Faux Ho Ho

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Faux Ho Ho Page 13

by Nathan Burgoine


  They ate at the little breakfast bar, shoulder to shoulder, eyeing each other and smiling and laughing without saying anything.

  Finally, plates bare, Dino took a deep breath.

  “So,” he said. “Merry Christmas. Now what?”

  Good question. “I have no idea,” Silas said. “I mean, obviously, I’d like to drag you back to bed, but there’s more stuff than that.”

  “Oh, but I like this dragging idea.”

  “No doubt. But I guess we tell people we’re, uh…”

  “Dating,” Dino said. “Boyfriends.”

  “Yeah,” Silas said. “That. Boyfriends.” Full-on grinning had begun and he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to.

  “I’m still gonna call you Little Man.”

  “I demand nothing less.”

  They stared at each other like soppy fools. Silas hoped the dragging-back-to-bed thing would hit the top of the to-do list, but his phone buzzed. It must have charged enough to come back to life.

  It buzzed again. And then again. And again.

  Silas checked the screen and blinked. Notifications were popping up and being displaced faster than he could read them. “Whoa.”

  “What?” Dino said.

  “I have a lot of notifications.” He frowned and unlocked the screen, leaning a bit so he didn’t have to unplug it. Dino slid off his chair and picked up his own phone.

  “I’m on airplane mode still,” he said, tapping at his own screen.

  Silas looked at the little red icons. Most of them were plusses instead of numbers. His social media accounts were on fire. The little red circles were everywhere.

  “I’m suddenly popular,” Silas said, opening up the first app.

  Beside him, Dino grunted. “Anne said you should go online.”

  Silas stared. He was tagged in hundreds of messages, and nearly every message contained an image of him kicking his brother in the face. Or a gif. Or a video.

  “What in the hell?”

  Silas tapped one. It was from someone he didn’t know and didn’t follow, but he’d been tagged in it.

  New life goal: find someone who’ll say all the things @WaiteingGame says about his bae, and who’ll kick ass on my behalf even half as well.

  And a hashtag. #MannyDown

  “Oh my God.” Silas tapped the hashtag. The volume of updates about Manny Waite getting kicked in the face by his gay brother were racking up faster than he could refresh. A lot of people were talking about it, and most of them agreed the kick well deserved and really enjoyable to watch over and over.

  There were also some homophobic jackasses talking about the “intolerant violent left,” but they were—at least for now—vastly outnumbered.

  #MannyDown was trending in Canada. His direct message requests were piling up. He didn’t even think about opening those.

  Never grab a twink without permission. #MannyDown

  All I want for Christmas is this video set to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” #MannyDown

  Anyone know who the lucky guy @WaiteingGame is talking about is? Look at what he can do with his legs! #MannyDown

  I could listen to #MannyDown whine about his nose all day. And I plan to.

  Did he get the guy? I need closure! Does anyone know if @WaitingGame got the guy? #MannyDown

  Why are all the hot Conservative-kicking twinks from out of Province? #MannyDown

  Hey, did you see @WaitingGame’s Pride March app? I wonder if there’ll be a card about the kick? #MannyDown

  If you liked watching #MannyDown, you totally need to fund @WaitingGame’s Pride March app!

  “Whoa,” Silas said. The last message included the link to the funding page for Pride March. He tapped it. He’d blown past the fundraising goals. In fact, the money raised approached triple his highest stretch target. “Holy shit.”

  He showed Dino.

  “Little Man,” Dino said. “You went viral.”

  “How?”

  “Anne.” Dino said. “Has to be.”

  Silas switched to the Nothing Without Anne feed and sure enough. The kick video had pride of placement, pinned to the top. Christmas came early to Alberta politics, she’d written. #MannyDown. Of course she’d been the one to come up with the hashtag. He smirked. “Manny really shouldn’t have voted to cut accessibility funding.”

  “Here,” Dino said, taking Silas’s phone. He unplugged it, swapped over to the camera, then wrapped his arm around him, holding the phone up above. They smiled, leaning their heads against each other, and he took a picture. He handed the phone to Silas.

  They looked great together now they’d caught up on sleep. Peak smiling nerd and tousled stud. Silas took a second to consider, then typed.

  Thanks for all the messages of support—we were on a delayed flight back from Alberta and didn’t get back online until just now. This is my Big Man, for those who were asking, and yes, I got the guy. Gonna kick back and relax today. Merry Christmas, everyone! He showed it to Dino.

  “Kick back and relax,” Dino said. “Nice. Tag me. And don’t forget to add the link to your game fundraiser.”

  “You think? It’s already beyond funded, I’ll have to come up with new stretch goals…”

  “Listen to the tank, Little Man.”

  Silas did just that, then uploaded the photo and message across all his platforms. Before he’d even finished, new notifications were pinging. He exhaled, overwhelmed.

  Dino’s phone pinged. Then pinged again. Now it was in stereo.

  “Good. Now, we’re both viral,” Silas said.

  Dino’s phone meowed.

  Silas raised an eyebrow.

  “That’s my sister.”

  “Your sister is a cat?”

