No matter how I felt about her, I needed to think about what was best for both of them and if I was standing in the way of it. Grant wasn’t a fantastic guy, and I couldn’t see him being the type of husband and father I would want to be. But it wasn’t my place to decide that.
Even more, I had to think about where Lindsey’s head was in all this. Were her feelings for me something she thought was real? Or was I just a distraction? Did she feel like she needed to make up for me being there for her in some way? I hated to think that might be even close to a possibility. All her feelings seemed to be genuine. The time we spent together felt real. But I couldn’t get past her hiding so much from me. It was like there was an entire part of her locked away that I couldn’t access. If she didn’t trust me enough to know those things about her, how could we ever really share a life?
All those thoughts and struggles left me exhausted and emotionally frazzled. A few weeks after the last time Lindsey and I spoke, I made the very uncharacteristic move of taking a few vacation days away from work. The racing company always afforded a few weeks of vacation time for every year, but I almost never took any of them. There was always so much to do, and I really enjoyed my work. It never seemed to make sense to take time off unless there was something I needed to do for another of my businesses or the whole family was taking a vacation together.
But if there was ever a time when I needed a break from life, this was it. I told Quentin and my parents I needed some time to myself and that I would be back soon. Neither argued with me. Neither pushed me for a more specific return date. Everyone noticed I was going through something. They could all tell I was struggling, and it didn’t take too much insight to guess what it might be.
For the third day in a row, I was spending my day lounging by the pool in my backyard. I was working myself up to actually getting in the water when Charlie called.
He asked me to come in, and I wanted to turn him down. I wanted to say, “No, I can’t go because Lindsey will be there and she is going to hate me because I ghosted her.” But taking the coward’s way out because I was afraid of my own feelings didn’t seem like a viable excuse. So, I sucked it up, agreed to go, and left the house feeling like I was headed for the gallows.
Charlie hadn’t mentioned why he wanted me to come into the office, but I wasn’t surprised when I pulled into the parking lot and saw an unfamiliar luxury car. The personalized license plate gave it away that it belonged to Grant’s parents. By that point, I was all but convinced they were actually the ones who were behind the initial court filing in the first place. Not that Grant was a choir boy who fought desperately to prevent it, but he didn’t strike me as the type who would initiate something like that.
Not only would it require more effort than I felt he would put into something like that, but he didn’t seem to share the same level of distaste for Lindsey. He didn’t see her as an equal. That was clear. And he was extremely judgmental about her business and lifestyle. But he also seemed far more willing to accept how important she was in her son’s life.
In the end, I really didn’t know how it would all unfold. The situation was complicated and heated, and I didn’t know what my place was in it, if there was one for me at all. The worst part was the fear that held me back. If I allowed myself to fully lean into how I was feeling about Lindsey and the future I could see for us, I made myself vulnerable to possibly losing it all.
Grant’s parents and the lawyer representing their side were already in Charlie’s office when I stepped in.
“Vince,” Charlie said when I walked in. “Thank you for coming. Have a seat.”
Grant’s parents gave the same virulent glare I received at the hospital but didn’t say anything. They seemed to be on their best behavior in front of the lawyers. It wasn’t long before Lindsey walked in. Her steps faltered just slightly when she saw me. Our eyes met and my heart jumped in my chest. But she turned her shoulder to me and stalked to the other side of the office. It was what I absolutely deserved, but it still made my chest ache.
Charlie looked out at the small gathering in front of him. His eyes moved slowly across the office like he wanted to make sure he looked into the face of every person there. When he was done, he unfolded his hands from the top of the desk in front of him and held them out over us.
“Thank you all for coming in this afternoon. I know it was short notice, but I venture to say we are all eager to have this issue behind us as soon as possible. As you all know, a filing was submitted to the court on behalf of Grant Waters with his parents, Beatrice and Edgar, both named as well. This petition asked the court to grant full and permanent custody of the minor child, Remy Waters, to his father. It also sought to clearly outline physical custody. Which included removing all visitation rights from the child’s mother.”
“Yes,” Beatrice said.
It was obvious to any listening that she was not pleased about being in the office. This was not her choice, and every word being spoken only worked to make her angrier. But that didn’t stop Charlie.
“Before now, the agreement was that Grant Waters would have custody of Remy but would allow for mutually agreeable visitation terms. The counter-petition entered on behalf of the mother of the minor child, Lindsey Trewes, sought to divide custody equally and allow for frequent and legally compulsory visitation.”
“Yes,” Lindsey said, her eyes sliding over to Beatrice as if underlining something close to mockery.
“As everyone present knows, we’ve been waiting for the case to move through the courts so it could be decided. However, today Beatrice and Edgar on behalf of Grant have agreed to withdraw their petition for full custody and no visitation,” Charlie said.
Lindsey looked at Grant’s parents, then back at her lawyer. “But I don’t want to go back to the way it was before. It’s great that they are withdrawing the petition. But I’m not okay with Grant still having the ability to just tell me when I can and can’t see my son. I want a more equal split of custody and a firm visitation schedule.”
