William Shakespeare's Star Wars Trilogy
Page 23
SCENE 5.
Bespin, the cloud city.
Enter CHEWBACCA, with C-3PO’s parts.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh.
C-3PO
[being reconnected:]—Stormtroopers? In Bespin? I am shot!
[Chewbacca disconnects C-3PO and tries to reconnect him again.
CHEWBAC.
Egh!
C-3PO
—O, ’tis better! That is quite improv’d.
But hold, for something is not right: my eyes—
I cannot see.
[Chewbacca adjusts C-3PO.
Now that is mended, aye.
Yet wait, I now am backward—head is back
And front’s reverse and all has gone awry!
Is this a Wookiee’s notion of a joke?
Thou stupid, senseless beast!
CHEWBAC.
[laughing:] —Gihut, gihut!
C-3PO
Thou furball wretched! Mophead ignorant!
[Chewbacca switches off C-3PO.
Enter HAN SOLO, carried by STORMTROOPERS, who drop him and exit.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh, auugh!
HAN
—O, Chewie, I’m in agony—
My ev’ry bone and sinew cries with pain.
Enter PRINCESS LEIA.
LEIA
What have they done to you, my noble man?
And what can be their purpose, dost thou know?
HAN
’Twas torture unlike any I have known,
For never any questions did they ask.
Instead, with silent mouths and darting eyes
They fix’d me solidly unto a seat
And lower’d me unto a mechanism.
At first ’twas like a searing heat that rac’d
From skin to bone and back again. Then sparks
Flew out, upon my chest and neck and face,
Such fire as though a hundred blasters spread
Their shots across my body or, perhaps,
As though a million tiny lightsabers
Did prick and dance their way about my skin.
All this they did, but ne’er made inquiry,
Ne’er ask’d me whence we came or where we go,
Ne’er ask’d about the rebels’ rendezvous.
No information they did seek to know,
It only seem’d they wish’d to bring me pain.
I tell thee, ’twas far worse and terrible
Than if they had sought answers from my blood.
But this demented evil shakes my soul,
For wherefore torture without questioning?
Enter LANDO, with GUARDS.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh, egh, auugh!
HAN
—Get thee hence now, Lando.
LANDO
—Tut!
Attend my voice, for this ye both should hear:
Darth Vader hath giv’n word that he will turn
Both Leia and Chewbacca o’er to me.
HAN
What dost thou mean by “o’er to me”? Thou knave!
I would not turn a rival o’er to thee,
Much less the ones belovèd by my heart.
LANDO
They must stay here, but will, at least, be safe.
’Twas not my choice—I have no say in this.
’Tis Vader who doth pull the strings, and we
Are but the puppets with which he doth play.
LEIA
And what of Han?
LANDO
—Darth Vader shall give him
O’er to the bounty hunter.
LEIA
—Vader doth
Desire that all of us are dead.
LANDO
—He wants
You not at all. He searches for someone
Called Skywalker.
HAN
—Aye, Luke—thou meanest Luke!
LANDO
Lord Vader set a trap for him to fall.
LEIA
And we are but the bait by which he’s caught.
LANDO
The trap shall soon be sprung, for Skywalker
Is on his way, e’en now.
HAN
—This villainy
Thou hast arrang’d is all too perfect. Fie!
[Han Solo strikes Lando but is quickly restrained by guards.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
LANDO
—Cease! I have done all that I may do.
For certain I am sorry I could not
Do better yet than this, but I do have
Enough vexations here.
HAN
—O, thou great man!
Thou art a hero, and thy tale shall e’er
Upon the lips of lesser folk be told.
Throughout all history it shall be writ:
“Behold, great Lando of Calrissian,
A man who ever serv’d his comrades well.”
LANDO
[aside:] This stings my soul, yet no more can I do
Than hold my head up high, and plan what’s next.
[Exeunt Lando and guards.
LEIA
My soldier, O my heart, thy fire doth blaze!
Thy skill with others ne’er doth cease t’amaze.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 1.
Bespin, the cloud city.
Enter UGNAUGHTS 1, 2, and 3, singing.
UGN. 3
The time is ripe!
UGN. 1
His time is nigh!
UGN. 2
And soon he will be frozen!
UGN. 1
We’ve never done—
UGN. 2
This on a man—
UGN. 3
But someone’s now been chosen!
UGN. 2
A merry prank!
UGN. 3
O shall it work?
UGN. 1
Or will the man be dying?
UGN. 3
What’er befall—
UGN. 1
One thing is sure—
UGN. 2
The pleasure’s in the trying!
[Exeunt Ugnaughts.
