My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

  “By here, do you mean the Bait Shack?”

  “Yes. When we walked through the front door, I checked out the place to be sure it was mostly empty. I didn’t want you to be overrun by a bunch of drunk idiots, but before we could get away from the bar area, Jenna, one of the bartenders, came out and spoke to you.” He runs his hand through his dark, shaggy hair. “She’s not from here, and she didn’t move to Idlewood until after you left.”

  “So, what are you saying?” I puff out a breath.

  “How do you know her?”

  “I wouldn’t say I really know her, but I remember hanging out with her and Gracie.”

  “You mean before the day of the concert?” Leo asks, still holding my hands in his.

  I shrug. “I’m not sure, because I don’t remember the concert.”

  “But you remember hanging out with Jenna?” His voice is so damn hopeful, like he’s found the magical key to unlock all my forgotten memories. In reality, he’s confusing me with all the questions. I just want to stop talking about this and let him take me somewhere fun.

  “Leo,” I whisper as I step in closer to him, “can we not talk about this anymore?”

  “But you remembered the song and Jenna and…” He blows out a breath and closes his eyes.

  The frustration is written all over his beautiful face. He’s trying so hard to make me well, to give me my life back. God, I still love him, but he can never know, because it’s embarrassing to still love a boy you haven’t been with in eight years, a man whose mission is so obvious it hurts. Help her remember and she’ll be gone for good. I’m so damn pathetic, but I don’t let pathetic stop me.

  I rise up onto my toes, slide my hands around his neck, and cover his mouth with mine. Leo’s eyes spring open and he pulls back briefly. His gaze drops to my lips for a moment before looking away. Please don’t leave me.

  “Leo, don’t walk away from me.”

  My heart skips a beat or maybe two as I wait for him to do something, anything. He’s taking too long. Is he thinking about how to tell me not to ever kiss him again? I’ve kissed him before. I’ve touched him, held his hand, and he hasn’t pulled away. I can’t think. I can’t speak. I can’t breathe. I want to crawl inside the huge green trashcan so I can get away from this situation—from us.

  I continue to wait for several long moments as he looks at everything but me. When his gaze finally meets mine, his eyes are full of half-promises.

  “Ella Blue,” he whispers, “I don’t—” He stops himself midsentence, and his eyes move to my lips before he attacks my mouth.

  Hard.

  Deep.

  Punishing.

  His kiss is demanding. I swallow his moans. Once. Twice. Three times. Oh, God. I didn’t realize how much I needed him to kiss me, to hold me, even if it’s in the back lot of a bar called the Bait Shack.

  My emotions are in overdrive, whirling, skidding out of control.

  Leo pulls back again, but this time, he turns away from me and walks toward the door leading into the building. He hangs his head and clasps his hand over his neck.

  He’s pissed, mad at himself for giving in to me.

  “Was it that bad? The kiss—was it so bad you can’t even look at me?” Uncertainty and embarrassment pool in the pit of my stomach. I’m so stupid.

  He turns to face me and shakes his head. “No, Ella, the kiss was perfect—better than perfect. It made me feel things and…” He blows out a deep, audible breath. “Fuck!”

  Leo takes several long, determined strides toward me, and before I have a chance to say anything, he slams his mouth against mine. I’m startled and breathless and so damn confused, but I don’t let any of those things get in my way, because Leo kissing me so hungrily in this barely lit parking lot is doing so many things to my body, mind, and soul.

  “Happy Birthday, Blue.”

  “This is my favorite place, you know.”

  “You’ll always be my Blue, no matter where you are.”

  “I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

  I smile against his lips as memories of our last night together flood my mind. I just want to go back and start over.

  “You’re smiling,” Leo whispers against my lips.

  “You make me happy,” I whisper back.

  “I do?”

  “Mm-hmmm,” I hum against his mouth.

  Leo slowly pulls away. “I just don’t want to hurt you, but you know you’ll always be my Blue.” His breathing is labored and his words are thick with emotion.

