Eat, Slay, Love: A LitRPG/GameLit Adventure (The Good Guys Book 10)

by Eric Ugland

  But not Narfin.

  For whatever reason, she leapt in front of the bolt and took the hit.

  The woman screamed, her claw-like hands going to her face.

  I leapt over Narfin’s sizzling body and punched the dwarven woman right in the kisser.

  There was some crumplage, and a surprised look in the woman’s eyes as she tipped over, knocked, as the kids say, the fuck out.

  I took a half-second to make sure the woman was out before dropping next to Narfin.

  She was awake, but also out of it. Her eyes darted around in terror, and her breath came in short gasps.

  Instinctively I reached for my knapsack, but it was gone. I didn’t have any healing potions on me.

  But the others might.

  I darted towards Stripe and patted him down, finding a vial that looked similar to healing potions I’d seen in the past. I took it back to Narfin, flicked the cork out with my thumb, and poured it in her mouth.

  Her eyes went wide as she gulped it down, then she went rigid for a second, then closed her eyes, and passed out.

  I couldn’t tell what had happened to her.

  “She might live,” a voice said.

  I looked over to see a tall figure step out of the darkness, the snow melting around his cloven feet.

  “Depending...” the figure finished.

  67

  The approaching thing was tall. Twelve feet easy. But lithe. Slender limbs disappeared under finely wrought chain mail. The creature reached up and pulled off a helm I hadn’t even noticed in the darkness, and held it under one arm. Its face was human-like, just a bit larger and prettier. Masculine, with a fine dark mustache, and a lot of perfectly black hair.

  “The duke of Coggeshall, I take it,” the figure said.

  I nodded. “I am. And you?”

  “I am High Prince Xerkathad, ruler of the third circle of the third circle. That metal there,” he pointed at the infernium, “was to be mine.”

  “Not sure that deal’s going to happen anymore,” I said, stepping in front of the metal and making sure I was between Narfin and the devil.

  “It would seem there might be an issue there. Would you, perhaps, be interested in a new deal?”

  “No.”

  “You have yet to hear my offer.”

  “Not interested.”

  “Must be nice to want nothing.”

  “Only thing I want, you can’t give me.”

  “You would be surprised at the depth of my pockets, and what might be contained within. A lost loved one, perhaps?”

  I bit down on my cheek. A deal with the devil could only go wrong. I wasn’t about to go down that road. Especially because I knew the god of death was not keen on releasing those he’d taken.

  “You know,” I said, “I’m aiming to be polite here because you’ve been polite so far. I just don’t want anything right now. Not really. And the things you can offer aren’t things that would be useful, anyway. I appreciate you’re probably miffed at not getting this stuff, but I can’t afford to have the heavens mad at me right now.”

  “And the hells?” Xerkathad asked.

  “I figure we’re sitting in neutral territory,” I said. “Haven’t done anything for you or against you.”

  “I suppose there is a measure of truth there. Though I could argue—”

  “Let’s not go down that road right yet. You have more of the night to go, and so do I. I don’t want to have to get in another fight with a devil now.”

  “I would argue your killing of my brethren might be construed as actions against the Hells.”

  “Merely protecting myself and my people.”

  Long fingers stroked the long hair, and I felt icky just watching him.

  “I suppose,” he said. “There is one issue, however. These,” he gestured at Narfin’s mother and Stripe, “have already taken a measure of what they bargained for. They have used my powers. On you, for that matter. And others, of course. But they can’t exactly finish the deal if you refuse to pass over the metal.”

  “True.”

  “I want them.”

  “Them? Their souls?”

  “Yes.”

  “Not Narfin.”

  “She was part of the deal, your grace,” the prince said, eyes narrowing and starting to glow.

  “Maybe, but she’s not part of this deal. She’s sworn to me—”

  “And she betrayed that. She broke her oath, so you can break—”

  “Doesn’t work that way,” I said. “I don’t break my oaths.”

