by Claire Adams
“And stop overthinking?” I asked.
“Yes. Definitely do that. You do way too much of that.”
I wanted to follow her advice, but things had too much potential to fall apart. What would happen with all of this if I moved on too quickly? I mean, no one wrote a book on how long you’re supposed to grieve over a dead spouse. No one wrote a book on when you’re supposed to get rid of their things from your home because they’re never coming back. No one wrote a step-by-step guide online about how long your heart and mind will grieve their loss before you can go hop on someone else’s dick and be just fine.
And I wondered if I was making the right decision, moving forward and being with another man even though David had passed only three years ago.
“I know you’re scared,” Bri said. Her voice ripped me from my thoughts, startling me as apple cider spilled over the sides of my mug.
“I know you’re wondering if you’ve given this enough time. If you’ve grieved enough for society’s liking before you move on and try to find someone else,” she said. I might never get used to her ability to read my thoughts so closely from my expression.
“And what if I haven’t?” I asked.
“Well, here’s what I know,” she said. “I’ve called you Luce three or four times during this conversation, and it’s the first time in three years that you haven’t corrected me.”
My eyes widened when I realized she was right. No one in my family had ever called me Luce until David made that his nickname for me, and after he passed, I forcibly corrected everyone around me who continued to call me that name.
But, I didn’t do that now. I heard it, I’d processed it, and I’d kept on talking as if nothing was wrong.
“So, for now, let’s take that as a good sign. You might not know how you feel, but you are moving on. And moving on doesn’t mean you didn’t ever love David. It just means you’re finally accepting the fact that you’re still alive,” she said.
“And that’s good?” I asked.
“Luce,” Bri said. “It’s very good.”
And again, I didn’t feel the need to correct her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jason
Lucy and I held Jenna’s hands while we walked the block. Halloween had crept up on us without me giving a thought to the type of costume she would wear, and Lucy jumped in at the last second and dolled Jenna up to be the princess she’d always wanted to be. She looked like a million bucks, with her little tiara and the glitter in her beautiful hair. Lucy had found a store last-minute that had a princess dress in her size, and the two of them got ready while I tried to track down something to hold her candy in.
The air was chilly while the giggling of excited children flooded the roads of our neighborhood. I couldn’t help but look over at Lucy and digest the smile on her face. She had a jacket zipped up over the curves of her beautiful body as we walked from door to door, and every time Jenna got scared at someone’s setup, she always wanted both of us to come with her.
The neighborhood catered to the children of the town, so their trick-or-treating started well before the sun even started to sink in the sky. I was grateful for it because it meant Jenna could indulge in sugar and still get to bed at a reasonable time, and maybe I could entice Lucy to stay for a while afterward. With each shiver of her body, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and keep her warm, but I figured I could offer her a mug of hot chocolate later on after Jenna went to bed.
Anything to get her to stay awhile longer.
With every house we went to, I introduced myself. They told me they didn’t recognize me, I’d tell them my daughter and I were new, and then I’d point out where we lived while they nodded their heads in mock recognition. Everyone had been so kind, giving Jenna extra candy as a “welcome to the neighborhood” surprise, and Jenna proclaimed we should move more often.
“You wanna move again?” I asked, chuckling.
“Look at all the candy. We should move every Halloween,” she said.
“Well, what happens to me?” Lucy said. “I like having you guys around.”
“I just figured you’d come with us,” Jenna said. The words fell off her lips as easily as a knife sliced butter, and the giggle she threw my way warmed my core. It was very domestic, what we were doing. We were walking down the street hand-in-hand with my daughter while we enjoyed a holiday that families across the nation were enjoying.
I’d never done this with Jenna before, and it was nice to share this moment with Lucy.
“We haven’t seen Miss Megan yet. Will we see her?” Jenna asked.
“I believe her house is the one with the red gutters at the end of the road,” I said.
Jenna ripped from our grasps and started running down the street, and Lucy and I darted after her while she ran up Megan’s driveway. Jenna hopped onto the porch just as Lucy and I were scrambling for her, trying to speak and get her to understand that she couldn’t run off like that.
“Jenna,” I said, “don’t you ever do that again.”
“That’s not safe,” Lucy said. “You could’ve gotten hurt had a car turned the corner.”
“But, it’s Miss Megan’s,” she said.
“I don’t care if it’s the president’s home, you don’t take off like that,” I said.
“I see someone’s happy to see me.”
Megan opened the door, and my eyes bulged from my head. Her long red hair was down, and her freckles were crinkling around her nose while my daughter threw her hands around Megan’s neck. I saw Lucy’s face blush as she took in Megan’s costume, with her fairy outfit hiking her tits up to her chin while her long legs puckered with the cool temperature of the wind.
“You look so pretty,” Jenna said.
“And you look like you could use some candy.”
Megan proceeded to grab a fistful of candy and drop it into Jenna’s bag while I continued to stare at her. Her Tinkerbell-green dress was covered in glitter, and her hair was teased out and curled. She had these cheap wings on her back with her face done in all sorts of makeup. I looked over at Lucy, whose skin was red from her forehead to her neck, and Jenna slipped her hand into mine before Megan fluttered her gaze up to me.
