Confessions of an Alli Cat

by Courtney Cole

  He laughs and, no lie, a shiver runs down my spine. I may want to take a bath in his laugh. Then shove it against the wall and have violent sex with it. And I should probably not drink this much wine ever again.

  “It’s not a problem,” I tell him. “I told you, I don’t offend easily. I apologize for this morning, too, by the way. I could explain the whole situation, but it wouldn’t really be appropriate. Let’s just say that I don’t usually come to work with no underwear. Can we leave it at that?”

  Alex laughs again. “Of course. I think working with you is going to be very interesting,” he answers, chuckling.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him again. “I promise, I’m usually very professional.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he tells me firmly. “I told you, I like employees with spunk. We’re going to be a great team. Have a good night, Allison.”

  He hangs up.

  And I turn and glare at Sara.

  “Is there any other aspect of my life you would like to try and wreck? Maybe you’d like to buy Sophie a gigolo and get her pregnant or something?”

  Sara actually looks pained.

  “I’m sorry, Alli,” she says quietly. “I truly didn’t mean to do that. I thought it was Rick.”

  I sigh.

  “I know. And you were just trying to be a good friend. But damn girl, with a friend like you, who needs enemies?”

  I fill our glasses back up with the last of the wine and we sit back, our heads leaned together. Sara picks up her leg and starts counting the stars with her toe.

  “You’d better stay here tonight,” I tell her. “You shouldn’t drive.”

  “You’ve got that right, sister,” she mumbles.

  I can tell from her super relaxed face that I need to get her out of the hot tub, pronto, before she falls asleep. And that is what leads to the fact that I am hoisting her naked body out of the water when Mr. Darnell goes into his backyard to take his trash out.

  At this point in the day, I don’t even care. I just wave over my shoulder, ignoring his flabbergasted expression, as I help Sara into my house.

  We’re both naked and dripping wet.

  This day just can’t get any worse.

  And nobody should ever say that. Because what always happens when they do?

  Things get worse.

  That’s right.

  Well, not exactly worse, but definitely uncomfortable. And slightly hilarious (in hindsight).

  Sigh.

  Because I was so tired, after I dropped Sara onto one side of my bed and covered her up, I laid down for just a second on the other side. For just for one second.

  But apparently, when two people split four bottles of wine, it does something to their sense of time. Because when I open my eyes, it is morning and Sophie is standing over me.

  “’Morning, honey,” I mumble. She raises an eyebrow.

  “I guess it is,” she says. “But not as good as last night, apparently. Why are you and Aunt Sara naked together in your bed?”

  Eff.

  I sit straight up and look at Sara. She is sleeping soundly, snoring softly, with drool pooling on my expensive brushed Egyptian cotton sheets.

  And she is naked.

  And I am naked.

  I sigh.

  “Obviously, it’s not what it looks like,” I tell Sophie as I jab Sara in the ribs.

  “Of course not,” Sophie giggles, as she turns to walk out of the room. “Have a good day, mom. I just came by to pick up my math book. You’d better hurry. You’re going to be late for work.”

  I look at the clock and then leap from the bed, yanking all of Sara’s covers off in the process.

  I only have fifteen minutes to get ready. Efffffffff.

  “Sara!” I yell as I head for the bathroom. “Get up. We’re late.”

  She sits up and looks around bewilderedly. “Did we get drunk and drive to Vegas and get married?”

  I laugh as I start the shower. “You’re half right. We got drunk, you cussed out Rick the Dick and then called my new boss a Tiny Dick. And we live in Vegas.”

  She looks shocked, then she smiles at me. “Well, then. You’re just lucky your best friend is such a bad ass.”

  I sigh.

  “Get your bad ass in Sophie’s shower. We’re going to be late.”

  She laughs and stumbles down the hall as I jump in the shower and try to figure out how I’m going to look Alex in the face today.

  ********

  It’s not as hard as one might think.

  And it’s certainly not as hard as I thought it was going to be.

