Chasin' You

by K. R. Reese

  I stiffen and Maci squirms on my lap, bringing our chests together. The groan escapes before I can stop it, and Maci halts her movement. I lift my head from her shoulder to find her wide eyes locked on me.

  “I think it’s time to get these cleaned up, and I’ll take you to the store. Hopefully when we get back, Mitch will be here.”

  She doesn’t budge or move. I rub my nose against hers and she closes her eyes. “Maci,” I whisper. “I want to kiss you.” There’s a beat of silence before I see the slight nod of her head. “I need your words, Scribbles. It isn’t consent without them.”

  “I’ve…” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve thought about your mouth on mine. Your hands on me. Lying together, my head on your chest.” A pained sound escapes her, but I don’t interrupt. I think she needs this, needs someone to listen to her rather than coddle her. “I’ve thought about what it would be like to be with you, and that sounds insane because it’s only been a week since we met. But being with you, being yours, would be so much better. I wouldn’t be alone anymore. But I can’t fall in love with you, Levi.”

  Maci sobs and hides her face in my chest. Her voice is muffled now. “I want you, though, for whatever that’s worth. I want you to kiss me, to touch me. I want to feel like I’m not broken.”

  Chapter 10

  Maci

  I stay still to let Levi process everything I just told him. I hadn’t meant to dump all that at once. Or at all. But the closeness, the heat of his touch. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I know my face is flushed, so I keep it buried in his chest. That is until he lifts his hands from my hips, strokes his thumbs over my cheekbones, and lifts my gaze to his. Levi’s next words are sighed.

  “I want all those things, Maci, but I need you to be sure. And, you’ll never be alone again. Even if we’re only friends, I’m not going anywhere.”

  He’s patient, searching my face for any anxiety. He won’t find what he’s looking for. As weird as it sounds, I trust him. Even though he’s giving me every opportunity to bolt, I stay perfectly still. His lips hover over mine before he kisses me.

  Now, I’ve been kissed before. Most of them, I wish I could forget, but even the normal kisses don’t compare to this. To Levi. He’s being gentle, slow, but I can feel the restraint. His fingers slide into my hair, and he urges my mouth open.

  The moment I allow him entry, and the heat of his tongue touches mine, my body responds. I’m hot all over, and I know he’s the only one who can put out the flames.

  I may be broken and tattered, used. But I can do this. If only to prove something to myself, I meet him in the middle and press my hand to the back of his neck so he can kiss me harder.

  When I pull away, breathing ragged, he places one more peck to my lips. His next words send flutters through my chest. But I don’t know if it’s excitement or fear.

  “You’re mine, Maci, in whatever way you can handle.”

  Before I can say anything, the bedroom door slams open and hits the wall. Mitchell’s standing there, fury radiating off him.

  “Well, isn’t this cozy. That’s why you went to her rescue last night, huh, Levi? So she would be in your house, at your beck and call.”

  I know I need to de-escalate this situation, but I’m frozen, staring at Mitchell like he’s lost his mind. But in this moment, he doesn’t look like my brother at all. His hair is in disarray, his eyes are completely black with no color to be found, and he has a busted lip. What the hell is wrong with him?

  Levi gently helps me off his lap, and stands between Mitchell and I. I don’t understand his stance, though.

  Mitchell laughs and glares at me. “Come on, Mace, call off your watchdog. You know I would never hurt you. My only interest in inflicting pain is solely Levi.” He huffs out another laugh and steps closer. “I warned you, man. All you had to do was leave her alone, not touch her. We could have been fine if you had done that. But, just like everyone else, you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself.”

  I flinch, but step forward. Levi stops me and I see the pleading in his eyes.

  “Mace, go to the bathroom and lock the door. Stay there until I come get you. Please.”

  I want to refuse. I don’t want to leave him alone with Mitch. But I’m moving toward the door anyway, like I have no control over what I’m doing.

  I glance back one last time before I close the door behind me and flip the lock. Mitchell’s dark gaze was focused on me, a frown on his face. Levi hadn’t taken his eyes off Mitch but for that split second to get me away from whatever was about to happen.

