“I can’t help how I feel, Isla. And I won’t drag anyone else into the pit with me.” It’s a struggle to keep a level tone when the strength of my frustration demands that I scream and shout about the unfairness of life.
“What if I want to be dragged into it? Damn the consequences?”
There’s a look of desperation in her gaze that only one who has been there can recognize. She’s putting her heart on the line for me, and how I wish I could accept that, but I can’t. “I care about you too much to do that to you.”
“For God’s sake, Zane! That’s not your decision to make. I’m telling you it’s a risk I’m willing to take knowing full well that it may not work out as I’d like. But I’m prepared to take that chance. Can’t you even meet me halfway?” Her arm fastens around mine, and she inches in, her lips dangerously close to my mouth.
“I won’t make this any more complicated than it already is. I need time, Isla.”
“Kiss me,” she demands, moving in closer.
I look at her lips, and it would be so easy to get lost in her now. I know I could do it and it would ease the ache in my heart temporarily. But the gut-wrenching pain would still be there after, and all I’d feel is overwhelming guilt at drawing her into my mess. Because the bottom line is this: She wants a relationship with me, and I can’t give her that. And I don’t know if I desire that for us at all. That I’m attracted to her is a given. But I don’t feel the same deep pull that I do with Ari. And I don’t want to treat Isla as a casual fling because that would destroy our friendship forever. She deserves better than that. At least this way, we might be able to salvage the friendship we share.
In this moment, that is what matters most to me. I can only hope that in time she will understand.
“I’m sorry, Isla. I can’t.” I remove her hand and stand up. “I won’t willingly hurt you. In time, hopefully, you’ll realize that I’m trying to do the right thing by you here.”
The pain of rejection is written all over her face and I hate myself. “I never stood a chance at all, did I?” Her voice is laden with sorrow, and I feel like such a bastard. With every kiss and every caress, I’ve been leading her on, filling her with false hope. And I thought I was a better person than that.
“I’m so sorry, Isla.” It’s all I can offer. It is nowhere near enough, but it’s all I can give her at this time. A single tear rolls down her cheek and I’m horrified. “It doesn’t mean I don’t care or that I don’t love you. Just not in the way you’d like. I still want you to join me in Saoirse.”
She stands on shaky feet, swiping her sleeve across her face. “I think it’s best to be apart for now.” She sniffles and I hand her a paper towel from my pants pocket. “Besides, I’m adding value here and I want to stick with my unit.”
Though I don’t like the idea of her being so exposed, I can respect her decision. And I understand the need to stay away. I’ve adopted the same reasoning. I can’t hope to get over Ari if I’m in constant contact with her or if I were to see her every day. If this is what Isla needs to come to terms with it, then I can’t force her hand. “Of course. But promise me you will keep safe?”
“Don’t worry, Zane. I don’t have a death wish, and it’s not the end of the world if you don’t want me. It isn’t as if I haven’t had other offers.” Her tone is becoming sharper as the pain bites back.
I wince at her bluntness but deny the urge to soften the blow. Continuing to talk about this isn’t helping either one of us. “I’m glad you have.” Her eyes narrow as she focuses on me. “I need to catch up with Gil and Mel, but I’ll come find you later.” I walk out of the pod, giving her time to analyze her thoughts.
Dinner is an awkward affair. Every so often, I intercept quizzical looks from Mel and downright painful glances from Isla. Gil is loving the drama, and I can tell he’s dying to ask me what’s going on.
We are seated around a campfire later on when we finally get the chance to talk. Mel and Isla have both retreated for the night. Feeling relieved, I realize how tightly strung I am from all the romantic distractions. I’ll be glad to get back to my work so that I have something else to occupy myself with.
“Spill, dude,” Gil says, handing me a beer. I update him on my past with Isla and Mel’s apparent crush.
“Maybe Isla’s right. You should just throw yourself back into the game, and that will help keep your mind off Ari,” Gil says, throwing another wooden stick on the fire.
“I can’t drag anyone else into my mess. That will only make things ten million times worse. Besides, I don’t want to be with anyone else. Forcing myself would defeat the purpose.” I drain the remainder of my beer.