“You have a beautiful little princess,” she said.
“Thanks. Lucy was the one who threw the costume together last minute. I’d forgotten all about Halloween. Been a long week at work.”
“Well, Lucy, it’s a wonderful costume,” Megan said, nodding at her.
“Thanks. I think she looks adorable,” Lucy said.
“Oh, that she does. I’ll have to get you to do my costume next year if you can make me look that pretty.”
“I think you look very pretty, Miss Megan,” Jenna said.
“And so do you, my sweet princess,” she said.
I watched Lucy’s shoulders tense at the statement, so I tugged at Jenna’s hand, and we left the porch. Again, Megan hadn’t flirted with me at all, but there was something Lucy took issue with, and at this point, it was glaringly obvious.
“You all right?” I asked.
“Oh my gosh, yes. Did you see her costume? Too cute,” Lucy said. I could still see her shoulders tense even as Jenna slipped her hand into Lucy’s, but when she looked down and smiled at my daughter, it was genuine.
Whatever was going on in her head, I wanted to know, but it made me feel better that it wasn’t affecting the time she was having with Jenna. I knew my daughter was excited when Lucy showed up on our porch ready to trick-or-treat with us, and I wanted this memory to be one we all looked back on and smiled at.
“I think we hit all the houses,” I said.
“Unless you wanna cross the road and go to all those houses, I think we’ve exhausted our options,” Lucy said.
“Does this mean I can go home and eat candy?” Jenna asked.
“It does, princess. But, you only get one big piece or three small pieces before bedtime,” I said.
“Awwwww, Daddy! Come on,” she said,
pouting.
“No pouting,” Lucy said. “Princesses don’t pout. They hold their heads high, take what they’re given, and keep reminding themselves that one day the kingdom will be theirs. Then, you can make up all the rules you want.”
“Oh, is that so?” I asked.
“It’s the beautiful plight of a princess,” Lucy said, sighing.
“You hear that, Daddy? One day, I get to make the rules.”
“Over my dead body,” I said, chuckling.
We made our way back to my house, and the three of us huddled inside, taking shelter from the cold fall air. Winter was steadily approaching, and the clouds in the sky were growing grayer with each passing day. The first snow of the season would happen much quicker than either of us wanted. Jenna and I were used to the snow, though not in buckets as people told me Washington got it, and I made a mental note to make sure I had all I needed to dig me out of my driveway whenever it was necessary.
“Man, it’s really getting chilly out there,” Lucy said as she shrugged off her jacket.
“Thank God, it’s warm in here,” I said, smirking.
“Whoa! Look at all this candy.”
We both heard her dump the bucket of candy onto the floor and we went to see what goodies she had. Smarties and gum and chocolate bars were scattered everywhere, and she began to pick out what she wanted before it was time to go to bed.
“Want some?” she asked. She held up a piece of gum to Lucy who took it with a smile on her face, and I watched her nimble fingers unwrap it before she popped it between those luscious lips of hers.
“You want some, Daddy?” Jenna asked.
“No, thanks, princess. Daddy’s all right,” I said.
“You sure? I have Almond Joys.”
“I’m sure. If you want, you can save it, and we can share some tomorrow,” I said.
“Okay.”
Lucy and I sat on the couch while Jenna divvied up her candy. She was making three piles: one for herself, one of the candy she knew I liked, and one of the gum she was holding for Lucy.
“You know you don’t have to give me your candy, right?” Lucy asked.
“But I want you to have some. Everyone should have candy on Halloween,” Jenna said.
“Don’t fight with her,” I said. “Once she gets an idea like this in her head, she won’t shake it.”
“I just don’t want her to feel like she has to give me her candy,” Lucy said.
“I can hear you,” Jenna called from the floor.
“Well, good,” Lucy said. “Because I wanna tell you how much fun I had with you tonight.”
“It really was fun,” I said.
“I had fun, too, Miss Lucy. Will you do it again with us next year?”
Lucy looked over at me hesitantly, and I decided to take the conversation by the reigns. I didn’t want Lucy feeling like she had to make promises like that to my daughter.
“How about we wait and see what happens next year? After all, you said you wanted to move,” I said, smiling.
“Only if Miss Lucy comes with us,” Jenna said.
“Well,” Lucy said, “whatever happens next year, I’m glad we had this year.”
“Me, too.”
“You got the candy you want tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna have these.”
Jenna held out two little Snickers bars and a Twix bar, and I took them from her to inspect. When I was satisfied nothing had been tampered with, I patted the couch next to me and watched her scramble up to it. For a while, nothing but the sound of the crinkling wrappers filled the room, and I slipped both of my arms around the two most incredible women in my life.
“You know, my sister’s only a couple years younger than me, so it’s been a long time since I’ve done anything like this,” Lucy said.
“You have a sister?” Jenna asked.
“Yep. Her name’s Brianna, and she lives on the other side of town.”
“Could I meet her sometime?”
“Of course, you can. How about we come over the next time she comes to visit?” Lucy asked.
“Can she, Daddy?”
“If they want to and we’re here, of course,” I said.
