“Thank you,” Dino said, reaching for the nachos with his other hand and taking a big bite.
“Any time, Big Man.” Silas paused for a second. “If you want to talk about it, I’m happy to listen. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.”
“Do you know André Bouchard?”
The name sounded familiar. “I think so, but I’m not sure why.”
“He was bashed last year.”
“Right, yes.” Silas remembered now. The paramedics had saved him. No one had been caught or charged, either.
“I’ve been working with him at the gym. He’s part of Morgan’s group.”
“Survivors Thriving?” Silas said. Morgan Fréchette worked with Phoebe at Urbane Myth. He’d also survived an assault years ago, and he’d put together a group. Silas didn’t know a lot about them, but he’d helped Morgan set up their basic newsletter and blog a while back.
“Right.” He fell silent again.
Silas waited. Dino’s arm resting around him seemed less like receiving comfort as much as Dino’s requesting some for himself. It also just plain felt good, which …well. People didn’t really touch Silas much, really. Of course it felt nice.
Dino shifted slightly, and Silas slid his own arm out from under Dino’s and put his overtop.
“He wouldn’t go swimming,” Dino said.
“André?”
“Yeah. I suggested they all hit the water as a cooldown, and he just closed down.” Dino sighed, and Silas turned his head to look at him. Dino clenched his jaw, and though he looked toward the television, Silas knew he wasn’t seeing it.
“Ah,” Silas said. “Morgan talks about that. He has scars, too.”
“I’ve seen. But Morgan goes swimming.”
“He goes swimming now. I think it took a lot of time and therapy to get there. He’s pretty up front about it.”
“It should have occurred to me.” Dino sighed again. “I hate it when I screw up like this. André was laughing and having a good time until I opened my big mouth. I ruined it.”
Silas frowned. “That’s… maybe overstating a bit.”
Dino grunted.
“Hey,” Silas nudged him, and Dino looked at Silas. “You’re pretty damn amazing at your job, you know. I say that not as a supportive roommate, or friend, but a client. You got me into a pool on day one. I imagined a very public failure via drowning before it even occurred to me my skinny butt would also be on display. You got me into kickboxing, and, again, skinny butt with bonus humiliation being the tiny guy in the room.” Silas paused. “Before I met you, I didn’t have a good body image either. I mean, okay, I like my hair—all credit to Kelly and her salon—but honestly, going into the pool that first time intimidated the hell out of me. You’re a tank, and tanks haven’t been particularly good in my life. You had me at ease pretty much at hello, and that’s incredible. So, okay, André today wasn’t. You’re not going to get it perfect with everyone, every time.” He paused, then grinned. “If you can’t believe your very fake boyfriend, who else can you believe? You do good work.”
Dino stared down at him for a few blinks, then smiled. “Your butt isn’t skinny. You’ve got a great butt.”
Silas sighed. Dino laughed, making Silas bounce on him.
“Yes, the key point in everything I said to you just then?” Silas said, his voice vibrating thanks to Dino’s laughter. “My butt.”
Dino just laughed louder. Silas nearly slipped right off him, but Dino squeezed, and Silas closed his eyes just for a second.
I love this. I love—.
“Thank you.”
Silas opened his eyes. “You’re welcome.”
“Hey, did you launch the funding thing for Pride March yet?”
“I don’t know if I should, yet.” Or ever.
“It’s ready, Little Man. Launch it.”
“What if no one contributes?”
“It’s great as is. Whatever money you get, you use to make it greater. You’ll keep working on it anyway, so let people love it and actually pay for it while you work on it,” Dino said.
“I’m so afraid I’m going to miss stuff,” Silas said. “I’m a white cis guy creating a game about queer history, and I want to do it right.”
“And you’ll use what money you do get to reach out and pay other people. And, like this super smart guy I happen to know pointed out to me, you’re not gonna get it perfect with everyone, every time.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
Dino shook his head.
