by K. K. Allen
I surprise myself by challenging him. “This is not a date. This is more like a ‘hey, if you happen to be hungry, we can grab a bite’ type of occasion.”
Johnny chuckles. “Noted. So I guess it will just feel like a date.”
He’s smirking at me! I hate that I want to smirk back. Luckily, I’m able to fight it.
Our waitress introduces herself and offers us two menus. She takes our drink orders, stealing extra-long glances in Johnny’s direction. A flush creeps up my neck. I feel slighted by the fact that I have no claim on this beautiful person sitting across from me.
“Roy tells me you cut back on hours at the Grille. Because of school?” He peeks up at me from his menu.
I look up with my eyes without moving my head. His question asks more than he says, and part of me is thrilled. Another part of me feels like he’s cheating. He wants me to confess that this has been hard on me while he just sits there and asks all the questions.
I turn my eyes down before speaking. “School, volunteering, hanging with my dad, and Enchanter events consume my time. I didn’t want to quit, so I promised Roy I’d keep some hours.”
“He really likes you.”
As sweet as it is to hear how much Roy likes me, his comment causes a heavy sigh to leak from my mouth. “Oh yeah? When did he mention that?”
He shifts uncomfortably under my gaze. “He mentioned it when I came back.”
I sit back and study him, determined to read him like a lie detector test. Every word, every shift of his body. “So, you didn’t talk to Roy while you were away?”
“I didn’t talk to anybody, Kat.”
“You talked to Arabella.”
Johnny’s mouth opens like he’s surprised I called him out. “Yeah, at first, because I didn’t want you to worry about me, but then I stopped when I realized our communication would only give you hope that I would return.”
I swallow over the lump steadily growing in my throat. “You really thought you would never come back?” I don’t understand how to sort through my feelings of resentment.
“Not at first, no.”
The waitress comes by to drop our drinks off and take our orders. As soon as she’s gone, it doesn’t feel right to shift back into Johnny’s time away.
“So my dad gave you a job at the plant?” I try for a change of subject, sneakily hoping he’ll divulge his long-term plans.
Johnny is eagerly filling me in on his new position as assistant operations manager. He’ll work strange shifts, though, at different hours every day. My dad seems to have affected him in a way that surprises me. He speaks of Paul with great respect and excitement, making me fall even harder for him.
Our conversation feels so natural as I fill him in on the past year and a half of school and how wonderful my friends were to help me through those first few awkward days. He’s not surprised to learn I have a strong interest in my science classes and am eager to continue my physics studies. I remember Johnny telling me he once toyed with the idea of becoming an astronomer so that he could study celestial objects for the rest of his life. Apparently, besides deep-sea diving, stargazing was his favorite pastime with his father.
It all makes sense. Everything I learn about Johnny adds up to exactly what he is and what he’s meant to be—a strong but quiet, outdoorsy intellectual. It’s such a mesmerizing combination.
I’m so caught up in our conversation, I almost forget that we haven’t even touched on our issues. I hope that’s why he brought me here tonight, but I’m starting to understand he isn’t one to confront his problems head-on.
By the time our bill comes, we’ve discussed everything from our current literary favorites to the latest Geminid meteor shower. I don’t tell him I watched the cosmic event from Alec’s balcony. And I definitely don’t tell him that the entire night I wondered if Johnny was watching that same meteor shower somewhere from sea.
We avoid anything that has to do with Erebus. Part of me is grateful for this diversion. It’s nice to spend a night in peace without exhausting my energy on thoughts of evil. Just the fact that Johnny has the power to take my mind off Erebus should tell me something.
Nothing compares to the disappointment I feel when he slides the bill folder to the edge of the table and stands. He reaches for my hand, and I hesitate before taking it and rising, careful to avoid his eyes for fear he’ll see the moisture forming. We’re leaving before we’ve discussed anything serious.
