by Helen Goltz
She calmed down a little.
‘You seemed familiar with that other girl, what was her name?’
‘Holly,’ Timo answered. ‘She was interesting. But no, I didn’t know for sure, but I always suspected the necklace might have been stolen during the war. It’s only right it should go back.’
‘Insurance won’t cover that. We’ll get nothing for it.’
‘And your family probably paid nothing for it,’ Timo reminded her. ‘But it’s not about money, is it?’
‘No,’ she said. Astrid narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice with anger. ‘Tell me this, Timo. If you found out that the violin that you love and that your dad bought you and mortgaged his house to buy, was stolen, would you willingly give it back with no compensation? You couldn’t pay your dad back and you’d be without an instrument that you love. How would you feel about that?’
‘I’d be upset and angry,’ Timo agreed.
‘Exactly,’ she cut in.
‘But,’ he had her attention, ‘I’d feel for the people it was stolen from because they’d feel the same way. The punishable person is the one we should all be angry at. In your case, who is that?’ Timo asked.
‘Well, we don’t know that it was my great-grandfather. He might have bought it from whoever confiscated it, but he’s no thief.’
‘Of course he isn’t,’ Timo said, pacifying her. ‘Lots of things were done in wartime that we could justify against the enemy.’
‘Exactly,’ she said, putting the letter back in her handbag and shaking her head.
‘But the war is over,’ Timo said.
A homecoming
It was much cooler when Holly came home than it was when she left earlier. The wind chill numbed her body and the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks chilled her more. Hurriedly, she unlocked the front door and entered, shivering. She placed her bag on the desk, looked up and gave a small yelp, stepping back in fright. Alexander was sitting on a chair at the table.
‘Sorry, I thought you’d be used to me by now,’ he said, with a smile.
She took her hand from her heart and breathed out, then moved to sit down opposite him. ‘Welcome back – and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to your random appearances!’
‘You’re cold,’ he stated.
‘It’s chilly out there.’ She stood and excused herself for a moment, raced up the stairs for a sweatshirt and returned, delighted to see him still there. She sat opposite and studied him.
‘I’m so glad you’re back, I missed having you around,’ she said, and smiled.
‘Really?’ he asked, surprised.
‘Of course. Are you okay?’
He sighed. ‘I wasn’t, but I’m getting there. I was angry at Andy, then I blamed myself for being weak and not leaving the squad when Meghan wanted me to… I’ve been going through it, over and over.’
‘I knew you would be,’ Holly said.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Holly laced her fingers to warm up, shuffled in her chair and then, realising she was fidgeting, stopped and looked at the Sergeant.
‘I saw the letter you left for me,’ he said.
Holly nodded. ‘I can’t believe it. I’ve been through the full gamut of emotions, too.’
He gave a grateful smile.
‘So here we are then,’ she said. ‘Is it time to see Meghan?’
‘I don’t know,’ Alexander confessed. ‘I want her to know this, but if I put her through all the emotions I’ve been through this week, then is that wrong? Should I just let her live peacefully now? Did they tell her I was a mole and that’s why she has never visited? Or was she just so angry at me for not getting out of the job?’ He sighed. ‘I’m not thinking straight. What do you think?’
‘I’ve tried to look at this from a few different perspectives,’ Holly said. ‘I’m only a few years younger than you were when you died –’
‘Bloody hell, I’ve never thought of that,’ Alexander said, cutting her off.
‘Weird, huh? But I can honestly say that if I lost my husband in circumstances that I couldn’t explain, I’d never really rest until I found out the answer.’
‘Okay,’ he said, taking that on board. ‘So are you saying that because Meg never came back here, it means she bought the official line?’
Holly grimaced. ‘Well, we don’t know what she was told, but I’d be surprised if she was told you were a mole… you’d be her hero, I imagine, if that was the case.’
Alexander made a scoffing sound.
‘I’d say she was told you died in the tension that night, the crossfire. Perhaps she never thought to question it, and coming back without you was too hard.’ Holly watched his reaction. ‘That’s how I’d feel. But I’d still want to know the truth if it was different from the version I was holding on to.’
‘Even after all these years?’ he asked.
‘Yes. Wouldn’t you?’
‘I’m on the fence. What difference will it make now?’
‘It’s not unlike Esther’s situation,’ Holly said. ‘She could have let that necklace go, just decided that it was history, but she couldn’t because it was something that connected her to her father and mother. I bet you that Meghan will feel the same, even after all these decades. She will want to know because she has this connection with you and has probably always harboured some anger or frustration that you were there in the first place.’
‘I died when I was twenty-nine,’ Alexander said. ‘Meghan must now be about mid-seventies,’ he calculated. ‘Four decades is a long time to stew.’
‘She’ll want to know, I’m sure,’ Holly said. ‘But it is entirely your call.’
He thought about it for a moment, and then agreed. ‘I’d want to know.’
‘So, shall I contact Meghan and let her know I’ve found something out and ask if I can visit?’
Alexander agreed. ‘Let’s do it. I guess if she doesn’t want to know, we’ll be the first to hear it.’