“So, both girls are fair game then?” Gil asks, cocking his head to the side.
“Hands off Mel.” My tone is gruffer than intended.
“Whoa!” Gil says, raising his palms. “You sure you don’t have feels for her?”
“It’s not that, Gil. She’s still innocent and you’re far too much of a handful.”
“Love you too, bro.” Gil chuckles and tosses his empty bottle behind him. “Does that mean I have fair crack at Isla?”
“What is going on with you two anyway?” I cross my legs at my ankles.
“We hooked up one time, a couple of weeks back. But she’s given me the cold shoulder since then, and you know how I love a challenge.” He rubs his palms across his pants.
“Isla can take care of herself, and I have no claim on her. All I ask is that you don’t play games with her because she deserves more respect than that.”
“I hear you, bro, and you know I never intentionally set out to hurt anyone.” And isn’t that the truth. Gil has a heart of gold. It’s not his fault that he’s a total man-slut. I guess we all have our unique ways of dealing with our demons.
We call it a night a little while later and I head over to my pod. Mel’s facing away from me so I can’t tell if she’s asleep or not. I tiptoe in and creep under the covers.
A loud rumbling noise wakes me a couple of hours later. Mel sits bolt upright in her bed the same time I do. A strange ringing sound echoes outside and then there’s a loud explosion. I climb out of bed and stab my finger on the keypad at the door. It opens with a sharp click. Peering out cautiously, I see blasts of orange and red flaring in the dark sky. Loud screams mix with ear-shattering cries and the unmistakable sound of gunfire as we both scramble to get dressed.
Exchanging worried looks as an explosion causes the ground to shudder and tremble underfoot, we stare wide-eyed at each other as reality bites.
The camp is under attack.
CHAPTER 12
Keeping Mel tight to my back, I step out of the pod. Soldiers race in every direction, some shouting instructions as they run. I clasp Mel’s hand and dash toward Gil’s pod. He is outside, surrounded by a group of local rebels including Isla, relaying hurried instructions and handing out weapons. Noticing our approach, he throws two guns to me.
Another loud explosion rocks the camp and I look up. Several stealth-craft hover overhead, dropping missiles in quick succession. “Damn. What can we do?” I ask.
“They’re targeting the medical tent,” Mel screams, pointing. “We have to help them!”
She runs off before I can stop her. Cursing under my breath, I sprint after her but she’s much quicker than I am. Gil shouts something behind me, but I’m too far away to hear. Soldiers slam into me as they run in the opposite direction. A loud fireball lights up the sky and I halt briefly as one of the stealth-craft careers into the ground, its side engulfed in flames. A rousing cheer resounds on the far side of the camp. Dragging my gaze away, I continue ahead, my eyes scanning the area in front of me for any sign of Mel. But I can’t see her. I curse loudly as profound unease swirls in my chest. I push myself forward with urgency.
A shrill noise pounds in my skull, and I drop to the ground, clutching my ears. Debris flies all around me as a bomb hits close to home. Hunkering down, I curl up into a ball and pray I wake from thi
s. Bits of debris hit my body as it lands all over me. After a couple of minutes, I risk a quick peek. The area in front of me has been razed to the ground and a raging fire burns brightly. Blistering heat attacks me, and sweat rolls down my face. Frantic cries and bone-crushing screams lace the air. My throat is dry and coarse, and my voice sounds croaky as I call out for Mel. A hand hooks me from behind. “Where is she?” Gil asks.
“I don’t know. I lost sight of her.”
“Come on,” he says, propelling me forward. We stumble over fallen bodies and broken material that litters the ground ahead of us. We both call out her name continuously but there is no reply. When we reach the medical tent, my heart almost stops in my chest. The stench of death and decay hits me like a bolt of lightning and I throw up.
“Jesus,” I say, dropping to the ground on my butt. “Fuck.”
“Get up, Zane. We need to search for her,” Gil says, tugging me up. Bodies and body parts dot the ground, and I clamp my hand over my mouth at the sight of Gil checking them. Forcing the nausea back down, I follow his lead, gagging as I take in the horrific landscape. My fear for Mel escalates every time I turn over a bloody, burnt face, only dissipating when I identify it’s not her. But the initial sweet relief doesn’t last long.
