by Claire Adams
But, my heart still dropped a little when I reached out for her and she wasn’t there.
The air of my bedroom still smelled of her, salted caramel with a hint of lavender, and when I finally dragged myself over to the shower, the only thing I could think about was our connection last night. Her body had been so succulent and so tight for me, and the mere thought of what was wrapped around my cock sprung it to life while the hot water battered down on my back. It stung the crescents in my skin she’d bruised with her nails, which told me exactly how much she’d enjoyed last night. The sensation made me smile while I reached for my soap, and as I lathered my body, I couldn't help but remember lathering hers up last night as well.
Every single dip and curve of her body had been waiting for my tongue. Her body had jumped and clenched down in all the right places, almost like it was a script that had been written just for me. I wanted to experience that again. I wanted to experience Lucy choking out my name as I pounded into her hips. I wanted her eyes to widen at how massive my cock was before I shoved it between her lips. I wanted to take every orifice and fill it with me before I drew orgasm after orgasm from her.
I wanted to have her like that all over again, and part of me was worried at how much I wanted it.
Sure, I’d been with plenty women before my wife had come along, but after losing her the way I did, I hadn’t been with anyone like that. I let my reputation do the talking and kept my mouth shut while I focused all my energy on raising Jenna, and that was enough for me. I never itched to have another woman in my bed, nor did my cock ever do the thinking when I did come across a woman I could’ve sank into the depths of my mattress.
But with Lucy, I wanted more. I wanted to drink from the fountain in between her legs and worship her body the way she’d let me last night. I wanted to watch her tremble and writhe in anticipation before collecting the moans of her orgasm with my throat. I wanted to taste every inch of her and take her on every surface of this house, and that worried me.
It worried me that Lucy wasn’t just a small itch I had to scratch.
I had to be careful. It was obvious I wanted to continue to see her, and it was glaringly obvious that Jenna liked her. I had to tread carefully because Lucy wasn’t like all the other women when I had been younger. She wasn’t some temporary woman you used to fulfill a need before you dodged her phone calls until she quit calling. She was vibrant and exciting. We had a great deal in common, and she gave a shit about my daughter. She wasn’t any woman you could take for a few spins and get her out of your system.
She was the woman who wiggled her way into your system and changed your life, if you allowed her.
And honestly? I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Jenna and I had fallen into a rhythm that was good for her growing up, and we had found a small town that I thought might be good to raise her in. The crime rate was low, the seasons were beautiful, and the people were nice. I had a job that supported us with a boss who understood my needs as a single father, and I didn’t want to disrupt all that good with something that could potentially knock us off that track.
But, she was just so intoxicating.
Shit.
I climbed out of the shower and toweled off before I got dressed and woke up Jenna. I wanted to take her to do something special today, just so she knew who would always be the number one girl in my life. Her beautiful curly hair was piled in her face. I dipped down and kissed her cheek, and she threw her arms around my neck as I carried her tired body to the couch.
“French toast?” she asked.
“French toast, it is, princess.”
I laid her down onto the couch to wake up and set to work making breakfast. I made us French toast with scrambled eggs and chopped fruit, and I even let her put whipped cream on top of her syrupy toast before we dug in. I watched her face light up with every bite of breakfast she took, but when she grabbed her princess sippy cup, I realized she would always be my little girl. No matter how old she got and no matter where she went in life, this moment right here would always be my favorite: the smile that peeled across her cheeks while she sipped sleepily on her princess sippy cup.
“Are you having fun in our new town?” I asked her.
“Yep. School is really fun. And everyone’s nice,” she said.
“What do you think about our neighbors?” I asked.
“I like Miss Lucy. Can she come over more?”
“If you want her to, sure,” I said. “What do you think about Megan?”
“She was fun, but I kind of wished Miss Lucy would have played. Megan had fun games, but Miss Lucy likes to color.”
“Miss Megan,” I said. “And she didn’t wanna color with you?”
“It was okay. We tried to paint, but I put some on her arm, and she itched it bad.”
“Well, I’ll get us some other paints so Miss Megan doesn’t itch when she comes over,” I said.
“Do you like it?” she asked.
“Like what?”
“Here. Like I do.”
“I do,” I said, nodding. “The people are nice, and I like my job.”
“Do you like Miss Lucy?”
I choked on a piece of egg at my daughter’s question. I grabbed for my coffee and took a long sip while my daughter continued to stare at me, and I finally got it down before I took a deep breath.
“I do, princess. I like Miss Lucy,” I said.
“So, does that mean she will come over more?”
“Do you want her to?” I asked.
“Yeah. That’s what you do when you like someone, right? They come over and play?”
“Exactly. They come over and play. Would you like Miss Lucy to come over and play more often?” I asked.
“Yeah, but when you’re gone.”
“Why when I’m gone?”
“Because you hog her. I want some Miss Lucy time, too.”