Silas slipped out from under Dino’s arm, tugged his laptop over and opened it. The tab on his browser remained open from the last time he added a stretch goal to the Pride March fundraiser page. Everything was loaded: the video, the screen shots, the temporary artwork he hoped to replace with queer artists. He took a breath, aimed the cursor at “launch” and tapped the touchpad.
It launched. He watched as it automatically sent messages out on all his social media accounts. He’d linked it all via the fundraiser page, automating as much as he could.
He swallowed hard, staring at the screen.
“You okay?” Dino said.
Silas looked at him. He lay back on the arm of the couch, one arm still up across the back, doing his broad and rumpled and confident thing and holy flying crap did I really just officially launch funding for my app?
“I think we just redefined peak Silas,” Silas said. “A night in, melted cheese, cuddles, retro sci-fi, and begging everyone on social media for cash.”
Dino laughed and pulled him back down into a bear hug.
Half a movie later, still lying together, Dino started to snore quietly.
Definitely peak, Silas thought, closing his eyes.
Chapter Eighteen—December
Silas handed over the last of his cash and climbed out of the cab before the cabby could give him change. He hoped there was enough tip. He skidded on the snow and slid sideways through the sliding glass doors of the airport the moment they were open enough, only pausing to wipe his glasses on his shirt. He looked for Toronto on the departure boards, but the slew of red notations made it clear everyone travelling in Canada on Christmas Eve was at the mercy of the weather.
As he watched, the current Toronto flight vanished from the board. One moment it said “Final Boarding.” The next it was gone.
“Shit.” All the momentum in his body fled at once. He stared at the screen, the numbers and letters blurring as his eyes filled with tears. He took a shaky breath and then blinked them away.
Didn’t matter. He’d just have to catch up.
There’d be another flight in four hours. If he could squeeze onto that, it would at least get him to Toronto. Of course, he’d get there after the last flight from Toronto to Ottawa, but he could ride it out in the Toronto airport until the first flight of the morning. He’d go home, and Dino would be there.
He started for the airline desk, but his phone pinged. He pulled it out reluctantly. He didn’t look forward to telling Elisha he wouldn’t be there tomorrow, but—
A short text message from Dino vanished off the screen before he could read it.
Silas stopped walking and unlocked his phone. He called up the message.
Turn around.
He blinked. Turn around? He looked up, frowning, and scanned the room.
Dino waved at him from a chair opposite the airport entrance, a carry-on between his legs.
At the sight of him, Silas’s whole body relaxed. It was going to be okay. He had no idea how, but Dino hadn’t left, and that was enough. He put his phone back in his pocket and headed over to him.
Dino rose once he got there.
“Hey,” Dino said. “So, listen—”
“Nope.” Silas held up one hand. “Me first, Big Man.”
Dino raised his eyebrows, but he nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“I told them the truth. All of them, and all of it,” Silas said, making sure Dino would understand. “I owed that to Elisha and
Craig, at the very least, and I’m so sorry I even considered letting you take the fall. That was wrong, on so many levels, not the least of which is…” Silas’s voice caught, his shoulders tightening. He forced himself to pause, and take a breath. “You are kind and wonderful, and if I’m being honest with myself, somewhere along the line, this pretend thing we were doing stopped being a lie. No, even that’s not honest. I think it maybe never was a lie, not for me, not for quite a while. You are the singular best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I… I guess I didn’t want you to leave without knowing that.”
Silas paused, realizing he’d said everything without actually saying the main thing. “Because I’m totally in love with you. Not in the fake way. I’m just really, really good at self-delusion.”
Dino met his gaze, and it took everything Silas had not to look away. When Dino frowned, Silas swallowed hard. He wouldn’t cry at what came next. He absolutely wouldn’t cry if Dino gave him the “good friend” speech, because good friends mattered.
Okay, he’d totally cry.
“You forgot the part about my arms,” Dino said. “That was my favorite part.”
Silas stared.
“You know.” Dino mimed snapping something. “‘He could break someone in half with those arms?’”
Silas opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “How…?”
