Tragic (Cherry Grove Book 1)

by Cole Lepley

  I take a deep breath. “Elle, I’m leaving at the end of the semester.”

  Her face remains stoic, but I can see the wheels turning in her head.

  “Leaving? Where are you going?”

  I squeeze her hand a little tighter. “I got a job offer in Florida and I think—or I know, it’s something I should do.”

  My attempt at keeping my tone light is already faltering, even I can hear the shakiness in my voice.

  She pulls her hand back, and my heart beats double time. Her arms cross over her chest, her expression dumbfounded. “So, you’re leaving me?”

  “I’ll never be able to leave you if I stay here.”

  Her eyes widen. “Are you being serious? You’re breaking up with me now?”

  She stands up before I can stop her. I try to pull her back down beside me, but she yanks away.

  With a sigh, I motion back to the couch. “Will you sit down baby, please. You’ll hurt yourself.”

  Her dark eyes glare, and she points her finger toward me. “Don’t speak to me like that. Don’t be cute with me if you don’t even give a shit about how I’m feeling.”

  “Elliot—”

  She puts her hand up. “Just stop talking for a minute.” She closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, there’s wetness in the corners. “This past year has been hard, I won’t deny that, but I think that’s what made us stronger. We never let anyone tell us what we could or couldn’t be. We loved each other, and we didn’t care about anything else.” She pauses and looks over at me as a tear falls. “I don’t care about anything else.”

  “But you should. You need to think about your future. You’re so young—”

  Elliot wipes under her eye and laughs bitterly. “Oh, we’re back to me being too immature to handle a relationship with you.” She steps closer, almost leaning over me. “Haven’t I proven that I’m in this as much as you are, if not more?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But, what?” she interrupts again, throwing her arms up.

  I stand to face her and place my hands on her shoulders. “Will you let me explain, please?”

  She sniffs, hardening her expression. “What is there to explain? You don’t love me anymore.”

  I shake my head immediately. “That’s not true. Of course I love you, I just…” my voice trails off, and I run my hand through my hair. The only way I’m going to get her to walk away is to lie. “I just can’t do this anymore. The secrets, the lies. It’s not what I want, and you shouldn’t either.”

  “What I want is you.” Her voice is almost as broken as my heart right now.

  Every part of me is screaming to tell her I want her too. Seeing the hurt in her eyes is ripping every bit of my heart out of my chest. It seems so wrong to be doing this to her, but I have hope that one day she’ll understand. I want Elliot more than anything but holding onto her is selfish.

  “I’m sorry, Elliot.” I reach for her again, and she shoves me back. I choke down another wave of emotion. “Maybe in a couple years when you’re done with college, things could be different. You’ll know what you want to do—what you want to be.”

  I’m stuttering, but I can’t stand the way she’s looking at me right now. This already feels like a mistake, and she’s close enough I can pull her to me. I can still tell her I love her more than anything and I’ll never leave her. But I don’t do that.

  Her sadness turns to anger. “I’m not stupid enough to believe you actually mean that. You and I both know if we break up now that will be it. We won’t come back to each other after spending years apart and pick up where we left off.” Her eyes lock on mine. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be able to leave no matter what the circumstance.”

  This time when I reach for her hand, she lets me hold it. I close both of my hands around hers, feeling the softness of her skin for potentially the last time. That thought alone guts me. It tears me open from the inside out. I don’t want to ever let go.

  “I’m doing this because I love you.”

  Elliot sniffs and slowly pulls her hand from mine. She runs a hand through her hair, brushing the long waves behind her shoulder with a bitter laugh. “Well, excuse me if that doesn’t make me feel any better. You made it very clear before this all started what the risks were—we both knew.” She shakes her head again. “I guess I was the only one who was willing to make that sacrifice.”

  When she turns to walk away from me, it takes everything inside of me not to run after her, to tell her she’s wrong—but I can’t. If I take one step outside that door, I’ll hold onto something I never should have gone after in the first place.

  Monday at school everyone swarms Elliot as she limps down the hallway. She still insists on walking without her crutches even though the doctor said she may need them for a couple of days. The girl is determined, and if it’s something she wants it’s almost impossible to talk her out of it.

  I do my best not to stare at her for too long, but I can’t help it. Not only is she the only person I want to look at but with her injury I worry for her. The last thing I want is for her to cause further damage by doing too much too soon.

  Even though I’m not looking directly at her anymore, I can still feel her eyes on me as she walks past me into my classroom. I cast mine down to my desk, unable to see the pain in hers.

  As I take my spot at the front of the room, she dips her head and pretends to be engrossed in her notes. I clear my throat as the chatter begins to die down. “Okay everyone, I know it’s getting close to the end of the year and you all are very excited to get out of here.” I pause for a few excited cheers. It makes me smile too. “Yeah, I know how you feel. It wasn’t too long ago I was here myself, but we still have work to do.” A series of groans echo, and I laugh.

  “It’s not too bad I promise.” I reach behind me and pull out a stack of papers. “For our last big assignment, we’ll do a group project. You can work with a couple of people or in pairs, it doesn’t matter to me.”