“How long has it been since you trick-or-treated?” Jenna asked.
“Oh, many years now. I usually give out the candy to the kids coming around the block,” Lucy said.
“So, you don’t get candy for yourself?” Jenna asked.
“Nope. I usually give it all away. But, tomorrow I’ll probably go to the store and get some candy,” Lucy said.
“Why?” Jenna asked.
“Because all the Halloween candy will be on sale,” Lucy said, grinning.
“That sounds like a wonderful plan, actually,” I said. “You could eat candy bars with your coffee for the next few weeks for half price.”
“Ew. Coffee,” Jenna said.
“Well, usually I get Twix and Kit Kats, and I do put them in my coffee,” Lucy said. “I know it sounds weird, but it’s unlike any coffee creamer I could ever buy at a store.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” I said. “You ever thought about stirring your coffee with full-sized candy bars?”
“Eh, they’re never the ones on sale. I get the discounted mini-sized ones and plop a couple into my coffee thermos in the morning.”
“You put candy bars in coffee? Why would you do that to candy bars?” Jenna asked.
“Because I’m a princess who now gets to make my own rules,” Lucy said.
“Yes. Yes, you are,” I said.
She looked over at me, and I tugged her into the side of my body. She followed my lead, leaning into me while her head laid on my chest. Jenna hummed with delight over her chocolate while it melted in her fingers, and I couldn’t help but press a kiss to the top of Lucy’s head when Jenna wasn’t looking. I knew we were trying to keep the sensuality of our relationship out from underneath my daughter’s nose, but learning all I was about her made me feel closer to her somehow.
And the candy bar thing was unique only to her.
“All right, Jenna. Time to go get cleaned up,” I said.
“But, Daddy,” she said.
“No buts. I told you after you ate your candy it would be time to go to bed. Now, go wash those chocolatey fingers and brush those teeth.”
“Could I sleep in my dress tonight?” she asked.
“Of course, you can. You can fall asleep as my little princess,” I said.
“But, aren’t I always your princess?” she asked.
“Always. But, tonight you can sleep in your princess clothes and wake up to a breakfast fit for a princess,” I said.
“Could I put candy bars in my pancakes like Miss Lucy puts them in her yucky drink?” she asked.
“Oh, no. What have I started?” Lucy asked, giggling.
“How about I let you have a small candy bar with breakfast if you listen and go get yourself cleaned up?” I asked.
“Okay.”
Jenna took off for the bathroom, and the moment she rounded the corner, I pulled Lucy’s body into mine. She turned her head, and I captured her lips with mine, tasting the cold Washington air on her lips that had chapped her skin ever so slightly. Her hand raked into my hair, twirling her soft skin into my curling locks, and soon her body was straddling mine before she pulled back and smiled.
“I really had a good time,” she said.
“Thank you for all your help with Jenna’s costume. You bailed me out of a bad one there,” I said.
“Not a problem. Thanks for letting me come with you guys.”
“Anytime,” I said, smiling.
I rested my forehead against hers while her hands ran through my hair. I could hear Jenna giggling in the background while the faucet ran in the bathroom, and I couldn’t help but breathe Lucy in as my mind reminisced on the day. Jenna had been ecstatic when Lucy helped dress her up this year, but even though I took her trick-or-treating every single year since she was an infant, I
couldn’t ever remember a time when she had been this happy doing it.
Jenna kept running up the streets, and she was so sociable with the neighbors. She was even being more obedient about her candy than I’d ever known her to be. She was a massive ball of positive energy whizzing around the house, and as Lucy slid off my lap and curled up into my side, I couldn’t help but wonder if Lucy was the factor that had changed everything.
If Lucy was the factor that made my daughter’s Halloween this happy and special.
“I’m ready for a bedtime story,” Lucy called out.
“I’ll be right there, princess,” I called back.
“Could Miss Lucy read it to me?”
Lucy looked up at me with a huge smile on her face before she rolled herself off the couch. She pulled up her pants and shoved her shirt down before she started for the hallway, walking toward Jenna’s bedroom at my daughter’s beck and call without so much as a stutter. It seemed natural, the way her hips sashayed down the hallway toward my daughter’s room, and the moment my daughter began to squeal, I knew she was happy. Really, genuinely happy.
“Thank you, Daddy,” Jenna called out.
“Whatever you want, princess,” I said to myself. “Whatever you want.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lucy
“Lucy, what’s wrong?” he asked.
The guilty, nagging sensation in the back of my mind hadn’t dissipated, and I knew I had to talk with Jason about it. I knew I had to clue him in on what was going on because it wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair that he was jumping in headfirst when I was only swinging my legs off the edge of the deep end of this pool.
“Jason, I-I really just need you to listen, all right?” I asked.
“Whatever you need,” he said.
“I’ve been feeling guilty.”
“Why?” he asked.
“For being with you,” I said.
He sat there for a little while, darting his eyes between mine. I felt like I had just fallen off a cliff. Like I was sinking through a thick fog and heading for the sharp rocks below. I felt them grabbing onto my ankles, pulling me faster and faster away from a man who was standing on the edge of the cliff watching me fall.