Holly nodded. ‘You’ve never dropped in on her? Not once since you entered that world?’ Holly said, pointing towards heaven.
‘I’ve wanted to. But…’ he looked away, ‘I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing her again… you know.’
Holly nodded. She didn’t, but she could imagine.
‘You look a lot like her, you know,’ Alexander said, returning his gaze to Holly.
‘Do I?’ Holly smiled. She had seen the photos of Meghan and thought she was lovely. She was flattered. ‘So, we’re both cute then?’
She smiled and Alexander rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, I walked right into that, didn’t I? Apparently that’s my strength.’
His comment sobered Holly.
‘I’ll see if I can make contact then,’ she said, confirming that she was going to do it just in case Alexander wanted to change his mind at the last minute.
‘I’m ready,’ Alexander said.
Holly wasn’t sure if calling, emailing or writing was the best idea. She tried to place herself in Meghan’s shoes and decided an email or letter would be the best way to introduce herself and let Meghan react at her own pace to the shock. She decided not to message her on social media as they weren’t friends and she might never see the message. Holly read back over her earlier notes on Meghan – she was now seventy-five years old, a widow and her only child had also passed away. She found the information about Meghan being the coordinator of a painting group and she looked up their website.
‘Got you,’ she said aloud, but to herself. She glanced around but she was alone. The painting group had an email contact and it was Meghan.
Holly took a deep breath and drafted the initial contact email.
Dear Ms Austen,
I hope you are well. Our families are distantly connected, so please excuse this out-of-the-blue email. I debated whether to call or mail and thought it might be better for you to have some time to consider my words, rather than catching you out with a phone call. My name is Holly Hanlon and once you and your husband,
Sergeant Alexander Austen, rented Findlater House, which belonged to my grandmother. I’m now staying there myself. As part of my passion for piecing together stories, I have spent some time looking into Alexander’s death. My grandma thought so fondly of you both, I have heard. I imagine this email may be distressing for you, but, with the help of some very kind people, I have found out what officially happened to Alexander. It is water under the bridge, but the information might bring you some comfort, even if it may be initially distressing. Would you be open to me visiting so we can meet and talk?
With very best wishes
Holly Hanlon.
She included her email, phone number and address, then read the email a few more times before pressing “send”. And then she knew it was a waiting game.
The following morning, early, there was a knock on the door. Holly was still in her track wear after her run and looking slightly windblown. Alexander hadn’t surfaced yet.
Holly answered the door and found Esther – immaculately dressed as always – standing in the doorway with her bag and a small package.
‘I’m sorry to come so early,’ Esther said, ‘but I’ve just received a registered delivery, brought in person to me by a very official-looking man – it’s come.’
Holly gasped. ‘The Tender Heart?’
Esther nodded.
‘Please, come in, come in,’ Holly hurried Esther in. ‘I can’t believe it.’
Holly noticed the packaging was still sealed. ‘Esther, you haven’t opened it?’
‘No. I wanted us to do it together. You’ve earned that, my dear, and I need to have the support.’
Holly gently squeezed Esther’s arm as she placed the package on the kitchen table and the two of them leant over it.
‘I feel surprisingly nervous,’ Esther said, fanning herself.
‘I’m terrified,’ Holly admitted, ‘and excited.’
They looked at each other and smiled, and then they both pulled out a chair and sat. Esther slowly broke the seal around the packaging and removed a velvet jewellery box. She placed it between them and then opened it. The creamy pearls with the pink diamond heart rested on a red velvet base.
Esther gasped.
‘Oh my, welcome home!’ Holly said and tears filled her eyes.
Esther removed it and held it to the light. ‘The Tender Heart.’
They stared at the stunning necklace, recalling all it meant, all it represented.
‘Isn’t it beautiful?’ Esther whispered. ‘Made by my father for my mother. All I have left of them,’ she said. Esther, who was usually so stoic, also teared up, her voice choked.
‘May I?’ Holly asked, and Esther placed it in her hands.
Holly was awestruck. ‘It’s the most beautiful piece of jewellery I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe it’s home with you.’
‘I never thought I would live to see it come home,’ Esther said, and dabbed her eyes. She accepted it back and gently placed it in the felt-lined box. She turned to Holly.
‘Thank you, my dear,’ she said, taking Holly’s hands. Esther rose and Holly met her to embrace. Eventually, they pulled apart.
‘Have tea with me and tell me everything. How it arrived, how you felt when we opened it, what you are going to do now – if you know,’ Holly said, and Esther laughed.
Holly put the kettle on as Esther sat down again. Holly smiled at Alexander, who had appeared in the kitchen doorway when Esther wasn’t looking, but Esther did notice Holly’s glance and smile. Not much escaped her.
Time to meet Meghan
After a fun midday meeting with gothic Abby who had a quirky job she hoped Holly would take on – and she did – Holly came home to set up a file for the project. She logged into her laptop and saw two emails that excited her – one from Timo and the other was unexpected; it was from Meghan. Seeing Meghan’s name in her inbox gave her goosebumps; she looked around. After sending the email message to Meghan that morning, she had relaxed. She didn’t expect to hear from her for a few weeks, maybe a month, but a response had come back that very afternoon.