  Holden Parker immediately nudges Elliot from behind. “Hey girl, we got this?”

  He holds his fist out, and she bumps hers against it with a smile. “Yeah, we got this.”

  The casual way she interacts with him gets under my skin. I clench my teeth at the stupidity I must have for suggesting partners. Of course she would pair up with a football player. I always see him paling around with the group of guys that Judah hangs with when he comes home.

  “Alright,” I say almost too loudly as I begin to pass the papers back the rows. “Here is the assignment. Put your names at the top.” My eyes meet hers briefly before I force myself to tear them away. “You can have the rest of the period to start on it.”

  Casually, I stroll through the rows like I’m being observant, but I’m actually just trying to hear what they’re saying. Elliot gives me a sideways glance when I linger too long next to her desk.

  “Okay,” Holden says. “I have baseball now, but after practice I can stop by later this week, and I’m sure we can bang this out real quick.” He gives her a crooked smile, and I clench my fist. Bang this out? I don’t like his choice of words.

  Elliot flips her hair over her shoulder and continues to write on the paper. “Sure, sounds good. I’m not allowed to run until next week at the earliest, so I should have my evenings open.” She says the last part loud enough to make a point, and my jaw ticks.

  I walk back up to the front of the classroom before I unexpectedly cause a scene. My ability to control myself when it comes to her hasn’t proven to be too reliable. I have to find a way to fight through this. There’s only three months left until graduation, and I already want to throw the flag. Three months and I won’t have to see her smile in the hallways, or hear her laughter travel all the way to my desk. No amount of distance can erase my memories of her. Those will haunt me until my last breath.

  41

  Waiting Game

  Walking around the track feels weird to me. I want so badly to run I can barel
y stand it. Taking things slow has never been my thing. I’ve always wanted to find the fastest way possible to get to the end of something, and my current situation, is no different.

  The music blaring through my iPod is barely drowning out the incessant yelling coming from Ollie over by the bleachers. I shake my head as I scroll through my playlist. I’m about to round the corner when I see Judah walking toward the track. He smiles over at me as he approaches.

  “Hey, babe.” He pulls me into him and kisses me before I have a chance to fully register his presence.

  I kiss him back and barely think twice about it. Hunter was right, this does almost feel normal to me. “What are you doing here?” I ask, taking a step back.

  “It’s the end of the semester. Not a lot going on right now.”

  I nod forward. “You can walk with me.” I take my earbuds out and wrap them around my hand as he falls into step beside me. “I have to talk to you anyway.”

  He laces his hand with mine. “Sure, what’s up?”

  It’s hard to feel so desolate inside when Judah is walking around like everything is roses. I know I’m slowly torturing him by allowing him to go along with this charade and he does it with a smile on his face.

  I lower my eyes to the track. “Hunter and I broke up.”

  His hand squeezes mine, but he doesn’t miss a step. He’s quiet for a moment and then he tilts his head to me. “Are you fucking with me?”

  I shake my head slowly. “Nope.”

  He pulls me to a stop and places his hands on my shoulders. “Elle, are you okay?” His eyes darken after a moment. “Did he hurt you?” He removes his hands from me, his nostrils flaring as he looks around the field. “Is he here?”

  I laugh a little and tug on his arm. “No, Judah. He’s not here.” He looks down at me, his chest still heaving slightly in anger. “And no to all of your other questions too.”

  His face falls. “So, you’re not okay?”

  I smile. “That’s the only part you’re worried about?”

  “Of course, babe. That last thing I want is for you to be sad.” He grabs my hand again and kisses the back of it. “That’s what I’m here for. To make you smile.”

  For some reason his words have the opposite effect, and I start to cry. He pulls me against his chest, and I wrap my arms around his waist. “It’s really over this time.”

  Judah continues to console me while I cry into his T-shirt. I find it incredibly strange that neither of us finds it odd I’m crying over the guy who basically tried to kill him and is most of the reason we aren’t together in the first place.

  He pulls back and wipes a tear from my cheek. “What can I do?” he whispers.

  I shrug. “Walk with me?”

  Instead of answering, he takes my hand again and continues to walk slowly around the perimeter of the track. We’re both quiet for the longest time until he finally speaks.

  “Elle, I know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better right now.” I look up at him and the sincerity in his eyes almost brings me to tears again. “But I want you to know that this doesn’t change anything. I’m here for you no matter what. If you still want to go to prom, we’ll go to prom. If you don’t, then we’ll do something else. None of that stuff matters to me. I just want you to be happy.”

  That unending guilt I constantly feel intensifies. Judah came into this knowing he would eventually get hurt, and he’s still here. The person I thought I knew so well continues to surprise even me.

  “Why are you even doing this? I mean, I’m very grateful, but you didn’t have to.”

  He sighs, looking over at me and then focusing forward. “For you, Elle. If I would’ve treated you better, maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.”

  “You deserve better than me,” I say simply.

  He winks. “No, you do. You just can’t see it yet.”

