The Marriage Contract

by Natasha L. Black

  She nodded and looked hesitant, so I put my hands on her shoulders and kissed her head. She smiled and leaned in for a hug. I was so glad to see her feeling better, even if she still wasn’t a hundred percent.

  The fact that my apartment was technically a townhouse meant I had a little more space to clean when cleaning day finally came. With the bedrooms up the short flight of stairs, I understood why Chloe didn’t want to go up and down it if she had been having stomach issues. I knew that in the few times I had a stomach bug when living there, I didn’t want to go up and down stairs either. Jordan’s old apartment was one that initially I passed on but was jealous of the first time I got sick because it was all one floor. The complex was full of weirdly different places like that, and mine was no different. Which was part of the reason I started upstairs where the bedrooms were with the plan to work my way down to the kitchen.

  The master bedroom wasn’t too bad, actually. I changed the sheets and made the bed, but otherwise it was in pretty good condition. We hadn’t spent much time in it since she got sick and wandered back to her bedroom. The bathroom was a little more of a challenge, and I hit the music-streaming app on my phone to get some tunes on while I cleaned.

  Occasionally, I ducked my head out of the room and glanced down over the banister into the living room to check on Chloe. She seemed to be doing pretty well and had her own phone on with earbuds in, likely listening to one of her favorite podcasts. I smiled as I watched her make her way around the living room with the vacuum and reminded myself that I would have to either get it myself or have us switch so we could vacuum the bedroom, too.

  I made my way down into the second bathroom first. Chloe had spent a fair amount of time in there sick, and I figured it was best to go ahead and knock it out rather than go into her bedroom. Even though we were officially a couple now, it still felt a little weird to just go into that room. She had said once we cleaned, she was going to take it apart and make it less like her own room and more like a guest room again, but until she did, it still felt like invading her privacy by going in there.

  Chloe didn’t notice me go into the bathroom, and I hoped I could get it done and surprise her, maybe let her take a break while I finished up the living room and kitchen. I went in and started by collecting any trash and tossing it into the can by the commode. I bent over to open the cabinet under the sink to get some cleaner spray, and the door knocked over the trash can, spilling its contents all over the floor.

  Groaning, I went to go pick up the spilled trash. I had most of it shoved back in the can when something caught my eye. One of the bags that had been stuffed into the can was plastic, and I could see through it to the item inside it. It was a pregnancy test, and the bag was tied tightly. Why would she tie a bag with a pregnancy test in it and hide it at the bottom of the can?

  Curiosity got the best of me, and I opened the bag by tearing into it. The test itself was back in the box, which seemed super odd. My heart started pounding in my chest as I opened the box and pulled out the test.

  Chloe’s footsteps coming up the stairs were in the background of my thoughts as I stood in the center of the bathroom, holding the positive test. She passed me at first, going to the main bedroom, and then came back, ducking her head inside. She had her mouth open and had started to ask me a question that my brain failed to pick up the details of when she stopped cold. She was looking down at my hand, holding the test. When her eyes drifted back to mine, they were filled with worry and apprehension.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  She didn’t respond, so I pressed and asked her again.

  “Hannah’s,” she breathed out. I knew that wasn’t true. There was no reason for Hannah to have done a pregnancy test here. Jordan would be over the moon if she were pregnant again, and they famously had their own place now with plenty of bathrooms to stuff things in. She wouldn’t have come here and then hidden the test.

  “Is that true?” I asked. “This is Hannah’s?”

  A look of defeat passed over her face, and her arms sunk down. She leaned back on the doorframe and crossed her arms over her stomach and looked down at her shoes.

  “No,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “It’s mine.”

  I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. I sat down heavily on the closed commode and stared at the test, then back at her.

  “You were going to hide this from me?” I asked. “Why? Why would lie to me, Chloe? What the hell?”

  “I’m sorry,” she choked out.

  I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I needed to get some air.

  “Where are you going?” she asked as I stormed past her into the bedroom and changed. I went ahead and put on my work clothes since I had a shift that evening. So did she.

  “Work,” I said. “The long way. I’ll see you there.”

  I brushed by her again and went downstairs and out the door.

  I had no idea what to do with myself. How could she lie to me like that? She willfully lied to me and let me believe she was just sick with a bug or food poisoning.

  Then again, we’d built our entire relationship on a lie.

  As mad as I was, I didn’t want to drive. I felt like I might just get on the road and end up in Canada or something. It was better if I just went for a walk before my shift. Maybe I could get to the bar before she would, and I could busy myself in the kitchen so when she came in I didn’t have to talk to her. Or maybe by then I would know what I wanted to say.

  I walked around for a few blocks, frustrated with myself that I couldn’t think of something to do or somewhere to go. Finally giving in, I just headed to the bar. Why fight it? I had to go in anyway, and at least I could be there early and throw myself into the rhythm of making my menu.

  When I arrived at the bar, Jordan and Hannah were already there. We weren’t doing an afternoon shift that day but opening earlier for the evening one. It meant I had a little time to go in and get myself situated. I used my key and got inside, locking up behind me, and headed directly for the kitchen.