Suddenly, the balloon of hope I once had deflates to an empty, rubbery mess, and I consider tossing it into the nearest bin. Then, surprising me, Johnny grips my hand tightly and steers me toward the beach. We’re not leaving. My balloon of hope inflates slightly, just enough to tell me to hold on to it a little longer.
“Why did you bring me here, Johnny?” He can’t avoid this question with a passive response.
He does a double-take before squeezing my hand. “To spend time with you.” He’s quiet again, and I sense his hesitation. “I heard about you and Alec. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I could laugh at the irony, but I’m too busy blinking back tears instead. “How thoughtful of you.”
He doesn’t speak again until we’re close to the shore. The sound of the music playing at the restaurant is now fading into the distance. He stiffens his hold on my hand and swivels me around to face him. “Look, Kat. I know I have no right to be here with you now. Leaving the way I did. It was—” His voice cracks, and for the first time since he’s been back, I realize I’m not the only one who needs to forgive Johnny. He needs to forgive himself.
“It was selfish. You were right. That night we said goodbye, you said things to me that I’m not sure I even heard at first. Then suddenly, it was like those words were haunting me every single day. I wanted to come back to you, but by the time I’d made up my mind, it was too late. My mission was no longer vengeful. When I saw Erebus take his first body, I knew I couldn’t just walk away. My new goal was to study him, to learn enough about him to finally get ahead of his game. I knew he’d return to Apollo Beach eventually. I just didn’t think it would take him this long.”
My hands find comfort on the spot between Johnny’s swelled chest and his firm stomach. I’m still unable to look him in the eyes, but I hear him, and in a strange way, I’m relieved. One of my fears for Johnny was that he would never be able to overcome his need for revenge, that it would consume him.
“I brought you here because I want to start creating new memories with you, Kat. Ones that don’t involve Erebus. Ones that don’t involve me leaving you. Memories that only belong to us.”
I think all the air in my body whooshes from me when he’s done speaking.
“I want to see you.” He’s repeating the words he spoke at the Arctic Ball. He wants me to look into his eyes. He must know the power of his eyes, that to look up is all it will take for me to lose myself in his everything. He’s cheating again.
Instead of meeting his gaze, I pull myself in closer, resting my cheek against his chest. My arms snake around his waist and hold on for dear life. I’m considering his words, grasping for them as if they are my lifeline. His arms are around me next, his chin relaxing on top of my head. He gives me the time I need to respond.
Moments later, I pull my head away to look up at him. He stares down at me eagerly, ready to devour my words. I concentrate on his lips. As desirable as they are, they’re safer than his eyes. And then I feel the earth move gently beneath us. Literally, the earth moves beneath us. I instinctively reach out to hold something and find the only thing in front of me—Johnny’s forearm.
“Sorry.” He looks lost. “That happens sometimes when I’m nervous. I never noticed it until recently.”
“You’re nervous?” I wish I could smile to lighten the mood a little, but I’m nervous too.
He turns his eyes down to his feet then looks back at me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I contemplate if I want to say what’s on my mind next. “Why didn’t you call me after you l
eft?”
Johnny looks as if he’s going to move away, but I adjust myself so he’s forced to look at me again.
“You can’t ignore me now,” I say. “I’m standing right in front of you.”
“I don’t want to ignore you. I thought I made that clear by bringing you here.” He takes my hand and squeezes it. “I didn’t want to leave you in the first place. You have to know that.” His jaw is clenched, but I know his anger isn’t aimed at me.
“Then why didn’t you call? We could have talked. I could have helped you. I would have waited for you.”
This is it. Showtime. I don’t think I could back off if I tried.
He lets out a quick, heavy breath. “Because I didn’t want you to wait for me. You deserve better than someone who’s going to take off like I did, who wanted revenge the way I did, who put their entire grievance with their past in front of the woman he knew he could love forever. But I didn’t feel as if I had any other option after that night. He could have killed you, Kat. He’s already responsible for my parents’ deaths. If he had hurt you, too—” Johnny blows out a breath and shakes his head. “I didn’t know what would happen to me out there, and it wasn’t like you could come with me. It was safer for you here while I knew I had my eyes on Erebus, and all I wanted was to keep you away from danger.”
