Scripted Reality: Formerly I Wanna Get Laid by Kade

by Ashton Johns

  “You can crash here with me for a few nights until you get yourself sorted.”

  Though he’d offered, I could tell he wasn’t happy about it.

  “I… I… I don’t know what to say. Thanks, man.”

  Clint dragged a suitcase out from under one of the boxes. “I can’t believe I was part of that disgraceful shit storm back there, leaving that poor kid with nothing. Okay, so I knew we were lying about your background, but no way did I think they’d con Jess out of her green. So, consider this my good deed. Just because you came in with nothing doesn’t mean you too have to leave with nothing. I packed your clothes,” he finished, putting the case at my feet and inserting a key into the lock on the door.

  “Oh, I’ll get something. I plan on getting everything that fucking bitch owes me.”

  Grabbing my case, I followed him into the house.

  “Bathroom is at the end of the hall, and your room is that door on the left.” He pointed. “Mine is this end. Kitchen and living room will be obvious.”

  Brody had decided to come and investigate inside now. “Bet you never thought you’d be giving me two house tours.”

  Clint ignored my remark and wandered off. He looked exhausted. “I’m gonna grab a beer. There’s some soda in the chiller, too, if you want one?” As he ambled in the direction of the kitchen, his cell phone started to ring. “Yeah?” he said, answering.

  Immediately, he put his finger to his lips, indicating I needed to be quiet.

  “No, I didn’t take him anywhere. I got out of that nuthouse.”

  At the worst possible time, Brody barked, causing us all to freeze.

  “Yes, I have the dog. I wasn’t going to leave him there to fend for himself.”

  The screeching from the other end of the phone confirmed my suspicions. Meredith was on the warpath.

  “He’ll turn up.” I watched as Clint tried to placate the raging evil on the end of the line before hanging up.

  “Guess she’s thought of something else I can do for her,” I mumbled, shaking my head.

  Clint popped the lid of his beer and threw a Sprite at me.

  “You know what I don’t get, Meredith is a snake so what she did to Jess is no real surprise, but what you did to Daisy, I just don’t get it, man. But I guess when you’ve come from the streets, the lure of having more than nothing for a change makes morals seem unimportant.”

  I dumped the soda can on the countertop. This guy had offered me somewhere to crash yet still thought the worst of me. People with even the smallest amount of money and security always assumed that those with absolutely none also had zero decency or standards. My lack of possessions didn’t automatically mean I had no compassion or human nature.

  “You know what, Clint, thanks for the offer of a roof, but I’ll take my chances outside. Brody, let’s go.”

  As we made it to the door we’d only just been welcomed through, he stopped me.

  “You see that, that right there is what doesn’t make sense. You screw her over and carry on, yet right now, you’re prepared to walk away. What’s your deal?”

  It knew it was time to let someone in. I had a lot swirling around in my head. It felt like I was trying to boil the ocean when in reality, all I wanted was what was owed to me and a chance to make it up to Daisy.

  “I know what that night did to her. I had to take her home and she was in pieces, man. Her dad had to carry her inside her place. She was so upset she didn’t even have the strength to walk.”

  Visualizing that scene was too much. If she never forgave me, I’d understand. I deserved to live in my own version of hell after Cory but adding to it with Daisy was just another version of the purgatory I would go through while I was still on this earth.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” Clint urged.

  “Fuck. Having that one night with Daisy meant so much to me. It was perfect. Seriously, that girl had seen me at my worst. Hell, she fucking fed me and Brody for months. The last person I came across with her level of compassion was my foster mom. They could have been made from the same mold. Daisy was already freaked out because I’d spent the night with Jess.”

  Clint was mid-swig of his beer when he coughed and spluttered. “Freaked out? I picked up the pieces after that night, too. She was already in deep by then, my friend.”

  Scraps of information to condemn my soul to the fiery pits of hell just kept racing at me.

  “Nothing happened with Jess. We kissed and it felt more like kissing a sister, so we struck a deal. She was going to be my get-out clause. I couldn’t tell Daisy that, though. I couldn’t risk Meredith finding out I was using Jess; she’d have got her evicted and no doubt done something as payback to me. I dread to think what fucked up scheme she’d have come up with.” I scrubbed my hands down my face and groaned. “I only picked Jess because she looked like Daisy. The next morning, I couldn’t get Daisy to speak to me, so I threatened Carson. That’s how I ended up spending the night with her.”

  Clint’s frame became alert then. “You mean you threatened Meredith?”

  When I nodded at him, he looked incensed. “Fuck, Kade, why not put a rattlesnake in a box, shake it up and open the lid?”

  “Cutting a long story short, Meredith showed me some footage of me and Daisy. Intimate footage. I couldn’t risk that getting out in public. Then you became the icing on the ca-”

  “Me?” he interrupted.

  “Yeah, she’d doctored the camera feed from when you dropped my luggage off, made it look like you’d installed a secret camera. She was gonna hang you out to dry, too. I couldn’t have her taking everyone down, so I did what was necessary, evicted Daisy and continued.”

