Sherlock Holmes Great War Parodies and Pastiches I

by Bill Peschel

  Worth about $500: In today’s dollars, the platinum vessels would be worth more than $12,000.

  Mr. Poucher: A reference to Jay C. Poucher, who was not only inventory clerk but the university’s postmaster.

  Minnesota Daily: The student newspaper has been publishing since 1900 and counts among its writers Garrison Keillor, Harry Reasoner, Henry Fonda, and Nobel Prize-winning author Bob Dylan.

  Materia Medica: Latin for “medical materials,” or learning the therapeutic properties of substances used for healing. It was later renamed pharmacology.

  Packing-needle: A large needle with a thick shaft used to sew canvas packages.

  Fender: A structure made of brick, stone, or metal designed to contain a fire. In Shomes’ case, it most likely looked like a U with short arms that would be placed on a brick floor in front of the fireplace.

  Gladstone bag: A small rigid suitcase that opened at the top into two equal sections. Named for William Gladstone (1809-1898), the four-time prime minister during Victoria’s reign.

  To the grocer: This was an early attempt at recycling. Under British law, stores were required to pay 6 pence per jar that held 7 pounds or more of jam or jelly, to be paid to the customer when the jar was returned. Food manufacturers wrestled with how best to deliver their products that were cheap and safe. Some charged a deposit for their glass containers and paid a refund for their return in reusable shape; others did not. Customers would keep glass containers for their own use, or return them for money or just to get them off their hands. In 1917, The Bulletin of Pharmacy reported on one enterprising druggist who, faced with a rainy day and slow business, sold his cache of unreturnable cocoa cans to a housewife to store pantry supplies, glass jars to a boarding-house keeper, and glass bottles to a farmer who made and sold cider and grape juice.

  Chinese Mandarin: A civil servant and scholar who worked for the Chinese imperial government when dynasties ruled the country (roughly 221 BC–1911). There is no one traditional costume for a party, unlike a harlequin. In general, it would consist of a long silk cloak or robe with Chinese symbols on it, a conical or bowl-like hat with a button on top denoting the wearer’s rank, and slippers.

  Maypole: The Maypole Dairy Co. started in 1887 in Wolverhampton and spread across the country. By 1915, there were 985 branches in Britain, including several in Edinburgh, selling eggs, tea, condensed milk, butter, and margarine. “Sandwiching” was the practice of hiring men to walk around the city wearing advertising billboards.

  Hair-pad: A coil of hair, usually collected from a woman’s own hair brush, so it would match, coiled and used to augment a bouffant.

  Sou’-wester: A rain hat with a rollable ridge at the brow that was long enough in the back to keep rain out of the coat. It was made of soft oilskin so it could be folded and stuffed into a jacket. The hat is named for the southwesterly winds in the seas around Britain that commonly brought rain.

  Dirty Night: A common phrase among sailors for bad weather.

  Dropped off too: In “The Mystery of the Missing Shirt,” Shomes told Fatson not to call the taxi on the corner because “we hung him up last week.” Now we see Shomes and Matson demonstrating how to avoid paying a fare.

  Charley’s Aunt: A three-act farce written by Brandon Thomas (1848-1914) that ran for a record-breaking 1,466 performances in London 1892-96. Complications follow when two Oxford students convince a third to impersonate their aunt so they could romance two girls with a chaperone present. It has been staged and filmed multiple times, been turned into a Broadway musical (Where’s Charley?), and is a standard at high school drama departments.

  M’Ewan Hall: An iconic hall built by brewer and politician William McEwan (1827-1913) for the University of Edinburgh. Opened in 1897, it is used for public talks, lectures, and graduation ceremonies.

  Turnip-lanterns: Literally a lantern made from the vegetable. Take one large turnip, cut the top off, hollow out the insides like you would a pumpkin, add holes all around, insert a lit candle and replace the top. Result: a handheld portable light.

  Ball-bearing braces: Braces is the British word for suspenders. One popular model uses two straps in the front that meet in the middle of the back merging into a single strap that is attached to the back of the pants. The growth of automobiles led clothing manufacturers to add ball bearings to where the straps meet (they were also added to garters as well). One ad claimed “the same ball bearing principle that gives speed to the automobile gives the easy swing of comfort to the wearer of Cyclo Ball Bearing Suspenders.”

  One-step: A ballroom dance created by the popularity of ragtime at the turn of the century. The basic one-step called for the couple to walk to a 4/4 beat, without a change in rhythm or emphasizing any particular beat. The key is to keep the feet moving. This allows for faddish variations such as the Fox Trot, the Turkey Trot, or the Lindy Hop. Couples could dance the one-step around the dance floor with their own variations without any problems. It was easy to master and left room for dancers to strut, wriggle and carry on as they saw fit.

  Hearthrug: A rug laid in front of a fireplace to protect the floor from sparks. Most hearthrugs today are small half-moon shaped pieces of carpet. During the late 19th century, they could be as big as 6 feet by 3 feet, big enough to roll someone in it if their clothing caught fire.