“Yet here you are, and I’m no safer than before.” I should not have said that. I shake my head. “You can’t beat yourself up for your decisions either. You left, but you’re here now. So deal with this—with what’s right in front of you, right now.”
He searches my eyes for what feels like forever before pressing his forehead against mine. “Kat, you have no idea how often I thought about you, how much I missed you, the number of times I wanted to abandon everything just come back to you.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I slam my palms into his chest. He must be ready for the blow, because he doesn’t move. “But you didn’t. And you never called. I would have understood. I would have waited forever for you if I knew you cared about me the way I cared for you.” I have to blink to see him through the tears in my eyes.
“Kat,” he croaks, and now the tears are falling down my face before I can even try to control them. “I don’t know how to explain this to anyone. I can’t even explain this to myself. I couldn’t just sit around here, waiting for him to come back. It’s not in my DNA to allow the people around me to be tortured and murdered while I just sit back and wait for the danger to come to me. I’m the one who goes out there and hunts and protects. He killed my parents in front of me. When the opportunity presented itself, I had to take it, and I don’t regret it.”
“What do you want from me, Johnny? Do you want my forgiveness? Do you want me? You’re going to need to come straight out with it, because I’m tired of wondering what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Johnny’s face contorts, the pain of my words evident on his face, and his hand engulfs mine. He squeezes and tugs me toward him, causing me to fall into him. Then his arm circles my waist, and he lifts my chin so that I have no choice but to stare into his devilishly gorgeous eyes. “I want everything, Kat. Don’t you know that by now? Your lips, your body, your heart, your soul—and I don’t deserve any of it. But as hard as I’ve tried to stay away from you, I’m just a foolish, selfish man who is completely and utterly spellbound by an enchantress who deserves so much better.”
I suck in a breath, my heart thumping manically. Before I have a chance to regain any sense of composure, Johnny’s lips are on mine, his groan filling the cave of my mouth and vibrating through my body. In this moment, nothing else matters. I can forget it all. Then he picks me up, wraps my legs around his waist, and walks me toward the lifeguard tower.
My back hits the indoor glass of the booth before Johnny sets me on the wide ledge of the window. His arms are still wrapped around me, his hold secure and unrelenting as our kiss continues to deepen. I’ve never felt so whole in my entire life—filled to the brim with a desire that can only be satiated by the man who’s come to reclaim my heart, as if he ever lost it to begin with. Truthfully, it’s always belonged to him. It never faltered. And while I can’t excuse his leaving as quickly as I can return his affection, none of that matters in this moment.
His hands grip my bunched-up skirt, then he pulls the remaining material from under me so it’s bunched around my waist. Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I scoot closer to the edge until his hard length presses against my entrance.
“Kat,” he murmurs against my lips, and I can feel his resistance.
“Hmm.” My response comes out passive, because the last thing I want to do right now is to talk or question a thing. I miss this feeling. This crazed passion that takes hold of all my senses when he’s near. I want his mouth, his hands, his breath, and his scent. No words allowed.
He tears his mouth from mine, our breaths coming quick as he searches my eyes. “I don’t want you to think I brought you here for this.”
“You told me why you brought me here. Because you wanted to make new memories with me. Right?”
He nods, his gaze slipping back to my lips. “I do. That’s all I want.”
I cup his chin, forcing his eyes to me while using my other hand to grip his. It’s not just want and need possessing me. It’s anger. It’s a challenge. “Then start here.” I bring his fingers between my legs, ignoring the shaking of my hands.
His eyes widen in surprise when he realizes what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s come over me. But I know I want this, without a single doubt in my mind. I didn’t just miss Johnny’s presence. I missed his kiss, his touch, and the way we recycle our energy together as if it’s our only chance of survival. I got a taste of what our energy can still do the other day in Rose’s den. I need more.
