by K. K. Allen
I grin. “Deal.”
Somewhere between South Carolina and Georgia, a buzz from my purse draws my attention from the darkening sky.
Hey, it’s Johnny. Stopped by your house. Rose said you went on a road trip…
My heart nearly bursts from my chest before an overwhelming sense of relief washes over me. I’ve been bottling it all up. Every feeling. Every thought. Every hope. And now that he’s finally made a move, I can let myself bask in it.
If Johnny stopped by my house, then he must have gotten my number from Rose. I don’t know what to say back. I can act like his return didn’t faze me in the least, like my life will go on without any detours down Johnny’s one-lane road to heartbreak. Not again.
I begin typing: My dad took me to Silver Lake. We’re on our way back.
I hesitate with my next question before typing it out anyway: Why did you stop by?
Johnny: To see you.
More bubbles pop up, indicating that he’s typing again, but no more text appears.
“You okay? It’s quiet over there.” Paul’s voice is gentle, but nudging.
I shrug. “Johnny said he stopped by to see me today.” I can’t believe I’m talking to my father about Johnny. Of all people, he should be most opposed to all things Johnny, the one who left me on the dock with a broken heart.
I glance down, my heart catching when I see that he wrote again.
Johnny: Can I see you tomorrow?
“He wants to see me tomorrow.”
“Do you want to see him tomorrow?” my dad asks, as if the answer is that simple.
“Yes,” I respond with heavy reluctance. “I’m not sure what good it will do, though. He hurt me when he left.”
My dad frowns. “But he’s back,” he states, as if the answer to my confused feelings is obvious.
“Yes, but only because he followed Erebus here.” I sigh and rest my head against the seat. “It’s complicated.”
My dad shrugs. “Maybe so, but you forgave me, didn’t you?”
I frown. “That’s different. You didn’t have a choice.”
“Maybe he felt like he didn’t have one either.”
“But he just disappeared for a year and a half.”
My dad nods, letting me know that he hears me. “The point is, he’s back. He’s asked to see you, and you’d like to see him too. It’s not as complicated as you’re making it.”
My sigh turns into a laugh. “You think I should forgive him just like that? He broke my heart. How can I trust he won’t do it again?”
“Just talk to him, Kat. Hear him out and tell him how he made you feel. While you’re doing it, look into his eyes. That will tell you everything you need to know.”
I can’t believe I’m taking relationship advice from my dad. I stare down at my phone and start typing. I don’t give him much, but it will have to do.
Me: Okay.
Johnny: How does 7 work?
I remember that I agreed to pick up a volunteer shift at the Manatee Viewing Center, but I’ll be off around five o’clock, which will give me just enough time to get ready.
Me: Okay.
His response is immediate: Okay :)
I smile.
I look forward to these weekly four-hour volunteer shifts at the Manatee Viewing Center, where it’s just me, the sea life, and the occasional guest who needs to ask me a question. Today, I’m on cleaning duty, which consists of picking up random litter, sweeping the rocks from the walkways, wiping down the glass displays in the exhibit, and emptying the trash bins.
Manatee counts are at a record high in the area this year, which could be attributed to Johnny’s seapol juice. With Erebus back, I pray we can sustain our clean water. There are hundreds of manatees out today resting in the warm water between the viewing center and the energy plant, and they most likely won’t start traveling away until early April.
As I sweep, a group of teenagers on the observatory bridge above catches my attention. Their backpacks are perched on the ledge as they take lighthearted jabs back and forth, playfully elbowing and threatening to throw each other in the water. I roll my eyes and smile until one of the boys knocks over a backpack. It falls to the ground just at the water’s edge.
I take a quick step forward and unlock the gate. “I’ll get it!”
“Sorry about that,” one of the boys says. The others are laughing. The backpack is light enough, so I toss it up for the boys to catch. The owner grabs it easily, surprise registering on his face, making me uneasy. “Nice throw!”