  When I began my confession, Brody came inside and planted himself on top of my feet. He knew that if I didn’t have some form of anchor, I would have quit and just walked away. I was looking down at him, contemplating his prowess and human intuition when Clint slammed his bottle in the sink, making both my dog and me jump.

  “Like I said—viper. And she always needs to have the last laugh.”

  “She does,” I agreed. “But I’m tired and I just want to get my money and make amends with Daisy.”

  Clint shrugged and accepted my plan for the immediate future. I retrieved the unopened soda can and turned for my bedroom. “One other thing,” I said, stopping, remembering what else I’d seen. “Besides me, Daisy and the production crew, did you know anyone else in the house?”

  He looked at me, unsure where I was going with my question, but replied anyway, “No, the house team were all recruited on the understanding that you were a genuine rich guy. Less chance of an exposé being released to the paps. Why?”

  “Did you know Meredith had a kid?” I watched very closely for his reaction. This was the moment when my street smarts would tell me whether I could really trust him.

  “That dried up old bitch? Seriously, is that even possible seeing as she was most likely created in Dr. Evil’s lab?”

  It shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it did. It was fucking hilarious.

  “Well she does, and I intend to use it to my advantage. That ‘dried up old bitch’ will not have the last word on this.”

  “Well, good luck with that one.” Reaching behind him Clint pulled a piece of folded paper from his back pocket. Smiling he placed it on the table and pushed it toward me with the tip of his index finger. “That there is a list of the contact details of everyone who took part, including production staff, the girls, even fucking Mellings. You might find it useful for that plan of yours.”

  I opened it up to see names, numbers, email addresses, everything except social security details.

  “Shit, thanks. This is amazing.”

  “No problem. Put it right. Now,” he said as he heaved his muscular frame from the chair. “I’m gonna catch some shut eye. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I nodded and held out my hand to him. “Thanks for everything, Clint. Appreciate it and swear I’ll make it up to Daisy however I can.�
��

  Clint gave a low laugh. “Like I said, good luck but don’t forget there’s two girls you need to make amends with. Jess still thinks you were in on it and I think she was a pretty good friend to you in there, so put it right.”

  He left the room leaving me to contemplate how the fuck I was going to make everything right.

  The next morning, Clint left for work early. A small note scrawled on the back of an old electricity bill told me he’d be back later, and I was free to just hang out.

  Hang out?

  This wasn’t a fucking holiday. I had my life to sort out. I had Daisy to win back, and let’s face it, any hours, minutes or even seconds where I wasn’t doing everything possible to make that right were just wasted time.

  First things first, I wanted Meredith to understand that I wasn’t going to cower away just because she’d blown up my apparent none-existence and poor Jess’ life just because she was chasing some meaningless award.

  I showered and put on some of the clothes Clint had had the forethought to pack for me, and after helping myself to a little dry toast, I wandered outside to see where the hell I was. We’d arrived like stowaways, and I was praying that we weren’t too far away to walk to places. A quick assessment of the surroundings and the bus stop at the end of his road told me there were a few miles between me and the network’s office building, so we got moving.

  I had lots of time during that walk to think about everything that had gone down, to think about how I was going to turn this around and live with the experience. I could easily rebel against the system and go back to the streets, but it felt like such a waste all of a sudden. Living rough was once a necessity and then it became a choice, a clear way to force me into suffering for the bad choices I’d made and the life I’d taken as a result. I could still feel all that remorse and suffering with four walls and a roof over my head.

  Brody and I easily ate up the miles, and it felt almost calming to be at one with the fresh air and to feel the concrete beneath my feet. With nothing but the clothes on my back, I carried on because if I didn’t get what I wanted from Meredith, I was going to create holy hell and then simply go back to fending for myself with my best friend.

  My plan was simple—get my money, get a little place, sort things out with Daisy and then enrich my life, somehow.

  When the office block loomed, I saw the huge billboard on the side of the building come into view with my face on it. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror, huge and out of proportion with the real me. My small glimmer of hope that no one had watched the show was dashed as I saw a man on a set of stepladders pasting a big sign across the bottom. He was brushing at it with a huge yard brush he kept dipping in and out of a bucket. Leaning across the street, I waited until he was finished and knew my hopes of it being a failure were wasted.

  ‘Nominated for Best Show, People’s Reality TV Awards.’

  I hated that I had been a part of something that would bring Meredith Hennessey fame, fortune and industry praise. So often in life, the light at the end of the tunnel was either freedom or a speeding train. Choosing the former told me this was my break. With an award up for grabs, the threat of what I knew was even greater to her.

  Finally, I had the upper hand.

  “Brody, come on, buddy. Let’s do this.” I smiled and he barked in return.

  The building’s entrance was under siege. Everyone seemed desperate to get the first glimpse of last night’s aftermath. There was even a woman sitting on the floor doing a newsfeed from my usual begging spot. It was tasteless and vile.

  “Kade, do you regret duping the public and those poor girls?” one shouted.

  “Kade, just a few quick words about what it was like to go from rags to riches,” another piped in.

  “Kade, have you heard Playgirl magazine are offering you a million dollars to do a centerfold?”