  Eetle ottle: A Scottish children’s song used in counting-off and elimination games. (A similar version in America would be sung to “Eeny meany miny mo.”) To make a decision of some kind, such as who gets to go first in a game, children would stand in a circle and one of them would count off the rhyme, pointing to each one in turn. When “out” is reached, whoever is being pointed at loses. The Dictionary of the Scots Language recorded adults saying “You’ll have to eetle-ottle it,” when it came to making a decision among two equally valued choices.

  Acetylene lamp: A lamp that burns acetylene gas, which is created by adding water to calcium carbide. This makes it ideal for portable use, such as bicycle lights, handheld lamps, and by miners, cavers, and hunters.

  Dobbin and Marshall: Salts and their Reactions: A Class-book of Practical Chemistry, a popular textbook written by Leonard Dobbin (1858-1952) and Hugh Marshall (1868-1913).

  Warrender Park Road: Students at the University of Edinburgh can be assigned housing in the city, including accommodations on Warrender Park Road.

  President of the Union: In the United States, a student union is a building where services for students are dispensed. In Great Britain and many other countries, the student union is a labor union acting on behalf of the university’s students. The union at Edinburgh University was founded in 1884 and is considered the oldest in the United Kingdom. Like many unions, it has used its authority to protect its interests, such as taking The Student to court to prevent it revealing why one of its officials was suspended. In 2013, it also drew media attention for banning Robin Thicke’s hit song “Blurred Lines” because it promoted “an unhealthy attitude towards sex and consent,” presumably unlike many other rock and hip-hop songs.

  D.P. Blades: Despite his labored breathing—which is what stertorous means—the editor of The Student, Daniel Patterson Blades (1888-1959), went on to a distinguished public career as a barrister, eventually becoming King’s Counsel in 1932. He rose to Solicitor-General for Scotland (1945-47) before being made a judge in 1947.

  Johnny Walker: A brand of whisky created in 1820 in Kilmarnock, Scotland. It’s sold in nearly every country on the world.

  Rectorial: The Rector is an important post at the University of Edinburgh. The Rector chairs the University Court and meetings of the General Council if the Chancellor is not present and works within the university community to resolve problems. The Rector also attends other meetings and events, and acts as a kind of ambassador at official ceremonies. The Rector cannot be a member of the student body or staff, and is chosen by a vote—the “Rectorial”—to a three-year term. The Rector in 1913 was senior British Army officer Herbert Kitchener (1850-1916).
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  S.R.C.: Student Representative Council.

  Black Maria: A black prison van. The phrase came from thieves cant, derived from the fact the van had “V.R.” painted on the sides. The initials stood for Victoria Regina, the Latin for Queen Victoria. Rhyming slang converted “black regina” to “black maria.” The phrase was used in New York City, and even Thomas Edison’s first production studio where he shot his first films in 1893 was nicknamed the Black Maria.

  C.L. Warr: Many of these names cannot be traced, but Charles Laing Warr (1892-1969) became a high-ranking Church of Scotland minister who became minister of St. Giles’ Cathedral, the principal place of worship in Edinburgh. He was also named Honorary Chaplain to King George VI in 1936 and to his daughter, Queen Elizabeth in 1953.

  Mr. Lockjaw the Disinfective: Tetanus was a serious illness until its cause, an infectious bacteria, was discovered in 1884. A vaccine was developed in 1924. It first appears as muscle spasms in the jaw before moving to the rest of the body. The infection runs its course in three years, and about 10 percent of patients die. Until a vaccine was developed in 1924, medical textbooks recommended dressing the wound with a disinfectant such as carbolic acid.

  For the microscope: Shomes is correct. It is a resinous turpentine that turns into a clear yellowish mass when dried, ideal for gluing thin coverslips to glass to create permanent microscope slides.

  Practical Botany: The standard textbook written by Frederick Orpen Bower (1855-1948) and David Thomas Gwynne-Vaughan (1871-1915). Of greater interest might be Gwynne-Vaughan’s wife, Helen (1879-1967), whose upbringing and accomplishments would not have been possible had she been born a decade earlier. She was a botanist, earning her Bachelor of Science in 1904 and her Doctor of Science in 1907, and awarded her own research school at London’s Birkbeck College. She married her fellow colleague, David Thomas, in 1911. During the war, she led the newly established Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps that within two years had enlisted nearly 40,000 women. She headed up the Women’s Royal Air Force in 1918, served for two years, was made a Dame of the British Empire, and returned to academia after the war.

  Vasculum: A stiff container used by botanists to move field samples. They’re typically cylinders or slightly flattened tubes made from tin, wood, or lacquered iron and come with a shoulder strap. It’s certainly not large enough to hold Caligula.

  Calcium carbide: The chemical compound that, combined with water, creates acetylene gas that can fuel a lamp.

  Tantallon: Tantallon Castle, a mid-14th-century fortress on a promontory that overlooks the Firth of Forth. Now a ruin, it consisted of a 49-feet-high curtain wall with a gate at each end, where it meets the cliffs, and a gatehouse in between. It is located about 3 miles east of North Berwick, and about 25 miles east of Edinburgh.

