My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

  31

  Leo

  “No, stop, I’m not going. Let go of my arm!” Blue’s screams awaken me from a deep sleep and I jerk up in the bed.

  “Blue.” I reach for her flailing body and she pushes me away.

  “Get away from me. Look what you’ve done. Look…what…you’ve…done!” Her voice becomes louder with each word that leaves her mouth.

  I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to fight her because I’m afraid of hurting her. How long do I let her fight with herself? I lean over her and turn on the lamp.

  She calms instantly and her eyes pop open. “Leo,” she mumbles. Her voice is soft, almost inaudible.

  “It’s me. You’re okay. I’m right here.” I reach for her body and tug her into me. “Bad dream?” I look down into her big glassy brown eyes, and she shakes her head.

  “Memories,” she whispers, and her body trembles.

  “What do you mean, memories?”

  “The ones from earlier today and new ones from now.” Tears roll down her face. She throws the blanket back and slides off the bed.

  “What are you talking about? What are you doing, Ella Blue?”

  She shakes her head as a sob escapes her throat. “I’m leaving. I have to go, but my dress is in…” Another sob and then she’s crying with huge tears falling from her eyes to the floor.

  My heart aches for her, but if she won’t talk to me then I can’t help her.

  “You have to tell me what’s going on.” I jump out of bed and scramble around, grabbing clothes and throwing them on.

  “I can’t, Leo. I just can’t. I have to leave. I need to get to Gracie.” She stops what she’s doing and falls to the floor. “I don’t have anything to wear. Please, Leo, I want to go home,” she begs.

  I rush around the bed and sit down on the floor in front of her. Her head is hanging downward and she’s rubbing her eyes. “Here, put this on.” I give her one of the T-shirts I grabbed during my quest for clothes. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help you. Please tell me about your memories. Please, Blue, let me help you.”

  * * *

  Ella Blue

  I replay the memories over and over in my mind, and every time I come up with the same answer to my question. Who was in Leo’s car the night of the concert? Every single time, I get the same answer: Asa.

  My eyes meet Leo’s. He’s begging and pleading for me to let him in, but I’m afraid. We’re slowly finding our way back together, and if I tell him I was in his car the night it was stolen, he’ll probably send me packing.

  “It was me. I’m responsible for your car being stolen.” It takes every single ounce of energy I have to force myself to tell him, but I have to. It’s the only option.

  “What are you talking about? You had a dream—a nightmare. You didn’t steal my car.” His voice is so convincing. He believes me because he loves me.

  So, I explain…everything: the bar, Asa, and how I had flashbacks of his car being stolen every single time I saw his Corvette. I’ve just been too wrapped up in trying to get my life back to even realize the importance of all of my thoughts—until my memories came crashing down on me all at once.

  “It’s not your fault. He forced you into the car.” Leo’s words are kind and soothing. Because he loves you, he can’t see your faults. “Come here.” He lifts me from the floor onto his lap. “Let me love you,” he whispers as he brushes his lips to mine.

  32

  Ella Blue

  I don’t think I have ever deserved someone as kind and loving as Leo has been to me over the past couple of months. After my memories started returning in full force, I thought I was going crazy. The weird thing about dissociative amnesia is that my memories were always there; I just suppressed them because of what I witnessed the night Asa stole Leo’s car. Once I let go, I allowed everything to pour in at once.

  Weekly appointments with the psychiatrist have helped, but seeing a counselor was the key to pulling out all the bad that happened that night.

  “What’s on your mind, Ella?” Shelia, my counselor, asks as her eyes study me intently.

  “Wade. It seems like he’s always there, you know?”

  She nods, leaning forward slightly in the oversized brown leather chair where she is sitting across from me. “It’s normal for you to think of him frequently. What you went through was traumatic, and unfortunately I can’t tell you how long it will take for your mind to completely recover.”

  Never. It will never fully recover, and I’ve accepted that. Wade’s death was not my fault. It really wasn’t anybody’s fault. It was an accident that shouldn’t have happened, a tragic accident that took his life and my memories.

  “What about Asa?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

  The crazy thing about being high on drugs is you do shit you would never do sober, and that’s what happened the night Asa stole Leo’s car. He saw the shiny black Corvette and thought it would be fun to take it for a quick ride and then bring it back safely. What Asa didn’t plan on was seeing me standing out back smoking a cigarette when he was returning the Vette. Sober, he knew we were done. High, he couldn’t let me go. When Asa pulled into the back lot of the Bait Shack, he forgot all about returning the car. His focus shifted to me and in his fucked up state he decided to beg me to take him back…again. Wade saw him in his best friend’s car, ran out of the bar, and jumped in his truck. Asa got scared, pulled me into the Vette with him and the chase was on.

  Asa and Wade both driving at a high speed down an old country road was destined to end badly, and it did. Wade lost control of his truck, and it rolled down the hill into the deep ravine. Unfortunately, I witnessed everything, causing my brain to put my memories on lockdown.

