Scripted Reality: Formerly I Wanna Get Laid by Kade

by Ashton Johns

  I blew out a breath, inflating my cheeks. “Fine, just a bit…”

  “Good, good,” Carson said distractedly, moving away from me. “I thought Daisy was being a bit melodramatic, but that’s women for you.”

  As he disappeared through the door, I pulled out a chair and sat down, Brody flopping down at my feet, wondering what he meant about Daisy.

  “Shit,” I muttered, reaching down to stroke my dog. “That was crazy.”

  I was still sitting there when an older lady came into the dining room, carrying a solo cup and a huge smile.

  “Hey, honey,” she said, holding her hand out. “I’m Bessie Winters. I’m the on-set counselor, and this is for you.”

  She pushed the solo cup towards me. “What is it?” I asked. “Because I don’t drink.”

  I didn’t have a problem with alcohol as such. It just reminded me of a time when drinking had caused the death of my best friend. Not a drop of liquor had passed my lips since I’d found myself on the streets. It was just safer that way, and I wasn’t going to start now.

  “It’s diet coke, honey.” She smiled warmly and cupped my chin. “You okay? Was it a bit much for you?”

  I stared into her eyes. If living on the streets had taught me anything, it was to look someone dead in the eye. If they were trustworthy, they wouldn’t flinch from your gaze. Thankfully, Bessie held my stare.

  “It was hard,” I said on a long exhale. “It’s been a while since I was in a confined space with that many people.”

  “I know it must have felt suffocating.”

  Bessie pulled out a chair and moved it to sit opposite me so that our knees were almost touching.

  “You really a counselor?” I asked, before taking a long, much needed drink of the cold soda.

  Bessie nodded. “Yes, I am. This sort of show can be extremely stressful, pushing people beyond their comfort zone and bringing to light issues that they thought were deeply hidden. Plus, ten women all under one roof for six weeks, think about it, honey. That’s an awful lot of hormones and an awful lot of tears.”

  “I guess so.” I laughed. “Thanks for the drink. It’s thirsty work chatting to ten women I’ve never met before.”

  “You know Daisy.”

  I couldn’t help the smile that broke out. Just the sound of her name made me feel better. The reminder of the connection from our touch earlier made me look down at my hand to check it wasn’t scorched in some way.

  “Yeah, she’s good people,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “I believe so. She was the one who asked me to come see you. Once the girls had picked a room, the crew went in to film their individual reactions to you, which from the few I heard were very favorable.”

  She grinned and winked at me, but I had no fucks to give about what a bunch of money grabbing women thought of me. Just the few minutes I’d spent with them had been enough to tell me it was my ‘money’ they were interested in. One, whose name I had totally forgotten, had even asked me what number I was on Forbes List.

  “Daisy took that opportunity to find me. After getting Carson to halt the filming, she was really concerned about you,” Bessie informed me.

  Christ, Daisy was so fucking adorable and I was right; she really was a good person.

  “Would you like me to give you some coping exercises?” Bessie asked.

  “Sorry?”

  “Coping exercises for stressful moments like that one.”

  I looked at her kind eyes and soft gray curls and was glad there appeared to be someone else looking out for me.

  “Please, that’d be great.”

  Bessie smiled and patted my hand. “No problem, honey. Okay, sit back, kick off your flip-flops and we’ll get you relaxed.”

  Almost an hour later, I was so relaxed I was practically floating. Bessie was really good at getting me to visualize a place of serenity and then take myself to that place in my head. Weirdly, my place was Dominique’s, having the sweet smelling oil rubbed into my hair. Even more weirdly, in my mind’s eye, it was Daisy rubbing it in.

  Once we’d finished, Bessie was called away to talk to one of the girls, leaving me alone in the dining room, with Brody flopped at my feet. Apparently, the girl had been traumatized by the fact that there was only a shower in her bathroom and, shock fucking horror, no tub.

  I was wondering whether I should go and find someone from the production company when Daisy popped her head around the door.

