Tears roll flagrantly down her cheeks, and a myriad of emotions skitter across her face. I can almost see the cogs churning in her brain, and I try to contain my growing nervousness. My knee taps up and down, the movement causing the bed to sway. “I do trust you. The problem is with me, not you.” She clears her throat. “I know I’ve been shutting you out and I’m sorry. Part of the issue was the whole messy situation with Zane. The level of guilt I’ve felt is indescribable. But I’ve thought long and hard about it. I know what I want, and it’s you.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I press a kiss to her forehead. Sweltering love brims inside me at hearing the words I’ve so desperately craved. “I’ve spoken to him and he understands that I’ve made my decision. Now I need to tell you some stuff so there’s no impediment to us being together. If that’s what you still want,” she says.
“Baby,” I say, cupping her cheek. “Haven’t you been listening? The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the only one for me. I’ll always want you. Whatever you think is so terrible, I’m sure it’s something we can overcome. We’ll just hold onto each other; the two of us against the world.” My entire body shudders with the intensity of my love.
She cracks a mega-watt smile, and my heart feels fit to burst. “I know what we have is real. Let’s not ever forget that.” Her fingers twist in my hair, and we stay locked in a magical moment. Eyes melded together, hearts racing equally fast, so much emotion emanating between us.
A few minutes later, she pulls back. “Okay. Stuff to tell you.” She swallows a nervous laugh. “What I need to say involves Zane. But you can’t get upset because it’s in the past. Alright?” I nod, mentally steeling my heart for imminent assault. “Brace yourself.”
She sits up straighter and draws a deep breath. My eyes probe her face as she searches for the right words. “When I was fourteen, the captain of the basketball team asked me out on a date. I turned him down flat because I was desperately in love with Zane and pinning all my hopes on him someday returning those feelings.”
My stomach sours and I add another steel layer around my heart.
“A month after that,” she continues, “Zane told me he had feelings for me too. We started exclusively dating from that point on, and I was deliriously happy.” I scratch the line of stubble on my jaw and try to ward off the surge of envy and jealousy flooding every cell in my body. “You doing okay?” she asks, placing her hand on mine. I fling her a feeble nod. “I noticed Si … Siva …”
Her voice trembles on his name and ice drips down my spine. She grabs the bottle of water by her knee and drains it. Her hands knot in her lap, and even though she has told me almost nothing at this point, I’m already sensing where she’s going with this. Please, God, no. Let it not be what I’m thinking.
She clears her throat and expels another lungful of air. It’s patently obvious how difficult this is for her. “I noticed Siva glaring my way whenever we crossed paths. Particularly when he spotted Zane and me together. But I ignored him, presuming he’d get over it eventually. Guess I underestimated how much of a reputation-killer it was. Apparently, I was the only one to ever turn him down.” Her face pales as her chest visibly heaves.
I wrap my hands around hers. Moisture rims the edges of her eyes. “Zane and I used to go out running every day in the woods behind my house. Then he was accepted to the Southern Connecticut pre-entry graduate program and his time became a little more precious. He was working on a project and couldn’t run with me this one time. I decided to head out by myself, not thinking anything of it.”
Her whole body shudders and I can taste her fear. “Baby, if this is too much—” I interject but she raises a hand to silence me.
“I need to tell you this. I can’t relax until you know the truth.” A loud sob racks her body and I haul her into my arms.
She nestles into my shoulder, and her whole body feels tense. Lifting her head, she eyeballs me. Her eyes glaze over as she’s lost in the memory. “I heard footsteps running swiftly behind me,” she whispers, closing her eyes. “I thought it was Zane, but my heart almost gave out on the spot when I saw it was him. Siva.”
She shivers uncontrollably and I circle my thumb over the back of her hand. “I pretended like nothing was wrong, even though my senses were firing alarm bells at me left, right, and center. I acknowledged him but kept running. He followed me, yelling to wait up, but I pushed my legs faster. The jeering started then, and I sped up, running as fast as my legs would carry me. He screamed at me to stop, but I just kept on running, my whole body in total panic mode at this stage.”
She pauses and her eyes open, drilling into mine. “He jumped me from behind, and I hit the ground hard. He turned me around, and though my vision was hazy, the look in his face …” Tears pour down her face, and I’m struggling to keep my shit together. “I swear to God, Cal, I don’t think I’ll forget that look for as long as I’ll live. It was wild and manic, animalistic, his face contorted into a sneer. He pinned me down with the length of his body, one hand tugging my hands over my head. I tried to fight him off but I was trapped, I could barely move under his weight. As I felt him pressing against me, he started to describe all the horrific things he was going to do to me.”
She breaks down completely and I enfold her in my arms. She sobs into my shoulder, her whole body trembling. Violent rage swamps me, overpowering all other sensations, and I have to consciously force myself to calm down. “Did he rape you?” I grit out.
She settles back, wiping her sleeve against her nose. I retrieve a paper towel from my shirt pocket and hand it to her. My question hangs ominously in the air, and I pray for patience I know I don’t possess. She blows her nose and straightens. “No,” she says, shaking her head. I almost crumple underneath her. “He didn’t get that far. But he did … other things …” She cries again and the urge to kill rides me hard. My mind starts thinking of ways in which I can track the rat-bastard down.