  “Yep. And since Olivia knows, any second now…”

  Between pings, Dino’s phone belched.

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “My brother.” Dino raised both hands.

  “Okay, so it’s on point, but it’s still disgusting.”

  More pings, then a lion’s roar.

  “Your mom?” Silas guessed.

  Dino tapped his nose.

  “The only special sound I’ve got is for the Bittersweets Club group text,” Silas said.

  As if on cue, Silas’s phone gurgled like brewing coffee. They both stared.

  “That was creepy.” Silas eyed the screen, then gave into temptation and checked. “Oh, wow! Nick proposed.”

  “Turn him down. You’re already taken.”

  “To Ru,” Silas said. He thought about replying but didn’t. “We’ll congratulate them later. Do you really have a different sound for everyone in your family?”

  “Only the special people,” Dino said with a slow, lazy smile.

  Silas picked up his phone again and sent him a random emoji.

  Dino’s phone howled like a monkey.

  Silas stared at him. “I’m a monkey?”

  Dino grinned. “It’s so perfect, right?”

  Silas’s facial expression must have made it clear he wasn’t seeing the perfection. Dino raised his hands. “Because of General Banana-Pants the Third,” he said.

  “Yeah, that didn’t help.” Silas crossed his arms.

  “My monkey.” Dino squirmed now. Okay, this was fun.

  “I remember your stuffed monkey. Your stuffed, inanimate, monkey.”

  Dino shook his head. “My snuggly, soft, can’t-sleep-without, cuddly, warm, nothing-is-wrong-when-I’m-holding-him, General Banana-Pants the Third. You’re not a monkey, you’re my monkey.”

  Silas blinked rapidly. “I’m your monkey?”

  “You’re my monkey.”

  Amid the ongoing pings, Dino’s phone brayed like an elephant.

  “Okay, your phone is ruining the mood,” Silas said.

  “Is it a good mood?” Dino pushed away from the counter and took a step, hooking his finger into the neck of Silas’s shirt.

  “It’s a great mood,” Silas said. “I believe there were promises of a
dragging nature.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  Another elephant brayed behind them.

  “I’m gonna turn them off,” Dino said, reaching past him and doing just that.

  “So, I have a confession,” Silas said, once silence fell. Dino hadn’t moved away, leaning with both arms braced to either side of him.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Remember the pec bounce?”

  Dino bounced the pecs in question.

  “Right,” Silas said. “That was never smarmy. Always hot.”

  Dino laughed. “If we’re confessing, should I admit I want to pick you up and carry you back to my bed now?”

  Silas bit his bottom lip. “Do you think you can? I mean, those arms, as discussed, are impressive, but—”

  Dino interrupted with a kiss, lifting Silas high enough to prove he was up to that or any other task in their immediate future.

  About the Author

  ’Nathan Burgoine grew up a reader and studied literature in university while making a living as a bookseller. His first novel, Light, was a finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. Triad Blood and Triad Soul are also available from Bold Strokes Books, as is his YA novel Exit Plans for Teenage Freaks and his first collection, Of Echoes Born. A cat lover, ’Nathan managed to fall in love and marry Daniel, who is a confirmed dog person. Their ongoing cat-or-dog détente ended with the rescue of huskies. They live in Ottawa, Canada, where socialized health care and gay marriage have yet to cause the sky to cave in.

  Books Available From Bold Strokes Books

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  Face Off by PJ Trebelhorn. Hockey player Savannah Wells rarely spends more than a night with any one woman, but when photographer Madison Scott buys the house next door, she’s forced to rethink what she expects out of life. (978-1-63555-480-9)

  Hot Ice by Aurora Rey, Elle Spencer, Erin Zak. Can falling in love melt the hearts of the iciest ice queens? Join Aurora Rey, Elle Spencer, and Erin Zak to find out! (978-1-63555-513-4)

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  London Undone by Nan Higgins. London Craft reinvents her life after reading a childhood letter to her future self and in doing so finds the love she truly wants. (978-1-63555-562-2)

  Lunar Eclipse by Gun Brooke. Moon De Cruz lives alone on an uninhabited planet after being shipwrecked in space. Her life changes forever when Captain Beaux Lestarion’s arrival threatens the planet and Moon’s freedom. (978-1-63555-460-1)

  One Small Step by Michelle Binfield. Iris and Cam discover the meaning of taking chances and following your heart, even if it means getting hurt. (978-1-63555-596-7)

  Shadows of a Dream by Nicole Disney. Rainn has the talent to take her rock band all the way, but falling in love is a powerful distraction, and her new girlfriend’s meth addiction might just take them both down. (978-1-63555-598-1)

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  Where We Are by Annie McDonald. Can two women discover a way to walk on the same path together and discover the gift of staying in one spot, in time, in space, and in love? (978-1-63555-581-3)

  A Moment in Time by Lisa Moreau. A longstanding family feud separates two women who unexpectedly fall in love at an antique clock shop in a small Louisiana town. (978-1-63555-419-9)

