Zombie Lover

by Anthony, Piers

  He flitted back to eavesdrop on Jeremy and Jenny. He felt a bit guilty for not telling Jenny what was going on, but if he had done so, that would have spoiled Jeremy’s test. He would tell her everything as soon as it was feasible.

  The two were standing in the very kind of awkward silence that was supposed to be avoided. Dolph came up behind the werewolf. “Compliment,” he whispered.

  “You have nice spectacles,” Jeremy said.

  “Oh, they’re just from a spectacle bush,” Jenny said. “I can’t see very well without them.”

  There was more silence. “Try again,” Dolph whispered.

  “You have nice hands.”

  Jenny held them up. “You like four fingers?”

  “Four fingers!” he said, amazed.

  Worse and worse. This wasn’t working.

  “You didn’t know?” Jenny asked. “Then why did you comment?”

  Jeremy stared at his feet. “I’m sorry. I was trying to say something nice, but I’m not good at it.”

  “Something nice? Why?”

  “Do you really want to know?” he asked, dejected.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “It’s sort of complicated.”

  “Life often is. Tell me.”

  “I’m trying to learn how to impress women, because I am cursed not to recognize my true love until she comes to me, only she won’t know it so won’t come, so I need to be interesting enough so she’ll want to.”

  Jenny digested that. “I guess it’s a start. But I should think you would fare better just by being yourself.”

  “But I’m just sort of dull and clumsy, in this form.”

  “This form? What other form do you have?”

  “I’m a werewolf.”

  “A werewolf!” Jenny exclaimed, delighted. “That’s wonderful!”

  “It is?”

  “I always liked wolves. I’m a wolf-rider.”

  “You ride wolves?”

  “Well, I did back home. But I never met any wolves here in Xanth, so I couldn’t ride. Anyway, it isn’t as if I could ride just any wolf.”

  “It isn’t?”

  “No, it has to be a wolf friend. That’s—well, it gets complicated to explain.”

  “In my wolf form, I can read minds. May I read yours?”

  “A telepathic wolf? Certainly; why not? I have nothing to hide, and you can get the concept much more quickly and completely.”

  Jeremy changed to wolf form. Jenny smiled and stroked his fur. She was a small girl, and he was a big wolf, so his head was as high as hers. She showed no fear at all; instead she was plainly delighted to be in the company of a wolf.

  Dolph shook his invisible head. Suddenly this was working out, but not in the way expected. Jeremy hadn’t impressed her by his attempted compliments, but by his basic nature, which Jenny happened to like. Did that count?”

  Jeremy resumed manform so he could talk. “Your World of Two Moons—how wonderfully strange,” he said. “I had no idea you were such a remarkable person, with such an exotic origin.”

  “Oh, I’m not remarkable or exotic,” she protested. “I just came to Xanth by accident, chasing Sammy Cat. I’m strictly nothing much.”

  “Not as I see it.” Jeremy hesitated. “I am strong enough to carry you. Would you like to ride me? In my wolf form, I mean?”

  She clapped her hands. “Oh, yes!”

  “I’ll go very slowly, so you won’t fall off.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I won’t fall off. An elf never forgets wolf-riding.”

  Jeremy resumed his wolf shape. He started to lie down, so Jenny could climb on him, but she didn’t wait. She leaped, and was on his back, holding on to the long fur of his collar. He started to walk, slowly, but she showed no sign of unsteadiness. So he moved faster, and she had no trouble. He was evidently reading her mind, and knowing that she was all right.

  Then he broke into a run. Dolph changed to invisible wolf form and followed. They charged along the path and on to the beach, where the wolf did his utmost, running swiftly along between the water and the jungle. Jenny never wavered; Dolph could see her smiling.

  After a while Jeremy slowed, then stopped, and Jenny slid off. “Oh, thank you so much!” she cried. “That was the most wonderful experience I’ve had in years!”

  Jeremy resumed man form. “It’s nice being appreciated like that. You really do know how to ride a wolf.”

