by Claire Adams
Had she expected me to call her? To fill her in? To maybe cry a little on her shoulder? I pursed my lips to keep from being a total dick. It wasn't her fault that I'd agreed to her deal. It was mine.
And it was my own goddamn fault that I fell in love with her.
"I actually thought you were him." I walked up the sink and reached for a brush, running it through my hair. "Did you need something?" I looked at her in the mirror as she stood behind me, just off to the side.
"No. I mean, I wanted to check on you, and you've been ignoring my calls." Her hands went to her hips, and she cocked her head to the side. She was pissed.
"Did I have a reason to call?" I gave her an odd expression. "Mom's dead. The deal is over. You offered your services until she passed in exchange for the money to live your life in California. It's over. Congrats. You made it. You did a great job."
"Gavin." She took a step back as if I'd punched her in the face.
Some part of me wanted to turn and sink down to my knees, to pull her close and press my cheek to her stomach as she held me. It would have been so right to do it, but I knew I could end things at this point and not leave my heart lying about for her to slip a knife into it.
I couldn't take much more.
"If you need a letter of recommendation on your acting skills, I'm happy to provide it." I doused my hands in cologne and patted the sides of my neck, and I turned to face her. "You're going to be great. Really."
Her eyes were filled with tears, and the pain on her pretty face hurt me. Ron thought she was in love with me, but the poor bastard had no clue that the woman had asked for a huge bankroll to play my girl for a while. He would be sick if he did.
"I'm not leaving here until we talk about us." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I have so many things to tell you."
"Save it," I barked and moved around her. "I have to bury my mom this morning. Unfortunately, this day isn't about you." I lifted my hands in the air. "I know, shocking, right? Someone else gets the limelight for a few minutes."
"Gavin." She followed after me. "Why are you doing this?"
I jerked around and got in her face, focusing only on my anger. "Doing what exactly? I warned you multiple times not to make more of my hospitality, of my attention, of our sex than you should. If you did, then that's on you, sweetheart."
She stepped back and pressed her hands to her mouth as a soft sob left her. "You don't mean that."
"Yeah. I do." I pointed to the door. "Now, get out. I have to get to the church. You have your money. Go live your dreams and don't look back. I don't want to see you again. Not ever."
She spun on her heels, her crying filling up the room around me as she jogged toward the front door.
I wanted until she slammed it to drop down on the bed and exhale. My body was tight, my hands shaking. Too many emotions raced through me, all of them fucking me up and leaving me broken. The last thing I wanted to do was attack Maddie.
I had fallen in love with her somewhere along the way, but to let her have access to my heart without the covering of money in front of it? No fucking way.
No one was going to hurt me again. Not ever.
"You want me to stick around, buddy?" Ron rubbed the top of my back as we stood at the graveside service. I'd been shaking hands and giving hugs for the last half hour and had very little left inside of me.
"No. I need a few minutes with my mom."
"I'll wait in the car then." He squeezed my shoulder and turned, leaving me standing alone at the foot of my mom and dad's grave.
I walked over and knelt down, picking up the roses that were scattered all around and sticking some into the vase at the base of her tombstone before putting some in dad’s.
I'd broken down multiple times during the funeral, but I guessed it was expected. Where most people had family or other loved ones around them, I had Ron. I should have let Maddie come for that if nothing else.
To feel her arms around me, holding me up would have been enough to get me through it, but no. I was an asshole and chose to cast away whatever the fuck was happening between us. I'd be lucky if she ever spoke to me again.
I dropped to my knees and glanced up at the sky as the breeze blew around me. "Oh, Mom. I miss you so damn much already." I let out a long sigh and let my head drop back down. "I fucked up things with Maddie. We were lying to the whole damn time, or we started out that way. I have no clue if she ever really had feelings for me, but by the end, I had them for her."
Breathing in deeply, I continued, "I told her to get lost this morning, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. You should have seen her. I'm ashamed of the man I am capable of being. All in the name of protecting myself." I pressed my hands to my knees and glanced up at the tombstone. "You sure did like her, didn't you? I know she liked you, too. She wasn't faking there. Not one bit."
"I wasn't faking any of it." Her voice startled me, and I stood, turning around as anger bled across my face. I was ready to blast her again, but she stepped up and grabbed me roughly. "You asshole." She pulled me down, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me hard.
I wanted to fight her, but I needed her too damn bad. Instead of pushing her away, I melted against her, welcoming her warmth, her touch, her bossy ass back into my world.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Maddie
He leaned against me, and I cradled him, kissing his lips several times before pressing my cheek against his.
"Were you here for all of it?" He sounded so far beyond tired.
"Yes." I brushed my hand down the side of his face and closed my eyes, letting memory after memory from our childhood wash over me. I knew him. Intimately.
Why in the world would I ever let scarcity and fear get in the way of starting a real relationship with a good man like him?
"I want to go home." He moved back and glanced back down toward the gravestones. "Mom would be happy to know you came."
