by Thorpe, Elle
“You know how to reach me if you change your mind.” She drove away with a small wave.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” I muttered to myself as I watched her headlights disappear into the darkness. And I was. Cora was amazing. And maybe I’d really regret letting her go when I woke up with a raging case of blue balls tomorrow morning.
But there was no denying that if Bianca needed me, I was going to drop everything for her and run.
I always had. And I always would.
3
Bianca
I liked tequila. Who knew? Not me, until I’d sat down in the darkened corner of the restaurant bar and ordered a double shot. And then another. The first shot had burned its way down my throat, but the pleasant warmth it left in its wake had me chasing more of it. By the bottom of the third shot, I was pleasantly buzzed. Which was exactly where I wanted to be. Because dating sucked. Tinder sucked. And guys with piercing brown eyes who shall not be named? Well, they sucked, too.
My date had been a disaster. When he’d asked if I thought one of my costars was up for a threesome, I’d left. I’d considered just going straight home, but… Riley.
He was still there on his date, and I hated that I was being so ridiculous, but I had to know if he was going home with her. The thought of him doing all the things he usually did to me, to someone else…it made me feel sick. It was like a train wreck I couldn’t look away from. So instead of leaving, I’d hidden in the restaurant bar, slamming back shots and studying the door with the laser-like focus of a hawk. I couldn’t see his table, but there was only one exit point. They’d have to leave eventually.
And when they finally did, my heart sank. The woman he was with moved like a panther, all sleek lines and long limbs. Her hourglass figure was perfection in a tight dress, and even I knew she’d be dynamite in bed. Sexual confidence just oozed from her. Riley opened the restaurant door, his hand resting on the bare skin of her back, ushering her through. My heart took another beating as he walked her to her car and she pressed herself against him.
I turned away. I couldn’t watch anymore. I couldn’t watch him lean down and press his mouth to hers. Because I knew exactly what his kisses felt like. They were earth-shattering. Full of a passion and desire, and I’d felt each and every one of them to my toes. I’d promised myself, and Reese, that I’d stop this ridiculous charade with Riley, but the thought of never getting one of his kisses again left me hollow inside.
I threw back another shot and my head swayed. Shit. How many had I had? Too many to drive, that was for sure. Oh well. I’d just stay here drinking by myself until they closed the bar down. It wasn’t like I had anywhere better to be.
“Bianca?”
Damn. His voice in my head sounded exactly like it did in real life. Deep and gravelly. So sexy.
“Bianca,” he said again.
With a start, I realised there was a hand on my arm and the voice wasn’t in my head, but next to my ear. My eyes snapped open.
Why did he have to be so hot? His hair was a little longer than normal. Not quite as long as it had been when we’d dated, though. He’d had a sort of punk-rock style back then, but it had evolved over the years. He was still all jeans and band t-shirts. But he’d lost the eyebrow ring at some point and cut his locks. His dark-brown eyes had once been so carefree, but now they seemed worried. Frown lines creased his forehead, and without thinking, I reached up and smoothed them away. The pads of my thumbs tingled as they came in contact with his skin.
“You came back,” I whispered. “What happened to your date?”
He sighed and sat next to me. I knew I shouldn’t, and if I’d been sober, I probably wouldn’t have, but I inched closer to his warmth. Our arms rested side by side. Not quite touching.
“I saw your car in the parking lot. That jerk you were on a date with is here somewhere. I didn’t want him giving you a hard time.”
“Oh.” Dammit. “I ruined your date, didn’t I? You’d probably be having hot sex with her right now if you hadn’t seen my car, huh?” My stomach rolled, the thought of him in someone else’s bed making me ill. I mean, I was sure he slept with women besides me. We had no formal arrangements. We weren’t even fuck buddies. We were just exes who still had mutual friends. Which meant we inevitably ran into each other from time to time. And most of those times, we either ended up in an argument, or we ended up having sex.
He dipped his head to search my face. “You didn’t ruin anything, B. You couldn’t.”
His words soothed my tormented soul, and I leaned my head on his shoulder so the room would stop spinning. He put his arm around my shoulders, and I snuggled in closer to his chest, instantly relaxed. We always had fitted together so well.
Why couldn’t it always be like this?
“Why can’t we just be two people who met right here, right now? Why do we have to have all the baggage?”
I tilted my head up, letting my lips brush his neck. A tiny tremor ran through him.
“What would you say if we were just meeting for the first time?”
I straightened, fighting the dizziness, and gave him my best smile while extending a hand for him to shake. He stared at it for a moment, then his lips curled up, and he took it. His big hand enveloped mine as we shook.
“I’m BB,” I said chirpily.
He raised an eyebrow. “You’d go with BB instead of Bianca?”
I shrugged. “Probably. Until I got to know you better.” BB was the stage name I’d used ever since I’d first started acting. To most of the Australian population, I was BB James. Aussie starlet, lead actress on an evening soapie. To my friends and family—to Riley—I was Bianca or just B.