  The cameras kept rolling as I pushed them aside so Brody wouldn’t get trampled on, and the light bulbs were flashing so much I was starting to see blurry spots by the time I battled into the building’s reception area. Fortunately, security was on the ball and no one was able to follow me in.

  “Mr. Sutton for Meredith Hennessy,” I said, standing in front of a wide-eyed slip of a girl who seemed in awe of my presence.

  “Uh… ah… um… one moment,” she blustered before picking up the phone and hissing that Kade Sutton was in the building like some fan girl on speed.

  “Her assistant will be down to collect you.”

  Those words were like rainbows and sunshine to my ears. I was finally going to see Daisy after all these weeks. I watched the elevator doors, not even daring to blink in case I missed her. People went up and down and Daisy never appeared. Brody sat facing the main entrance, seemingly bothered by the activity outside, until a pinch nosed blonde appeared in front of me.

  “Kade, Meredith will see you now.”

  This wasn’t Daisy.

  Disappointment grew inside me as we rode the elevator together and the nameless face stared at me, putting me in a really bad mood.

  “Is there something wrong?” I finally asked, not hiding the irritation from my voice.

  “Not at all, just wondering what all the fuss is about.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

  “Yeah, well that makes two of us,” I grumbled, following her through a maze of cubicles littered with people working on PCs.

  She guided me to a seat outside the office door with the bitch’s name on, indicating I should wait for Meredith. Brody got waylaid somewhere en route and caught up with me eventually. When I sat down in the chair, I saw Daisy’s name plate on a desk in front of me. It was like a punch to the gut, finally realizing that she wasn’t here. The desk didn’t look occupied by anyone apart from piles of paper, junk mail and old coffee cups. It was clear that Daisy hadn’t been here since she left to do the show.

  What the fuck had I done to that girl? She hadn’t even come back to work.

  The longer I sat outside that office, faced with that empty, desolate desk, the angrier I became.

  “Fuck this!” I shouted and stormed into Meredith’s office.

  The manipulative bitch was sitting, talking on the phone with her feet on the desk, laughing about something, which didn’t improve my disposition.

  “I’ve come for my money.”

  “One moment,” she said in my direction, attempting to go back to her inane conversation. My life was literally up in the air and she wanted me to give her a moment? No chance. I strode across her office and disconnected the call for her.

  “I’ve come for my money.”

  The smile that graced her face was one of satisfaction. “It’s been nice doing business with you, Kade. You see these flowers?” She gestured to the window ledges, which were filled with vases. “All from industry peers, congratulating me on a job well done. I’m a shoo-in for that TV award.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about that. Check. Now.”

  I stood wide legged with intent, crossing my arms across my chest, letting her know I meant business. She needed to know that I was going nowhere until I got what I was due. Sensing my seriousness, she opened a desk drawer and threw an envelope across the desk at me.

  “Unfortunately, there were some business expenses, so I’ve deducted them from your fee.”

  The skin on this dragon was impenetrable. Even though she’d got what she wanted, she was still trying to screw me over. Ripping the envelope open, I saw that she wasn’t lying. It was short by twenty thousand dollars.

  “Interesting,” I began, heading towards the flowered vases, picking up the cards and reading them. Keeping hold of the first one I recognized, I walked over to the conference table in her office and picked up the handset, pressing zero for the switchboard.

  “Yes, Ms. Hennessey?” said a voice.

  “It’s Kade Sutton here. Could you get Ms. Hennessey Kurt Sander’s assistant on the phone? We’re going to do a live radio interview.”

  “One moment,” the
helpful girl replied cheerily, and Meredith’s face took on a panic-stricken edge.

  “What the fuck are you doing, Kade?” she growled, standing up behind her desk.

  “Just letting your industry peers in on a few specifics,” I replied, covering the mouthpiece. “You know, the scoop stuff—manipulating me, a poor homeless guy, putting one of your own assistants in the mansion under false pretenses, and vote rigging.” Her demeanor changed as I carried on. “Oh, breach of contracts, and here’s the best one. Wait, hang on.” I paused for effect, listening to the switchboard operator. “They’re hooking me into the live broadcast after the next commercial. Oh yeah, where was I? Fraud. Ripping off the network to pay your own daughter some of my money. Such heinous acts, some would say criminal.”

  Meredith Hennessey’s skin tone went from flushed upper hand to pale and panicky in a nanosecond. She was so desperate to get to me that she stumbled and struck her shin on a coffee table.

  “Fuck!” she roared. “Hang up the call. I’ll pay!” I looked at her, trying not to laugh because no matter how hard she rubbed at her shinbone, the bruise was inevitable. “Didn’t you hear me? I’ll get accounts to write you a new check now.”

  “You do that because if I have to threaten this shit again, it will be a live TV interview, followed by your own interview at the Sheriff’s office.”

  “Alright! Alright!”

  I dumped the phone call and sat my ass on the edge of the conference table, keeping my eye on her as she walked to her door and bellowed at Lydia to call accounts and get an additional check. In an act of sheer bloody mindedness, she proceeded to tell her off for not getting the correct amount in the first place.

  Fifteen minutes later, I had a new check in my hand and was ready to leave. “Did you fire Daisy?”

  “No. She hasn’t returned since the eviction night.”