The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11)

by Victoria Quinn

  It was an out-of-body experience, to have her beside me on the couch, when she’d been a mythical creature for the past year. She lived in my memories, but my heartbreak had driven me to insanity, and I started to question if those memories were ever real. It’d been a really rough year, the worst of my life, and now she was there, staring at me, looking at me the way she used to.

  I knew that look.

  Remembered that look.

  Knew exactly what would happen if I didn’t get up and move.

  But I didn’t move.

  She leaned in, her hand moving to my thigh to grab on to something, and her soft lips hit my mouth with unbridled desire. There was passion packed in that initial touch, her fingers digging into my thigh through my sweatpants, her body coming closer as she moved to straddle my hips.

  It was all organic and natural, like we’d done it a hundred times, because we had. But I also felt numb and empty. It was like watching the Super Bowl on mute. It was like looking at a watercolor painting in black-and-white. It wasn’t what it used to be, that all-consuming passion that drove us both mad until we were done.

  My hands grabbed her waist and maneuvered her off me. “Catherine, you should go.” I got to my feet so she wouldn’t have another opportunity to come at me. Just a few weeks ago, that affection would have been irresistible, but now, it just felt…wrong. I felt guilt for a crime I didn’t commit, because I wasn’t with Sicily, and she’d made it clear she wasn’t with me either. I could fuck Catherine and kick her out, but I didn’t want to.

  She stood up. “Dex, please. If you just give me some time—”

  “I gave you a year.” I turned back to her and stared her down. “An entire year to pull your head out of your ass and make this right. You didn’t. That’s on you.”

  “I know. I get it. But I think we’re worth fighting for. What we had…it was something out of a storybook, you know?”

  “Oh, trust me, I know.” I thought about it every goddamn day and wondered if it’d been a figment of my imagination, because why would anyone leave something so good.

  “Then, please. You’re the only man I want for the rest of my life. Please…please.”

  I turned away because I couldn’t watch her beg. “No.”

  “Dex.” She came to me and grabbed both of my arms. “I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I will spend the rest of my life earning your trust. I will…do anything in the world to be with you.” She moved her forehead into my chest and rested it there, crying quietly against me. “I want to be buried beside you for eternity…”

  I used to think I was the luckiest bastard alive, that I found the love of my life young, that I married her, and I would get to spend decades with her. I never doubted we would make it to the end, because I was faithful and she was too. We would be surrounded by our grandchildren, and maybe if we were lucky enough, our great-grandchildren. “If you’d come to me a little sooner, we could have tried. But…not now.”

  She pulled away and looked into my eyes, her eyes wet and reflective. “What does a few months matter? How can you love me then not love me one night?”

  I didn’t want to hurt Catherine, not even after she’d hurt me. I knew her feelings were genuine, that it was just the aftershock of trauma that had made her do those incredibly stupid things, that there was still something here if we wanted to cultivate it and make it grow. “Because there’s somebody else…”

  The check remained where she’d left it, and I hadn’t touched it.

  But I did stare at it.

  I recognized her feminine handwriting, looking identical to the notes she used to leave for me on my nightstand. When I woke up, I got to read her little love notes, which were far more romantic than a modern-day text message with a picture of her tits.

  I should take the money, but I didn’t want it.

  It was tainted.

  I dragged my hands down my face and tried to think of when everything went wrong, when my life turned into a goddamn shitshow. The woman I’d always wanted offered herself to me, but I turned her down for the girl who wanted nothing to do with me, the girl I had fucked over for some idiotic reason.

  Why was I such an imbecile?

  I went into my closet and found the box in the corner, hidden by some shoes. I carried it into the dining room and opened the lid, seeing a couple things that I couldn’t throw away. I still had the box that had held her ring when I proposed. I’d kept a couple notes she had written to me, notes that I’d read a hundred times after she left me, wondering if she meant a single word that she wrote. And then the picture frame, on our wedding day…when I thought I was the luckiest motherfucker ever.

  I stared at it for a moment, and instead of being taken back to that magic day, I felt nothing.

  Nothing at all.

  I opened the trash can, tipped the box over, and dropped everything inside. “Goodbye, Catherine.”

  Eleven

  Sicily

  I didn’t hear from Zach again.

  It was like it never happened.

  I spent most of my time working, keeping up with Dex and his hectic lifestyle. If I weren’t doing his charts while he visited with patients, I would have time to do other things, but doing his charting was one of the biggest assets to him. It was something I couldn’t abandon, not even once. I wasn’t sure what he would do if I called in sick and wasn’t there.

  The last patient left for the day, and I sat in my comfy chair at the check-in desk and went over all the paperwork that needed to be filed. When I checked in patients, I took down all their info, but I didn’t get a chance to bill the insurance companies until later in the day. Dex was usually in his office for a couple hours too, so we both took care of everything that we weren’t able to handle during patient care.

  Andrea left, and then I looked out the window when I heard the splatter of the rain.

  It wasn’t a cold, winter rain, but a springtime sprinkle.