"Of course I did. I just stayed in the back because I didn't want to disrespect your wishes." I reached out and slid my hand into his. "And look at me."
He glanced my way, his eyes filled with a torrent of emotion. "What?"
"I'm not going anywhere. I realized I was stupid. I'm sorry." I reached up and brushed a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. "I thought I needed the money to make me happy, but more so, to make sure my mom and dad were okay." My eyes filled with tears. "I wanted to do big things because I'm the only one they have to lean on." I swallowed the hot ball of regret lodged in my throat. "I was wrong. I can find another way to take care of them."
"It wasn't about the money, Maddie." He pulled his hand from mine, and my heart dropped.
He wasn't going to let me back in. No matter how he felt about me, about us. No matter what his mother would have wanted for him. It wasn't about just finding love, but about being with someone that would have his back, would rub his shoulders and love on him when the world turned dark.
It's what we all wanted in life. There was no way that Gavin didn't want it too. Some part of me prayed that he would find it with me, but if he didn't, I just wanted him to be happy with someone.
"It was about the message behind it, and not that my reasons change anything, but you have to know that I'd trade every cent you paid me to have you instead."
His eyes widened a little, and his shoulders pulled back. "Seriously?"
"Absolutely. One hundred percent." I crossed my arms over my chest and tried not to shiver. It was getting colder by the minute. "Take the money out of my account, or what's left of it. I might have bought groceries and gas once." I tilted my head to the side, half-expecting him to smile, but I got nothing out of him.
"And this is because you feel guilty?" He nodded toward his mother's grave.
"No." I took a shallow breath. "Well, yes, of course, I do, but this is more than that. I didn't need the money. I needed you. I want whatever was building between us more than I want security or a hand up or a career in California." I risked it and reache
d out, touching the side of his face.
He pressed against my hand, cupping his hand over mine as he turned and kissed my palm. The warmth of his lips lit me on fire.
"Please forgive me." I pulled back and took the ring off. "And here. Take this back, too. I want to start fresh from the beginning."
He started to respond, but I lifted my hand and shook my head. "No. Don't say anything now. Please. I don't want you to talk out of anger or loss. I need you to think about what we had there near the end. That was me. Fully me. Completely and totally in love with you."
He glanced down at the ring and back up to me. "You sure about this?"
"Positive. Call me if you decide you want to try again, and know that if you don't, I'm praying you find a woman worthy of you." I moved closer and kissed his cheek. "It sure as hell isn't me, but sometimes the underdog pulls through."
I turned and walked to my car as tears dripped down my cheeks. Ron called out to me, but I waved at him and got in my old clunker, trying to start it three times before it finally purred to life.
There would be other ways to get myself out of the financial situation that I was in. I could get a few extra jobs, non-modeling jobs to try and get my shit together. And maybe if I worked hard at being more authentic and stopped trying to stage my pictures and look perfect all the fucking time, maybe people would like me for who I was. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to become famous.
Besides, it's not like I was going to be able to keep up the bullshit act forever. I was exhausted already, and life had just started.
I pulled out of the parking lot, glancing back in time to see Gavin lift his hand and blow me a kiss.
Rolling down my window, I stuck my hand out of it and pretended to catch the kiss. He had no idea how sorry I was. How much I would give it all back to have him beside me.
I picked up my phone and called my mom, knowing Nancie was most likely busy
"Hi, baby. What are you up to?"
"Just leaving the funeral." I turned onto the freeway and pressed the phone between my cheek and shoulder. "I need to tell you and Dad something."
"Alright." She sounded worried. She should be. I was a liar.
My phone buzzed, and I pulled it away from my ear to see that it was a text from Gavin. It only had three words.
Dinner. Tomorrow Night.
There wasn't a question mark, and for some odd reason, that turned me on so much. He wanted to see me again, and if I knew him well enough, he would be full of piss and vinegar when we met up. With so many things going on in his life, he'd want me underneath him, moaning and squirming as he took out his aggression on my body.
My nipples budded as an ache raced through the center of my body.
"Maddie?" My mom said. "I have you on speaker. What did you need to tell us?"
I got choked up. "I just wanted you to both know how much I love you. I'm sorry I give you hell sometimes. It won't happen again. You know what's best for you, and whatever that is, I'm behind you. Please don't change a bit. You're special and give me something to hope for one day in my own marriage."
My mom sniffled as my dad's voice filled the line. "Ahh... sweetheart. Did the funeral upset you?"
"It was rough," I said and pulled off the freeway, heading back to my lonely apartment. I'd have given a few teeth for Gavin to demand to see me later that night, but this was for the best. He needed his space, and we had to start from the beginning to make sure that both of us wanted whatever outcome we ended up with.
"Well, we love you too, baby." My mom came back on the line. "How is Gavin? Is he with you?"
"He had a rough time with it, Mom. He's headed home with Ron. I think he wanted some time with his best friend, and I was more than happy to move out of the way."
"Hmmm... seems odd seeing that you're his wife." My mother's voice tightened.