  “Hi,” she whispered, stepping inside. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and grinned. The sight of Daisy always brought a smile to my face, but to see her in a dress that was obviously expensive matched with a pair of camel colored, soft sheepskin boots made my smile even bigger.

  “Nice footwear,” I said, pointing at her feet.

  “Oh gosh, my feet were killing me. It felt like I was walking on hot coals and having my heels pricked with thousands of needles.”

  “I have no idea why women do that to themselves.”

  “Ugh, me neither. Thank goodness I managed to slip these into my case without Lydia finding out. She’d go crazy, especially if she realized they’re fakes.”

  I furrowed my brow and shrugged. “I have no idea what’s fake about them, but they look okay to me, especially with that dress.”

  Daisy’s cheeks reddened and she lowered her eyes. “I know. I don’t really do high fashion. I just do what I’m comfortable with. When you look at the other girls, I guess I’m kinda weird.”

  My heart seized at the thought of embarrassing her.

  “God no, that’s not what I meant. They look cool with the dress, and well…” I paused as I looked her up and down. “You look really beautiful in it.”

  Daisy slowly looked up at me, and I could see that she was holding her breath. My heart was sending my blood around my body at lightning speed, and as Daisy sucked in her bottom lip, that same blood rushed its way to my dick.

  “Daisy…” I whispered, pushing up from my seat.

  “There you are!” a booming voice sounded.

  It was Carson and he looked ready to blow a gasket as he thrust his hands to his hips.

  “The fucking crew are waiting on you, Daisy. We’re ready to film your monologue about Kade.”

  “Oh, sorry,” she gushed, pushing a hand to her neck. “I-I’ll get up there now.”

  “Good and hurry up. We need to film Kade walking the grounds before we lose the light.”

  “Okay, see you later, Kade,” she said as she moved past Carson.

  Carson caught hold of her elbow. “Oh, and Daisy, Meredith said you’re to appear underwhelmed.”

  “I’m sorry?” she asked, blinking rapidly.

  “About Kade,” he replied. “You’re to appear underwhelmed. Meredith’s orders. She said she’ll be checking the dailies closely.”

  “Fucking bitch,” I muttered under my breath.

  Daisy gave me a quick glance, nodded at Carson and then disappeared.

  “What is her damn problem?” I asked Carson, pushing my chair back into place alongside the others with some force.

  “Daisy?”

  “No, Meredith. Why is she so intent on getting Daisy out of here? She knows if Daisy shows she doesn’t like me the public won’t vote for her.”

  Carson shrugged. “She’s the boss, Kade. I just do as she asks. She’s not a lady you want to get on the wrong side of.”

  She didn’t scare me. I’d faced up to a knife wielding, ex-wrestler, homeless guy high on heroin before now. Meredith was small fry.

  “Yeah, well tell your boss to cut out the shit with Daisy or I’ll walk.”

  “Ah c’mon, man,” Carson said with an empty laugh. “As if, when you could be staying here instead of on the streets.”

  “I would,” I replied, my voice calm and low. “I fancy my chances more on the streets than I do in here. So, like I said, give Meredith the message.”

  Carson shook his head and wandered out, leaving just Brody and me once more. As I lo
oked around the room, wealth and opulence oozing from every fixture and fitting, I began to wonder if I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

  Twenty-Three

  Daisy Ingles

  My first night in supposed luxury was just awful. The joy I felt at seeing Kade again was killed by the panic I recognized in him at being swarmed by my bitchy sorority sisters.

  As I left him to go and do my monologue, I felt my insides scrunch with fear. It was bad enough that I was already lying to the public and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, but now Meredith expected me to become a second character I really couldn’t resonate with. My boss was a bitch and if I didn’t keep my feet on the ground, I was in danger of having some kind of identity crisis.

  All I wanted to be was myself.

  All I wanted to do was spend some time with Kade and get to know him away from the office building wall, because he really was making my heart flutter and my private parts quiver.