  “What about him?” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and wait to feel something—sadness, regret, emptiness—but all I get is nothing. I can’t feel anything about the man who ruined so many lives with his actions. “He’s awaiting trial for the things he did. He took me against my will, stole a car, and didn’t even call for help after Wade’s accident. Oh, and he left me on the side of the road alone in the dark.” Inhale. Exhale. Just breathe. “I would prefer not to talk about him.”

  Shelia nods. “Okay, agreed. We won’t discuss Asa yet, but you know, someday—”

  I hold up my hand to stop her from speaking. “Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I refuse to discuss him or allow him to take up space in my mind.”

  Shelia avoids anymore talk of Asa or Wade and moves on to my family. “You’ve been spending time with your grandmother over the last few weeks?”

  “Yes, some. It’s funny that you ask, because I’d forgotten that I used her as an excuse to come back to Idlewood.” I laugh softly. “But three days ago I remembered it was Leo. He was the real reason I wanted to stay in Idlewood over the summer. I wanted to check on him, get closure after what happened eight years ago.”

  “Do you feel like you’ve gotten the closure you came here for?” she questions.

  “Yes and no. He’s always known it was my dad who caused his arrest and assumed it was him who also made me leave. But after seeing him and being with him again, I realize maybe I don’t need closure. I just need him,” I explain.

  “That brings me to my next question. Does Leo know you’re leaving?”

  I blow out a long, slow breath. “Yes, he knows it’s something I have to do. I made a promise to myself and my band that I would give music a try, so that’s what I’m doing. Leo supports me because he knows I’ll come back to him.” I’ll always come back to him.

  33

  Leo

  “I love you, Blue,” I whisper against her warm skin, and she giggles. I love her giggle; it reminds me so much of before, and I’m thankful that I’m able to hear it again, thankful that the trauma of that night didn’t take it away forever.

  “I love you so much,” she hums, brushing her lips over mine.

  My chest tightens as I pull the velvet box from my pocket. I s
tand, leaving her sitting on the bench of our favorite picnic table here at Redwood Park.

  She drops her head back and looks into my eyes. “What are you doing?” She smiles.

  Proposing marriage is what my heart wants, but she’s not ready. Blue made a promise to herself and to her band that she would give music a shot, so right now, all I can ask is for a promise—her promise to come back to me.

  “Eight years ago, I was here in this same spot wanting to ask for your promise, but shit got in the way and it didn’t happen.” I pull in a nervous breath. “I know you have obligations and plans, and I would never ask you to give up on your dream.” I hesitate for a moment. “I love you, Blue, and I promise to love you every day for the rest of my life.”

  “Leo.” Her voice is soft.

  “Let me finish, please.” She nods. “Will you promise to come back to me? To think about me often and love me forever?” I open the velvet box and take out the ring. The diamond is small and the band is gold, but the ring isn’t important. The meaning is what’s significant.

  Blue gasps, covering her mouth with her right hand. When I slide the ring on her finger, her face lights up even more. “Yes, I’ll love you forever, and I’ll think about you every single day.”

  “I promise.”

  Epilogue

  Ella Blue

  One year later

  “You’re happy,” Gracie says as she pulls me in for a hug.

  “So happy. Never happier. The happiest.” I giggle. “I think that about covers it.”

  “You think?” she says, releasing me and stepping back. “I’m gonna miss you so much, but knowing you’re happy, happier, and the happiest makes it a bit easier.” She rubs her nose and sniffles.

  “No crying, Gracie Phillips. I mean it,” I say sternly. A laugh slips out behind the smile I’ve been wearing pretty much since I returned to Idlewood a few months ago. I did the music thing with the band, but six months was all I could give them. I needed Leo more than I wanted to keep chasing my dream.

  The sound of Reckless Fury’s newest hit drifts through the air around us. The band is currently on a three month bar tour and tonight’s their first performance here in New Orleans. I’m in town because I wanted to see Gracie before she and the girls leave for their newest venture. The Velvet Dolls will be opening for the band Five Past Midnight. Babs will be filling in for me until they find someone to take my place.

  “I hope the girls are able to replace me soon.” I wish I didn’t feel so damn guilty about leaving the band, but I do. Leo is constantly reminding me that I told them upfront that six months was all I had to give. I know he’s right, but it doesn’t help to ease my guilt.

  “You know you’re not replaceable, but since you’ve decided to go back to teaching and give up music then we’ll have to do something. Oh, and did I mention, you’re not the only one who’s leaving?” Gracie’s eyes grow wide and she leans in closer. “Joni’s pregnant,” she whispers.

  My mouth falls open and she nods.

  “Can you believe it?” Her eyes grow even wider.

  I try to act surprised, but I’m not. I already knew about the pregnancy. Joni and I were close during my time with the Velvet Dolls. Starting a family was all she ever talked about. “Before I even address the pregnancy, you need to understand that I’m not giving up music. I’m just no longer playing in a band. I’ll be teaching music every day at the elementary school in Idlewood. Now, as for Joni being pregnant, I’m happy for her.” I smile.

  “What about me? Are you happy that I have to replace not one, but two dolls? Ugh!” After Gracie’s dad hired a full-time manager for his band, she took on the role of keeping the Velvet Dolls moving in the right direction. She’s not officially their manager yet, but I can see it in her future.