  My heart is so damn heavy in my chest. “You said I was your Blue,” I whisper as my eyes fill with tears. “You haven’t called me my Blue since I’ve been back—until just now.” A single tear rolls down my cheek. “I thought you’d forgotten.”

  He cups the back of my head in his hand and rests his forehead against mine. “How could I—”

  His phone vibrates in his pocket, cutting him off midsentence. Dammit. Whoever is on the other end of that call better have something extremely important to say.

  His phone continues to vibrate, so he pulls away. “It’s probably Luke, and if I don’t take it, he’ll keep calling.”

  Leo walks away to answer, leaving me standing here wondering what just happened. I search my mind and go over the past five minutes, which were full of uncertainty, at least on his part.

  He didn’t want me. He wanted me. He kissed me like it was our first and our last kiss swirled into one. Then he called me my Blue and my heart melts with that thought.

  “Hey, I need to run over to Luke’s for a few minutes. It’s important. He didn’t sound good, and that’s not Luke. I’ve never heard him sound so distant.” He moves toward me and stops, leaving more distance between us than I’d like. “Maybe we can do something later tonight or tomorrow. I just don’t know what I’m about to walk into.”

  “Of course, Leo. You’ve been more than generous to give up your time in order to help me with my memories. If Luke needs you, our plans can wait.” It’s so hard for me to force those words out. I truly understand, but the selfish part of me wants to say Fuck Luke. He’s had you for the past eight years and now it’s my turn. But I don’t say that, because Luke is obviously a good friend and needs Leo right now.

  “Thanks for being so understanding.” He leans over and kisses my cheek so gently it makes me want to cry. “I’ll drop you off at your house before I head to Luke’s, but if you need me, I’ll just be a text or call away.” He grabs my hand and leads me over toward the building where his car is parked. When we arrived, Leo was very adamant about parking his Vette near the building and not out in the parking lot. He didn’t give me a reason why and I didn’t ask, but now that I think about it, I’m curious.

  “Why did you park around here? Beside the building?” We stop next to his car and he looks down at my face. “Are you hiding from someone?” I laugh.

  The street lamp gives off just enough light for me to make out the grimace on Leo’s handsome face. Wow. Maybe he really is hiding from someone.

  “No, not hiding—just being cautious.”

  “Cautious?” I question.

  “Yeah, my Vette was stolen from this parking lot the night of the concert. I didn’t want to tell you because you already had so much going on and I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “Oh, Leo. I’m sorry, but I’m glad you got it back.” Shit. I feel terrible for him.

  “Yep. It was returned to me without so much as a scratch.”

  “Did they catch the person who took it?”

  Leo shakes his head. “Let’s get you home.”

  I guess he doesn’t want to talk about his Vette anymore.

  We walk around the car to the passenger door and he opens it for me. Such a gentleman.

  “Thank you for tonight,” I tell him before taking one final look at the parking lot. A sudden rush of déjà vu washes over me. Shit. Have I been here before? And why am I just feeling it now?

  I shift my gaze to Leo’s car and I fe
el it again—the feeling of being here in this exact spot standing next to this car.

  “Are you getting in?” Leo’s voice resonates through the space between us. Only then do I realize I haven’t made any effort to get in the car.

  “Yeah, sorry,” I mumble. I don’t feel so good. Maybe it’s the heat or something. I’m clammy and nauseous, but I don’t know why. I attempt to shake off the uneasy feeling and slide into the passenger seat before buckling up. I blink a couple of times before staring at the seat belt.

  “Come on, babe, hop in. Let me take you for a quick ride.”

  I shake my head. “No. I don’t have time. Gracie’s waiting.”

  “Fuck her, Ella. We won’t be gone long. I just need a few minutes with you—to talk.”

  “Hey, are you okay?” Leo’s voice pulls me from my memories. My memories…shit.

  I look up at him and smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tired.”

  I’m not sure what kind of flashback I just had, but I’m afraid it was of something awful.