  Once upstairs, I was sidled into a makeshift interview room and hustled towards a stool.

  “Hi, guys,” I said, and no one replied. They all looked at each uncomfortably and then pretended to check the equipment that was clearly still fine and set up from talking with the other girls. “Really, this is how we’re going to be?”

  Before they could answer, Carson came stomping into the room. “Let’s get this done. We’re behind schedule and I need to get some shots of Kade. Remember what I said downstairs. Toe the line, otherwise this is uncomfortable for all of us and they don’t need Meredith kicking their asses because you’ve gone off script.”

  I felt my mouth gaping open as Doug the cameraman started to zoom and focus the camera lens. He’d just confirmed that they were all following Meredith’s instructions to the letter and I knew that a couple of them would be genuinely scared about being fired. I had enough on my shoulders right now; worrying about their careers was something else I didn’t need.

  “That gaping fish look you’ve got going on isn’t going to work. Say your piece and fail to impress, please.”

  I was going to come out of this looking really bad, and even though I always knew the production crew would select someone the public could hate, I never thought it would be me. While I tried to pull myself together and beat back the tears, which I was sure were on their way, Carson looked over at me, tilting his head expectantly.

  I knew how these things were done. They were just segments so the subject had to work an inferred question into their answer, otherwise they’d need an interviewer and an interviewer could go off script and cause more problems. More problems caused extra editing time and that was a big no-no.

  “Yeah, I’m a little unsure about things right now. It was lovely to meet him and I’m super pleased to be here in the mansion, but, well, he wasn’t what I was expecting.” I tried my best not to grimace as I told a partial lie. Kade wasn’t what I was expecting, because he was so much more.

  When I failed to come up with anything more, Carson stopped filming in frustration.

  “Meredith underestimated your natural ability. It seems you can do underwhelming really well. If I was watching you with that disinterested attitude, I’d be throwing my weight behind the other contestants, too.”

  A couple of the guys looked at me with pity and that just made the prospect of crying a more real possibility, so I stood up and walked past them all, heading for the first doorway I found. When I flipped the lights on, I was in some storage room packed with cases and boxes of filming equipment. Shoving them angrily to the side, I found one sturdy enough to sit on and slumped on top of it.

  This was going to be a nightmare. I was the most transparent person in the world and worked hard to avoid confrontation, but I knew that was exactly what was expected of me. I heard the camera crew wander off to look for Kade and decided to brave the bitch brigade and try to remember which room I’d dumped my case in.

  I opened a number of doorways and was screamed at to get out before I’d even wandered in. Some of these girls were not ladies. They had the manners of alley cats and I knew that Kade and even Brody would hate spending time with them.

  When I made it to the final bedroom, there were two girls inside already, and a small spare bed was stuffed in the corner with hardly any room to move round. They were girls I recognized from my limo ride in. It still shocked me a little that the segregation we’d started at the beginning of the journey was still in full force and it was all based on looks.

  “Sorry, you’ve ended up with the worst bed. I’m Natalie and this is Jess.”

  At least they were talking to me. They didn’t appear to want to poke my eyes out just yet, but it was early days and I was useless with people. Unless I was dealing with something that had fur, four legs and fangs, I wasn’t sure whether they were friend or foe.

  “I’m Daisy.”

  “Can we help you finish unpacking? We figured this was your luggage. It was already dumped in the room.”

  “I don’t have much to unpack. I think I’ll just visit the bathroom and turn in for the night.” I looked around the small room that was about as luxurious as a public swimming pool changing cubicle. It didn’t feel like the rest of the mansion. “Uh… where is the bathroom?”

  Jess squinted her eyes and answered, “We don’t have one. We have to use the main bathroom down the hall, although good luck getting in. I figure this room is temporary. As soon as girls start leaving, other rooms will become available for us second class sisters.”