I pull his hand closer, greedily, until his fingers make contact with my center. “Did you think about me?”
“Yes.”
I would love to know how I look through his eyes, especially with the way he watches me now. Eyes hooded. Hungry. His shallow breaths floating between us. It’s all so intoxicating.
I tilt my head. “Did you think about me like this, like I was for you on your yacht? Open for you. Offering myself to you.” As I search his gaze again, the anger I felt a second ago bubbles to the surface again. It’s all just a reminder that I gave myself to a man who decided he could just sail away. “I need to know.”
He leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine. “I’ve missed everything about you, Kat. And yes, I’ve thought about you a million different ways.”
“That’s not what I asked.” I run his finger along my center. “Did you think about me like this.”
“Every damn day.” His voice is low and husky as he looks down and begins to rub me with gentle strokes. “I thought what I would do to you if I ever had the chance to be with you again.”
He’s barely applying pressure, but the friction he creates against my sensitive bundle of nerves has me feeling everything.
“What did you imagine you would you do to me?”
He chuckles. “Oh, Kat. It would take a lifetime to show you the sinful places my mind went when it came to you.”
“Show me.”
He slides his mouth to my ear while stopping the movements of his hands. At first, I’m ready to scream. But then I feel a vibration where his finger now rests. It’s like he’s using energy against me to create the most intense sensation. He hasn’t even touched my bare skin. He hasn’t even pushed inside me. But he’s bringing me to climax quickly.
“I haven’t forgotten the way you react to me,” he rasps against my ear.
Excitement whips through me, causing my body to quiver. “Johnny,” I gasp. “What are you—?”
He bites down on my ear as if telling me to stop talking. He’s giving me exactly what I asked for. I just don’t know how he’s doing it.
“I went mad knowing I might never touch you again, but I knew it was on me. I knew if an
yone was to blame for the lifetime prison sentence I convicted myself to, it was me. And I still don’t know if I deserve to take what you’re offering.”
My muscles tighten again, desperate for relief. “Then imagine this isn’t for you.” I squeeze my eyelids together. “Do it for me. Please, Johnny.” I am clearly not above begging.
When our eyes lock again, fire blazes behind his stare. I can also see the jail bars he’s locked himself behind. He wants me just as badly as I want him, but he’s holding back.
He removes his hand from me completely then focuses on the space between my legs, where I’m still buzzing. As his eyes narrow on me, the intensity grows, and the muscles below my waist tighten in anticipation. He’s doing this all with his magic. Before I’ve even finished my thought, I’m coming undone just like the last time we were intimate like this. Only this time, he’s retreated to a dark corner of the room while I explode under his penetrating stare.
The other night was so intense that after Johnny took me home, I spent the next few days replaying our time together over and over. The emotions were high, bringing us to crossroads of sorts. What’s next for us? Do we hold on to the hurt we’re both letting consume us or move past it completely? At this point, it’s time to make a choice.
I try to put it out of mind when I step outside of Summer Manor. It’s late afternoon, and the air is chillier than normal. I’m glad I grabbed a jean jacket to wear over my long-sleeved cream shirt.
I slide into the passenger seat of my dad’s car and see his giddy smile. Something is up with him today.
“What is going on with you?” I laugh.
He shakes his head, turning out of the driveway. “I’m just excited for our day together. We haven’t taken the boat out in a while.”
I’m definitely suspicious. Enchanters don’t lie well since it’s not in our nature to do so. Like Rose, if we have secrets to keep, we just avoid the subject entirely.
The air is chilly, and water from the sides of the speedboat sprays up on me like a fresh dose of reality. My thoughts have been consumed with Johnny. The kiss we shared brands me like a tattoo. His touch still vibrates through my mind. I’ve lost sight of my mission to learn Rose’s secret. She may not think I’m strong enough to handle the truth in this situation, but I know that I am. Erebus haunts our community more as the days go on, even more so when it’s quiet. Like an hourglass emptying into itself, my time is running out. I can feel the walls of my mind closing in.