  “Let’s get you home so you can get some sleep,” Leo says before slamming my door closed, and walking around the car to the driver’s side.

  22

  Leo

  “Wade’s dead.” Luke spits out the two words with little emotion in his voice.

  “Stop fucking around, man. I have too much crap going on right now for you to be saying morbid shit like that to me.”

  Luke steps aside, and I walk into the small foyer of his condo.

  “Seriously, why did you want me to stop by? Did Wade show up? Is he here?” I glance over my shoulder as he slams the door shut. “You know I’m gonna beat yours and Wade’s ass for fucking around with me. Where is he?”

  “No, man, I told you—”

  “I know what you said, but I don’t believe you,” I tell him. “Where’s Wade? I’m done playing along with your prank.”

  “It’s not a prank, Leo. Fuck! I wish it were.” Luke says sternly.

  “Leo, you made it.” A familiar male voice grabs my attention as I step into the den. Wade. Thank God all the bad feelings I’ve been having were just that—bad feelings.

  “I swear I should kick your ass right here in your own house for fucking around like that.” I glance at Luke. He nods toward the couch and I turn around expecting to see Wade sitting on the couch laughing his ass off. Only it’s not Wade.

  “Steve? What are you…?” My voice catches in my throat, and I’m unable to finish the question. Steve is Wade’s older brother. He’s the cop who helped me out the night I was arrested. Why is he here wearing his uniform and sitting on Luke’s couch?

  Fuck no! No! No! No!

  “They found his body this afternoon.” My gaze follows Luke as he walks over to the couch and sits down next to Wade’s brother.

  “This has to be a mistake. There’s no way Wade’s gone. I just saw him—” I hesitate a second or two as I try to catch my breath. Fuck, it’s been a week or longer since I saw him at the concert. I’ve never gone more than two or three days without at least a text from him. “Motherfucker,” I mumble as I squeeze my eyes closed.

  Since Blue’s been back, I’ve completely written everybody else off. I’ve been a horrible friend.

  “What the hell happened?” I ask as I pace the small room, waiting for an explanation.

  “Nobody knows for sure.” Steve shoves himself up from the couch. “We think Jenna was the last person to see him alive.”

  “What do you mean the last person to see him alive? How did he—” I huff out a deep cough instead of finishing the sentence, because it’s too hard to say the words.

  “They found his truck out on Old Mill Road in a deep ravine. He was thrown from the vehicle and…” Luke’s voice fades before he finishes what he is saying.

  “His truck rolled over on top of him. The report said he was crushed and according to what I read, even if he had been found immediately after the accident, no one could have saved him.” Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head.

  My eyes cut to Luke. He pushes up off the couch and stuffs his hands into his front pockets. His eyes are wet from tears and his voice is full of emotion. I’ve known Luke forever. We’ve been best friends and, at times, worst enemies, but in the two decades of our friendship, I have never seen him shed a tear—not until today.

  “Where does Jenna fit into all this? You said she was the last one to see him alive?” I ask, directing the question to Luke.

  “She said the night of the concert, Wade was standing in front of the windows facing out toward the back of the parking lot, talking on his phone. He’d only been on it a couple minutes when he ran over to the bar, grabbed his wallet and keys, and took off out the door.”

  “Why were his things on the bar?” I ask Luke.

  “According to Jenna, Wade always left his keys, wallet, and phone sitting on the bar, because he said there wasn’t enough room in his pockets for all his shit.”

  That sounds like Wade. God, I can’t believe this is happening.

  “Fuck! You know there are so many unanswered questions, right?” My gaze travels to Steve. “Who was he talking to on the phone? Why did it take an entire week to realize he was missing? And why in the hell was he on Old Mill Road?”

  There is nothing on that old farm road, just a couple of houses, a few cotton fields, and some cows. That’s it. If you’re on Old Mill Road, you’re not really going anywhere. I don’t get it.