  I was suddenly exhausted and desperate to sleep. I figured this was how I was going to feel each night I went to bed, and in order to be ready to fight the next day, I needed rest. Grabbing my favorite Little Miss Sunshine PJ set, my lens case and my glasses, I wandered off in search of the bathroom.

  When I finally located it, there was a hive of activity. Girls were running around in lacy thongs and bras, their hair in curlers, painting toenails or tweezing already non-existent eyebrows. The work surface by the sink looked like someone’s make up bag had exploded; there were creams, potions and lotions everywhere. They were messier than the dogs I cared for at the shelter. It was disgusting. I walked in and was glared at for simply being near them, so I walked out and slumped down on the floor to wait my turn.

  My eyes grew heavy as I listened to the asinine chatter about products and beauty regimes, and after what felt like forever, I was allowed my time to wash my face and get changed. When I was finally done, the hallway had gone quiet and I welcomed the silence. As I passed a window that looked out over the back of the property, I was drawn to the pool lights. It all looked so pretty. A scamp of activity caught my attention and I could see Brody sprinting back and to across a manicured lawn. When he retrieved a ball, I followed him with my gaze to see who was playing fetch with him. I wasn’t surprised to see it was Kade. As he bent down, his frame seemed relaxed, like he was at peace spending some quality time with his buddy. All the doubts about why I was doing this were replaced with that satisfied feeling of helping someone worse off than me. Kade needed the money to make a better life for him and Brody.

  As I continued to watch, I saw a reflection appear and distort in the pool water. The splash that followed confirmed that he was no longer alone, and as a body glided through the calm water to the opposite edge of the pool, I waited to see who it was.

  Like a scene from a cliched porn film, a blonde appeared from under the water and climbed out. Kade launched the ball for Brody again without taking his eyes away from his late-night guest, and I watched as she sashayed her way over and stood in front of him, dripping with water in what seemed to be just a pair of panties. She was so close to him now that I couldn’t see his face or how he felt about being joined; so close they looked like they were inseparable, and I hated it.

  Feeling sick and unable to watch how it panned out, I turned away and trudged to my little closet of a bedroom, knowing that the much-needed sleep I was desperate for was now further away than ever. Kade was about to be seduced by a b
eautiful girl, someone far prettier and braver than me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

  Twenty-Four

  Kade Sutton

  This was how it was going to be. I was going to be hounded permanently by these wannabe porn stars.

  “Go out for a walk around the property,” Carson had said.

  “Take Brody and throw a ball by the pool,” Carson had said.

  “We just need natural footage of you at peace with your dog in your big ass home, so we have some shots to overlay the interview stuff from earlier onto,” he had explained when I didn’t seem keen.

  And it was a big fucking set up.

  I’d berated myself earlier for over thinking everything, but I now realized I had to. I had to be three steps ahead of these fuckers in order to beat them at their own game.

  The girl—her name was something foody like Cherry, Peaches or even Apple—was just stunning… if you liked that kind of thing.

  Her hair extensions had survived the chlorine of the pool and she’d even managed to get out of the water gracefully. I won’t deny that her near naked body was perfect, toned and smooth, and the water ran down her body so strangely, I knew she’d oiled herself up before coming out here. She had a scrap of cloth covering her pussy, and even thinking of it in feline terms made me want to burst out laughing. It probably had claws. Her tits were upright and honestly, if the program was advertising some plastic surgeon in the Hollywood hills, he was about to get a chunk of business. When I looked at her face, she was trying to do a pouty, seductive look but it just wasn’t working. It was more like an oxygen starved grouper fish.

  As she took a step closer to me, I felt Brody prod his nose into my leg. Not knowing what the hell she was planning; I reached down and took his ball without losing her from my vision. In the back of my mind, I knew that there would be cameras somewhere and this was heading for the show tomorrow. The one thing I didn’t know was how far away the sound gear was, and if I didn’t play this correctly, the footage would end up on the cutting room floor and Meredith wouldn’t allow that. She’d be persistent and keep on pulling strokes like this until she got exactly the footage that she wanted.