  I hadn’t brought my umbrella, so I’d need a cab.

  I lowered my gaze and went back to work.

  “Sic?” Dex’s voice came from his office.

  Instead of shouting back, I stepped into his office and found him sitting on his couch. But he didn’t have a chart in front of him or any other paperwork. He just sat there, the sleeves of his long-sleeved tee rolled up to his elbows, his black jeans low on his hips. He didn’t look like a surgeon at all, but more of a fashion model. It was hard to believe someone that beautiful could be so brilliant. “What do you need?”

  His flattened palms were pushed together, and he pointed them at the couch across from him.

  I took a seat and smoothed out the back of my dress in the process.

  He dropped his gaze and looked at the floor.

  I waited for him to collect his thoughts and give me orders. Even when he was in one office, I still had to assist with his other positions, like if the residents had a question or his research partner needed something. It was this never-ending circus, and I was surprised he stayed sane enough to forget all that stuff and focus on his patients.

  He dropped his hands and looked at me. “I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking…and I’ve come to the conclusion that I respectfully disagree with your conclusions.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about. “Sorry…?”

  “When you look at Derek and Emerson, you see a devoted couple happy in love. Well, it wasn’t always that way. Derek was a fucking piece of shit, and he gave her hell. He was engaged in his early twenties and found out she was sleeping with his best friend, and that haunted him for a decade. It took them a long time to get that plane off the ground, but they continued to fight and work until it was soaring in the air.”

  Now I started to understand.

  “My parents are no different. My dad didn’t want to be with my mom. He was given no choice. He’d just gotten divorced when he met my mom, and against his will, he fell for her. And that was a bumpy ride too, apparently. I’m telling
you that there’s no such thing as meeting someone and then it’s easy. Those strong relationships survived the turbulence, the storms, the fucking hurricanes, and now they have clear skies. I know I’ve got a lot of baggage, I know that I hurt you, I know that my situation is not ideal…but I want to fly through that storm with you.”

  My hands came together in my lap, fidgeting because my heart was in my stomach and my stomach was in my head. I was blindsided and flipped upside down, totally caught off guard by all of this.

  “You don’t want to be a choice. You don’t want there to be two women. I get it, okay? But I loved Catherine more than life itself, and I was utterly devastated when she left me. And then she came back to me…and I said no. I chose you. Do you have any idea how significant that is? Do you understand the gravity of that decision? I could have gone back to her and tried to get my old life back, but the way I feel about you…is way stronger than what I feel for her. That means something, Sicily.” His eyes bored into mine like he was putting everything on the table, all his chips in the pot, staking his entire life savings on this bet. “It made me realize that, while I love her, I’m not in love with her. I just needed closure, because once we talked, once I got my answers…all those feelings…they just stopped. I stopped obsessing over our relationship, stopped wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent what happened. It was just the mystery, the uncertainty, the confusion—not her.”

  I continued to squeeze my fingers as I listened.

  “I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking about you, not her.” He shook his head. “You. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that. I’m sorry that I’ve been a wreck for most of the time we’ve known each other. I’m sorry that the timing has been so fucking terrible. But she came to my apartment last night and made a move, and I could have gone for it, but I didn’t. You want to know why?”

  I was speechless, so absorbed in his words that I didn’t feel like I needed to say anything at all.

  “Because I’m in this relationship with you.” His elbows moved to his knees, and he shifted forward. “Even when you were with Zach, I was in this relationship with you. Even when we’re apart, I’ve been here. I’m here—and I want you to be here too.”

  The eye contact became too much, so I dropped my gaze and stared at my hands.

  He stayed quiet, giving me the opportunity to respond and all the time I needed to form that response.

  It was a lot to take in, a lot of information in just two minutes.

  “Baby.”

  Against my will, my eyes lifted.

  “Please.” He brought his hands together again, as if praying. “I’m not going to fuck this up again.” There was so much desperation in his eyes, so much emotion that he could convey all of that without using words.

  “Can I…think about it?” I didn’t jump into his arms like I thought I would. I loved this man so much, but I didn’t just run to him in celebration. There had been no warning that this would happen, and I wasn’t ready to let the past go and move on…in that moment.

  Disappointment entered every feature of his face, from his brown eyes to his tense jaw. His hands slowly lowered, and his throat shifted as he swallowed. He eventually gave a nod. “Yeah…take all the time you need.”

  Twelve

  Dex

  A week went by, and Sicily didn’t address what I said.

  She was quieter than usual, only saying the bare minimum when we were together, and her eyes were usually averted.

  I was terrified her answer would be no.

  That there was nothing I could do to get her back.

  I didn’t want to move on with someone else, and I didn’t want to go back to Catherine, not when I now knew what real love felt like. It was like going from the generic shit to the real thing, and there was no going back.

  But I told Sicily I would give her the time she needed—so I had to keep my word.

  I knew she loved me, so I had to put all my faith in that.