“Nice to meet you then, BB,” he said in an overexaggerated fashion. “I’m Riley. I build houses for a living. And I have a fifteen-year-old daughter named Sadie. She’s beautiful, and smart—gets straight A’s at school. She’s amazing. Being her dad is the best thing in the world.”
I knew about his daughter, of course, but I feigned surprise. “Fifteen-year-old daughter, huh? Wow, that must make you pretty old.” I fought the smile when he rolled his eyes.
“I was sixteen when her mother fell pregnant.”
“Ah, I see,” I said, carrying on the charade. “Hot, young, single dad then, are you?”
He leaned in a fraction. “You think I’m hot?”
“You know I do.” I wasn’t sure if we were still playing the game or not. My heart thumped, and my gaze dipped to his mouth
“Dammit, Bianca,” he said in a strangled voice. “You gotta stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” I whispered, moving closer so our lips were only inches apart.
“Like you want me to kiss you.”
“I do, though.”
He groaned, his arm circling me. “You’re drunk.”
“I don’t care.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his lips. He froze beneath my touch, but that didn’t deter me. I knew what he liked. I nipped at his lips, running my tongue along the seam, urging him to open for me.
“Fuck me,” he whispered against my mouth. With a move so swift I didn’t notice, or maybe he was slow, but my tequila-riddled brain was slower, he bundled me into his arms and stormed across the restaurant towards his jeep.
I giggled. “So, caveman. Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you home.”
I grinned. About time.
4
Riley
A long blonde strand of hair fell across Bianca’s sleeping face. She’d curled up on the passenger seat of my jeep and dozed off before I’d even been able to get to the driver’s side. I’d known that would happen. I knew her well enough to know she was a complete lightweight when it came to alcohol. She was tiny, and she hadn’t eaten her meal. I was surprised she’d lasted as long as she had, considering the handful of empty shot glasses on the table when I’d gotten there.
I’d refused to kiss her back. Not because I didn’t want to. Because, fuck k
nows, I always wanted to kiss her. I’d kiss every inch of her a thousand times over if she’d just let me. But it wasn’t what she needed. She’d been right when she’d told Reese we couldn’t keep doing what we were doing. That we were bad for each other. I had to respect that, even when she was too drunk to remember. She didn’t really want me in that moment. I was just safe—and familiar.
I took the half a dozen streets from the restaurant to Bianca’s apartment, entering the code that let me into the garage, and parked the jeep in her spot. She didn’t stir as I lifted her from the seat and grabbed the jacket and handbag she’d tossed onto the floor. “Hey, Jerry,” I said to the security guard reading a book in the lobby.
He glanced up, lifting a hand in greeting then frowned at Bianca bundled up in my arms. “She okay?”
I nodded. “Tequila.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, it’ll do that to ya.”
He went back to his book, and I took the lift to Bianca’s top-floor apartment. Inside, I kicked my shoes off and padded across the pristine space before depositing her gently on the bed. I straightened, and it hit me in the gut again, just how beautiful she was. She’d stopped my heart the minute I’d met her, and age had done nothing but increase my attraction to her. She was my perfect woman with her curves in all the right places.
Tugging up a blanket, I tucked it around her, pausing as her eyelids fluttered open. They were slightly bloodshot and panicked, but when her gaze landed on me, she quieted.
“What are you doing?”
“Tucking you into bed. I brought you home.”
“For sex.”
I shook my head, fighting back a laugh at the disoriented expression on her face. “No, sweetheart. I brought you home to sleep off the copious amounts of alcohol you drank tonight.”
I expected her to just sink back into the mattress, but she didn’t. She crawled to her knees then across the bed. She knelt in front of me and lifted her shirt. Whoa.
“B…” I warned.
She wasn’t listening. She reached back and unclasped her bra, pulling it away, letting her breasts fall free. I’d seen her bare skin so many times, but this didn’t feel right. She was too drunk. And after what she’d said to Reese less than a week ago, I just couldn’t see her like this.
I turned away.
Picking up her shirt, I held it out to her. “Please, B.” My voice was hoarse. God. I knew how good she felt. I knew how her taste changed slightly, right before she orgasmed. And if I lived to be a million years old, I’d still never never get enough of it.
But not like this.
There was a long pause then she yanked the shirt out of my grasp. The sheets shuffled as she moved around, putting clothes back on. “Just go, Riley,” she said quietly.
The hurt in her voice cut through me. But what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn’t make love to her again, not after she’d been so committed to wanting something different. I couldn’t do that, just because she was drunk and horny. It wasn’t right.
I pivoted and stared at the tiny ball she’d formed with her body, a blanket tucked right up to her chin, her back to me. I forced the words from my mouth. “Goodnight.”
She didn’t answer. I closed her bedroom door softly behind me, placed her bag, jacket, and keys, neatly on the kitchen bench, and tugged on my shoes. Then I left her apartment, being careful to make sure it locked behind me.
She probably wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. But I would.
5
Bianca
I dropped the top on my convertible once I left the city limits, even though the late winter air was still brisk. My sorry, hungover ass needed the fresh air washing over my face. It helped clear my head, and I sucked in greedy lungfuls while I coasted the familiar roads to my parents’ house. This was my Saturday morning ritual. I’d made this trip every Saturday morning since I’d moved to the city. I hadn’t missed one.