“All I could think about while I was lying there was that I wanted to die. I was crying and screaming and the whole time trying to fight him off but he just laughed.” She shakes her head, wiping her fingers under her eyes. Sobs continue to tumble forth. “I don’t remember silently calling out to Zane, but he told me after that I did. Turns out, he was already on his way to my house so he got there before Siva could take it all the way. I heard Zane telling me he was coming and I fought harder. Then Siva was yanked off me and Zane knocked him out.”
She releases my hands and wraps her arms around her body. “We thought he was unconscious,” she whispers. The sheer vulnerability in her gaze almost destroys me. “Zane was helping me up when Siva swooped in from behind. He grabbed Zane and flung him back on the path. Then his fists were all over him, and I was screaming as Zane’s head jerked with each punch. The only thought going through my mind was that he was going to kill him and then come back to finish me. I knew I had to do something. My eyes flew to a rock on the ground, and without thinking, I picked it up and whacked him over the head with it. He slumped forward immediately, pinning Zane under his weight. Somehow I managed to drag Zane out from underneath him, but he was unconscious, his face beaten to a pulp, blood oozing everywhere.” She scrubs her palms over her face. “I think I chewed my fingernails to the bone pacing back and forth, wondering what the hell to do. I’d just decided to run for Dad when Zane came to.”
She pauses, her eyes scanning the room. “I need more water.” Her voice is hoarse. I swipe a bottle out from under my bed and hand it to her. She glugs loudly, and when her eyes swing back to mine, they are heavy under the burden of her confession.
“It was only then I noticed the pool of blood spreading out from Siva’s head. Zane checked for a pulse and shook his head.”
She gets up slowly and starts pacing in the tiny space. I stare at her, horror-struck. I lock my hands behind my head. Fuck. No wonder she was terrified of telling me this. “So, what did you do?” I try to keep the shock out of my voice.
“Z
ane wanted to get Dad and turn ourselves in. He said it was self-defense and we both had the marks to prove it.” A bitter taste swamps my mouth, and I don’t want to think about the marks he left on my baby. “But I wouldn’t let him. The scandal would’ve ended my dad’s career and Zane probably would’ve been kicked off the University IT program. It meant the world to him, and I wouldn’t let him throw it all away because of me.”
I stand up and force her to stop wearing a line in the ground. Gently placing my hands on her shoulders, I stare into her eyes. “Sweetheart, none of that was your fault. You did what you had to do to keep yourself and Zane alive. And that bastard,” I spit out the word, “deserved to die.”
She sways against me, and my arms snake around her waist. “What did you do with his body?”
“We buried him in the woods.” Her response is muffled in my shirt.
“Did anyone ever find out?” She peers up at me, her features now strangely devoid of emotion, exhausted from reliving the whole horrendous affair.
“Not that I realized at the time.” She swipes a hand over her hair.
“What do you mean?” I frown, her meaning unclear.
“Micha somehow found out during my memory erase. You remember that wedding photo we found?”
I dredge up the memory and instantly recall the photo. Micha, Zolt, and a little boy with a scowl in a navy blue suit. Blood freezes in my veins. “No!”
She nods. “I don’t have any concrete proof except for what I know in here,” she says, landing a hand on her heart. “Siva was her child and now she knows what happened to him. That I killed him. She’s out for revenge.”
“Shit,” I say, dragging a hand through my hair.
“She wants me dead, Cal.”
CHAPTER 17
Ariana insists she has more to tell me, but I quiet her with a kiss. That’s more than enough for one night. She is practically dead on her feet, so I tell her the rest can wait until morning and force her into bed alongside me.
Mercifully, she falls asleep quite quickly, the lengthy journey and her confession sapping her energy. Despite my throbbing arm and the painful ache in my head and my heart, sleep continues to evade me. I can’t stop going over what she’s told me and the anguish intensifies with every remembered word. That she had to suffer such a beastly assault when she was still so young is beyond horrific. My heart swells with sorrow and grief. I don’t understand why she felt I would think less of her upon hearing the story. If anything, it has enhanced my belief in her. She’s even stronger than I’d thought.
And she was right to take the action she took. If she’d come forward, it would have ruined things for her dad and Zane. Good riddance. Except, the chain of events back then set her on a course for the future. Now that I fully understand the threat that Micha poses, I’m furious that Ariana took such a risk in coming to see me. Who knows if Micha is trailing her and what harm she could’ve come to? I don’t care what anyone says to me now. I’m plastering myself to her side, and if she needs to return to Greece, then it’ll be with me. No one or nothing is separating us again.
For the first time ever, I genuinely feel sympathy for Zane. And heartfelt gratitude. Who knows what might’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up that day? He saved her and I’ll be forever in his debt. Now that I know this, I can understand his position more clearly. Still doesn’t mean that I like the guy. But I feel for him. Honestly, I do. He has loved and protected her for far longer than me. Sharing a secret like that? Wow. That blows the mind. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that must’ve been. And then for him to have to watch as she was taken away, her memory of him erased, and to find out that she was in love with another guy.