“Over here!” Gil shouts. Peering up, I spot him frantically waving at me. I drop the body in my hands and run toward him as he lifts up an inert figure. Dear God, please let her be okay. “She’s still alive,” Gil says when I approach. Mel is unconscious in his arms, her head slouched and her body limp. Parts of her clothing are burnt off, and black marks cover her skin like a giant-sized tattoo. It’s hard to tell the extent of her injuries, and my whole body shudders with fright.
“We need to get out of here,” I shout, so Gil can hear me over the noise.
“To the woods. We’ll convene with the others.”
“Let me take her.” Gil slides her to me and I fit her close to my chest. He walks quickly ahead, and I try to keep up. I jump at every gunshot and every explosion, and I worry that my new heart won’t withstand the stress much longer. We are almost at the edge of the camp when the earth explodes around us, sending me flying through the air and hurtling to the ground. I manage to twist around mid-flight and hit the ground on my rear with a thud. A sharp pain whips across my back and I wince out loud. A low moan escapes Mel’s throat though I welcome the sound of it.
“Mel? Are you okay?” It’s a stupid question to ask, but my brain is frazzled. I can hardly hear myself speak, and there’s a loud, irritating buzzing sound in my ears.
She mumbles incoherently. My vision blurs and black spots swim in front of my eyes. My lids clamp shut as I drift in and out of consciousness.
“Get up, Zane. Zane! WAKE UP!”
Forcing my eyes to open, I slide Mel to the side and attempt to stand up. I wobble precariously, feeling off-balance. Pain spreads across my back, but I don’t think anything’s broken. I take a quick minute to focus my vision, and once I can see straight, I bend over and scoop Mel up in my arms. As I turn around, I let out a huge anguished roar.
Gil is immobile and face down on the ground. Placing Mel back on the ground, I dash to his aid. I grip his wrist and wait for the feel of his pulse. It’s faint, but it’s there all the same. There’s no time to feel relief. Malcolm said the rebels had built hidden bunkers. I need to get both of them into the shelter of the woods. I go back for Mel first and stagger the last few yards. As I near, I spot a few figures hovering on the edges of the forest.
“Let me take her,” Isla says, reaching out to me. “Are you hurt?” she asks, surveying me.
“No, I’m fine. But I need to go back for Gil. He’s injured.”
Her face falls. “Jax,” Isla hisses. “I need you.”
A familiar tall figure comes forth. He steps back, startled, when he sees me. The one and only time I met Jax was when we rescued Ari from Stafford Police Station. Jax had been incarcerated alongside her and he’d escaped with us. That was months ago. “No time for pleasantries, Jax,” I say, “Gil needs our help.”
Nodding, he runs alongside me as I head back to where Gil remains on the ground. Together, we lift him up carefully and carry him back toward the woods. Acrid smoke burns my throat and stings my eyes, and we stumble several times in the smoke-filled air. The ringing in my ears is a low drone in the background.
When we reach the woods, four guys carrying a stretcher greet us. We ease Gil onto the stretcher and walk behind them as they lead the way. Jax looks at me as we walk. “I take it Gil is a friend of yours?” I nod, lips drawn tight. My head is cluttered with fear, and I’m like one of those party favors—stuffed full of crap, ready to explode as soon as the lid is popped. “Shit situation, man.” He momentarily flattens a hand on my back.
We walk wordlessly the rest of the way; only the occasional grunt or heavy panting sound from one of the men tasked with carrying Gil shatters the silence. After a couple of miles, we stop and Jax taps four times on the forest floor. My brow furrows as I crane to inspect the ground. Two wooden handles peek out between the muddy earth as the door flies open. Hands extend and Gil is slowly lowered down.
I follow Jax down steep, creaky wooden steps into a basement room. Layers upon layers of matted straw cover the ground, and wooden benches line the full perimeter of the space. Mattresses are strewn side to side at the top of the room, several bodies covering them. I spot Isla instantly. She’s perched on the edge of one of the mattresses, her gaze fixed on an unconscious Mel. I stride toward her, looking over my shoulder at Gil. Jax and a big muscly guy are lifting him onto the only gurney in the room. I quicken my pace.