  One foot on the land: A reference to Revelations 10, when John visits heaven, and sees “a mighty angel” who set “his right foot upon the sea, and his left foot upon the earth,” and declared, along with the voices of seven thunders, that when “there should be time no longer … the mystery of God should be finished, as he hath declared to his servants the prophets.” (King James version).

  Christy minstrel: A blackface group formed by ballad singer Edwin Christy (1815-1862) in 1843 that performed songs and dances drawn from slave culture in the American south. Several branches of the troupe established themselves in Britain and toured regularly, each claiming to be the “original” group. One played at St. James’s Hall in London for 35 years until 1904.

  Senatus Academicus: The supreme academic body at the University of Edinburgh, charged with regulating and supervising teaching and research.

  Ruritania: A reference to the fictional kingdom in three adventure novels by Anthony Hope (1863-1933): The Prisoner of Zenda, The Heart of Princess Osra, and Rupert of Hentzau. The success of Hope’s novels led to numerous imitations in the genre of Ruritanian romances.

  In his sleeve: British officers traditionally used to keep their handkerchiefs in their sleeves. The practice was used as late as World War II, when Canadian army officers in England who adopted British mannerisms were known as “up the sleeve Canadians.”

  Uhlans: German light cavalry regiments, mostly from Prussia, that carried 10-foot-long lances. Similar units existed in Austria-Hungarian, Polish and Lithuanian armies. After the first months of the war, it became clear that the days of mounted cavalry in the West had ended. Many regiments were shipped to the Eastern Front, where they could continue to maneuver. The units were disbanded at the end of the war.

  Cadiz, Spain: A port city in southeast Spain, about 77 miles southeast of Gibraltar.

  Are they here: William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891) was one of the most notable Union generals during the Civil War. He led the march into the heart of the Confederacy that resulted in the capture of Atlanta, followed by Savannah, effectively cutting the South in two and contributing to the re-election of Abraham Lincoln. Henry Ward Beech (1813-1887) was a notable preacher who was one of the earliest advocates for the abolition of slavery. Among his activities, he raised money to send rifles to pro-abolition forces in the Kansas Territory, saying that would do more good than a hundred Bibles.

  Cook’s tour: Travelers participating in a tour organized by Thomas Cook & Son. The elder Cook (1808-1892) took advantage of the expanding British railway network to organize tours that included discounted train fares and food. The venture was so successful that “Cook’s trippers” were looked down on as vulgar tourists being herded about to gawk at the natives and scribble graffiti on ancient sites.

  Hareem: A Westernization of the Arabic ḥarim, meaning most popularly a sacred, inviolate place. Although popularly associated with Islam, the practice of secluding women existed for thousands of years in the Ottoman, Greek, and Persian empires.

  Brainpan: A non-medical name for the cranial cavity. The word has been traced back to the 12th century, from the Old English braegenpanne.

  Pedagogue: A teacher, particularly a strict or dogmatic one.

  Fairies are real: Twain’s summary of the political situation at that time is accurate, although this is the earliest evidence of German interest in Morocco. In 1905 and 1911, German acts over Morocco raised European tensions and, if a few decisions had gone the wrong way, could have sparked World War I years earlier.

  White’s: A London club for upper-class gentlemen founded in 1693 as a place to dine, drink, gamble, gossip, and network. It is one the world’s most exclusive clubs, not surprising considering one of its members is Prince Charles.

  Pursued by a bear: One sign of an upper-class Oxbridge-educated gentleman is the ability to quote from the classics. In this case, it’s a stage direction—correctly phrased “Exit, pursued by a bear”—from Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale. Binky’s quote belies the fact that the bear’s appearance interrupts Antigonus as he is abandoning the infant Princess Perdita. The baby is rescued by a shepherd, while Antigonus is killed by the bear.

  Emperor: As Envoy Extraordinary to the Court of Morocco, Sir John Hay Drummond Hay (1816-1893) was one of the great diplomats of history, chiefly by keeping Her Majesty out of hot water there, giving the empire room to find trouble elsewhere. At 28, after spending four years in Constantinople, Hay was sent to help the Consul-General in Morocco. He proved so useful that within a few months he was given the job that he would hold for the next four decades. In addition to overseeing British interests, he would help the sultan negotiate treaties with other countries as well. His affection for Morocco was made clear after he retired, when he continued to spend part of the year there.

  Pillars of Hercules: The ancient name given to the promontories that flank the Strait of Gibraltar. Plato placed the lost continent of Atlantis beyond the Pillars of Hercules.

  SHERLOCK HOLMES GREAT WAR PARODIES AND PASTICHES I: 1910-1914. Notes and essays copyright 2017 Bill Peschel. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of the notes or essays may be used or reproduced in any manner without
written permission except in cases of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, email peschel@peschelpress.com or write to Peschel Press, P.O. Box 132, Hershey, PA 17033.

  Cover design by Bill Peschel. Cover art by Gus Mager from Sherlocko the Monk.

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