  Alex is acting like everything is perfectly normal.

  He brought me another cup of gourmet coffee and left it on my desk with a note.

  This is me, starting over.

  Have a great day, AH

  I have to smile at that and I am still smiling as Taylor walks in with a bunch of papers that need my signature.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” she asks suspiciously. “Are people getting laid off today?”

  I stare at her in horror. “Of course not! And why would I be smiling about that?”

  She shrugs as she sets the folders down in front of me and settles into a chair to wait.

  “I don’t know. You’ve been a little, shall we say…edgy lately. People have noticed. Everyone is asking me what your deal is.”

  Hell.

  I sigh.

  “I don’t have a deal,” I tell her as I pick up a pen and start sifting through the stack. “I’ve just had an interesting week and I might be in a weird mood. I’m sorry.”

  She stares at me. “What has been going on?” she asks curiously. “Tonya told me that you’re going out with Brian tonight. I told her that in no way was that true, but she said that Brian told her himself.”

  I restrain myself from shuddering. And I can’t deny it since Tonya is Brian’s assistant.

  “It’s true,” I admit sadly. “We’re having dinner as friends tonight. We’re both divorced so we thought it might be nice to get together with someone who understands what we’re going through. As friends.”

  “Thank god,” Taylor breathes. “I thought you had lost your mind.”

  I sign my name to a document and glance up at her.

  “Nope. My mind is intact. Probably.”

  She laughs and I laugh with her. She has no idea of the lengths my sanity has gone to this week.

  “And what’s the deal with Alex bringing you coffee?” she asks. “Our old VP never even came out of his office. Alex has brought you coffee twice and he gets here before you in the morning. He’s probably going to start getting mad that you’re not here when he stops by.”

  I don’t even look up.

  “I’m sure he’s just a different breed of VP,”I tell her. “He’s energetic and progressive, unlike the old regime here. I personally think he’s a breath of fresh air.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” his voice says from the door.

  I look up and my heart has palpitations.

  I should have said that he’s a stunningly handsome breath of fresh air.

  Because he is.

  He’s dressed in a black suit today, with a white button-up, loosened at the neck and no tie. He manages to look formal, yet casual. He’s got classic handsome features and his eyes seem like they can stare right into my soul.

  I have to make myself remember to breathe.

  And then to answer him.

  “Hi Alex,” I say brightly. “Thank you for the coffee.”

  “Anytime,” he answers, coming in and sitting in the chair next to Taylor. She fidgets, obviously uncomfortable that he heard her question his behavior. He notices and turns to her.

  “Taylor, right?” he asks kindly. She nods. “I’m an early riser. I get here before anyone else does. In fact, I’m the first one here. It’s just habit and I certainly don’t expect anyone else to arrive that early. So, no worries.”

  He smiles at her and I can see the relief flood Tayl
or’s face. Along with appreciation of his sexiness. The man oozes sexuality and power and grace. It’s intoxicating. Even for me, a jaded, middle-aged divorcee. Then my thoughts pause for a moment. Is thirty-five middle aged? Holy hell. My thoughts are appalled. But I’m brought back to the present when Alex turns to me.

  “Do you have just a second? I need to run something past you.”

  “Of course,” I answer, handing Taylor the stack of signed documents. She takes them and leaves, closing my door behind her. “Thank you for handling that so gracefully. Taylor’s an excellent assistant. She’s just…inquisitive.”

  Alex smiles. “And you’re a good boss.”

  I can’t help but smile back. I happen to have the God of Business sitting across from me, looking all sexy and perfect and filling my office with his oozing sex appeal. If I did anything but smile back at him, I’d be insane. He could probably fire me and I’d smile at this point. But surely that’s not the thing that he wanted to run past me. To be on the safe side, I ask.

  “So, what is this thing that you want to run past me?”

  He settles back into his chair, making himself more comfortable as he crosses one ankle over his thigh.