  “A man of integrity, then?”

  “That’d be the first time someone accused me of that.”

  “Then give her to me, and I will—”

  “You take the other three, and I’ll take the metal and the girl. We go our separate ways and neither of our blood will spill.”

  “You think you might best a high ptince of the hells?”

  “I’d say my odds are better than zero.”

  “Hrm,” he said. “It is a night of oddities. Would I could, I might find out where those odds are. And yet, your blood is already spoken for tonight. I agree to your terms, duke of Coggeshall.”

  “Wait, who’s spoken for my blood?”

  “And here I thought there was nothing I had you wanted?” He smiled a wide and gruesome smile. “Oh well!”

  His non-helm holding hand snapped out in a frightening blur. He picked up the two living dwarfs, the remains of the demon and the last dwarf, and shoved them all in a bag hanging from his belt. Then he put his helm back on, gave me a strange sort of salute, and slipped back into the darkness.

  I picked up Narfin gently and set her on the crates. Then I started heading back to Coggeshall with the sled.

  68

  Someone had shut the door. I started to knock, but I paused, looking down at Narfin.

  Her eyes were open, and she looked at me.

  “Feeling better?” I asked.

  “Not especially,” she replied.

  “In pain?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll get you to the healers in a second.”

  “Might be better if you just toss me over the side.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I betrayed you.”

  “A little, yes.”

  “A little? I—”

  “You also took a pretty brutal hit for me,” I interrupted. I neglected to tell her I probably wouldn’t have been hurt that badly by whatever magic had hit Narfin, since pointing out the pointlessness of her sacrifice was just a Grade-A dick move. “From your own mother, no less.”

  She looked away. After a second, she nodded slightly.

  “Why don’t you explain what was going on first? Then we can decide if you still want to go over the side of the mountain?”

  I took a knee in the snow next to her.

  “You know there are many dwarven clans, yes?” she replied.

  “Yup. I mean, I don’t know how many there are, but I get there are more than one.”

  “Harmut and his brother were the sons of the king. Harmut’s brother killed their father, and he took the crown.”

  “Is each clan led by a king?”

  “No. Usually a group of clans follows a single king.”

  “So there were multiple clans under this king?”

  “Yes, which makes it all the worse that Harmut led some clan members away to start a new home. Here.”

  “I got where the home was formed.”

  “It made Harmut’s brother beyond angry. Made him look weak to the other clans. They thought they didn’t need to bend the knee any longer. That, perhaps one of their clan leaders could take the crown of the Undermountains. There was a civil war, and it wound into a stalemate. Harmut’s Brother, Groorheas, knew he had to destroy his brother and this rogue clan. I was first sent here, with Thendan, to scout things out. I expected to find only dwarves here, to find a small flailing clan that would benefit from returning to our ancestral home.”

&nbs
p; “And instead you found an Imperial stronghold held by a gorgeous ruffian with golden locks and a welcoming smile?”

  “I found a group of disparate species working together to make a home for anyone who wanted one, led by a monster of a man who tended to bathe in blood and viscera almost daily.”

  “Might be the reason I have such great skin.”

  “I sincerely hope not. But you do have nice skin.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “It was not what I expected. Nor did I envision being welcomed into a smithy as an apprentice, certainly not by a human woman. Who was kind. Who taught me on day one. Who did not beat me for mistakes, but guided my hands so I might make everything better. It was a new experience, not only because I had never thought to be a smith, but because no one saw me as a dwarf. Or a girl. I was just Narfin, a member of Coggeshall. And you were different. I watched how you were more than willing to brave danger, to face death, than to ask any one of your followers to even be afraid. And thinking on Groorheas, who sat on his golden throne and sent others to die in his stead, I decided Harmut had made the right decision, and I did not seek to return. But I could let no one know of the truth. Why I had really come to visit Coggeshall. So I remained silent, and knowing Thendan’s weakness, I made sure he always had a flask at hand until he could barely remember why we had come and what we were supposed to do.”