Do I call Alexander or read it first? She bit her lip as she sat and thought about it. Holly decided to read it first, just in case Meghan didn’t want to know about her deceased husband and then Holly could work out a strategy to break that to him gently.
She took a deep breath, opened the email, and read:
Dear Holly,
Well hello, it is a small world, isn’t it? I must say your message caused an avalanche of memories and emotions, which is why I’m responding so soon – and age… at my age, one doesn’t wait forever to make decisions. I am joking, of course, which you may not be able to tell given I’m typing. It’s been nearly forty years since Alex passed. I can’t believe it when the memories are so raw. Yes, my dear, I would be delighted to meet with you. We could talk on the phone if it were too far to come. But if you like a drive, would you care to meet me for morning tea this week or next? Perhaps we should have it at my home in case I become emotional and my make-up runs (joking again). Well, I’ll wait to hear from you, Holly.
All the best
Meghan.
‘Sergeant!’ Holly called out – she liked to use his official title if it required his immediate action, and he appeared a few seconds later.
‘What’s wrong? Spider? Rubbish need taking out?’ he asked, glancing around.
Holly rolled her eyes. ‘Oh ha-ha, you need to take a seat.’ She noticed his hesitation. ‘Please, Alex, it’s good, I promise.’
He slipped into a seat opposite her and leaned forward, giving her his full attention.
‘I’ve heard from Meghan.’
Alexander stilled.
‘It’s okay. She wants to see me, she wants to hear what really happened to you.’
He breathed out – not that he really needed to breathe – and lowered his head to the table. Holly bit her lower lip as she watched him, not sure what to do or what to say, if anything. So she stayed silent. Alexander remained that way for just a few seconds, then sat up and looked at Holly.
‘So, it means she can’t know the truth, and maybe she does care, after all,’ he said, and smiled just a little.
‘I’m sure she cares,’ Holly said. ‘She said the memories were really raw. I’ll read you my email to Meghan and her reply.’ Holly did so and then Alexander asked her to read it again.
‘When are we going?’ he asked.
Holly stopped dead, a trick she’d learnt from Alexander and stared at him.
‘You know those rules that we put in place when we visited Andy? The rules about not appearing, interfering, freaking out, making noises and –’
‘I get it.’ He cut her off. ‘I promise I won’t do that, not to Meghan.’
‘Not even if she is angry at you, or says something you want to defend or don’t want to hear? Like he was an idiot for being over there, she wanted to kill you herself, or…’ Holly softened, ‘she doesn’t understand how you could leave her?’
Alexander glanced down as the words hit him.
‘Alex?’
He returned his gaze to Holly. ‘You have my word.’
‘Then let’s go sooner rather than later.’
It was over. Timo knew it would not last forever, he’d known that almost from the start, but he was still saddened by the end of their relationship. It had been just over a year and there had been some fun times, but he and Astrid knew they were polar opposites. More to the point, Timo could not maintain the level of adoration required to keep Astrid. He didn’t want to socialise seven days a week and he didn’t want to be constantly in her social media feed. He didn’t want to be with someone who flirted outrageously, either to make him jealous or get a reaction, or because she just needed to feel good about herself. He loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her.
He sensed she needed and wanted more, too and they were both waiting for his week away with the orchestra to gauge how they felt on his return. And on his first night back it came to a head
in, of all places, her spa bath.
‘You know the necklace is gone,’ she said. ‘You weren’t here when they came to collect it, so…’ Her voice drifted off as though Timo could have saved it.
‘I would have been if I wasn’t on tour,’ Timo assured her.
She tightened her hair bun to keep her hair dry and off her neck. ‘It’s okay, a couple of friends came and supported me.’
Timo sighed. She hadn’t asked after the tour, or if it was a success, if he enjoyed it or played well.
‘So are you okay?’ he asked, dutifully.
‘I have no choice but to be.’
They soaked in silence for a while and finally Timo broached the subject.
‘Astrid, I love you. But we both know it’s not going to last. We’re not really right for each other, but hell, it’s been fun,’ he said, with a sad smile.
He caught her unawares. Astrid liked to be the one who called things off, the one in control.
‘You really want to do this now?’ she asked. ‘In here, in this intimate moment?’
Timo rose, strangely embarrassed now about being naked in front of her. He grabbed for the towel. ‘As good a moment as any, I imagine.’ He wrapped the towel around him, turned to Astrid and gave a little bow.
‘Thank you, Madame,’ he said, formerly, ‘for being part of the fabric of my life.’
His emotional words caught her off guard. She was going to say something scathing but she watched as he went through the door. Moments later, Timo was dressed and gathering his personal items, then he left her apartment for the last time.
And within a few hours, Astrid was out with friends, her social media feed showing what a wonderful time she was having, her status changed to single.
And so, too, was Timo – single, that is.
Closing a chapter of life