That was careless of me. The bag was probably much heavier than I realized. “Thank you.”
I turn to the water where some of the manatees hover, and I lean in, smiling at their algae-covered skin and cute pug noses. Every time I stare at these creatures, I’m reminded of how poorly I misjudged Johnny in the beginning and just how much he ended up surprising me. And Johnny continued to surprise me after that day of Trisha’s Enchanting. Maybe there’s a chance he’ll surprise me still.
At that thought, I glance at my phone—it’s five o’clock, which means I have two more hours until I see him. I have to take a deep breath to quiet the pounding within the walls of my ribs. The crowd above begins to thin as the viewing center starts to close.
Voices from across the water alert my senses, and I look up to see two men lit by the backdrop of the energy plant, smokestacks towering above them. The distance between us is nearly the width of a football field. Their voices are low, but I can make out that they are discussing something. I’ve got Johnny on the brain with every thought, because I’m hoping it’s him. I focus on the features of the men and realize it is him.
I look at the older man next to realize with a sinking feeling in my chest that Johnny is with my dad. I have no clue in the world what they could be doing together or talking about. But it appears I’ve missed the opportunity to listen in on their conversation. They shake hands, and my dad walks toward his car. Then, even from hundreds of feet away, I feel Johnny’s ice-blue eyes focus on me.
I gasp. I wasn’t expecting him to see me. Now he knows I’ve been watching.
“Hi,” he says in an amused voice. He knows I can hear him even with the expanse of water between us.
“Hi,” I say, concentrating on his features again. It’s clear time has done nothing but make my heart beat stronger for him. I look down at my volunteer polo then give him a sheepish smile. “I volunteer here now.” I leave out the reason why—they were down a volunteer after Johnny left, and I’ve been filling in ever since.
Even from where I stand, I can see Johnny’s intense stare. I swear it would burn straight through me if we were any closer.
“I see that,” he says, his rasp hitting me just as hard as it used to.
If this is the effect he has on me one hundred yards apart, then how in the world am I going to handle being with him tonight?
“Seven still work for you? I’m just going to wrap up here and then change.”
I can’t control the irrational fear that whooshes through me, telling me he’s just going to leave again. “Yes, that works.”
We just stand here, neither of us moving or speaking. I’m not even sure we’re breathing. An intense breeze blows. The wind seems just as confused as I am, a mixture of angry whooshing and high-pitched whistles. For a moment, I choose to let go of everything I’ve been keeping in—the fear of him leaving again, the painful memory of watching his boat sail away from the dock, and the anger and relief that washed over me the instant I realized he was back. I don’t have to say a word. For just a moment, I let it all go. My insecurities pass silently through the space between us.
I want to say more, but when I open my mouth to speak, I see someone else behind Johnny—beyond the confines of the energy plant. A female figure with her back to me and shrouded in a shadow is all I can make out, but I can see she’s petite with an average height. She stands against the perimeter gates, clutching the bars while staring eerily up at the smokestacks
.
That’s strange.
“Katrina,” my dad calls from the main building behind me. I swivel to find him standing near the entrance. “Need a ride?”
While I got my license last year, I refuse to let Rose or my father buy me a car. I’ve been saving up, but most of the places I go to around here are within walking or running distance.
“Be right there,” I yell back. Turning back toward the plant, I spot her again, but she’s already walking away. I shake my head, dismissing the strange feeling that snakes through my body, and I concentrate on Johnny again.
“See you soon, Katrina.”
I can’t help the tilt of my lips when I hear Johnny say my full name. “It’s just Kat, remember?”
He smiles. “I’ll never forget.”
For a second, I almost feel the words in the breeze as I close my eyes. When I open my eyes, he’s gone.
“You were talking with Johnny at the plant?” I ask my dad as soon as I’m in his SUV.