  “You made him into a drunk?”

  “More to say that I did not halt the process. Something I desperately regret.”

  “Yeah, that’s kind of fucked up.”

  “Yes,” she said, and she took a deep breath, as if needing a little extra oomph to continue. “My mother and her escort arrived while you were in Osterstadt. They were disguised, but I could see who they really were. I tried to explain the situation to her, but she was not here to see the truth. She came to destroy everything you had made.”

  “She’s some sort of mage? Or was. I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

  “My mother was the architect of her own downfall. You were in the right. She could not fathom why you were willing to let other species live within MountainHome and Coggeshall. Elves and humans were bad enough, but the kobold is one of dwarvenkind’s ancient foes. We have fought against the tiny dragons for eons. Countless lives have been lost on either side of the scale, and there is no love lost. I have interacted with enough kobolds to know they are not as I grew up believing them to be, and I feel they are starting to understand dwarves are not their true enemies either. But plenty of my brothers and sisters are not able to see past that. They believe, firmly, that you have betrayed dwarvenkind—”

  “Even the dwarves here?”

  She nodded. “Yes. There is growing resentment within the dwarves here. Many feel they are being abused to make homes for kobolds. That the promises made to dwarves when they arrived have not been kept. That dwarven lives are considered forfeit for the safety of other races.”

  “I’m not sure—”

  “How you think of your actions is not as important as how they feel about your actions, your grace. At least to them. And I can only tell you what I have heard. But it is not what I believe. I no longer believe kobolds are inherently evil. Or stupid. They are more like dwarves than any dwarf would ever hope to admit. We are both short, and have both forgotten too much of our histories.”

  “Should I be worried about this rising discontentment?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Probably. Though dwarves are no longer the dominant species in Coggeshall. It might not be as important, but it would be worth watching, I think.”

  “You don’t exactly seem like you’re just an apprentice smith.”

  She gave a wan smile. “I trained under my mother, as a magic user. A mancer, I suppose.”

  “Is that something you’d like to continue?”

  “Continuing anything right now seems a luxury,” she replied. “One I might not possess.”

  I scratched through some of the ichor on my person and then stood up. I paced one way, and then the other.

  “Look,” I said, “you seem like a good kid. I don’t really understand dwarven ages, but—”

  “Kid can work,” she replied. “I suppose.”

  “Great. Kid. You seem like a good one. You work hard, Zoey likes you, and maybe you also tried to betray the people who took you in. You planning on doing that again?”

  “No. Never, I—”

  “Normally, I tend to think someone who’s been caught doing something stupid is is punished enough by the shame of being caught. But if they do something stupid again, it’s straight off the mountain with them.”

  “I would appreciate a second chance.”

  “Seems to me,” I said, “if someone were willing to swear again, maybe a bit tighter of a loyalty pledge, then someone might make for a good citizen.”

  “I would swear anything, your grace.”

  “You’re on probation for a bit,” I said. “Once that probation is up, we’ll see what the next step is. If you don’t want to take it, you are welcome to leave and go back to your other home. If you want.”

  “I won’t want.”

  “Make that decision then.”

  She nodded.

  “Now,” I said, “I’m tired of ignoring how damned cold it is. Let’s go back inside.”

  I pulled the sled the last little distance to the door, and knocked.

  “Fuck,” I said, “I forgot how many knocks I was supposed to do. It’s me.”

  “Exactly what a fiend would claim,” came the reply from the other side, which sounded an awful lot like an overly amused Czubakowski.

  “Would a fiend say, ‘open up this fucking door or I’ll punch you in the dick?’” I shouted back.

  “Yes.”

  “Would a demon just kick the door in and—”

  The door swung open.

  “A devil would never slip up and call itself a demon,” Alexander said, grinning. “Glad to see you again.”

  “Glad to be here,” I said, pulling the sled in.

