Stand: A Bleeding Stars Stand-Alone Novel

by A. L. Jackson

  I looked up at him. “It meant everything. But God, the girl has to hate me. The way I handled it was…shitty. She was begging me to give her a chance and I refused to.”

  Fuck. What did I do?

  Ash cracked a grin. “Well, you kinda lost practice with the ladies. What else could she expect?”

  “Better than that,” I mumbled.

  “Then I guess we’d better show her better than that,” Shea said.

  A smirk stretched across Tamar’s red lips. “I’m thinking I like this idea. Looks like we have some work to do.”

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Alexis

  I jumped when the doorbell rang. I shook off the flickers of fear that threatened to take residence in my spirit. It would be so easy to succumb to it, to the memories of the trauma of that day.

  But I…

  I wanted to live.

  Every day. Every moment.

  I didn’t want to be afraid.

  Too much time was wasted on regret.

  “Coming,” I called as I crossed the floor. I hoisted up onto my toes to peer out the peephole.

  A shocked gasp blew from my lungs, and I stumbled back, blinking as I tried to process what anxiously waited for me on the other side. Wondering if I was hallucinating.

  My heart rate kicked when it rang again.

  Quickly, I worked through the lock, both eager and wary as I opened the door. “What’s going on?”

  A hand came out to push against my door.

  “Alexis, just the girl we wanted to see,” Shea said as she walked in as if she’d been there a million times. Kallie’s hand was wound in hers, the little girl bouncing in excitement as they stepped inside.

  I stepped back. Confused and stunned and fighting the thrill that began to whip through my spirit.

  Tamar strode in behind her, wearing a pair of super high red heels and the tightest black leather pants I’d ever seen. She shot me a playful wink as she passed, a garment bag slung over a shoulder and her baby girl hitched to her opposite hip.

  “What…?” I couldn’t find the words to even finish the question.

  Edie angled by carrying Sadie, her face almost full of an apology as she dipped her head, though she was wearing the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  Willow touched my arm as she entered, sympathy in her expression and compassion in her eyes. “We’re sorry for just barging in…we wouldn’t do it under normal circumstances.”

  Normal circumstances? If it weren’t for the mischief and excitement playing in their eyes, I would have already sunken to my knees in dread, thinking something terrible had to have happened for them to knock on my door.

  Instead, I was latching onto their vibe, teeth hooking into my bottom lip as my heart beat faster and faster.

  “Someone tell me what’s going on,” I finally managed.

  Jumping in place, Kallie flapped her arms. “You have to get ready. We’re going to make you so, so pretty!”

  Amused, Shea grinned at her daughter. “I think she’s already so pretty.”

  She turned back to me, eyeing me as if she were gauging my reaction. “We’re just going to put her in an extra special dress, aren’t we?”

  My gaze frantically jumped over the women standing in my living room.

  Women who I’d considered friends. Women I’d hazarded daydreaming could one day be family. Women I’d thought I’d never see again.

  Now they were staring back at me in both sympathy and anticipation.

  My fingers trembled, and I wrung them together. “Someone please tell me what’s happening.”

  Shea nudged Kallie, and Kallie grinned at her before she bounced forward, drawing attention to the card in her hand.

  “This is for you,” she whispered as if it were a secret.

  My chest squeezed, so tightly I rasped in a breath.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly as I warily accepted it, my hands shaking as I read my name scrawled in masculine script across the envelope.

  I swallowed around the lump that grew prominent at the base of my throat.

  My heart throbbing and my breaths shallow.

  Fingers fumbling, I turned it over and broke the seal, pulling out the flat card inside.

  I scanned what was printed on the front.

  My pulse jumped into a frantic thunder, an overpowering drum I could feel beating in my ears and strumming through my veins.

  It was a print of a constellation.

  Lyra.

  The Harp.

  Beauty and music.

  Stamped below it was the name of a music hall downtown and the time indicated 9:00 pm.

  Love bounded around me. Memories of the boy and his beauty as he’d sat at the piano. This man who’d captured me with every brilliant part of his mind and the sacrifice in his soul.

  “Zee,” I whispered. A question. A statement.

  Taking a step forward, Shea gave one slow nod. “He would be honored if you would attend his first piano concert in seven years.”

  I gasped around the magnitude of it, struck by relief and belief.

  But that self-preservation I could rarely find was right there, whispering the pain he’d left behind.

  “I don’t…” The words trembled free. Reservations and doubt.

  Shea blinked knowingly. “Most of us rarely do, Alexis. We don’t know and we can never be sure. We only have the chances we’re given.”

  “I think you should at least go and listen. You might like what he has to say,” Willow urged, words laden with encouragement.

  “I—” I gulped, a shiver racing through my being, the feeling at odds with the hope that spiked in my spirit.

  Tamar smiled at me, soft for a girl who seemed so utterly hard. “Love’s a gamble, Alexis. The question is, are you willing to take the risk?”

  No fear. Just life.