  Levi’s muffled voice comes through the door. “Come on, Mitch, you don’t want to do this. You’re thinking irrationally. I wouldn’t hurt her, man, you know that.”

  Mitchell growls in return. “I don’t know that! I know nothing about you! Except that you’re stuck in the exact same thing I am. You run with the same crowds I do. You need to stay away from Maci.” A loud thud hits the door behind my head, and I wince.

  “I didn’t tell you what happened to Maci for you to try and take advantage of her, Levi. All those men. All those videos. Our own god damn dad!” Another thump reverberates against the door. “I can still hear her screams, see what they did to her. And there wasn’t one damn thing I could do about it. I couldn’t stop them.” Mitchell’s voice cracks on the last word and I hear a gasp for air.

  “That wasn’t your fault, Mitch.” The agony laced in Levi’s words makes me hang my head. I spot my wristbands under the sink and place them back over my arms, over the new scars I inflicted. I didn’t let anyone see this part of me. I was ashamed of it; ashamed of the cuts, the scars, everything they had taken because I wasn’t strong enough to fight them. Rick was the same as they were. Sick. Twisted. Perverted. And I knew with everything I had; I would never be someone Levi deserved. I couldn’t do it. The mere thought of a relationship, of commitment, sends me into a panic and I couldn’t breathe.

  I break out into a cold sweat and collapse to the floor. I can still hear Mitchell and Levi talking on the other side of the door, their voices muffled by the thunderous roar of blood in my ears.

  Please make it stop. Make it go away.

  But the pleas go unheard. The words are in my head. I couldn’t make them come out of my mouth, couldn’t call for help. This vicious cycle of never-ending panic, numbness, insanity.

  Adrenaline and fear pumped through my veins, a familiar feeling, something I was accustomed to. The helplessness is what made me give in to my racing thoughts, and everything slowly started to go away. I could handle the fear, the anxiety even, but the attacks always paralyzed me. I hated it.

  Slowly, my heart rate slowed, and my senses came back to me. There were loud, worried voices.

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  I stared at the door longer than I should have. Too long.

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  “Come on, Mace, let us in.” Mitchell. That voice I would recognize anywhere. “Fuck this, I’m going through that door. Something’s wrong. She’s never closed me out.”

  “You stormed in here like a bat out of hell. I’d stay in there, too, if I didn’t know the cause of your outburst.”

  Cause? What the hell were they talking about?

  I stand on shaky legs and grip the counter edge. I barely get the lock flipped before Levi and Mitch tumble through the door. The dark, penetrating gaze from my brother is intense, one I don’t recognize, and I shrink away from it.

  When Mitchell checks me over, his mouth set in a thin line, he approaches me cautiously.

  “Come on, Maci,” he says darkly.

  Mitchell has seen this before. Too many times. But I can’t look at Levi because it’s embarrassing. This part of me that I hate, that I want to cut out and throw away. I want to be a normal college student, someone capable of happiness, of love, of caring. A girl that someone like Levi deserves.

  Where are these thoughts coming from?

  Mitchell leads me to the bedroom, and I sit on the edge of the
bed. My body is still wrecked with tremors, so I fold my hands together and stare at the wall.

  “Is she okay?” Levi’s voice is quiet, but I don’t look at him. I couldn’t. I knew he felt sorry for me. Everyone did.

  Chapter 11

  Levi

  Mitchell was knelt in front of Maci, but they weren’t speaking. I should step out of the room. This seemed like a private moment. But I couldn’t force my feet to move.

  “Is she okay?” My words are a whisper, barely heard over the thumping of my heart, the adrenaline still shooting through my system. When Maci wouldn’t open that door, I was afraid of what she was doing, what we would find. I wanted to knock down the door as much as Mitch, but I told her I wouldn’t tell her brother.

  Mitchell’s look is devastating. In a way, he blames himself. Not just for today either. He couldn’t protect her in the past. He wasn’t there last night. My fists clench at my sides until I see Maci move. Then my eyes are focused on her.