He glances at me then concentrates on the short drive to Summer Manor. “He came to see me about a job. We need guys like him, but I wanted to talk to him in person.” My dad darts a look at me. “To make sure he plans on sticking around this time. Told him if he’s not planning on staying, we don’t have room for him.”
The nonchalance in my dad’s voice can’t mask the true meaning behind his words. His questioning had everything to do with me and my heart. He doesn’t want Johnny to leave and break my heart again. The thought wraps my entire body with warmth.
“What did he say?” Wild energy zigzags around my chest as I wait for his response.
“He said he’d see me on Monday.”
Those simple words are enough to give me hope. Somehow I’m able to mask my anticipation of tonight with a change of subject. “Tomorrow’s Saturday,” I remind him. “What are we doing?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see a grin, but he hides it quickly. “I thought we’d take the boat out for a while. Nothing fancy. I have to go to the plant in the morning, though. How does late afternoon sound?”
“Perfect.”
“How was work?”
I laugh. “I can hardly call it work. It was good, though. I rescued a boy’s backpack and made sure the museum glass was clean enough to eat off of. They’re going to want to hire me full time,” I joke.
Paul laughs with me. “I’m sure they would if they had a budget. However, if it’s a job you’re after and two of them isn’t enough, then you can work at the plant too.” He smirks.
I scrunch my forehead and press my lips together. “No thanks. Sounds like you fulfilled your hiring quota for the week, anyway. Besides, Rose would have my head—and yours—if I stepped any nearer to that place.”
Paul cringes. “True. Well, perhaps there’s something better for you, anyway. Maybe teaching or something in the medical field.”
I laugh at his suggestions, which falls on two different ends of the spectrum. Then again, maybe there’s something to that. Growing up, I always thought that I would follow in my mom’s footsteps and become a nurse, but I don’t feel rushed to make that decision. Luckily, at the School of Gaia, they don’t make us choose a field of study. We simply take classes that appeal to our interests.
After we get home, I rush to shower and find something to wear for tonight. I settle for a gray sweater dress and tall black boots. I add waves to my hair, touch up my mascara, apply some lip gloss, and slip the long chain of my emerald necklace inside my dress. It’s not like it will serve me at all tonight, but wearing it still keeps me at ease. Something tells me that tonight, I’ll need all the help I can get.
Johnny’s right on time. I open the door before anyone can intercept us, and I slip outside before looking at him. When I do look at him, my breath catches in my throat. He’s wearing dark jeans and a khaki jacket over an ice-blue T-shirt that matches his eyes perfectly. Scratch that. Nothing is as perfect as Johnny’s eyes. They seem even bolder tonight as they hold mine in what feels like a warm hug.
Suddenly, a sensation ripples through my entire body. We’ve barely talked since he’s been back. I don’t know why he wants to go out tonight, and the last thing my heart can handle is me getting my hopes up just to be crushed all over again.
That same sensation that just rippled through me now flattens and thins in frustration. I let out a breath and rip my gaze away. I look everywhere but into the eyes that threaten to completely liquidate my insides.
He takes my hand, threading his fingers between mine and gripping them in a way that tells me he’s never letting go again, then we descend the stairs, matching each other’s steps. He walks me to the curb, where a white convertible Jeep Wrangler sits, and pulls open the passenger door. I climb in, feeling a bit overwhelmed. I didn’t know Johnny had a Jeep. I didn’t know he had a vehicle at all. He was always borrowing Roy’s things before he moved. But this one feels like him. The cloth seats are gray with black trim. The interior smells of salt, chlorine, and a touch of citrus fruit. I spot an orange car freshener dangling from the rearview mirror.
I turn back to the passenger door to find his strong arms gripping the top of the frame as he leans in with his head tilted, regarding me casually. “Hungry?” His tone is warm, throaty, and pleasing to my ears. And now that he’s mentioning food, I am hungry. Charlotte prepared dinner, but my stomach wasn’t trustworthy enough to eat much.