  My dad had been really quiet since that dinner a couple weeks ago. When I texted him, his responses were always short. I wasn’t invited over for dinner on Sunday nights like usual. He didn’t stop by after he did his patient care.

  He just went off the grid.

  I texted my mom about it. Dad doing okay?

  She always texted me back right away, not matter how busy she was. There could be an emergency at the building, but that didn’t matter if one of us texted her. He’s okay. It just takes him much longer to process something.

  My dad told me he had an unusual memory, where he could remember things exactly as they happened, and as a result, it was hard for him to not live in the past. It made him depressed at times, because the worst moments of his life were always fresh. Derek had the same problem too. I was grateful I didn’t inherit that, that memories faded, and so did the scars. Should I ask him to do something?

  Wouldn’t hurt.

  I texted him. Want to get a beer after work? I wasn’t sure if he’d go for it or not. He never turned me down unless he was committed to something, but he wasn’t in the mood for talking, obviously.

  But he said yes. Sure.

  Cool. Catherine came by last week…I’ll tell you all about it.

  This story better end with you slamming the door in her face. My dad was not cruel, but he couldn’t suppress his hatred for her at all.

  Not exactly. I politely asked her to leave.

  You have the restraint of a saint, son. Proud of you.

  “She tried to give me the money back. I put it in my nightstand, but I have no intention of depositing it.” I sat across from him at the table in the bar, the place crowded with people enjoying the departure of the winter season.

  Dad was in jeans and a black t-shirt, his arms ripped with muscles and veins, his black wedding ring matching his normally dark attire. Instead of ordering a beer like I did, he went for a whiskey, so it was obvious he was still simmering a bit. “You have about ninety days to decide.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t need it. I said goodbye to that money when she sued me, so…I don’t think I should take it back.”

  “Anything else happen?”

  I didn’t usually kiss and tell, but this was a special circumstance, so I just shared. “She tried to kiss me. I asked her to leave.”

  His fingers rested on the rim of the glass, and he stared at me, hardly blinking.

  “She wants to get back together, but I told her it’s not going to happen.”

  “Ever?”

  I shook my head.

  Dad lifted the glass to his lips and took a drink, clearly relieved. “What about Sicily?”

  I didn’t mention Daisy at all since the purpose of this conversation was to get his mind off that. I didn’t really want to sit there and air out all my problems, but it was the best way to get my dad to move on from the incident. “I talked to her, tried to get things going again… She said she needed to think about it.” My eyes moved away from his, taking a look at everyone having a good time. I stilled when I recognized someone I’d never expected to see again.

  Mason.

  And he saw me too, his eyes locked on mine as he took a drink.

  I quickly looked away because I didn’t want to give him any reason to talk to me, especially with my dad there. I brought the beer to my lips and took a drink.

  Dad didn’t seem to notice. “She’ll come around.”

  “Fuck, I hope so.” I dug my fingers into the front of my hair and rubbed my scalp. “I gave it my best shot and told her the truth.”

  “Which is?”

  “That I’m not in love with Catherine anymore…that she’s the one I really want.” I drank from my beer again. “I told her Derek and Emerson weren’t always the happy couple they are now, you and Mom too. I apologized for the train wreck that I’ve been, but I wanted to give it my all…if she’ll have me.”

  “You’d be surprised how strong a woman’s heart is. If she loves you, there’s no
thing that’s gonna stop her from loving you.”

  Fuck.

  Mason was coming over here.

  Dad continued, having no idea. “She loves you the way your mother loves me, so I wouldn’t lose hope just yet.”

  Why the fuck is he coming over here?

  Mason came to the table, holding his beer, his eyes on me. “Hey, I didn’t want to do the whole thing where I pretend not to see you, you pretend not to see me. It’s just kinda stupid if you ask me.”

  Dad shifted his gaze to him, his fingers on the top of his glass.

  I inhaled a deep breath and tried to keep calm. Otherwise, my dad might figure out who he was. “Yeah, totally. Glad to see you’re doing well.” I patted him on the arm to make him think everything was fucking sunshine between us even though I wanted to give him a black eye. But it was more important to get him the fuck out of there before Dad figured out he was the asshole who broke his daughter’s heart. “See you around.”

  Instead of just walking away, Mason turned to Dad. “Derek, right?”

  Ahh, shit.

  “Daisy told me you’re this super-genius, rocket-scientist guy. Pretty cool.” Mason was in his dark jeans and an olive V-neck, handsome, confident, a little arrogant…like always. “Well, see you around.”

  Dad’s eyes drilled into him viciously, the dark-brown color turning into shots of espresso. He hadn’t made a single movement, but the tension in the cords of his neck showed the way his entire body tightened. His eyes narrowed with a promise of violence, and his jawline stiffened like he might chip his teeth because he was clenching them together so tightly. With Mason’s back turned, Dad spoke. “No.” He didn’t raise his voice, but it was so clipped, his tone so deep, it was like he was screaming at the top of his lungs. “I’m her father.” He rose to his feet, coming to his full height, and watched Mason turn around and regard him, realizing his mistake.