Sometimes, like today, it was the last thing I felt like doing. But I went anyway. A hangover and the lingering embarrassment from last night certainly wasn’t a good enough reason not to go. It was the one thing I had promised my mother when I’d left home at nineteen. I’d known she’d worry herself into an early grave if she didn’t see me regularly. And I didn’t want to add to the already long list of worrying images that consumed her thoughts night and day. I loved her too much, and I hated to see her suffering the way she did.
I still vaguely remembered the way she’d been before.
And my heart broke for her and the way her life had been turned upside down. So if my coming home for breakfast once a week helped her in some tiny way, then I was going to do it.
I just hoped she hadn’t watched my show this week.
The handbrake clicked as I lifted it up, and I parked my car in the driveway of the little suburban home I’d grown up in. It was still exactly the same as I remembered. Not a thing out of place, everything blending in perfectly with the other houses on the street, not drawing any attention to the people that lived inside. Just the way my mother liked it.
I waved a hand in greeting when I saw her peep through the heavy curtains, and the front door swung open before I even reached the steps. She didn’t come out to greet me, though, the way she had when I was a kid coming home from school. She’d been a bit better back then, in the first few years after we’d moved to Australia. I’d only been six, but I remembered her greeting me on the driveway after the school bus had dropped me off.
But she’d gotten worse over the years. And I knew she wouldn’t leave the depths of her house now. Not even for me.
“Hi, baby,” she said quietly, tucking me into her arms once I’d stepped through the doorway. She held me tight, then pulled back and ran her gaze over me, as if assuring herself I was okay. All in one piece.
Healthy.
Breathing.
She frowned. “You don’t look well. Are you sick?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to tell her I’d just written myself off last night. That wouldn’t go down well with her. She’d work herself up into a state, and it would ruin the morning.
She studied me doubtfully, but I moved past her and dumped my keys and bag on the kitchen bench, then kissed my father on the cheek. He glanced up from where he was flipping bacon on the stovetop, took in my probably dishevelled appearance, and winked at me.
“Big night?” he whispered.
I nodded, and we shared a small smile.
“Sit down, kiddo. Breakfast will be ready in a minute.”
I dragged a stool from beneath the breakfast bar where we always ate and watched Dad’s back as he expertly moved around the kitchen. Mum did most of the cooking normally, since she was home all the time, and it gave her something to do. But Dad was always in charge of Saturday morning fry-ups. They were his specialty, and I ate super healthy all week just so I could indulge on the weekends.
Mum sat next to me. “I watched the show this week.”
I fought back a cringe and instead plastered a smile on my face. “You did? What did you think of Elaina’s new storyline?”
She turned her light-blue eyes on me. She was still a beautiful woman, even in her sixties. An elegant, timeless beauty the magazines had called her once upon a time. Her skin was still pale and smooth, with only small lines around her eyes and forehead betraying her age. My father made her sit in patches of sun during the day, but the fact she rarely left the house meant the sun hadn’t aged her the way it did most women.
“You were wonderful, sweetheart. You always are. Elaina is a great role.”
I nodded and picked up my fork to stab at a piece of bacon my father had placed in front of me. There was a but coming, I could feel it.
“But that little girl you have on your show. The one who plays Layla?”
Yep, there it was. I knew as soon as I’d read the script that my mother would be upset we were bringing in another child actor. I didn’t dare tell her that the girl playing Layla was actu
ally two children. Identical twins, Audrey and Emily. I glanced over at my father, and he gave me an apologetic shrug. I pressed my lips firmly together to keep from telling him off. I’d called and warned him not to let Mum watch the show this week.
“It should be illegal,” she said stiffly. Her fingers trembled as she picked up her fork. “It’s dangerous. Especially in this day and age. The whole world will know who and where they are at all times of the day. They’ll have photographers watching them and following them. It’s irresponsible parenting, that’s what it is.”
Mum’s breaths came in short pants, quickening until my heart thumped, my worry for her overwhelming everything else.
“Isn’t there anything you can do, Bianca?” she pleaded. “Speak to the director or something? Those little girls don’t know what they’re getting into. I just want to shake their parents. Shake some sense into them and tell them exactly what can happen if—”
Her fork clattered against her plate, and she pulled her trembling hands into her lap, hunching her shoulders as she curled in on herself.
“Oh, Mum,” I said, circling my arm around her shoulders. All I could do was hold her while she shook. This was why I’d told Dad not to let her watch the show. I’d known Emily and Audrey’s baby-doll faces and golden blonde curls would be triggering for her.
I looked to Dad helplessly, but he was staring sadly at my mother, resignation in his eyes. He’d given up on her getting better a long time ago, I knew that. He did his best to care for her, getting her doctor to come to the house and check her medications, but I knew he thought she was too deeply scarred for it to really be of much help. What she really needed was a therapist. And I’d tried. God knows I’d tried so many times, but she refused to speak of her past. She didn’t trust anyone outside my dad and me. She was convinced any therapist she spoke to would sell her story to the tabloids.