Charlie smiled as he nodded. “Both terms are included in the letter given to me by Mr. and Mrs. Waters and signed by their son. He wasn’t able to be present today due to obligations with work and caring for the child, who I understand was injured recently.”
“Yes,” Lindsey said. “He was seriously hurt. I just came from visiting with him. Grant was at the office.”
My stomach twisted again at her compulsion to explain the situation, almost giving Grant an excuse, but I stayed silent. I was here only because of my financial link to the case. There was nothing I needed to say.
“The proposed terms for equally dividing custody and responsibility for Remy are outlined in these documents,” the lawyer said, sliding them across the desk toward Lindsey. “I’ll ask you to look them over and decide if they are agreeable to you. If so, you can sign them, and they will be put into action.”
I listened as they went over everything in the papers and asked questions. It was fairly boring, but I couldn’t discount the tremendous impact it was having on Lindsey’s life. This is exactly what she wanted, what she was willing to fight for. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a result of Grant finally putting his foot down to his parents. We’d seen a glimpse of him growing a backbone while we were in the hospital. Maybe it continued and he told them they weren’t going to control his life or his son’s any longer.
I was glad Lindsey was finally getting what she wanted. She looked almost shocked as she signed the papers and Charlie congratulated her. The other lawyer and grandparents stood and stalked out of the office, obviously defeated. When they were gone, Lindsey glanced my way. She turned back to the lawyer and thanked him, then left without another word. I stayed long enough to make sure Charlie was paid and to thank him personally for everything he had done.
As I slipped out, I hoped I had lingered behind long enough to avoid Lindsey. I wasn’t quite ready to talk to her.
Too bad she didn’t share that sentiment. When I stepped out of
the office, there she was, leaned against my truck looking very ready to talk.
34
Lindsey
I almost left the office without saying anything to Vince. There was so much bouncing around in my head I didn’t know if I could handle anything else, and he hadn’t looked too happy to see me when I first went in. Maybe this wasn’t the day to try to have a conversation with him. I even went so far as to leave after thanking Charlie without saying a word to Vince. There was the chance I’d run into Beatrice and Edgar outside, but, frankly, they were the preferable option.
After that incredible victory with the lawyer and the bright light at the end of the tunnel now rushing in on me, I didn’t have any reason to back down from them. They had no leverage anymore. Nothing to hang over my head. I overcame what they put in front of me and forced them to back down. That awkwardness was far preferable in that moment than trying to figure out how to interact with Vince.
But when I got out into the parking lot and saw that Grant’s parents were already gone, something inside me changed. All that was sitting there in the parking lot were my car and Vince’s truck. I wouldn’t quite jump right to calling it poetic, but something about it made me stop. We needed to talk. Now more than ever. And there didn’t seem to be any reason why we should have to wait.
I stood by his truck to make sure there was no way he could avoid me. He stayed inside for several minutes longer than I did. In the back of my mind, I knew he was in there paying my legal bills. I couldn’t bring myself to feel guilty about it. After all, he took that on himself. I didn’t ask for him to introduce me to Charlie, and I certainly didn’t ask him to pay the bill for me. It was his idea, something done to show he, and his family, were there for me during the stressful time I was going through.
Even if I might have been inclined to feel guilty, the results would have been worth it for me. I didn’t have to worry about not having my son in my life anymore. And now that I knew I was carrying another stunning little surprise, that seemed somehow more important. It was as if finding out I was pregnant made me worry more about not seeing Remy. I never wanted him to feel like he was replaced, or somehow not special to me.
I had to talk to Vince about everything. I didn’t know how I was going to say it or how he was going to react. My expectations made me nervous. But it had to be done. Even if Vince wasn’t ready to hear any of it. Which, by the look on his face when he walked out of the office and saw me, he didn’t seem to be.
He came out of the office and started toward the truck like he was going to try to pretend I wasn’t there. If he could get away with slipping around me and into the truck, that’s what he was going to do. But I wasn’t going to let that fly. I was officially a new person. No more being a doormat for me. He wasn’t going to make me uncomfortable or get me out of his way.
Stepping in front of the door stopped him from getting in and running away, and Vince stopped. His expression was drawn, his eyes clouded with layers of emotion I couldn’t fully decipher. Crossing my arms over my chest, I narrowed my eyes, tilting my head slightly. No words needed to be exchanged for him to know exactly what I was thinking. He nodded and hit the button on his key fob to unlock the doors. I walked around to the passenger side and climbed in, relieved we wouldn’t be hashing everything out right out there in the open. Charlotte might not have been a tiny town or anything, but the grapevine was alive and well. As cautious as I had been about letting people know the details of my life, I didn’t want to throw everything out in the open with one conversation.
As soon as we closed the doors behind us, I turned to Vince.
“So, tell me why you ghosted me,” I said.