  I watch some of her strength come back. I watch as she glances at me, then to her brother on the floor in front of her. But the words that come out of her mouth next almost make my breath seize in my lungs.

  “What did you do, Mitch?” His eyes widen and his face pales. “You’re turning into the exact person you swore you wouldn’t. What did you take? You stayed away; thought I wouldn’t notice. Is that it?” A menacing chuckle escapes her lips, and she lowers her voice. “I have nightmares about coal black eyes. Eyes that underneath the drugs were identical to yours and mine. Nightmares that I lived through. That I wish I hadn’t woken up from. Eyes that now look just like yours. Again.”

  Again? Has he done this before? Those were questions I would have to ask later. The defeat in her voice makes me move directly beside her. Mitch is sitting with his head in his hands. I try to wrap my arms around her, but she shakes her head and stands.

  “What’s your drug of choice this time, Mitch?” She laughs. “Wow, that’s something I never thought I’d say again.”

  “Maci, I…” Mitchell tries to talk, but she cuts him off.

  “No. You don’t get to give the excuses that I heard so many times in the past. From everyone who ever hurt me. From you.”

  My pulse rockets and I tighten my fists. Has Mitch hurt her? Did he do something to Maci that he hadn’t mentioned because he knew I’d pummel him into the ground? But I don’t ask those questions. Not yet. I let her continue.

  “It’s just a little coke, Mace, just to silence my thoughts. Take the edge off.”

  Maci clenches her hands in front of her. “Just to take the edge off,” she mocks him. “Get out. Go sleep it off. I don’t want to see you right now.”

  “Mace, you have to talk to me. I didn’t mean…”

  “You didn’t mean to what, Mitchell? Become an addict? Look like the fucking devil incarnate? Become my living fucking nightmare? I don’t want to hear it!”

  I go to Mitchell and haul him off the floor. He doesn’t try to fight me as I lead him from the room.

  “You do need to sleep it off. And she needs time. Let her calm down.”

  I bite my tongue to keep some words at bay. There are a lot of questions I have that don’t have answers. There are pieces missing in the stories I’ve been told. But they’re for a later time.

  “She’s never going to forgive me. Not for this. Not this time. She’ll leave, just like the rest of our family. Because Maci’s too good for either of us, Levi, and she’ll find out about you soon enough.”

  I wasn’t sure whether his words were a threat or a promise, but I left him in my room and leaned against the wall in the hallway. Because he was right about one thing. Maci was too good for me. And just like everyone who’s let her down and hurt her, I’m an addict just the same. It’s just a matter of time until she figured it out.

  My hands shake as I stand in the hallway. I love seeing the trust in Maci’s eyes when she looks at me. But it was trust I didn’t deserve. Mitch was right. I just needed to remember that. Because in my head, Maci was the girl, the only girl, not like the ones before. The one I wanted to keep.

  Too bad I couldn’t. Not now, not ever.

  I slowly went back to the guest room. Maci was sitting back down, her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling with each breath. I cautiously walked to her side, and when I sat, I pulled her into my side.

  “I can’t believe he would do this.” Maci’s voice is filled with tears and I hug her closer.

  I felt like a fraud when I whisper against her head. “He doesn’t do it to hurt you, Mace. He’s an addict. Relapses happen.”

  I should know. But I don’t say that. I let her grip my shirt and sob into my chest. I tighten my arms around her and inhale her scent.

  No matter what, through it all, I had to remember this was the only time I would have Maci in my arms. Ever. Because once she knew the truth, she would hate me, too.

  Chapter 12

  Levi

  A few weeks after the incident with Mitch, Maci and I have spent an increased amount of time together when we aren’t in classes. Our days off usually consist of dinner, then late night snacks and comedies on the couch. Mitch doesn’t acknowledge us when he stumbles through the door most nights. Other nights, he’ll plop himself on one of the chairs and pass out without saying anything.