“I could eat. Are you hungry?” I attempt to look up at him, and his eyes swallow mine. He’s an anglerfish, and I’m happy to be his bait. My next breath skips densely through the air in an attempt to hold his stare. He hasn’t moved away from the door. His mouth twitches as if he’s about to smile, pulling my focus to the curve of his lips.
Those lips. Suddenly, I can’t even think of food. I can’t think at all. My brain has transformed into knotted rope.
“I know a place.” He swings the door shut and moves around to the driver’s side before starting the engine and pulling away from the curb.
Something about being alone in a car with Johnny, both of us securely strapped in by seat belts, puts me at ease. There’s nowhere for us to go, and the distance between us is guaranteed… for now. At least my heart rate and breathing have steadied.
“Where are we going?” My voice has grown stronger.
He shifts slightly but doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “I thought we could go somewhere away from Apollo Beach. Not far, don’t worry. I won’t kidnap you.”
Energy radiates through the Jeep, filling the silence. While he drives, I’m able to steal a few glances at him. Maybe more than a few glances. My eyes linger on his hands as they tightly grip the wheel. I run my eyes up the length of his arms, but his jacket hides the muscles. Naturally, I observe his profile next—strong jawline, trimmed stubble, and unruly hair still glistening from a shower. How have I managed the past year and a half without drinking him in every single day? Clearly, I’m dehydrated.
He’s still focused forward, so he doesn’t catch my eyes invasively probing his body.
“How was your trip to North Carolina? That must have been… difficult.”
I appreciate the gentle phrasing of his words. I also appreciate that he’s curious about my trip. “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” Saying the words aloud help me understand how true they are. “It was kind of nice to be surrounded by her things again. I didn’t realize how much I’d forgotten in such a short time.” Life is devastating in that way.
With a single nod, Johnny admits that he understands all too well. My heart fractures as I recall his parents’ traumatic death. I decide to change the subject.
“My father took me to Savannah on the way.” I know I light up as I tell him.
His eyes match mine. “Beautiful city, isn’t it?”
“You’ve been there?”
“Was there recently.”
His words cause a widespread shiver to creep up my spine and into my throat. That means Erebus was also there rec
ently. I hate that the worst being on earth has tainted such a beautiful city. I try to ignore that little fact as I respond. “The history is so alive, like it lives and breathes through its own art. Every time I turned a corner, I wanted to stop and take a picture, even if it was just a park bench or a lamppost.” I could go on for days.
“I didn’t get to see much when I was there, but I thought of you.” This time, he swivels his head to meet my gaze, just for a second, probably assessing my reaction. Then he turns back to the road, leaving the ball in my court.
I swallow the lump of nerves that made its way up my throat at his words that feel more like a confession.
Neither of us says another word until we arrive at our destination. I’m consumed with questions, though—questions I’m too afraid to ask. We pull up to a beachfront restaurant, and I hop out of the car just as Johnny arrives to open it for me. Oops. Maybe I should have waited.
He gives me a rare smile and takes my hand. I don’t pull away. That would just be rude. Besides, it’s not every day an electrical current runs between two palms. I wouldn’t dare disturb the natural effects of our connection.
The hostess escorts us to the back patio of the restaurant. The lights from the restaurant reflect a twinkling pattern across the water where the gulf meets the shore. A live acoustic band plays cover music on the opposite side of the patio, nearly filling me with calm, drowning my nerves with Jack Johnson’s words to “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing,” a song that speaks to my heart.
I’m not sure if Johnny is trying to impress me or relax me by bringing me here. Neither is working. I’m tense with anxiety about how this conversation will go.
“Why does this feel like a date?” I meet his gaze from across the table, our profiles facing the gulf.
He shrugs. “It is a date. I picked you up. I’m paying,” he says as if it’s no big deal.
What Johnny doesn’t understand is that it is a big deal. I’ve never been on a date before, not even with Alec. When Alec and I went out, it was always in group settings, and we never really had a chance to be alone.