  I bit down on my bottom lip that quivered, fighting the well of moisture that threatened my eyes. A smile pulled to my mouth. “Let’s see that dress.”

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Alexis

  Two hours later, I was in the back of a limo with all the women of Sunder. We inched down a busy, narrow street in historic downtown Los Angeles as I fidgeted with the plunging neckline of my dress.

  My hair was coiled in a soft twist, wavy pieces falling down around my face, and the heels I wore were higher than anything I’d ever chanced stepping out in before.

  And this dress…

  This dress…

  It was gorgeous and outrageous, lined in tiny blue sequins that somehow didn’t come across as tacky but instead sexy and elegant.

  I felt beautiful…and terrified. I had no idea what was waiting for me at the end of the night. The only thing I knew was the girls were right. I had to take this chance. Life was meant to be lived, and I always, always wanted to live mine to the fullest.

  By saving me, Zee had ensured I had those chances to take, so I was taking one more on him.

  City lights flashed from a dazzling array of blinking signs boasting the best night life.

  Nervous anticipation clawed beneath the surface of my skin as the limo slowed and came to a stop in front of the old movie palace that hailed from the thirties.

  An old-style vertical sign hung from its ornate exterior, the box office tucked beneath the marquee that danced with large twinkling bulbs.

  A thrill tumbled through my body, and I sucked in a breath as I peered out the window.

  I gasp out a small, surprised laugh when the back door swung open, and Ash suddenly ducked his head inside, extending a hand my direction.

  “Madam,” he exaggerated with a bow. He was wearing a pair of snug black dress slacks and a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up his forearms, the outfit paired with suspenders.

  A giggle slipped free as I looked around at all the women staring back at me with smiles on their faces before I accepted his hand and allowed him to help me down onto the sidewa
lk. A cool breeze kissed my skin, and a shiver of chills lifted as I stared at the theatre.

  “Have fun!” a chorus of voices called before the limo door slammed shut behind me. I jerked to look over my shoulder as it began to slowly pull from the curb.

  “Aren’t they coming?”

  Ash shot me a smirk as he extended me an elbow. “Nah, darlin’. I think this might be an exclusive kind of viewing.”

  Oh God.

  My heart sped as awareness took hold.

  This was for me.

  For us.

  My knees were shaking as Ash led me toward the single door that was propped open. The box office windows were closed and the silence was thick and profound as we stepped into the lobby.

  Maybe I should have realized something was up when none of the women had changed when they’d gotten me ready. I’d been too wrapped up in what was about to happen. This moment significant.

  Critical.

  Another beginning or a permanent end.

  I sucked in an awed breath at the opulence when we stepped inside.

  The lobby was at least six stories high and crystal chandeliers hung from their heights. Pillars rose on all sides and murals lined the walls, the carvings ornate and elaborate. A grand staircase ascending to the balconies rested in the middle, and the stairs were covered in the same red-and-gold tapestry as the floors.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered.

  Ash patted my hand. “No need to be nervous, darlin’.”

  “How could I not be?”

  He guided us to the side of the stairs and toward the main entry to the auditorium floor.

  “Think it’s safe to say our boy is about as nervous as they come, so you’re in good company.”

  The auditorium was just as lavish as the lobby. The walls were a stunning display of architecture and art, lined with coved balcony seats that jutted out in welcome of the performance, and the rows of seats taking up the floor were covered in plush maroon velvet and edged in gold.

  But none of that held my attention.

  The only thing I could see was the Grand piano that sat in the middle of the stage. It was bathed in the warm wash of spotlights perfectly angled to capture the bench where the pianist would sit.

  I struggled for a breath when we made it halfway down the middle aisle.

  “You okay?” Ash asked.

  I forced myself to nod.

  “Where would you like to sit?” He waved a hand out over the empty seats. “House is yours.”

  “Right here is good.” I couldn’t bring myself to get any closer.

  Not without being completely consumed by this brilliant boy.

  Ash’s mouth tweaked in a knowing smile before he released me, murmuring, “Enjoy the show,” with another bow.

  Anxiously, I eased into a seat.

  Movement caught my eye to the right of the stage. I leaned forward, captured by an expectation unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

  Zee.

  Zee.

  The bold, gorgeous man slowly made his way out onto the stage.

  Confident. Owning the space as if he’d never stepped away.

  I swore, he was the most intriguing man I’d ever seen.

  He wore an outfit identical to Ash’s, his pants fitted, sleeves rolled up those arms and exposing the ink etched into his skin. His head was tilted down, his face hidden beneath the shadow drawn by the lock of hair guarding his expression.

  But I could feel it. The emotion that rippled through the auditorium like a shockwave.

  Annihilating everything in its path.

  I sucked in a ragged breath. The air thinned.

  Tears gathered in my eyes as I watched him take a seat at the place where he’d always belonged.

  Clearing his throat, he looked out into the darkness.

  Without a doubt, I was cast in shadows. Hidden.

  But it didn’t matter.

  That bronze gaze found me. Penetrating and piercing.