  “Please, you’ll have us replaced by next week.”

  “Next week we’ll be on the road playing without you. Joni agreed to stay until we wrap up the two month tour, but once we’re back home, the search is on.” Gracie’s eyes brighten at the thought. She’s so in her element. She may not be a musician but she’s a damn good manager.

  “Can I borrow my wife for a few minutes?” Leo rests his hands on my hips and his chin on my shoulder as he directs the question to Gracie. I’ll never get tired of hearing him call me his wife. I look back at him and he covers my mouth with his.

  Leo asked me to marry him the day I returned to Idlewood. I said yes and we were married within a month. Best decision I’ve ever made.

  “God, get a damn room,” Gracie snaps.

  I pull away from Leo and smile at my best friend. “We have one, it’s just down the street.”

  She rolls her eyes at us and laughs. “I’m gonna go hang out at the bar anyway and maybe flirt with the cute blond sitting at the end.”

  I shift my gaze toward the bar.

  “Don’t look now, Ella. Shit. He’ll see you. Damn, you’re a terrible wing woman.” Gracie spins around and walks away as Leo yells, “She’s my wife, not your wing woman.”

  I turn into him and wrap my arms around his waist. He leans down and kisses my cheek. “What time did you say we were meeting your parents for breakfast in the morning?”

  “Hmm…I think nine or maybe ten. I can’t remember. Mom will call early to remind me,” I tell him as our bodies sway together to the rhythm of the music.

  My parents have been trying to be a part of my life since I returned to Idlewood. Well, at least my mom has. Dad is still dad and I don’t know if he’ll ever change. He’s in New Orleans right now on business and Mom tagged along just so she could see me. I’m happy for her effort and I hope one day we can be a family again, but it’s going to take a lot of work. As for now, all I care about is the man who’s holding me tight and loving me more than I deserve.

  The End

  A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

  Dear Reader,

  Thank you for taking a chance on a new author and reading My Blue. I love Leo and Ella Blue’s story so much, and I hope you do too. A second chance is the best chance—at least it was for Leo and Blue. These two made me happy and sad, but most of all they made me frustrated. Their story was a difficult one for me to tell. I’m just so happy I stayed with them and gave their beautiful love story to all of you. Thank you so much for following Leo and Blue’s second chance to happiness.

  Cheers,

  Emery xoxo

  Acknowledgments

  There are so many people to thank for being a part of this book writing journey. It would have been impossible to do alone.

  Taylor Roth: Thank you for being the very best PA ever!!! Without you—none of the important stuff would ever get done. Many—Many—Many thanks to you for designing graphics (teasers, FB banners, etc.), tackling the whole google documents/forms that become beautifully organized spreadsheets. BETA reading and telling me the TRUTH. Promoting everything I write, hanging out with me and the BABES, listening to me talk about absolutely nothing for longer than you probably want to, and for organizing all things bookish for me. Without you I’d be an absolute mess. I appreciate you so very much.

  Kristi Falteisek: Thank you for taking time to Proofread My Blue. I’m so happy that you agreed to continue this book journey with me. You’ve been the one person I relied on from the beginning. Thank you for being my friend and giving me guidance when I need it the most.

  Debra and Drue: You guys are absolutely incredible. I’m so impressed with the job you two do. Without you nothing would get done (including but not limited my newsletter, any and all social media posting, book formatting, organizing cover reveals and release day events). Thank you for your guidance through the PR part of this journey. Without the two of you I would have fallen on my face (many times). Thanks for your support—you two are great at what you do and I’m so happy to have y’all on my team. You two are the BEST!

  Dawn Alexander: I’m so happy we met. Your guidance while I was writing My Blue helped me to trudge through this complicated story. Thanks to you�
��I made it!! I’m so happy to have you on my team.

  Nancy Smay: Thank you for your honesty with this story. You saw that it needed more and by introducing me to Dawn that’s what this story got—exactly what it needed. Thank you for always working with me and my timeline. You are a fantastic editor and appreciate everything you do.

  C. Marie: Thank you for being so kind to take this edit on at the last minute and for digging through my (somewhat unorganized) manuscript. You did such a great job! You are an amazing editor. I truly appreciate you!

  Kayla Robichaux: Thank you for loving everything I write (even if it is a mess when you get it). You always give me the tools I need to make everything sound pretty in the end. Your advice and honesty are always greatly appreciated. Like I always say—you are an exceptional editor.

  Julie Deaton: Thank you for working with my crazy time schedule. And thank you for always being my final set of eyes. Couldn’t do it without you!

  Devyn Jensen of Mesquite Business Services—You have been a blessing and I’m so happy to have found you! Thank you for being so helpful and always willing to do whatever is needed to make my book a success no matter the time frame. I truly appreciate you and all that you do!!

  Taylor, Stacey, Brandy, and Rachael—my betas. You guys are fabulous! Thank you for your honesty and ability to always guide me in the right direction.

  To my husband—you are wonderful, but I guess you already knew that, huh? Thanks for putting up with my many hours locked away in my office or talking about this book to the point of making you want to go anywhere just to get away from the sound of my voice.