  Although his words confuse me, I don’t respond. What hurt the most about Hunter’s break-up speech, is that he was always preaching how I deserved better and he couldn’t give me that, and now Judah is saying the same thing. Maybe I’m the one who isn’t good enough for anyone.

  “Hey, Judah!” Oliver calls over to us from the bleachers. “Unless you grew a vagina I’m not aware of, get off my field!”

  Judah looks over at him and laughs, and Oliver plants his hands on his hips with a stern expression.

  “He likes to act like a dick at practice,” I say.

  Judah gives my hand a squeeze. “It’s okay, I’ll stop over later.” He gives me a smirk. “I heard Holden is coming by to work on a project.”

  “Please don’t tell me that you’re jealous?”

  He smiles again, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “What do I have to be jealous about? This wasn’t real, right?”

  I need a new word for awkward. I’m currently seated at my kitchen table with Holden and Judah while Oliver and Hunter watch the game in the living room. I’m actually doing all the work as Holden and Judah talk about the baseball game they’d rather be watching.

  Oliver comes strolling into the kitchen with a large grin plastered on his face. I glare at him while he rummages through the fridge.

  “Judah,” he says before taking a large drink of orange juice straight from the container. “Did you have fun interrupting my practice today?”

  Judah laughs and throws his arm over my shoulder. “Sorry about that.” He plants a kiss to the side of my head. “I had to make sure my girl was okay.”

  Oliver shoots me a look, which I pretend to ignore. “Does she need your help with her English assignment as well?”

  I shift uncomfortably in my chair, but Judah just smiles. “I like to help her in any way that I can.” He gives me a wink and all it does is make me feel worse.

  The tension in the room continues to build as they stare back at each other. For the life of me I can’t figure out why Ollie feels the need to get involved, but I’m about to put a stop to it. I glance over at Holden, who thankfully, is oblivious to the whole situation.

  “I’ll be right back,” I say to Judah as I get up from my chair.

  I tug Oliver by the sleeve. “I need to talk to you,” I say through my teeth on the way past.

  He follows me into the hallway, and I cross my arms. “Care to explain to me what you are trying to do?”

  He leans into me. “I thought I should remind you that you have someone in the other room about to blow a gasket.”

  I press my fingertips to my temples. “What’s with you? You act like you’re so loyal to me, but I get my fucking heart broken and you side with the enemy.”

  Oliver lowers his eyes to the ground before looking back up at me, speaking softer, “I’m sorry. This is the whole reason I never wanted you two to date in the first place. It sucks being in the middle of this situation.”

  I throw my arms up. “How do you think I feel? Can’t you watch the game at a bar or something?”

  He shakes his head. “He won’t talk about it. I’ve asked him a dozen times why you really broke up and he won’t give me any solid answers. What happened?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Oliver glances back to the kitchen before giving me a skeptical look. “It must matter a little bit, or you wouldn’t still have Judah hanging around.”

  “Judah is…” my voice trails off, and I sigh. “I don’t know what Judah is, but he’s my friend and I’m not going to ask him to leave.”

  “Are you going to get back together?”

  I cross my arms. “Why do you want to know? So you can run to Hunter and tell him he was right?”

  Oliver shakes his head. “Elle, I know you’re upset right now, but I’m still on your side.” He meets my eyes. “I mean it. My loyalty lies with you first.”

  He hugs me to him, and I reluctantly wrap my arms around his waist. Ollie may be a dick most of the time, but I know he loves me. He would never do anything that would intentionally hurt me. When I pull back, Hunter is standing
in the corner of the hallway.

  “I can leave if you want me to.” He glances to Ollie and then locks his eyes on me.

  “No,” I say, forcing a smile. “It’s totally fine. As you know, I have work to do.”

  He smiles a little, but when I don’t return it back, his face falls again. “Okay.”

  We stare at each other for a moment until Oliver claps his hands together loudly.

  “Well, this isn’t awkward or anything.” He pats Hunter on the back on his way to the living room. “You know where I’ll be.”

  Hunter nods to him and then shoves his hands in his pockets. He doesn’t make an attempt to move closer to me, and I’m grateful. It’s barely been a week since we broke up, and I already want to beg him to take me back. I would never do that though—Oliver taught me better.

  “I don’t want to make this any harder on you,” he says. His deep voice resonates through me, and I take an unsteady breath.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, I force another smile. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m perfectly fine.” I turn and walk back into the kitchen before I can see his reaction. It’s either that or I’ll start to cry and then Judah will see. The last thing I want is for them to get into another fight when there’s nothing left to fight about. For the first time in my life—I lost. Not only that, but I lost something that meant more to me than anything ever has. I don’t like this feeling, and I’m afraid it will never go away.

  42

  Clearing The Air

  I’ve been marking off the days until prom on my calendar like I’m awaiting parole. It’s not really a far stretch. This definitely feels like slow torture. As of now, I’ve only seen Elliot and Judah together in passing, spending an entire night watching them together might actually kill me.

  Oliver grins at me from beside the coffee pot in the teacher’s lounge. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

  He takes a sip from his cup. “Nothing. I just signed us up for something.”