  “Who’s this, then?” Alexander asked. He had his hand around the hilt of his sword, ready to draw it. The rest of the Legion there already had their swords drawn, but held downward. Ready, but not actively threatening.

  “Narfin,” I said. “Apprentice blacksmith. Some assholes kidnapped her and were planning on selling her to fiends for the power to kill us all and take Coggeshall for themselves. She needs a healer.”

  “Right away, your grace.”

  All the swords went away. Some soldiers gently lifted Narfin onto a shield and carried her down the stairs. As she went, she turned back to me, and mouthed a quick ‘Thank you.’

  I nodded at her.

  “The rest of this?” Alexander asked.

  “Needs to be destroyed,” I said. “It was supposed to be destroyed already, which means it’s one more thing to talk to Nikolai about. This was the other half of the asshole’s deal. Sell Narfin and this metal to the devils.”

  “Do I want to know what this mystery metal is?”

  “No.”

  “Aye-aye. Lads, grab this, and let’s find a way to break it. Perfect job for a bored Legionnaire.”

  69

  I had only one destination in mind: the shower.

  Even I was shocked at how disgusting I was, with multiple layers of foul liquids and semi-liquids soaking into me. I didn’t run to get home, but I moved quickly.

  Upon arrival, I saw that my room was blissfully empty. I threw my ruined party suit into the corner, got into the shower, and scrubbed my skin raw. I rinsed, lathered, and repeated. And repeated. Even after the second time through, gunk still dripped out of my hair. I had to pull a few teeth out of my foot. Which was gross, but also a little funny.

  I took some time to just stand under the water, thinking.

  Had Eliza been flirting with me?

  More importantly, had I been flirting with Eliza?

  In some ways, she was young for me, considering I was on my second
life. How did I calculate my actual age? I mean, I wasn’t even sure how old I was physically. How did Fallen age?

  Too many questions, not enough answers. Which was usually the thought that caused a quest to trigger.

  I waited for a second, just to see if something happened.

  Nothing.

  But that momentary stillness gave my deeper brain a chance to bring up the past. Stupid fucking brain.

  Visions of my previous life flashed in front of me. All happier visions of the girl. She’d been such a pivotal person. Our time was a huge reason I became who I was in Vuldranni. By the time we’d met on Earth, I’d burned so many bridges it would have been impossible for me to become much of anything. But somehow, she believed in me, and pressed me to better myself. To better the world. Which sounds corny as fuck, but there was sincerity between us. She fully believed that. And lived that.

  I’d been in this new world for over half a year. At least, that was my guess. The girl had been gone from me for more than a year. How much more of my life was I going to give her? Did I have feelings for Eliza? For anyone I’d met here? Nikolai was definitely going to bring the pressure at some point — I would have to produce an heir of some means. Granted, I could always just point out that I’d been adopted, and make that the new family policy.

  Of course, that was just another way of ignoring the question.

  Was I ever going to move on?

  “Not tonight,” I said softly, holding on to her memory for a few moments. Letting myself believe she was still there. Letting myself drift back to the days we’d been living together. Sitting on the balcony, having a spaghetti fight…

  I punched the wall hard enough to crack the stone and split my knuckles.

  “Focus, Montana,” I said firmly.

  I scrubbed my skin raw, feeling it sting under the water for a brief second before my body healed itself again. A little pain to force me back into the present.

  After a solid twenty minutes of vigorous cleaning, I was ready to get dressed again!

  This time, I didn’t go for a party look — I didn’t have any. I found what armor I had that wasn’t ruined, and set that on the bed. I put on the underclothes, then the gambeson, then chain, then got some plate on top of that. I even got a glitter of prinkies to help. And they did help a little — certainly not as much as someone who actually knew what they were doing — but they managed some of the ties in the harder-to-reach places. Sure, I had to teach them to not tie granny knots, but in the end, I had armor on most of my body. And I had my damn knapsack on my hip — fashion be damned. I was ready to go.