  “I’ve been playing with an idea. I know I’m new, but this thing has been nagging at me. We’re a shoe company. We’ve always been a shoe company. But I have an idea…to co-produce a product with a distributor that I know. A custom-fit shoe insert for athletes. We’d capitalize on the Zeller shoe brand and use that consumer trust that has already been established to launch this product. It’s a great way to diversify without going out of our comfort zone too far. What do you think?”

  I stare at him, impressed.

  “It’s so simple that it’s brilliant,” I admit. “We need another product in our arsenal. Have you run this past R&D?”

  He’s already shaking his head. “Not yet. I’d like to go and get the specifics so that we can build up a cost analysis and a risk portfolio before we pitch it. I’ve got an appointment next week to meet with the distributor and I’d like for you to come with me. We can probably wrap up the trip in two days or so. Can you make it work?”

  I nod. “Of course. Thank you for your confidence in me. I appreciate that you brought me in on this project.”

  He smiles. “I told you…we’re going to make a great team.”

  I feel warm inside for a minute. This man’s smile melts my internal organs. I decide that I should get hazard pay for working with him before I return his smile.

  “Yes,” I tell him. “We are.”

  And before I can stop it, my thoughts run away from me. I picture his full lips blazing a trail across my neck, down over my collarbone and stopping at my breasts before he sucks there, and then bending me over his desk… and then….

  “Allison?”

  I snap to attention and my cheeks flare with color.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you alright? You look flushed.”

  I nod quickly and stand.

  “I’m fine. I think I just need some breakfast. Have a good morning, Alex.”

  I walk out and fight the urge to make a trip to the lounge and put my head in the freezer to cool off. I’m insane. I’m an insane, randy, middle-aged woman who just fantasized about her boss while sitting with him.

  But to be fair, Alex Harris is a man who was just made to fantasize about.

  I can’t control Mother Nature.

  ********

  As sexy as Alex Harris is, my thoughts are far from him later that night as I prepare for my date with Brainy Brian.

  And I’ve seriously got to stop calling him that. I don’t want to accidentally reply to him with, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, Brainy.’ I shake my head and roll my eyes. He might be boring and I don’t see anything coming of our dating, but I don’t want to offend him. He’s a sweet guy and he can’t help being boring.

  And even though I’m having dinner with him, it’s Shade who I am dressing for.

  I study myself in the mirror.

  I’m a freaking siren tonight. I’ve pulled out all stops.

  I’m wearing a black cocktail dress, snug in all the right places, which falls to a soft stop two inches above my knee. I’m wearing black thigh-high stockings and killer black Fuck-Me-Pumps. Seriously, these shoes, with their four-inch stilettos, steal the show. They might have been $900, but as far as I’m concerned, they were worth every penny.

  I slide some bright red lipstick on and examine the finished product. My hair cascades over my shoulders, my smoky eyes are perfect… and well, smoky. I personally think that smoky eyes are the sexiest of all eyes. I look great. Even I have to admit that. And knowing that makes me feel sexy.

  I dab on some vanilla based perfume, because I read somewhere, once upon a time, that men love it. Supposedly, vanilla is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. And I know I’m paying Shade, but still. I’d like for him to be turned on, too.

  And why am I worrying about this? The guy is in his twenties. I’m sure he doesn’t have problems in that area yet.

  I am transferring stuff from my regular purse into a sleek, black evening purse when my phone buzzes. Shade.

  Are you wearing it?

  Shit.

  I had been putting off inserting that sleek silver egg so much so that I had literally forgotten it. Hell.

  I will be in a minute.

  I put my phone down and hunt for the little white box that I had hidden in my bed-stand. I open it up and stare at the innocuous metallic toy.

  It looks harmless.

  So why does it terrify me?

  Because deep down, I’m a prude, that’s why.