  Steve walks over to me. “He was talking to Mitzi, some girl he met a few weeks ago. She lives with her parents in Dallas. She said as soon as they started talking, he told her he had to go and he’d call her back later that night, but he never did.” He widens his stance and rests his hands on his hips. “After three days of nobody hearing from Wade at the office, my dad started to get worried. It’s not uncommon for him to be gone early in the week, especially if he had a rough weekend,” Steve explains.

  “Steve called me after three days of not hearing from him, and that’s when we started the search,” Luke adds.

  “As far as Old Mill Road, nobody knows why he was there or how he ended up in the ravine alone for so many days,” Steve says.

  My heart sinks into my stomach. I feel sick and I’m afraid I may feel this way for a long time. How could I have not known something was wrong? He never went more than two or three days without texting me.

  Steve’s eyes bounce from me to Luke. “You two were his best friends and that’s why I wanted to deliver the news to y’all first.”

  “What do you need us to do?” I direct the question to Steve.

  “Right now, just pray for my family. Mom isn’t doing very well at all. And Dad…” His phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out and looks at the screen. “I need to head out, it’s work. I’ll be in touch,” he says as he answers his phone and walks out the door.

  “What the hell, Luke?” I look at my best friend and he’s suffering. It’s written all over his face.

  “I don’t know, man.” He moves his head from side to side. “I don’t fucking know.”

  23

  Ella Blue

  Me: How’s your new niece?

  Gracie: Perfect.

  Me: I miss you.

  Gracie: How can you miss me if you don’t remember me? LOL

  Me: Ha! Very funny. You kind of grew on me the couple days you were here.

  Gracie: You okay?

  Me: Yeah, I’m great! Have fun. See ya soon.

  I’ve tried to avoid texting or calling Gracie since she’s been back at home. I want her to enjoy her family time and not feel guilty about leaving me. There’ll be more than enough time for me to catch her up on my train wreck of a life when she gets back to Idlewood, though tonight I wish I had someone to talk to about what’s going on in my head. I’ve tried repeatedly to piece together the memory from earlier tonight. The bar, Leo’s car…it’s all so damn overwhelming.

  I blow out a long breath and stare at the screen of my phone. It’s af
ter midnight and I haven’t heard anything from Leo. I assume he’s hanging with Luke. He needs time with his friends. Since I’ve been here, he hasn’t had time to do anything but work and take care of me.

  I push off the couch, toss my phone on the end table, and head for the bathroom. A warm bath is exactly what I need before crawling into bed. I strip out of my jeans and T-shirt before turning on the water.

  My ringtone sounds from the living room a few times and then stops.

  “Shit, of course Leo decides to call now,” I mumble to myself.

  I slide back into my T-shirt before walking through the house. I reach for the phone just as a text comes through.

  Leo: Open the front door.

  No please or Can I come in? Just “Open the front door.” Maybe he’s been drinking. I shrug and head for the door.

  After flipping on the front porch light, I unbolt the door and pull it open.

  Everything happens so fast. Leo storms inside, kicks the door closed, and presses me against the wall.

  “I need you, Blue,” he growls, dragging his lips across my jaw and then back to my mouth. “So fucking bad,” he whispers as he brushes his mouth across mine.

  I don’t smell alcohol, which means he probably hasn’t been drinking. So, what’s changed? He was so hesitant earlier. I close my eyes and forget about everything except for me, Leo, and this hot-as-hell kiss.

  His mouth is demanding, so I give him what he wants—a tongue-tangling, heart-pounding kiss. God, he tastes like pleasure and pain all rolled up into one. I let out a soft moan and he kisses me deeper.

  I wrap my arms around his neck, and then in one forward motion, I’m in his arms. He’s lifting me, holding me with my feet off the floor.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” he breathes out in between kisses.

  I follow his command, locking my legs around his waist, and heat pools in my panties as I press myself into his erection. I swear the contact causes my eyes to roll back into my head. I need friction. I need him to fuck me, now.