“How is she?” I ask crouching down alongside Mel.
“Doc had a look at her, says she’ll be fine. Some minor surface burns and a slight concussion but she’ll live.” Isla wipes gently at Mel’s arm, cleaning off the surface grit.
“Thank God. You good to look after her for a few? I need to see how Gil is.” I rise awkwardly, my back remonstrating loudly.
Her head flits wildly around until she spots Gil. “Oh no.”
“We were almost to the edge of the forest when we got waylaid by a bomb. He was much closer to the impact than I was. He’s been unconscious the whole time.” I drop my head into my hands. Isla’s arm wraps around mine and I lift my head. “I’ll come back when I know more.”
Jax introduces me to the doctor. She is cutting what remains of Gil’s clothes from his body to examine the extent of his injuries. I wince as she cuts and peels the blood-soaked material from his legs. Bits of unidentified debris are embedded in his legs and they ooze blood like a leaky tank. I stuff my hand in my mouth and bite down hard. Anything to stem the hysteria building inside me. “He needs to get to a hospital,” she says, looking at me. “He’s losing too much blood. I’ll do what I can to help him, but without proper facilities, there is nothing much I can do. He’ll bleed out in a manner of hours if we don’t hurry.”
“I need to find Commander Skyee,” I tell Jax. He’s the only one who can fix this.
“I’ll go with you.” Jax walks to the table on the far wall and grabs some supplies.
Isla hops up and runs to me. “Be careful,” she says, hugging me.
I nod and shuck out of her embrace. “Look after Mel. I’ll be back for her.”
Jax and I exit the safety of the underground bunker and run through the woods, back toward the noise of the commotion. When we reach the edge, we stop to strategize. “Where would Commander Skyee most likely be?”
“I assume he was at the Command tent when the attack started.”
“Let’s start there,” he says. “But we’ll need to go around the perimeter.” Even though it’s quicker to cut through the middle, it’s far too dangerous. The obvious sounds of attack and counter-attack still resonate all around us, and I know Jax talks sense, but every second counts when Gil’s life is at stake.
“There isn’t enough time. I’m going to take my chances. I won’t think any
less of you if you don’t.”
He scans the area in front of us and cusses under his breath. “Let’s push on.” I draw a deep breath and run headfirst into the chaos. We dart forward, jumping over bodies and rubble and dodging potholes and mini-fires that burn all over the place. The cries and pleas for help are much harder to avoid.
I falter when I spot a female soldier sprawled on the ground, cradling an injured man in her arms. Her eyes appeal for help. “We can’t help him,” Jax says firmly, urging me forward. Guilt flies up and smacks me in the mouth. Averting my gaze, I continue running, ignoring the painful churning in my gut.
I daren’t look up. If a bomb is heading our way, I’d much rather be totally oblivious. We reach the spot where the Command tent should be, but it’s been obliterated. Renewed terror claws at my chest. Then I spot a group of soldiers clustered around two large rocket-launchers mounted to the back of two huge trucks. Running toward them, I call out Malcolm’s name.
Powerful relief courses through me when I hear his acknowledging response. Running to him, I quickly explain about Gil and Mel. Malcolm’s face contorts though he says nothing while I speak. Advising me to hold tight, he sprints off to converse with a tall gray-haired man. They are both gesturing wildly with their hands. Eventually, he returns. “Okay, I’ve managed to secure them a spot on the medic truck. But it’s leaving shortly so we need to hurry.
We follow him to a black SUV and hop in. Jax radios ahead and puts in the request, and then he guides Malcolm around the outer edge of the camp. My stomach leaps into my throat as the car weaves a dangerous path toward the woods. Malcolm expertly dodges all the obstacles blocking our way and the occasional shot from above. It’s decidedly hairy at times, but eventually we reach the edge of the forest, and he slams the brakes on.
I spot figures hiding in the shade. Jumping out, I help Jax move Gil and Mel into the back of the vehicle. “Good luck, man,” Jax says, slapping me on the back.
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