I figured that was as good an introduction to the conversation as any. Part of me thought maybe I should have led with the baby. But I still needed to think about that. I felt protective of that information and wanted to really know how I felt and what I wanted to do before I brought it up to anyone.
“Just going to get right to the point, aren’t you?” Vince asked.
I shrugged. “Is there any reason not to?” I asked.
“I guess not,” he said, then let out a heavy breath. “A few weeks ago, I went into the bar and you looked really upset. I didn’t know what was going on, and I wanted to protect you. It was the first time I felt like that. I just suddenly had this desire to take care of you and make sure everything was all right. But I didn’t say anything to you at the time. It’s not like you and I were ever especially close or anything. But after that, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”
“That’s when you started coming in all the time,” I said.
“Yeah,” he said. “I figured you probably would notice, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Every time I left work or thought about going to get something to eat, the bar was the first place I thought of. I wanted to be near you. The more I went in and you and I started really talking and getting to know each other, the more I realized I had feelings for you. Up until then, you were Nick’s friend. I remember you being around and how happy he was when you moved back to town and the two of you started getting close, but that was really it.”
“Because you were older and I was always just a kid,” I said. “You never saw me as anything else.”
“No, I didn’t, I admit it. I didn’t think I was supposed to. And I didn’t think you would look at me as anything other than Nick’s older brother.”
“But I did,” I said. “You didn’t realize it. You never noticed me or talked to me enough to give me a chance. But I have been attracted to you for years. I was so excited when you started talking to me. I figured for the first time in a long time, my luck was changing. I was going through some really crappy stuff, and you were there. Just out of nowhere. And you made me feel better.”
“Not enough to tell me what was going on,” Vince said.
That struck me, and for a second, I didn’t know what to say.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “You were there right after I got the papers from Grant and his parents.”
“But I didn’t have any idea what was going on,” he said. “You never told me anything about Remy or Grant—in fact, you still haven’t. Everything I know, I know from Nick. You never bothered to tell me what happened and why you kept everything a secret. Remy’s amazing. Why would you not want to tell people about him?”
I drew in a shaking breath. “I don’t trust easily. It’s just not part of who I am. And it only got worse after Grant. Aside from Nick, I don’t really let people know me. I don’t want to give them the control or the power over me by letting them close to my life.”
Vince nodded, emotion stronger in his eyes now. “Exactly. You couldn’t trust me. Even as we were getting closer. Even as my feelings were getting stronger and I thought things were really building between us, you didn’t trust me. You didn’t open up to me. I didn’t even know you had a son, then I find out he has these needs you’ve been trying to manage, and his father has custody and doesn’t want you to see him. You didn’t want me to know. Or you didn’t care if I did.”
“Of course I cared,” I said. “If I didn’t want you to know, I wouldn’t have said anything while you were there. I would have told Nick not to tell you anything. I knew he would fill you in on everything.”
“It wasn’t for him to tell me. I wanted to hear it from you. Then you didn’t even call me when Remy went into the hospital. I waited at your apartment for hours and then went home and just kept worrying about you. It wasn’t until I called Nick that I found out what was going on. Because, of course, you told him,” Vince said.
I scoffed incredulously. “Are you telling me you’re envious of your brother? You’re jealous because I was in a moment of panic and terror and I called Nick? The person I knew would be able to handle the staff at my bar, and was my emergency contact, and would call you?”
“Yeah I am. It made me question the role I’m playing in your li
fe. Then I saw Grant and he was obviously trying to butter you up. My feelings for you were getting very strong, and I wasn’t sure what to do about them,” he said.
There was really nothing else for me to do in that moment but laugh. It was just so absurd, there was no other reaction I could have.
“You were having feelings for me and didn’t know how to handle them?” I asked. “So your idea was to run away? Just not say anything to me, not answer any of my calls, and disappear? Aren’t you, like, ten years older than me?” I shook my head. “Grow up.”
The possibility of me bringing up my pregnancy during that conversation disappeared. I couldn’t talk to him about that right now. Not after that excuse. Without waiting for him to say anything else, I hopped out of the truck and went to my car. I could understand that me not telling him elements of my life hurt him and he wished I opened up more. That made sense. But he should have asked. He should have brought it up to me and let me know what he was feeling.
I didn’t have time for him if he was going to hide when he had an emotion. There were so many other things I needed to handle. I couldn’t be expected to drag him into accepting his feelings, too.
35
Vince
The truck door slamming behind Lindsey was like an explosion, and for a second, I could barely think. I couldn’t believe that just happened. It was my fault we hadn’t spoken in weeks, but I didn’t expect our first conversation to be like that. It wasn’t supposed to force a mirror in front of my face to make me recognize the fault that lay in my lap.
The thing was, Lindsey was right. As much as I didn’t want to hear it and even more didn’t want to acknowledge it, what she said just before storming out of the truck and leaving me behind was absolutely accurate. I was being ridiculous. Almost forty years old, I was still acting like a scared teenager. It was an absurd excuse, and she had called me out on it.
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