  “Yes, we are made for it. That’s why we are small, so as not to be too much of a burden.”

  “You were no burden.”

  Jenny turned and hugged him around the neck and shoulders. Then she drew back, abashed. “Oh! I forget you had changed form. Hugging wolves is natural, but—”

  “I know what you mean.” He changed back, and she hugged him again.

  Then she drew back. “What’s this about the curse? I mean, how do you know there’s only one woman for you?”

  Jeremy resumed man form. “It’s all part of the curse. If I don’t find her before she passes twenty one, I’ll never find her at all. So the three kings and Breanna are helping me learn how to— well, never mind.”

  “No, it’s all right. You were supposed to practice on me?”

  “Yes,” he said, abashed.

  “Well, then you should do it. Your woman must be growing older all the time. You need to get it straight as soon as possible.”

  “You don’t mind?”

  “Jeremy, for a wolf-ride I would do anything. Practice on me all you want; I want to help you.”

  “Oh, thank you, Jenny. This will help a lot.” He paused, looking down at his feet again. “I’m sorry I was so clumsy. I mean, complimenting your hands when I hadn’t even really seen them. But I do think they are nice hands.”

  “Four fingers and all?”

  “I felt those hands grip my fur as you rode with perfect balance. I don’t care how many fingers you have; they’re great.” He took one of her hands and kissed it.

  “Oh.” Jenny blushed.

  “Sorry. I got carried away. I do clumsy things when—”

  “Oh, stop it. I’m not embarrassed, I’m touched. Nobody ever did that to me before.”

  Jeremy looked around. “I suppose we should get back to the glade before the kings return and miss us.”

  “I suppose.”

  But he didn’t change form, and she didn’t make any motion. They walked along, looking out over the sea. Dolph wondered whether he should join them, but decided to remain hidden.

  “You said a name I didn’t recognize,” Jenny said after a bit. “A girl?”

  “Breanna. She came with the three kings. She was trying to teach me to be charming. It wasn’t working very well.”

  “How did they get together with her? She’s not of Castle Roogna.”

  “I didn’t mean to snoop, but I did pick up some things from her mind. She was chased by a zombie, and I think the kings helped her escape. She helped them too. They were on the Isle of Women, and those women don’t like to let royal men get away unmarried.”

  “But they are married already.”

  “Those women don’t like to take no for an answer. They would have tried to make them renounce their existing wives and marry Isle Women. Anyway, the three of them and Breanna got away and came here. My father made them try to help me, before he would tell them where their home is.”

  “Well, I’m glad I got to meet you. I didn’t know where they were, but Sammy found them.” Jenny froze. “Oh! I lost Sammy!”

  “He must be with Breanna. We’d better return now.”

  “Yes.”

  He changed, she jumped on, and they raced like the wind back the way they had come, with Dolph following.

  They reached the grove as Bink and Dor were returning. “Look at that!” Dor exclaimed. “He’s carrying her!”

  Jeremy halted, and Jenny slid off. They were similarly abashed. “I know we should have been practicing manners,” Jenny said. “We just got carried away.”

/>   “We didn’t know you could ride,” Bink said.

  “I can’t. Except for wolves. I’m a wolf-rider. When I met Jeremy— I’m sorry. I just got carried away. Literally. We’ll practice now.”

  Jeremy assumed manform. “It was my fault. When I learned her nature—” He skuffled his feet.

  “I’ve got to find Sammy,” Jenny said, walking on into the grove. Jeremy followed, and so did Dolph.

  Sure enough, there was Breanna, asleep, with the cat snuggled up against her. The girl’s eyes opened as they approached. “Hello, Jenny,” she said.

  Jenny was surprised. “Have we met?”

  Breanna sat up. “Not exactly. Justin knows you.”

  “Justin?”

  “Justin Tree, of the North Village. You have visited him. His mind is with me now, and he identifies folk for me.”

  “Oh. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I had lost track of Sammy Cat, so I thought he might be here.”

