’d added, ‘But it’s just a house party.’ Alex elbowed him and said, ‘Ignore him, you look great.’
When we entered the house and made our way to the backyard, where most of the crowd was congregated, I was glad I’d put in the effort. Most of the girls I noticed were pretty dressed up. And they were all looking me up and down – mainly because Guy had his arm around me, I think. They’d take him in, then see me. I was all too familiar by now with the surprise that widened their eyes and raised their eyebrows. Not even hair and makeup closed the gap between Guy and me.
I was beginning to regret begging Theo to let us come along.
Then I saw something that made me really regret it.
Declan Bell Jones was sitting by a fire that had been lit inside an old metal drum. He was wearing a shirt that accentuated his shoulders. But I didn’t have much time to dwell on that. Because sitting on his lap was Mikayla Fitzsimmons.
I froze and Guy looked down at me, which made me realise I was digging my fingernails into his arm.
‘Sorry,’ I said. Theo, who had been walking in front of us, glanced back.
‘Whose party is this?’ I hissed.
‘Fitzy’s,’ Alex said.
Fitzy. As in Jayden Fitzsimmons. As in Mikayla’s older brother. I had no idea Theo and Alex even talked to him.
‘We need to leave, right now,’ I said.
Theo turned to me, confused. ‘What’s wrong?’
Just then, Rebecca Jackson, one of Theo’s lunch group friends, came up behind him and held her hands over his eyes. ‘Guess who?’
Theo reached up to pull them away and she rested them on his shoulders. She grinned as he turned towards her.
‘I was hoping you’d be here tonight,’ she said softly, but not soft enough so we couldn’t hear.
‘Oh. Hey.’ He gave her a smile and glanced at me. I’d already started backing up, pulling Guy with me.
I turned as I reached the steps leading into the house. I must have been moving too fast or something, because I slipped. Guy reached out to catch me, but the angle was awkward and I still hit the concrete, scraping my hands and knees.
‘Taxi!’ someone yelled, and laughter erupted.
My face burned. I felt hands on me, helping me up.
I heard voices asking if I was okay, but they were overshadowed by one clear, high exclamation that cut through everything else: ‘What is she doing here?’
I looked up and locked eyes with Mikayla Fitzsimmons, who had got off Declan’s lap and was stomping in my direction.
‘We really should get out of here,’ I said, but it barely came out above a whisper.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Mikayla said.
I froze, racking my brain for something to say but coming up completely empty.
‘Take it easy, hey?’ Theo said, appearing beside Mikayla.
She narrowed her eyes. ‘You again. What are you, her knight in oversized armour?’
‘Mikkie, let’s go get a drink,’ Declan Bell Jones said from behind her.
‘Mikkie, is it?’ Guy broke in. I looked up at him in surprise. He had a smile on his face. ‘I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Guy.’ He held out a hand for her to shake. She eyed him warily, but I saw a flicker of something in her face that I couldn’t quite place. She reached out and took his hand. He nodded, gratified. ‘We’re just here to enjoy the party. I assure you, we won’t bother you at all.’
‘I just . . .’ Mikayla opened and closed her mouth a few times, apparently struggling with a response. It seemed the full force of Guy’s charm offensive had unsettled her.
‘Mik, come on, chill,’ Declan said.
Still she hesitated, glaring at me.
‘What’s happening here?’ I heard a voice say behind me. I turned to see Fitzy himself standing on the verandah.
He stepped down and greeted Theo and Alex with those part handshake, part high five, part shoulder rub things boys do. Then he put his arm around Mikayla, moving into a gentle headlock and rubbing her glossy curls with his knuckles. ‘You’re not causing trouble, are you, little sis?’
‘Let me go,’ she screeched.
He released her and she straightened, trying to smooth out her hair. Beside her, Declan Bell Jones was chuckling, but his face dropped in less than a second when Mikayla shot a look his way.
‘Do I need to send
you to your room?’ Fitzy said.
‘Don’t talk to me like that.’
‘What are you gonna do, tell Mum? If you’re lucky maybe she’ll respond to your email within the next four to six months.’
Mikayla opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned and slunk away back to the circle around the fire. I noticed Emily and Olivia there, putting comforting hands on Mikayla’s shoulders as she sat back down between them. Declan Bell Jones stood awkwardly by us for a moment. He shot me a small smile before ducking his head and following after Mikayla.
‘Brat,’ Fitzy muttered. He turned back to us. ‘Where are your drinks, people? Come on, let’s get this party started.’
We joined the crowd sitting around a rectangular glass table under a pergola. The backyard was pretty big, so we were a decent distance away from the group by the fire, but not enough for my liking.
‘Sorry,’ Theo said to me quietly when he caught me sneaking looks in that direction. ‘I totally forgot she was Fitzy’s little sister.’ He gave my shoulder a squeeze. ‘Are you okay?’
I shrugged him off and didn’t answer. From my other side, Guy placed a hand on my thigh, gently grazing his fingers back and forth across it. I fought the urge to bat his hand away, too.
Rebecca Jackson, who was sticking to Theo like a burr in Max’s fur, said, ‘What did you do to her, anyway?’
I scrunched up my nose. ‘Exist, I guess?’
‘We can go home if you want,’ Theo said.
‘Aw, come on,’ Alex whined. ‘Don’t let a bully like her ruin your night. We’re here to have fun.’
‘You’re just saying that ’cos you’re horny,’ Theo said.
‘Well? You are too.’ Alex raised an eyebrow. Theo shot him a warning look and glanced at Rebecca, who was smirking.
‘Speaking of which,’ Alex nodded towards where a group of guys were gathering around the clothesline, one of them pegging a goon sack to it, ‘there’s Billy.’ He got up, scraping his chair against the pavers. ‘You guys gonna play?’
Theo groaned. ‘Do I have to?’
Alex shook his head. ‘You’re so boring tonight.’ He looked at the rest of us expectantly.
‘Is it a game?’ Guy said, watching as the clothesline began to spin.
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