Enter LANDO, LOBOT, DARTH VADER, and BOBA FETT.
VADER
A perfect touch this is, to freeze Skywalker.
The plan is perfect—he who hath destroy’d
The Death Star shall be packag’d as a gift.
But now, let us inspect the details. Aye,
This crude contraption should be adequate
To put this vexing Skywalker on ice
Ere his deliv’ry to the Emperor.
Enter IMPERIAL SOLDIER.
SOLDIER
Lord Vader—there’s a ship that doth approach,
An X-wing class.
VADER
—’Tis well. Watch Skywalker,
Allow his landing, let him hither come.
[Exit Imperial soldier.
LANDO
Lord Vader, this facility has ne’er
Been us’d for humans, only carbon freezing.
If thou dost put him in this vast machine
It may not freeze him, but may mean his death.
VADER
This is a point that I consider’d not.
It seems, Calrissian, that thou dost learn
To be obedient unto thy Lord.
’Tis well, and it is in thine interest.
I do not wish him harm’d; the Emperor
Shall not enjoy a damag’d prize. So shall
Another stand for him to be a test—
We shall make Captain Solo undergo
The freezing process first, to test its pow’r.
FETT
My Lord, although his death would bring me
joy, it doth not pay. Jabba, like thine Emperor,
giveth no fees for damag’d goods. I prithee,
what shall happen if the man doth die? What
then, for Boba Fett?
VADER
> Fear not, thy hunt shall have its bounty still.
Thou shalt be compensated if he dies.
Enter HAN SOLO, CHEWBACCA, PRINCESS LEIA, and C-3PO (attached to Chewbacca’s back), all guarded.
C-3PO
[to Chewbacca:] I almost fully am restor’d to my
Old self, except thy work is not complete.
If thou had but attach’d my legs, I would
Not yet remain in this position rare!
I prithee, good Chewbacca, do recall
That I am thy responsibility—
Do not in any instance foolish be!
HAN
[to Lando:] Pray tell, O dearest friend, what is at hand?
LANDO
Thou shalt be plac’d in total carbon freeze.
HAN
[aside:] The news of my grim fate doth chill my blood.
O, how I once thought Hoth was cold and bleak,
Yet now I pine for all its balmy plains.
VADER
Now, put him in!
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
[Chewbacca fights guards and slays three of them.
HAN
—Chewie, stop, I pray!
C-3PO
Alas, yes, stop! I am not set to die!
HAN
This cannot help me, brave Chewbacca, nay.
I prithee, save thy strength to fight again.
Attend me now: the princess—thou must be
Her strength, her stay, her guard, her confidence:
These things that I no longer can bestow.
LEIA
O, I do love thee wholly, Han.
HAN
—I know.
[Han is placed into the machine and emerges in a frozen block.
C-3PO
Pray, turn around, Chewbacca, let me see.
O, he in carbonite hath been encas’d—
He should be well protected, if he hath
Surviv’d the freezing process.
VADER
—Make report,
Calrissian, is he alive?
LANDO
—He is,
And rests in perfect hibernation here.
VADER
The prize is thine now, bounty hunter Fett.
Take him to Jabba, with my gratitude.
FETT
[aside:] Aye, prize, indeed, and worthy of
the wait. To Tatooine I fly, with expectation
of payment great.
VADER
Reset the chamber for young Skywalker—
He shall the next a’freezing undergo.
Enter IMPERIAL SOLDIER.
SOLDIER
Skywalker’s ship hath just made landing, Lord.
VADER
’Tis well, and be thou sure he hither comes—
Put him upon the path that leads him here.
[Exit Imperial soldier.
Calrissian, take thou the princess and
The Wookiee to my ship, and there remain.
LANDO
Nay, thou didst say they would in Bespin dwell—
With me, under my supervision keen.
How canst thou bargain thus? ’Tis always thy
Side of the deal that doth improve. What shalt
Thou give to me to make this deal worthwhile?
VADER
Seek not to deal thyself a winning hand.
The Empire shall not e’er play by thy rules.
By my command, the deal is alterèd.
In all thy orisons thou mayst yet plead
The deal no further alterèd will be.
[Exeunt Darth Vader and Boba Fett. Chewbacca and Princess Leia sing a song of lament.
CHEWBAC.
[sings:] Auugh, egh, auugh, auugh egh. Auugh, muh, muh,
Egh, egh, auugh, egh, egh, muh, muh.
Auugh, auugh, egh, auugh, muh, egh, muh, muh,
Muh, wroshyr, wroshyr, wroshyr.