  Breanna looked at Sammy, who was now stretching. “Yes, he joined me in a cat nap. He’s good company.”

  Dolph realized that Sammy had been looking for a nap, so had found the cat nap.

  “We’ll get out of your way,” Jenny said.

  “No, I’m okay. That nap will hold me for a while. I can sleep at night if I have to. We need to get Jeremy trained.”

  “Yes,” Jenny agreed. “But now that I know his nature, I relate to him as a wolf. That distorts my awareness.”

  Breanna smiled. “Something always messes up. I know how it is.”

  “Maybe it’s part of my curse,” Jeremy said.

  Both girls laughed. “We’ll just have to beat your curse,” Breanna said. “Now let’s see how you impress Jenny, as a man. What do you do?”

  Jeremy turned to Jenny. “You have nice ears.” Then he did a doubletake. “Oops.”

  “They’re pointed,” Jenny said. “You hadn’t noticed?”

  He nodded. “As I said, I’m just sort of clumsy in manform.”

  “You’re going to have to learn to notice things,” Breanna said. “So you can make accurate compliments.”

  They continued to practice. Dolph, bored, wandered away. He was in invisible wolf form, so he changed to visible wolf form, so that he could relate to the wolves of the isle.

  He spied a wolf racing in from the beach. The wolf looked worried and disgusted. “What’s the matter?” Dolph growled in wolf-talk as the other passed.

  “There’s a zombie werewolf coming to the isle! I must tell the king, so we can repel it,” the other growled, and raced on.

  The werewolves didn’t want a zombie werewolf? It occurred to Dolph that Breanna might be interested in that, after her experience with zombies. He trotted back to the funk grove.

  “I think you’re getting it,” Breanna was telling Jeremy. “But Jenny’s right: she’s not right, because she sees you as a wolf prince.”

  “Prince?” Jenny asked, startled.

  “Oops, I messed up,” Breanna said. “Again.”

  “Yes, I am a werewolf prince,” Jeremy said. “We didn’t tell you, because I was supposed to impress you as a man, not as a prince. Instead I impressed you as a wolf.”

  Jenny looked crestfallen. “I guess that means you won’t be free to— I mean a prince has better things to do than carry around stray elves.”

  He put his arm around her. “Jenny, I love carrying you! I’ll be glad to do it any time. I never before encountered anyone who could ride like that. Or anyone who valued my wolfishness rather than my princeness. I want to be your wolf-friend.”

  She shook her head. “Princes have duties. They have to learn to be kings. They can’t just run around with friends and explore Xanth.” She looked at Dor. “Isn’t that so?”

  “That is so,” Dor agreed. “And this is why we are trying to help Jeremy. He must abate his curse so he can be ready to be a king, in due course.”

  “But I don’t care about being king,” Jeremy said. “Not if I have to marry the wrong woman. I’d rather be a wolf-friend, and range all Xanth.”

  “That would be second best,” Jenny said, a tear in her eye. “We can’t let it happen. You must find your true love.”

  Then Breanna noticed Dolph. “There’s a strange wolf here.”

  Dolph changed form. “No, it’s just me. I just learned that there’s a zombie werewolf coming to the isle, and the other werewolves don’t like that.”

  “The zombies have a right to exist too,” Breanna said hotly. “So they’re a bit different from others; so’s everybody. I’m black, Jenny’s an elf, you’re a shape changer—we’re all different in our special ways. They should let it come here.”

  “I thought you might feel that way,” Dolph said.

  “Let’s go talk to King Wolverton,” Breanna said. “I think I’ve done more than enough mischief here. You folk can practice better without me.”

  “That’s not true,” Dor said.

  But Breanna was already in motion. “I don’t know how to ride, but is there some other form you could take to carry me in a hurry to the king?”

  Dolph became a winged man. Actually he was himself with wings, another refinement he had learned. He picked her up and flew into the nearest patch of sky.

  She looked around. “Oh, this is as much fun as flying in that duck boat! Just don’t drop me.”