  My stomach tightened as I felt everything gather to a pinpoint.

  Waiting on a moment.

  For this moment.

  He settled his fingers on the keys.

  A shudder captured his body and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

  Shivers flushed across my skin when his powerful voice struck the air.

  “When I was a little boy, I made a million wishes that one day I’d get to sit right here. On a stage just like this. I couldn’t imagine anything better than people piling in to hear me play, thinking I might have the chance to affect them the same way the music affected me.”

  My body shifted forward, drawn to him through the hazy distance.

  “And I’d had that dream right in the palm of my hands. Already becoming a reality. But I fucked it all away.” The words grated from his mouth. “The day my brother died, a piece of me died, too. And that music, Alexis? That music that had been there since the day I was born was silenced. I couldn’t hear it. Couldn’t feel it anymore. It left this vacancy inside me that I’d accepted as a reminder of what I’d done. Welcomed it as a punishment for what I’d cost my brother. That silent echo the price for what I owed him.”

  His thick throat bobbed heavily as he swallowed. “For seven years, I tried to fill his shoes. Did everything in my power to make it up to him when I knew nothin’ I did would ever be enough. But I was committed to seeing it through anyway. I never expected anything to change. Not ever. I’d been happy to live out this life sentence if it meant protecting a little boy who’d become the entire meaning of my life.”

  His jaw clenched, and he pulled in a deep breath as I battled to draw one of my own.

  “Then there was this girl…this brilliant girl who’d needed me in one of the darkest moments of her life.” His voice deepened in sincerity. “I’d thought it was chance, finding her that way, rushing in to save her and having no clue what it was I was saving her from.”

  His fingers pressed down, playing a single chord.

  It resonated through my being, the beat of my heart turning erratic.

  “I was terrified when I realized when I was with her I could feel it again. Music. Strains of a song that had been silenced for so many years.”

  My insides clenched.

  Oh God. This boy. This brilliant boy.

  “It didn’t take me long to realize it was her song,” he continued, voice rough. “That she was the music. That she was the harmony behind it that stirred my spirit and itched my fingers to play.”

  His mouth tweaked at the corner, a broken bow of sadness and a crest of hope. “I was terrified of her because she represented everything I couldn’t have. Because she made me want the things that had been missing. Because she filled the spaces that had been empty and filled me with song.”

  My hands went to my thundering heart, as if it might stand the chance of keeping it from beating from its confines.

  Regret poured from his mouth. “I hurt her because I was a coward, thinking again I didn’t deserve something so right. Something so good. Thinking maybe I was being selfish if I asked her to stay.”

  His head slowly shook as he played another echoing chord. “But I realized I don’t want that silence in my life. I want the beauty. I want the music. God, Alexis, I want to live. And I know every time I turn around, I fuck things up. Make the wrong decision. But I know sitting here tonight, I’m finally making the right one. I should have said these things all along, and I hope maybe there’s a chance you’ll hear them tonight. I hope maybe…maybe you’ll listen.”

  Emotion rushed me. Wave after wave, joy and pain as I watched Zee turn to the piano. His eyes dropped closed and his expression hardened.

  A mesmerizing intensity. Deep and real.

  It lifted and rose as his fingers began to move across the keys.

  The sound strummed through my body like a caress.

  His masterful fingers weaved that same web of beauty, the same maze of sorrow, that had staggered me the first day I’d come to his loft.
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br />   The impact of it slammed me. The energy pulsed and lapped, incited by the talented stroke of his hands as they danced across the keys.

  That day back at his loft, I’d wanted to beg him to sing the lyrics. To let me hear what this sad, mesmerizing song meant. I’d wanted to know. To understand.

  And now he was offering it to me.

  His voice was both smooth and rough. It skated my skin like desire. Like relief.

  Live my life in silence

  A razor-sharp edge

  Easy destruction my surrender

  Fractured honor my sacrifice

  I cast my dreams upon the stars

  Then turned and left them there

  I choked over a tiny sob as he allowed me into a place he’d never allowed me before.

  As he let me glimpse inside.

  Let me into that place where he kept his secrets and his pain.

  His voice lifted and the song took a turn, rising into the chorus that penetrated the air.

  Written in the skies

  Bleeding stars and broken hearts

  Scattered wishes and shattered dreams

  That’s exactly what I felt.

  Shattered.

  Consumed by this broken heart I could feel him healing with each of his words.

  His voice drove deep again, slowing as he hit the second verse.

  Never knew you were strewn

  Right there with them

  Burning bright and healing life

  Starshine in my eyes

  Now I'm blinded

  Starshine.

  I blinked around the tears that filled my eyes, unable to hold them back as this beautiful man’s powerful voice reverberated through the auditorium.

  Written in the skies

  Bleeding stars and broken hearts

  Scattered wishes and shattered dreams

  Questions and uncertainty threaded into the passion of his song as he again slowed, the sound coming from the piano growing quiet as his voice tilted into a raspy plea.

  You say there’s nothing to fear