  It was the second or third time I pulled something out of a cabinet or off the hanging rack and slammed it on the countertops that Jordan came in to talk to me. I could see he was concerned, but also a little frustrated. He was likely going over the evening’s cocktail menu with the waitresses and didn’t want to be interrupted by the sound of cast iron slamming against a stove.

  “What the hell is going on with you?” Jordan asked as soon as he got into the kitchen. Hannah showed up over his shoulder, and I suddenly felt disgust. Hannah had to know. She knew when she came to check on Chloe. I wondered how long she had kept Chloe’s secret.

  “Chloe,” I said.

  “Are you guys fighting again?” Jordan asked.

  “You can call it that. That’s what happens when one of the people in the relationship lie about something really fucking important, right?”

  “What?” Jordan asked. “What are you talking about?”

  “Chloe,” I said. “She lied. About something big.”

  “Like what?” Jordan asked. “What could make you slam around your precious cast iron like that?”

  “Why don’t you ask Hannah?”

  “Because I already asked you, Matt,” Jordan shot back. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “Chloe’s pregnant,” I said, shooting my eyes over at Hannah. “And not only is she pregnant, but she lied about it and tried to hide it from me. I found her positive pregnancy test tied in a bag in the bottom of the trash can in the bathroom. Then when I confronted her with it, she tried to say it was Hannah’s before admitting it was hers.”

  “Are you serious?” Jordan asked. “Chloe’s pregnant?”

  “Apparently,” I said, then turned back to Hannah. “Was it you? Were you the one who told Chloe to lie? Were you the one who told her to blame it on you if I found out?”

  “No,” Hannah said. “I just bought the test for her, that’s all.”

  I shook my head and went ba
ck to the cutting board.

  “Hey, maybe not with the sharp knives right now,” Jordan said.

  “Please don’t be mad at me,” Hannah said.

  “You know what?” I asked. “I’m not even mad at you. Seriously, I’m not. I’m hurt.”

  “I think everyone can understand that,” Jordan said. “This is a huge deal.”

  “You’re damn right it is,” I said. “But for her to lie to my face…”

  “Look, you need to go talk to her,” Hannah said. “She needs to talk this through with you, one way or the other. No more hiding things because they’re uncomfortable.”

  I nodded and gripped the countertop. The anger was still there, no matter how much I tried to deny it, but it wasn’t directed at anyone specifically. Maybe some of it at Chloe. Mostly it was just being converted into shock and disappointment that she would keep it from me. That I didn’t get one of those cool memories of us finding out together. That I wasn’t even clued in that it could be possible.

  “You’re right,” I said finally. “I need to talk to her. That’s why I need you to take my apron and call the line cook on schedule for tonight and see if they can come in early.”

  “Go,” Jordan said. “Get out of here.”

  “I’ll be back before we open,” I said and rushed out.

  Silently, I cursed myself for not taking the car. If I had, I would have been home in less than five minutes. As it was, I had a little walk to get to the complex of townhouses and small apartment buildings that made up my home. I passed by the bank of mailboxes outside and noticed that her car wasn’t where I remembered it being parked.

  Running up to the door, I shoved the key inside and turned the knob. As soon as I was inside, I could tell it was empty. Panic gripped my heart as I called out her name over and over.

  She never answered.

  34

  Chloe

  I felt shell-shocked by Matt’s reaction. Not that I expected him to jump up and down and be excited by the news or even to take it particularly well. But I wasn’t expecting him to act like he had. Even if he was upset, I thought he would at least be able to sympathize with me. He would understand he wasn’t the only one who was surprised or taken aback in this situation, and that we were in it together.

  Apparently, though, we weren’t. His reaction told me in no uncertain terms I was on my own. He couldn’t even stand to stay in the house with me after he found out. He would barely even look at me.

  I shouldn’t have lied to him. I knew that. It was stupid and impulsive. The words just kind of fell out of my mouth when I opened it without any plan as to what I was going to say. Him finding the test and coming at me like that had hit me so hard I couldn’t think straight. If I had been able to, I would know that it made no sense to lie to him. Not only was it just exacerbating an already difficult situation with dishonesty, but it was ridiculous.

  It wasn’t going to take a tremendous amount of sleuthing for him to find out it wasn’t Hannah’s pregnancy test. Jordan was his brother. He could just pick up the phone and ask. It didn’t even occur to me when I said that if he did do that, it could cause a major issue between my cousin and her husband. The entire situation would get completely out of hand so fast that I would have ruined everyone’s relationship in less than a day.

  I should have just come right out with it. In fact, I should have told him the day before, when I first found out, when the words wouldn’t come to me. I should have for him. This never should have been something I tried to hold on to by myself. I didn’t really understand what it was I thought I was doing by holding it in. I told myself it was so I could figure out what I wanted to do. But what did that even mean?

  How did I think I could possibly figure out how to move forward with this new reality in my life without including the father?

  And this was what came of it. Matt wouldn’t speak to me. I didn’t know exactly where he was or what he was doing. The house felt oddly empty and silent. It obviously wasn’t the first time I had been alone there, yet now the quiet felt oppressive.