  Yes, I have slept with a gigolo this week and used a vibrator, but those were first time occurrences after a lifetime of being a prude. Old habits die hard. But I am determined to change them. I’m the new and improved Allison, the one with no fear. The one whose young lover calls her Alli Cat. I’m invincible. Alli Cat the Invincible. Practically a super hero, really.

  I smile at that and pick up the little egg, trotting off for the bathroom.

  Thinking of me in that way, like Shade does with himself when he separates himself and Colby, makes it easier. During the day, I’m Allison. I’m responsible and hard-working and ambitious.

  But at night, when I’m not at work, I’m Alli Cat. I’m fierce and daring and fun. And I have a freaking bald vagina. BB is fun, too.

  Holy shit.

  My fingers tremble as I slide the little silver bullet into BB.

  I stand upright and assess the situation.

  I can feel it in there, a slight weight leaning against my pelvic floor. But after a moment, I’m used to it and I can’t feel it anymore. It’s like a metallic tampon. My body absorbed the sensation and now it’s like it isn’t even there.

  But I’m sure, as soon as Shade presses a button, it will announce its presence again loud and clear.

  I gulp as I pick up my phone again.

  Okay, I’m wearing it.

  Shade’s answer is immediate.

  Good. I can’t test it because I’m out of range. But I’ll be at Manini’s soon. Your mission tonight is to orgasm while at the table with your date—and to not let him know.

  I gulp. Seriously?

  But even as I am hesitant, a little thrill of excitement shoots through me, too. It feels so naughty. Because it is so naughty. And you know what that means? I truly am daring and fun. I’m no longer boring Allison who stayed married to a loser for too many years. I’m Alli Cat the Invincible now. And I’m freaking fun.

  I grab my purse and head out the door.

  Chapter Twelve

  (Or: The Education of Alli Cat)

  Manini’s is a great restaurant for a date, which is why I chose it.

  It is dimly lit, romantic and quiet. The only downside is that they have great bread which is drizzled in garlic-butter. And that is a downside because I have to find the strength to not eat it since I’ll be kissing Shade later.

 
But I have amazing fortitude, I remind myself. I can do this.

  I can also get through Brainy Brian’s oh-so-boring small talk.

  Because I have fortitude.

  “So, I recently joined a dating site,” he tells me as he chews on a piece of bread. I eye his half-eaten bread longingly. It doesn’t even matter to me that he’s been chewing on it with his fish-lips.

  “Really?” I ask politely, picking up my glass of wine delicately by the stem and sipping it. In actuality, I’d like to slam it down on the side of the table and use the jagged shards to slit my wrist. But I paste on a smile to hide those suicidal thoughts. “How’s that going?”

  “Oh, so far, so good,” Brian answers. “I haven’t gotten any replies to my ad yet, but I’m contacting a few women. I think I would recommend it to you…when you’re ready to start dating for real, that is.”

  He smiles and I am reminded that he truly is a nice person. And I feel guilty for wanting to open a vein a moment ago.

  “I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that, but I appreciate the tip,” I tell him.

  I cross my legs and as I do, I feel a startling jolt, then a flood of intense pleasure as the egg situated inside of BB starts buzzing.

  Holy shit.

  I snap to attention in my seat, trying hard to act casual and nonchalant, even though the vibrations feel so freaking good. I gaze around the room for Shade.

  I find him sitting in the shadows in a booth a short distance away. He’s staring at me, his blue, blue eyes intense as he watches me squirm.

  He releases the button. I know this because the buzzing stops. My uterine muscles relax from where they were glued to my abdominal ceiling.

  Shade smiles angelically at me. I take a deep breath and turn back around.

  Brian is staring at me.

  “Are you alright?” he asks in concern.

  I smile.

  “Of course. I’m fine. Just a little cramp in my leg.”

  And by that, I mean a convulsion in my uterus.

  We continue conversing with Brian’s idea of small-talk. He is thrilling me with the reasons why the General Ledger didn’t balance last month at work when Shade hits the button again.

  I almost go through the roof this time, because my nerves are still on high-alert from the first time.