I chuckled at her response while I watched her shovel food into her mouth. It gave me a great deal of comfort that Jenna didn’t seem to be too disrupted emotionally from all the women that were now coming into my life. Maybe Jenna was right. Maybe I should bring Lucy around more often. Usually, I got a babysitter, and we would head out to do something. But, if Jenna enjoyed Lucy so much, maybe I could bring her around here more. I thought about all of us sitting down for dinner and enjoying a movie together, or possibly the three of us going out and enjoying a day at the lake or something.
I found myself smiling at the thought of us all taking a trip together when my daughter’s voice pierced my thoughts.
“What’s so funny, Daddy?” she asked.
“What, princess?”
“You have a big smile. What’s funny?”
“Oh, no. Nothing’s funny. Just thinking.”
“About what?” she asked.
“About what we’re gonna do today.”
“Oh, oh, oh! Can we pick apples?” Jenna asked.
“If you want. We could come back and slice them up and have them with some peanut butter. How’s that sound?”
“Yes! I gotta go get dressed.”
I watched my daughter scamper from the breakfast table with her food half-eaten, and I listened to her small footsteps run down the hallway. Fall had officially descended on this small town, and the chill wind picked up outside. I could hear the branches knocking against the house while Jenna made as much noise while throwing open all her drawers in her room, and a thought crossed my mind that startled even myself before I shook it from my head.
Was Lucy feeling the way I was?
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucy
“So, you’ve been seeing a lot of this Jason neighbor of yours,” Brianna said. “How’s it going?”
“I mean, it’s nice. He enjoys the outdoors like I do, so I don’t have to fake my want for spending time with him,” I said.
“Oh, but you would if you had to, right?” she asked.
“No. No man’s that important,” I said.
; “Then why even bring it up? If you wouldn’t fake liking to be around him, then why would that be something you’re proud of not doing?”
“Bri, you’re getting ahead of yourself. It was just a statement,” I said.
“I think it’s because the relationship is serious,” she said.
“You think that because I enjoy not ‘fake liking’ my time with Jason, that it somehow means we’re in a serious relationship?” I asked.
“Look. If a woman fakes enjoying her time with a man, it means she’s desperate, right? Like, she doesn’t think she can find someone who actually makes her happy, so she settles. But, if a woman admits she would be willing to fake her time with a man because of how she feels around him but doesn’t have to fake anything, it means their relationship is serious because she’s willing to put his happiness above hers. It’s a serious relationship, trust me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Bri,” I said, giggling.
“Just go with it. How do you feel about it?”
“About what?” I asked.
“Jesus, Luce. Your time with Jason. How do you feel about it?”
“I mean, it’s nice. He makes me feel like his equal, and he’s not too bad to look at. But, I don’t wanna get ahead of myself. I mean, just because we—”
I paused, catching myself before I blurted it out loud, but I could feel my sister’s eyes on me as I poured us another cup of my homemade apple cider.
“Just because you what, Luce?” she asked.
“Shit.” I sighed.
“Oh. My. God. You slept with him? Luce, holy fuck, you got laid!” she exclaimed. “You have got to tell me everything. Shit, I thought you didn’t wanna be another woman in his Maximum train, sis. What the fuck?”
“Look, I don’t wanna get ahead of myself, all right? But, I think that Maximum rumor’s a load of shit. I’ve really gotten to know him over the past couple of weeks, and we understand each other. A great deal more than people realize,” I said.
“Uh huh. He understands how you like those lips licked,” she said.
“Are you serious right now?” I asked.
“Did he have a big dick? Did he know how to work it? Oh, did you ride his face? Tell me you rode that beautiful, strong jawline off into the sunset.”
“I’m not telling you a damn thing when you’re spouting off shit like that,” I said.
“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. But, really, did you enjoy yourself?”
“Yes, I did. It was very nice, being with a man like him. Especially with all we have in common.”
“But?” Bri asked.
“But, I still feel guilty.”
I felt my sister’s hand come down on mine, and I blinked away tears I’d been holding back since last night. It wasn’t fair of me to feel this way, especially when I enjoyed myself as much as I did. But I couldn't help but feel I had betrayed David somehow.
Like, I had cheated on him or something.
“Putting aside the fact that Dave’s been dead for three years, do you really think he would want you to be living like this? Alone, cooped up, without doing anything but going to the diner and coming back home? A woman who enjoys the outdoors as much as you do, and you haven’t even stepped one foot into them until this hot-ass neighbor of yours came along?”
“I know, I know,” I said, groaning. “But David was my world. God, I loved that man with every fiber of my being. He filled me in ways I never imagined before he came along.”
“And I bet Jason filled you in some ways, too,” she said, winking.
“Seriously?”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry for real this time, sort of. But, anyway, would David want to see you this alone? Look, if David were here right now, and he still loved you, but the two of you knew you couldn’t be together, what do you think he would say to you?”