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Dolph said.

  “I was teasing.” She kissed him on the cheek.

  He wavered, and had to correct his course. He knew he was blushing.

  “Sorry,” Breanna said. “I get into more trouble by being impulsive.”

  He spied Wolverton Mountain and glided down. The wolves had already gathered, and were in animated dialogue.

  The werewolves paused as Dor landed and set Breanna on her feet. One approached them. “This is a private matter,” he murmured.

  “No it isn’t!” Breanna retorted. “You’re discriminating against a zombie werewolf, and I won’t have it. He’s a person too.”

  They stared at her. “You are defending a zombie?” King Wolverton demanded.

  “Yes! Somebody’s got to. All they want to do is get along, and they’re not bad folk. They can be useful too. Suppose a gruesome monster invaded the isle, and it killed any of you who tried to stop it? A zombie can’t be killed. A zombie could fight that monster, or maybe disgust it so it went away. That’s why they have zombies to defend Castle Roogna. You should welcome that zombie werewolf!”

  The werewolves passed a glance around. “Sire, she is making sense,” one said.

  The king looked at Breanna cannily. “Some folk are great for recommending things for other folk that they wouldn’t do themselves.”

  “Oh, yeah? Like what?”

  “Like associating with zombies.”

  Dolph knew what was coming. The werewolves didn’t know about Breanna’s recent history. He kept his mouth shut.

  “So you think I’m a hypocrite?” Breanna demanded. “That I wouldn’t touch a zombie myself?”

  “That is what I suspect,” the king agreed.

  “So if I touch that zombie, you’ll let him stay here without trying to freeze him out?”

  There was another glance. “That depends on the magnitude of the touch,” the king said. “We will match your level of contact, in a general way.”

  “Okay, just watch me.” She turned to Dolph. He picked her up again and flew toward the beach, while the others assumed wolf form and ran swiftly in the same direction.

  “They think you’re bluffing,” Dolph told her.

  “I know they do. But I’m not doing this just to embarrass them. I’m doing it because it’s right.”

  “Is Justin Tree guiding you in that?”

  “No, he’s agreeing with me. It took me a while to get straight about zombies, but now I know what to do.”

  They reached the beach. The duck boat was just arriving. Dolph landed, set the girl down, and stayed back as the wolves caught up to him.

  B
reanna hurried out to intercept the zombie. It seemed to be male, in wolf form, and rather farther gone than Dolph personally liked. Would the girl be able to make herself touch him?

  “Hello,” Breanna said as the wolf got out of the boat. “Welcome to the Isle of Wolves. Will you defend it against all enemies, including gruesome monsters?”

  The wolf nodded, and a bit of furry skin dropped to the ground. Dolph winced.

  “Change form, please,” Breanna said.

  The wolf became a similarly decaying man. His eyes were sunken, and his lips had rotted away, so that his teeth were bare.

  “I am Breanna of the Black Wave. I’m not a werewolf; I’m just part of the welcoming committee. Who are you?”

  “Ztigma Zhombie.”

  Breanna paused, and Dolph knew she was consulting with Justin Tree. “Stigma? As in a mark of disgrace or disease?”

  “Yez.”

  “Fair enough,” she said. “Stigma, I’m going to give you a welcoming kiss. Hold out your arms.”

  The zombie did. Breanna stepped into that clumsy embrace, wrapped her arms around the decaying torso, and planted a solid kiss on the lipless mouth. She held that pose for a more than sufficient moment, then disengaged. “You will like it here,” she said. “Now you can meet King Wolverton.” She turned to face the werewolves.

  “She did it,” a werewolf said, shuddering. “We’re stuck for it.”

  “So we are,” the king said. “Well, a deal’s a deal.” He strode forward and shook the hand of the zombie. “Welcome,” he said gruffly, and walked away, his hand stiff, as if needing to be plunged into a vat of boiling soap.

  Dolph knew that after that, no other werewolf would criticize the zombie. He would get along.