I finally get it.
Still doesn’t change a thing, but perhaps I can find more compassion in my heart for him now. He’s lost everything he cares about, and I know how that feels because it’s what I believed the last couple of months. To say it sucked doesn’t even come close to calling it.
There’s still a part of me, though, that doubts the strength of her feelings for me. Hell, if they’ve experienced something like that, how do you ever walk away from it? Or maybe that’s the point: She has to in order to move on.
My troubled thoughts weigh heavy on my brain, but eventually I drift into a disturbed sleep.
When I open my eyes the next morning, worried blue eyes peer intently into mine. “You okay?” I mutter, my voice dripping with sleep.
“Yeah. You?”
“I’m fine. Stop worrying about me.”
She props up on an elbow, her other hand massaging her stomach. “Do you hate me now?”
Mirroring her position—minus the stomach rubbing—I edge in closer. “Of course, I don’t. I could never hate you. What you told me last night was one of the bravest things I’ve ever heard.”
She looks incredulous and her hand stalls on her belly. “I killed someone, Cal. I’m a murderer.” Her lip wobbles.
“Don’t say that. You acted in self-defense, that’s not murder. You did what you had to, and for the record, I fully condone your actions. If it had been me, I would’ve buried the fuckers’ body too and not said a word.”
She touches my arm and a tingle of electricity feathers along my skin. “You really mean that? You don’t think I’m a bad person?”
I lie back down and pull her against my chest. “You’re good through and through. You couldn’t be bad even if you tried.”
A muffled sob rises up from her chest. Peering up at me through a long fan of inky-black lashes, she stares at me awestruck. The egotistical side of me, the side that I try to keep buried, rears its ugly head.
“There’s still something else I need to tell you,” she admits, just as a loud rumble from my stomach signals it’s time for breakfast.
“Let’s eat first. You must be starving too, especially now you’re eating for two.”
She bites down on her lip, her look hesitant. “Okay, but I desperately need to shower first.”
I grimace. “I don’t think you’ll enjoy the communal showering facilities.” I remember her aversion to nakedness all too well. With a pang, I realize I now have a stronger appreciation of why.
“I know a place you can bathe privately, but it’ll take us an hour to get there. Do you think you could manage that?”
She pins me with a look I’ve come to know quite well. “I’m pregnant, not incapacitated,” she says, nudging my ribs with her elbow. Her touch is softer than usual. “That sounds interesting. Let’s do that after breakfast.”
New instructions have yet to be issued by Saoirse HQ so there are no plans for today, Commander De Luca informs me, readily approving my trip to the lake with Ariana. He insists I take a comm-clip and suggests I take a couple of the others in case we run into any trouble. Obliging easily on the first count, I’m knocking the second on the head. Having been deprived of her sweeter-than-sugar presence in my life these last couple of months, I’m not allowing anyone else to tag along today. I desperately need to spend time alone with her. Anyway, we’re both proficient with weapons, and we know how to take care of ourselves.
I’ve loaded my backpack with drinks, snacks, and weapons, and I’m just waiting for Ariana to come back from the bathroom. Seizing the opportunity to have a quick chat with Taylor, I head out in search of him.
I catch him as he’s coming out of the food tent. “Sup, man?” he says in greeting, clapping me on the back.
“I was hoping to talk to you about the baby.”
We’ve reached the front of the medic tent, and Taylor strolls in as if he owns the place. Rolling my eyes, I follow his lead. His reputation must precede him if the amount of high-fives and knuckle touches he garners are any judge. He grins and winks at me but I push my irritation aside. We take two empty chairs off to the side and sit down. “Shoot,” he says, slouching back in the chair.
“Well, um. Is everything going according to plan? Um. I mean, is Ariana okay and the baby okay?” He chuckles lo
udly and my fist yearns to punch his smug face. My nervous stuttering is embarrassing, but how the hell do I know what to ask? He’s the doctor for crying out loud.
My fists start to flex and he coughs, straightening up. “Sorry. It’s just so cute. The two of you.” I shoot a glacial look his way.
“Look,” he says, leaning in conspiratorially, talking in a hushed voice. “Everything is fine so you have nothing to worry about.” I release the breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. “But there is something I’m curious about.” I arch a brow. “Is there any history of twins in your family?”
I dart forward, my face almost nose to nose with his. “Why do you want to know that?” I hiss.
He shoves a hand through his hair and curses low under his breath. “I haven’t shared my suspicions with Ariana, because I didn’t want to worry her. But I think she might be carrying twins.”
I slump in my chair, mouth agape, eyes on stilts. Holy shit-balls for dinner. Twins? Two babies? That’s knocked the wind out of my sails. I watch him suspiciously, wondering if he’s joking, but his expression says he’s deadly serious. “Are you for real?”
He nods, but adds in a low whisper, “I haven’t been able to confirm it. I need to scan her when she’s back in Saoirse. Usually it runs in families or …”
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