  I was torturing myself with the circular thoughts spiraling around in my head. One second I was lambasting myself for keeping the pregnancy a secret even for the short time I did and scolding myself for thinking I needed to figure it out for myself. The next I was reassuring myself I did the right thing. This was stunning, unexpected news, and I had the right to take some time and think it through, to process it and get it into my own mind before I needed to talk to anybody about it.

  And that was exactly what I was doing. It wasn’t like I’d gone around telling everybody in Portland I was carrying Matt Anderson’s baby but just didn’t get around to letting him in on it. I hadn’t told anyone. Clearly, Hannah had her suspicions. She was the one who’d brought me the pregnancy test, after all. Even if it was just out of an abundance of caution and to rule out everything, she had at least an inkling it was a possibility.

  But no one had confirmation. No one had heard me say the words “I’m pregnant.” Even I hadn’t heard myself say those words.

  But as soon as I had fully reassured myself of that, I was right back to questioning and blaming myself.

  After a while, I figured Matt wasn’t coming back to the house to talk things through. Part of me had held out hope he’d just gone out to take a walk or drive out his aggression but would come back and we’d be able to sit down and have a real discussion. When half an hour passed, I thought maybe it was a long walk. This was a really big life detour he was processing, and maybe that necessitated a longer walk to get it to settle into his brain.

  But twenty minutes after that, he still wasn’t there, and I knew he wasn’t coming back anytime soon. There was no point in me sitting around the house. It was only going to make me feel worse. I needed something to distract me, to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t just spiral into my own state of overwhelmed.

  I got dressed and left for the bar. Technically, I was on the schedule for the night. Hannah and Jordan had already told me I didn’t need to come in until I was feeling better, and probably had my shift covered, but it was the only place I could think of to go. Matt wasn’t scheduled for the night, unless they changed it, so I wasn’t going to show up and run into him.

  On the way to the bar, I realized my car was getting uncomfortably close to being on empty.

  The gas station was on my way to the bar. It only took me slightly away from the main road, and I had it filled up and was on my way again in just a few minutes. The package of crunch donuts now sitting on my passenger side seat may or may not have been my first pregnancy craving. Now was probably as good a time as any to decide if I was one of those women who ate everything and then blamed it on the baby.

  I got to the bar, ate two of the donuts, and headed inside. Hannah was standing behind the bar talking to Jordan, and her eyes widened when she saw me coming toward her. She reached in front of her to touch Jordan’s arm, and he glanced over his shoulder.

  “Chloe,” he said, sounding shocked to see me. “What are you doing here?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “What do you mean what am I doing here? I work here.”

  “Have you talked to Matt?” Hannah asked.

  I shook my head. “Not for a couple of hours.”

  “Not since he left your house?” Jordan asked.

  “Yeah. How did you know he left?” I asked.

  “He came here,” Jordan said. No sooner were the words out of my mouth than Jordan’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it. His eyes rose to me. “It’s Matt.”

  “Answer it,” I said as if I really had any control over his decision.

  “Hey,” Jordan said into the phone. He paused for a second to let Matt talk. He nodded. “She’s here.”

  That perked up my ears. I highly doubted he was talking about Hannah. Jordan made a couple of acknowledging sounds and ended the call.

  “What’s going on?” I asked. “What did he say?”

  “He
was here, but then he left again. He just said that he went to your place to talk to you, but you weren’t there.”

  “I must have just left. I had to go by the gas station, so that’s probably why we didn’t notice each other passing on the road,” I said.

  “He’s probably on his way back,” Jordan said.

  “Why don’t you sit down?” Hannah asked. “Relax for a bit.”

  I wondered if they knew. It seemed like they probably did. If Matt came here after getting the news and they could tell he was worked up, they would have asked him what was wrong. But neither Jordan nor Hannah had said anything to me. Hannah hadn’t even asked about the pregnancy test.

  I decided not to say anything. Not yet, anyway. I needed to talk to Matt first and figure out if we were on the same page before we started talking about the situation to other people. Right after I figured out what page that was. Instead, I shook my head.

  “No, I came here to distract myself, so that’s what I’m going to do,” I said.

  We got to work doing all the tasks that needed to be done before the bar opened. An hour later it was time for the bar to open, and Matt still hadn’t arrived. Jordan and Hannah were starting to get worried about him. I was completely panicking. Every worst-scenario possible was running through my head, and I started pacing, unable to stand still.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Jordan said. “There’s an explanation for this.”

  “There are a lot of possible explanations for it,” I said. “So far, I don’t like any of them.”

  “You should go on home,” Hannah said.

  “No. No, this is good for me. I can just focus on my job, and everything else will just eventually go away.”

  That was one of those arguments I already knew wasn’t going to pan out as it was going across my tongue. They both shook their heads.

  “This can’t be good for you. Go on home and get some rest. We already have somebody coming in the next hour to cover your shift. Go on. Just rest, and if we hear anything, we’ll call you,” Jordan said.