“Anne.”
Silas shook his head. What did Anne have to do with it?
Dino glanced down at his phone, tapping the screen. Then he held it up. “She sent me a text. Told me to wait for you. And she sent this.”
Silas stared at the screen. A video waited. He reached out and tapped it.
“Oh, fuck off, Manny.” It was him. It was him, yelling at his brother. Silas looked up at Dino, but Dino watched the screen, a huge smile on his face. When it got to the kick, Silas looked back at the video and watched his brother hit the ground and wail in surprise. Anne zoomed in on his face.
“My nobe! He brode my fuggin’ nobe!”
“For the record, that’s my second favorite part,” Dino said.
The video ended with Anne’s voice proclaiming, “That. Was. Awesome.”
Dino lowered the phone. “So,” Dino said. “Can I talk now?”
Silas bit his lip. Dino already knew everything, thanks to Anne, and he’d been waiting for him to get here. Probably to let him down gently. How humiliating. But he didn’t regret it. Well, not exactly. “Yeah. Your turn.” He braced himself.
“Me too,” Dino said.
Silas blinked. “What?”
“I don’t have a whole speech, or anyone to kick, but you’re this amazing thing in my life, and have been for months.” Dino stared at the ground between them, gripping his phone with both hands. “My sister has been telling me to ask you out for real since Hallowe’en. My mother started in right after Thanksgiving. But I convinced myself you were just being you. You treat everyone special. Which let me off the hook and meant I didn’t have to risk losing you. I don’t want that, couldn’t handle that. Because me too. The love thing, I mean. In case that’s not clear. I love you, too.”
“I’m sorry, did you just…?”
Dino looked up. “I know we’re in public and it freaks you out, but this is an airport and there are security guards,” he said. “So, if it’s okay with you, even though it’s Alberta, I’m gonna kiss you now.”
“Security guards?” Why couldn’t he stop repeating whatever Dino said? But then Dino leaned down and put his warm hand at the back of Silas’s neck, and one little tug later, Dino was making good on his word.
The kiss began gentle, the pressure just enough to let Silas know he could break it off there and then. Silas leaned forward, rising on his toes and pressing himself against Dino’s wide chest and opening his lips and making it perfectly clear he was completely on board.
Heat washed through his body as the kiss shifted from tentative to deep. Dino explored with his tongue, and Silas heard his own little moan in response.
Far too soon they came up for air, foreheads pressed together. Dino had actually lifted him off the damn floor.
“Wow,” Silas said, not finding another word.
Dino laughed. “Yeah. Wow.” He relaxed his grip and lowered Silas back to standing.
Silas’s face burned, as did other parts of his body.
Dino’s smile was cocky and confident and something else Silas hadn’t seen before but he wanted to see there from now on—loving.
“So,” Dino said, raising his eyebrows. “What do you want to do now, Little Man?”
Right. The whole rest of the world. Alberta. Christmas. And, oh yeah, his sister’s wedding. Should they, or just he, go back for the wedding? He wouldn’t put Dino through that. But for himself? What was the right thing to do? Not for his parents, or his brothers, but for Elisha and Craig. He’d told Elisha he might not be back and, honestly, could he go back? Was it even possible? He literally kicked his brother in the face. His parents weren’t going to be okay with that. It would definitely be a whole thing.
Especially since he couldn’t work up even a morsel of remorse. If he never saw this province again, it would be too soon.
So. Dino’s question. What was the right move here?
He looked at Dino, and it struck him what he’d been asked. Not what he should do. What he wanted to do. Well, that was simple.
Silas kissed him again. Dino returned the kiss with verve, and when they broke apart a second time, they were both grinning.
“I want to go home,” Silas said. “How do you feel about spending Christmas morning in an airport?”
“I feel great about it.”
Silas pulled out his phone. A battery warning appeared, but he still had ten percent. He tapped his sister’s name to write a text.
I’m sorry, but I’m going home. I love you. He bit his lip, then hit send.
Her reply came immediately.