  The more time we spend together, the more accustomed our plans become as we get into a routine. Every minute we’re together, it’s undeniable that my desire to be around her is more than anything sexual. I actually enjoy our late-night conversations, or the way she smiles when she thinks I’m not looking. As far as I’ve been able to tell, she’s better than she’s been in a long time. I want to think it has something to do with me, but I won’t take that credit because she’s come a long way from the scared woman who moved into one of my guest rooms with her brother a few months ago.

  Whether or not Maci sees me as anything other than a friend, I’m not exactly sure. But I’d like to think there’s something between us; some of her comments and looks could be interpreted as flirting, and she seems to not be able to wait until we’re out of class to reach out to me through text as often as I do her.

  ***

  On a rare night that Maci didn’t stay awake after we had finals all day, Mitch stumbles through the door around one and plops into his usual chair. For a minute, I don’t think he’s going to say anything, but then he rolls his head toward me and his glare says we’re going to talk. And I can only guess it’s about the time I’ve been spending with his sister when he’s not around.

  “Spit it out, Mitch,” I sit up straighter and don’t take my eyes off him.

  “Are you trying to find a way into my sister’s pants or her heart?” Mitch’s words are slurred, but I can understand him clearly enough.

  “My intentions toward your sister are solely one of friendship. I don’t know how many times we have to have this conversation, or how many times you have to swing on me before you understand that anything between us is entirely up to her. I’m fine with just being friends, if that’s all she wants, but I’m not going to lie to you and say she isn’t a beautiful woman, Mitch. Everyone can see that.”

  He leans his head back and closes his eyes. I think our conversation is over before he speaks again.

  “I’ve warned you away from her since the moment we met. That makes me a hypocrite, I know that, but I want better for her. You should, too.”

  I sigh and stand to head to my room for this night. He’s drunk, likely high, and won’t remember our conversation in the morning. Even if he does, this will come up again and again no matter what I say.

  “You should probably head to bed and sleep off whatever hangover you’re going to have.”

  Mitch flips me off over his shoulder but doesn’t say anymore. I chuckle quietly to myself and close myself in my room.

  Chapter 13

  Maci

  The past few weeks have been normal. I never thought that would be a possibility in our live
s, but here we are. After the day I kicked Mitch from the guest room, he’s made himself scarce. I rarely see him, and when I do, we only exchange a greeting in passing.

  Since that day, though, Levi and I have been spending a tremendous amount of time together. I’ve become addicted to the idea of seeing him, watching silly shows, and having someone to hang out with whenever we’re not at school. As much as I know he isn’t as innocent as he pretends – I’ve smelled the weed on his clothes more than once – I can’t seem to get enough of our time together. Mitch shows up on most occurrences, so I have to keep my feelings contained, which safe to say, is probably for the best.

  Levi has told me time and again that we can stay as long as we need, but I feel like we’re intruding. Plus, there are some things left at Rick’s house that I’d like to get. I know neither of them will let me go over myself, but too much longer and I’m not going to give them a choice.

  The bruises Rick inflicted the night I left have since faded. I still have nightmares, but those nights, Levi will come sit with me until I fall asleep again. There have been a few times he’s fallen asleep beside me and we wake tangled around each other. Those mornings, I always escape to the bathroom and he’s gone before I come back out.

  Today, I have classes and won’t be back until late. Levi and Mitch are both already gone when I descend the stairs for a quick breakfast. I order an Uber and snag a muffin from the pantry before I make my way to the porch to wait for my ride to campus. As I plop into one of the chairs, my phone dings insistently from my pocket.

  Mitch: Meet me at the house

  Mitch: We’re getting the rest of our stuff

  Mitch: Hurry while Rick’s at work

  I quickly dial his number, but it goes straight to voicemail. When the Uber I ordered pulls up to the curb, I bound down the stairs and spit off the address without too much thought. Something feels wrong about this, but I can’t put my finger on what. Mitch hasn’t talked to me in weeks, and now he wants to meet up to get our shit? How the hell does he plan on hauling it all? Where are we going to put it?