“To stay celibate because there isn’t another man like him out there?” I asked.
“Okay, now give me the answer he would give you. Not the one you keep telling yourself.”
“He would tell me to continue enjoying life because my smile was the only thing that ever really made him happy,” I said.
“So, if he really is looking down on you, then you need to understand you’ve robbed him of your smile for the past three years. He’s looked down on you and watched you be miserable until the past few weeks. You haven’t just brought yourself a bit of relief; you’ve brought him a bit of relief, too.”
Tears crested the rims of my eyes as I wrapped my free hand around my warm mug of apple cider. I knew Bri was right, and she had a point, but that still didn’t stop the little flare of guilt that was ebbing in my stomach. I wondered, for a split second, if Jason felt the same way, but just the thought of him bloomed a grin across my cheeks that my sister caught.
“Tell me what you’re thinking about. In this very moment, after that kind of conversation, what just made you grin?” she asked.
“If I tell you, you’re gonna tell me you told me so,” I said.
“Not this time, sis. But, you need to say it. Out loud. For your own ears to hear.”
She squeezed my hand, and I heaved a deep sigh. I trailed my watery gaze up to hers and lost myself in the comfort of her stare. My sister, for all the quirkiness and the ways we didn’t line up, had always been my rock. She had held me every night for months after David had died, and she had been the first one who came screeching into the hospital parking lot when I’d called her up, sobbing into the phone to tell her David was dead.
She had been there through everything, and she deserved to hear my answer.
“Jason. I was thinking about Jason, and it made me smile,” I said.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because,” I paused to pick the right words, “because I actually enjoy spending time with him. I enjoy hunting with him and fishing with him and eating with him. I enjoy having conversations with him and getting to know him, and I even enjoy spending time with his daughter. Jenna is just this little ball of energy, and she makes me smile every time I see her. And Jason warms me, I guess.”
“What else?” Bri asked.
“And holy fuck, the sex was phenomenal,” I said, breathlessly.
“And there we are.” Bri said. “Touchdown!”
“But,” I said, “I don’t know if I actually, like, care for him. You know, like I cared for David.”
“You mean love? You don’t know if you love him?” she asked.
“We aren’t using that word,” I said.
“And no one’s expecting you to. I’m just talking about you being happy with a man you enjoy spending time with. You obviously trust him and feel comfortable enough with him, after everything you’ve been through, to sleep with him. It doesn’t have to be love to be serious, Luce.”
“It doesn’t?” I asked.
“No. Being serious with someone means you enjoy them so much that you aren’t seeking out companionship elsewhere. It means you’d rather spend all your free time with them instead of splitting it up between multiple people because you can’t get enough of them. No one’s expecting you to fall in love, but, if I say so myself, if you give it enough time, you might do just that.”
“Oh, no. I’m not anywhere near falling in love with anyone,” I said.
“Then don’t overthink it. You enjoy spending time with him? Then keep spending time with him. He’s that good in bed, and you trust him with your body? Then sit on that man’s lap and ride him into town. Enjoy yourself, Luce. I haven’t seen you this bubbly in three solid years, and I noticed it the moment the two of you started spending time with each other.”
“What if he didn’t enjoy last night like I did?” I asked.
“Yep, you’re serious about this,” she said.
“What? I am not. It was just a question.”
“A woman who isn’t serious about a man’s happiness when he’s around her wouldn’t ask a question like that. She’d take the good sex and keep on trucking.”
&n
bsp; “I’m not serious about him,” I said.
“Don’t overthink it. You’re smiling for the first time in three years. Just ride the wave. His daughter likes you? That’s a bonus. Single dads don’t stay with women their children don’t like. It’s just how that dynamic works.”
“And how the hell would you know this?”
“I dated a single dad once. His son hated me. Tossed me out the next day,” she said.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“Eh, we’d only been together, like, two weeks. Not a big deal. Anyway, back to you,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” I asked.
“Stop diverting. Feelings. Emotions. You. Go.”
“I’m okay. Seriously, Bri. I’m not having some existential crisis or questioning my entire life. I only feel a little guilty about being with someone since David died, and I’m wondering what to do next. Sex is usually the peak in a relationship, right? And we’ve peaked—what?—two, three weeks into this thing? Where do I go from here?” I asked.
“That question I can’t answer. That question is different for every couple. And I’m not telling you he won’t drop you like a hot potato after this because some men are just jerks. You might not give a shit about the rumors swirling around this man, but I do. I know you’ll keep yourself guarded, but I also know you’re coming to care about him.”
“He’s not like those rumors, Bri,” I said. “I’m serious. If you knew what I know.”
“Like I said, I’m on the outside looking in. You’re the one experiencing it. I can’t answer that question for you any better than you could answer it yourself,” she said. “I want you to allow yourself to experience the happiness you’re feeling in the moment.”