I love you. Probably for the best you don’t come back right now. The wink-face emoji that followed took some sting out of it.
I totally didn’t mean to ruin anything.
Are you kidding? Best wedding gift ever. Good luck with Dino. Did you catch up with him?
God, he had the best sister ever.
I did. And no luck required. We’ve been making out in the airport.
Her reply was a series of rainbow emoji hearts, red through purple.
I love you. We’re going home now. How about you two visit us sometime? He hit send.
Definitely. Love you, too.
He turned his phone off.
“Okay, Big Man. Think we can charm ourselves into some ticket exchanges on Christmas Eve?”
Dino cracked his knuckles. “Oh, I got this.”
Chapter Nineteen—Christmas Day
Dino paid the cab, and Silas lugged the first of their bags up the stairs. By the time he’d gotten the apartment door open, Dino appeared behind him, carrying the suit bags and their carry-ons. They dumped everything inside the apartment entrance and left it where it fell.
They’d scored a flight out of Alberta from the obviously gay ticket agent who’d been a saint about their wanting to go home early, but they’d been delayed multiple times thanks to ongoing snow, leaving them there late into the night, which at least meant they hadn’t had to hang out in Toronto’s airport for too long before their connecting flight to Ottawa. They’d welcomed Christmas Day with airport Tim Hortons coffee and surprisingly good bagels and each other’s company in a nearly empty First Class lounge, and Silas couldn’t remember a better Christmas morning. But first class or no, after a full overnight in airplanes or airports, all Silas wanted was sleep.
“You look wrecked,” Dino said.
“Well spotted,” Silas said. “I am beyond wrecked.”
Dino wrapped one arm around him and led the way. It took Silas a second to realize they were heading to Dino’s bedroom.
“I’m not sure which part of ‘wrecked’ is unclear,” Silas sa
id. “I mean, the spirit is beyond willing. The flesh needs a major nap. And a shower.”
He laughed. “Oh, I’m there. But I like sharing the covers with you. You’re a giver.”
They crashed together in his bed.
Even with the time zone difference hanging over their heads, Silas slept. The afternoon of Christmas Day arrived by the time he finally stretched and opened his eyes. His stomach gurgled. Beside him, Dino still slept, buried so deep in most of the blanket that Silas could barely see more than a bit of his forehead.
So, that’s what he kissed.
Dino stretched, lowering the blanket enough to show two blinking eyes.
“I’ll make coffee,” Silas said. “And how do you feel about cheese omelets for a very late Christmas lunch?”
The blankets erupted, and Dino dragged Silas beneath them, wrapping himself around him and nuzzling his neck. “I feel good about omelets.”
Silas snuggled in. God willing, he’d never get tired of being held like this, even if the beard tickled.
“If you want those omelets, you’ll have to let go.”
“Only temporarily.”
“That’s a deal.”
Dino came into the kitchen just as Silas finished mixing the eggs, milk, and shredded cheeses. He’d put on one of his white tanks and loose cotton pajama pants. He looked amazing. Silas ogled.
“What’s that look for?” The sly smile belied his question.
“You know how well you pull off that rumpled stud thing.”
“Rumpled?” Dino put a hand over his heart. “I was going for tousled.”
“Did you want toast?”
“I’ll make it.”
They moved around the kitchen in the synchronized way they had from the start, but the quality felt different. In between getting the bread and the butter, Dino touched the small of Silas’s back when he passed. While Silas flipped the omelets, Dino leaned on the counter and just watched him. When the toast popped up and Dino stuck his tongue out while he buttered the pieces, Silas kissed him on the back of his shoulder because he just couldn’t stand how adorable it was without doing something about it.
When he reached for mugs, he noticed their phones on the counter and took a second to plug them both in. His phone had died before Toronto, since it turned out he’d shoved the cord into his suitcase instead of his carry-on, and it had been checked through. He could have borrowed Dino’s or bought a new cord from practically any store in the airport, but he hadn’t wanted to hear from anyone.
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