  Aspen in Moonlight by Kelly Wacker. When art historian Melissa Warren meets Sula Johansen, director of a local bear conservancy, she discovers that love can come in unexpected and unusual forms. (978-1-63555-470-0)

  Back to September by Melissa Brayden. Small bookshop owner Hannah Shepard and famous romance novelist Parker Bristow maneuver the landscape of their two very different worlds to find out if love can win out in the end. (978-1-63555-576-9)

  Changing Course by Brey Willows. When the woman of your dreams falls from the sky, you’d better be ready to catch her. (978-1-63555-335-2)

  Cost of Honor by Radclyffe. First Daughter Blair Powell and Homeland Security Director Cameron Roberts face adversity when their enemies stop at nothing to prevent President Andrew Powell’s reelection. (978-1-63555-582-0)

  Fearless by Tina Michele. Determined to overcome her debilitating fear through exposure therapy, Laura Carter all but fails before she’s even begun until dolphin trainer Jillian Marshall dedicates herself to helping Laura defeat the nightmares of her past. (978-1-63555-495-3)

  Not Dead Enough by J.M. Redmann. A woman who may or may not be dead drags Micky Knight into a messy con game. (978-1-63555-543-1)

  Not Since You by Fiona Riley. When Charlotte boards her honeymoon cruise single and comes face-to-face with Lexi, the high school love she left behind, she questions every decision she has ever made. (978-1-63555-474-8)

  Not Your Average Love Spell by Barbara Ann Wright. Four women struggle with who to love and who to hate while fighting to rid a kingdom of an evil invading force. (978-1-63555-327-7)

  Tennessee Whiskey by Donna K. Ford. Dane Foster wants to put her life on pause and ask for a redo, a chance for something that matters. Emma Reynolds is that chance. (978-1-63555-556-1)

  30 Dates in 30 Days by Elle Spencer. A busy lawyer tries to find love the fast way—thirty dates in thirty days. (978-1-63555-498-4)

  Finding Sky by Cass Sellars. Skylar Addison’s search for a career intersects with her new boss’s search for butterflies, but Skylar can’t forgive Jess’s intrusion into her life. (978-1-63555-521-9)

  Hammers, Strings, and Beautiful Things by Morgan Lee Miller. While on tour with the biggest pop star in the world, rising musician Blair Bennett falls in love for the first time while coping with loss and depression. (978-1-63555-538-7)

  Heart of a Killer by Yolanda Wallace. Contract killer Santana Masters’s only interest is her next assignment—until a chance meeting with a beautiful stranger tempts her to change her ways. (978-1-63555-547-9)

  Leading the Witness by Carsen Taite. When defense attorney Catherine Landauer reluctantly becomes the key witness in prosecutor Starr Rio’s latest criminal trial, their hearts, careers, and lives may be at risk. (978-1-63555-512-7)

  No Experience Required by Kimberly Cooper Griffin. Izzy Treadway has resigned herself to a life without romance because of her bipolar illness but wonders what she’s gotten herself into when she agrees to write a book about love. (978-1-63555-561-5)

  One Walk in Winter by Georgia Beers. Olivia Santini and Hayley Boyd Markham might be rivals at work, but they discover that lonely hearts often find company in the most unexpected of places. (978-1-63555-541-7)

  The Inn at Netherfield Green by Aurora Rey. Advertising executive Lauren Montgomery and gin distiller Camden Crawley don’t agree on anything except saving the Rose & Crown, the old English pub that’s brought them together. (978-1-63555-445-8)

  Top of Her Game by M. Ullrich. When it comes to life on the field and matters of the heart, losing isn’t an option for pro athletes Kenzie Shaw and Sutton Flores. (978-1-63555-500-4)

  Vanished by Eden Darry. A storm is coming, and Ellery and Loveday must find the chosen one or humanity won’t survive it. (978-1-63555-437-3)

  All She Wants by Larkin Rose. Marci J
ones and Tessa Dalton get more than they bargained for when their plans for a one-night stand turn into an opportunity for love. (978-1-63555-476-2)

  Beautiful Accidents by Erin Zak. Stevie Adams and Bernadette Thompson discover that sometimes the best things in life happen purely by accident. (978-1-63555-497-7)

  Before Now by Joy Argento. Can Delany and Jade overcome the betrayal that spans the centuries to reignite a love that can’t be broken? (978-1-63555-525-7)

  Breathe by Cari Hunter. Paramedic Jemima Pardon’s chronic bad luck seems to be improving when she meets police officer Rosie Jones. But they face a battle to survive before they can find love. (978-1-63555-523-3)

  Double-Crossed by Ali Vali. Hired thief and killer Reed Gable finds something in her scope that will change her life forever when she gets a contract to end casino accountant Brinley Myers’s life. (978-1-63555-302-4)

  False Horizons by CJ Birch. Jordan and Ash struggle with different views on the alien agenda and must find their way back to each other before they’re swallowed up by a centuries-old war. (978-1-63555-519-6)

  Legacy by Charlotte Greene. When five women hike to a remote cabin deep inside a national park, unsettling events suggest that they should have stayed home. (978-1-63555-490-8)

 

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