LEIA
[sings:] Full fathom five my lover lies,
Within an icy tomb,
They say he lives, yet my heart dies,
Sing wroshyr, wroshyr, wroshyr.
CHEWBAC.
[sings:] Egh, auugh, auugh, auugh, egh, egh, muh, muh,
Auugh, egh, egh, auugh, auugh, muh, muh.
Egh, auugh, auugh, grrm, auugh, egh, muh, muh,
Muh, wroshyr, wroshyr, wroshyr.
LEIA
[sings:] Now he is gone, and so’s my life,
All frozen in a moment.
He my seiz’d lov’d one, I his strife,
Sing wroshyr, wroshyr, wroshyr.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 2.
Bespin, the cloud city.
Enter LUKE SKYWALKER, with R2-D2 behind.
LUKE
Yes, now am I in Bespin—more fool I,
For though my feelings say this is the place,
I know not yet for certain if it be.
My friends I have not heard from, hide nor hair,
And yet the Force doth call in clearest tones
As if to say: “Here lies thy destiny!”
[Luke sees Bespin guards carrying Han Solo.
But wait, what’s this? Procession most sincere,
And with such maimèd rites? This doth betoken
The corpse they follow was an enemy.
These Bespin guards do make odd pallbearers;
This scene is verily a sign of ill.
Enter BOBA FETT, shooting at Luke. Luke shoots back. Exit Boba Fett.
Aha! It seems that I expected am—
This then must be the place my vision saw.
The Force hath led me here by prophet’s hand—
I shall pursue the fiend most ardently,
Belike he shall lead me unto my mates.
[Exeunt Luke and R2-D2.
Enter CHEWBACCA, PRINCESS LEIA, and LANDO, with GUARDS and BOBA FETT.
LANDO
These blasts and great commotion indicate
Skywalker’s recent advent unto Bespin.
This great upheaval his arrival makes
Doth grant me the diversion that I seek
To call upon my man-at-arms for help.
[Lando presses buttons on his wrist communicator.
Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and R2-D2. Boba Fett shoots again.
LEIA
O Luke, pray fly! ’Tis but a trap! A trap!
Flee now, dear friend, ere thou art captur’d too.
LUKE
But what is this? ’Tis Leia in distress!
Yet here, beset by blasts, I’ll not prevail.
[Exit Luke Skywalker under fire, with R2-D2 behind him. Exit Boba Fett.
Enter LOBOT with ARMED BATTALION.
CHEWBAC.
Auugh!
LANDO
—Aye, well done, my aide! Pray, put them in
The tower most secure, and be ye quiet!
LOBOT
. . .
[Exeunt Lobot with battalion and Imperial guards.
LEIA
[aside:] O, will he play the hero now? A fig!
[To Lando:] What is in thy imagination, man?
LANDO
We shall depart at once.
[He releases the bands from Chewbacca’s hands.
C-3PO
[aside:] —I knew ’twas thus,
A regular misunderstanding.
[Chewbacca begins to choke Lando.
CHEWBAC.
—Auugh!
LANDO
[choking:] I had no choice!
C-3PO
—What is this foolishness?
Pray, trust him!
LEIA
—Aye, we understand, thou knave,
Thou didst have neither choice nor will to act.
Thou brute! Imperi’l officers act by
Their Lord’s command and blind obedience,
The bounty hunter is well paid for his
Nefari’us actions, e’en Darth Vader and
The Emperor are f
ully driven by
Their power, aye! But shalt thou say thou hadst
No choice? What lily-liver’d weak excuse
Is this? At least assume thy stature as
A man, and here confess thy shameful deeds!
We’ll give thee opportunity to ’fess
Thy wrongs before thou diest at Chewie’s hand.
LANDO
[choking:] I did but try to help.
LEIA
—We do not need
Thy help, thou whoreson, senseless villain!
LANDO
[choking:] —Han!
LEIA
What didst thou say?
C-3PO
—It sounded like a “Han!”
LANDO
[choking:] There may yet be a chance we can save Han.
The bounty hunter’s ship, the platform east.
LEIA
Pray, Chewie, let him go.
[Chewbacca releases Lando. He and Princess Leia begin to walk away, followed by Lando.
C-3PO
—My ferventest
Apologies for this, good Sir. See, he
Is but a Wookiee, ignorant and plain.
Enter BOBA FETT on balcony, with Guards and the frozen body of HAN SOLO.
FETT
Now put him in the cargo hold. Who now
hath been victorious, Solo? Who is the winner
clear? And as the victor, so go the spoils. Jabba’s
bounty and his great pleasure shall I enjoy when
I arrive with thee on Tatooine. I shall become a
courtier in the palace of the Hutts ere this is