"No, it's hard for him to cry in front of me, and he needs to let some emotions go, you know? This marriage was fast and furious, and where it's the best thing that's ever happened to me, we still have a lot of bonding to do." I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment and turned off the car. "I'm going to let you go. I love you both. Thanks again for being so great."
"Be safe and let us know if you need anything."
We hung up, and I got out of the car, working through all of the thoughts racing through my head. It was going to be okay either way.
I was sure of it.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Gavin
"Just chill." I finished buttoning my shirt as I checked myself out in my bathroom mirror. "You've already slept with her, been on several dates with her, mom loved her... you're good. For fuck's sake, you married her."
I laughed at that and brushed my hand down my face. The shit me and Maddie had been through over the last couple of weeks would forever stain my heart. It was the beginning of what I could tell was going to be a really long love story.
I could almost see myself sitting on the porch with our kids, telling them how their rotten-ass momma sucked half a million dollars out of my bank account before we were even married.
She would roll her eyes, sit in my lap, and twist the tale all the way around. Which was fine. I didn't care, as long as she was in my future.
I'd laid in bed the night before, yearning for her in a way I hadn't wanted anyone. Anger and loss and sadness could fuck off for the time being. I needed a clear head to make sure when we started over again, it was one hundred percent authentic.
Get the tie. The gray one. It looks so good on you, and gray goes with everything. I could hear mom's voice in my head, the words so familiar they felt like coming home.
I walked to the closet and got one of my gray ties before putting it on and checking myself one more time. We could grab something to eat and then head back to the house to talk. Maybe more than talk if she wanted me. I knew I wanted her… so damn bad it hurt.
I got in the car and drove toward her apartment, my heart racing in my chest. Was she being serious at the gravesite the day before? How could she not be?
She was a free woman and had no reason in hell to offer herself up to me. There wasn't an evil scheme or vendetta behind her words. She was laying herself out there for me to accept or reject.
"She's way more brave than you," I mumbled to myself and pulled up into the parking lot at her apartment. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to get my thoughts together.
My phone buzzed, and I looked down to see that it was her. She wanted to know what time I would be there.
I got out of the car and jogged up to her door, knocking softly.
She opened the door, wearing a white cotton dress and flats. Her hair was down, and she wore the same soft colors she wore at our wedding.
I gave her a cocky grin and moved back. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks." She walked out and turned, locking the door.
I reached out and ran my hands down the sides of her arms before stepping closer and leaning down to kiss the soft skin beneath her ear. "Can we start with me apologizing?"
"Not a chance in hell." She turned around and slid her hands up my chest, locking them behind my neck. "We both owe each other a round of apologies, but do-overs don't work like that. Everything that wasn't right is behind us now. All we have is the future and the memory of the great parts of what we just went through."
"Like you sucking me off in the shower?" I tightened my arms around her waist.
"And you renting out the hibachi grill?" She pressed against me, her eyes filled with one thing: love.
"And the way you made my mother light up. She loved it every time you visited."
"And she was proud of you for being the man you are." She pulled me down and brushed her nose by mine. "I'm proud of you for being you."
"Good, but flattery will get you nowhere, Gold Digger." I nipped at her lips and moved back to take her hand. "Dinner and then back to the house for dessert?"
"Depends on what dessert is." She tucked herself against my sid
e as we walked to the car.
"Something with nuts, I'm sure."
She yelped and swatted at me. "Gavin!"
"I meant like peanuts. Jeez, woman. You love peanut butter, right?" I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her to her side of the car, opening the door and helping her into the car.
I walked around to my side, feeling like a million dollars. The woman could have every penny Dad left me if she just stayed by my side and loved me until I left the earth.
"What do you feel like?" I got in and buckled up.
"You." She reached over and ran her hand up my thigh, squeezing my cock as she licked her lips. "Is that on the menu?"
"Sure is." I reached over and slid my hand into her hair before moving toward her. I pressed my lips to hers and made love to her mouth as she squirmed in her seat. The smell of her soap mixed with a hint of arousal had my mouth watering, my cock rock hard. "I don't want this to just be sex between us."
She laughed loudly, surprising me a little. "I think that's supposed to be my line."
"You? No way." I moved back into my seat and gripped her hand to keep her from distracting me too much. "You like sex way too much."
"So do you, Mister."
I glanced over at her. "Hell, yes, I do. But only with you."
"Let's go back to your place and make sandwiches. I don't want to go out."
"You got all dressed up. I'm taking you out."
"I got dressed up for you, Gavin. And I'd like to get undressed for you, now. Don't deny me. Please?" She tugged her hand from mine and reached over to stroke my erection. "We can eat after we make love."
Make love. The sound of it coming from her lips had my insides doing flip flops. I felt like a silly school boy, all wrapped up in what we could become and who she would grow to be in my life.
"Alright, but let's share a glass of wine before you start your seduction games." I smiled over at her as she gave me hell about all of my comments toward her for the rest of the ride home.