The Better Choice

by Modglin, Kiersten

  “And, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I want this. With you. I want all of it. A future. A white picket fence. A family. I want to wake up every day next to you and kiss you goodnight before bed. I don’t ever want to wonder ‘what if?’ or ‘what could’ve been?’ You mean everything to me and, as much as I thought I wanted to wait, I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want you to ever question what you mean to me or where this is headed.” He kissed her hands, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small, black box. “So…what do you say? Will you marry me?” He opened it, and her mouth dropped open. It was a silver band with tiny diamonds creating an intricate, vintage design across the top and sides.

  “It’s beautiful…” she whispered.

  “It was Grandmother Lorene’s,” he told her. “I snuck out and had it cleaned last night. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

  Tears continued to fill her eyes as she looked across the room to where Grandmother Lorene sat next to Mona. The two women had fat tears in their kind eyes. They loved her as much as she could ever hope a mother- and grandmother-in-law would love her. Asher was saying everything she’d wanted to hear. His proposal was everything she could’ve wanted. She smiled at him, though she couldn’t help looking up one last time to where Finn stood.

  He nodded slowly, his expression grim, and turned around, walking back up the stairs before he heard her answer. She looked back down at Asher, her decision made.

  He raised his brow. “You aren’t going to make me stay down here forever, are you?” He laughed nervously.

  She giggled, covering her mouth with her free hand. “No,” she said, placing her hands around the sides of his face. She bent down, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “Yes. Yes, Asher, I’ll marry you.”

  Cheers were heard all around. Asher stood, scooping her up and spinning around in a circle, their lips pressed together despite the laughs escaping from both of their throats.

  “I love you,” he whispered, his voice so low that only she could hear. It felt intimate, even with the eruption of noise around them.

  “I love you, too,” she vowed.

  “Forever.” He set her down, pulling the ring out of its box and sliding it onto her shaking finger, her hand trembling. It wasn’t a perfect fit, it needed to be loosened a bit, but it looked gorgeous on her finger. It was a sight she’d waited for her entire life. Her future lay in front of her, and as she looked into his eyes, she was sure the decision she’d made, the life she’d chosen, was right.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  Blythe brushed a loose piece of hair back into her ponytail, her forehead covered in sweat. She sat down onto the couch, blowing air up over her face from her bottom lip. A knock on the door startled her. Why would Asher be knocking?

  She stood, walking over to the door and looking through the peephole. His face caused her to gasp.

  “Hey,” he said, obviously able to hear her through the door.

  She pulled it open without a second thought. What was he doing there? “Finn?”

  He nodded. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No,” she stepped back, allowing him to enter the apartment, “not at all. What’s going on?” She closed the door behind him, watching as he took in the changes she’d made. The once-bare walls now boasted art and the old, mostly empty living room was filled with a couch, two chairs, and plenty of throw pillows.

  “The place looks…nice.”

  “Thanks,” she said, trying not to grimace about the mess. In the far corner of the living room sat a pile of boxes, and there was another box on the counter. Evidence that she was planning to move again. “Is everything okay?”

  He nodded. “I…um, sorry to just drop by unannounced. Martin notified me that you were vacating the apartment.” His words were formal, his voice monotonous; either he didn’t care one bit, or he was doing a damn good job of hiding how much he cared.

  “Yeah,” she said, tapping one foot behind the other. “I, um, well, I’m moving in with Asher after the wedding in four months. I went ahead and let him know since it will be before the lease ends.”

  He blinked, nodding his head.

  “I mean…thank you. For the apartment. You really saved me when I needed it most—”

  He looked down, smiling sadly with a scoff. “It’s no big deal.”

  “It was, Finn. It was a big deal.”

  His gaze trailed up her body, causing a cold chill to dance across her skin. When his dark eyes met hers, she sucked in a breath. “Well, look,” he said finally, “if you’re going to move out, I’ll take the apartment back.”

  “Right,” she said, his words catching her off guard. “Right, of course. Yes, definitely. I’d hate for you to have wasted your money.”

  “I don’t care about the money, Blythe.”

  “What do you care about, then?”

  He paused, seeming to think about it. “Are you happy?” he asked finally.

  She thought about it—about the past several months with Asher, about the nights that he’d rubbed her head when she had a headache or her feet when she’d had a long day, about the walks through Central Park, the late night movies and ice cream, the way he kissed her, the way he could make her whole body set on fire with just a touch. “Asher is a really good guy,” she told him. “He’s good to me.”

  “That’s not what I asked you.”

  “What are you asking, then? And why?”

  “I’m asking if he makes you happy. If he’s…the one, or whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m asking if you’re settling.”

  “I’m not settling,” she said quickly. “I’m happy.”

  He gave her a sharp nod. “Well, look at that. Less than a year in New York and you’ve got your fairy tale after all. I guess that’s why people say it’s the place where all your dreams can come true.”

  “Another nickname? I still say it’s The Big Apple.”

  His eyes filled with passion, his expression growing serious. “That makes sense, too.”

  “What do you me—”

  “It’s filled with temptation.”

  She swallowed, her throat suddenly too dry. “Are you…um, are you planning to come to the wedding? We sent your save the date to his parents’ house since we aren’t sure where you’re living.”

  “Sorry, yeah, I don’t think I’m going to be making it.”

  She bit her lip, giving a slow nod. “Asher will be disappointed to hear that.”

  “I just think it’s best if I stay away.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Trust me, I do.”

  “Okay,” she said finally. “Well, I’ll get the keys to you as soon as I move out. And…thank you again. I can’t tell you how much this,” she gestured to the apartment around her, “meant to me. How much it still does.”

  “Apparently not enough,” he whispered, not moving.

  “What does that mean?”

  He scowled. “You know what it means, Blythe.”

  “What do you want from me, Finn? What am I supposed to do?”

  “Nothing,” he said firmly. “As long as you’re happy. Though something tells me you aren’t.”

  “Why do you think that?” She tried to seem more sure of herself than she felt. She didn’t know what it was about Finn that made her feel so nervous. Her feelings for him were fading—they had to be. She loved Asher, but she couldn’t deny the hold Finn had over her. They were connected somehow. It had started the moment she met him, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t seem to break that link.

  “Because I know you, Blythe. I know what happiness looks like in your eyes. I know the way you move when you’re happy. You’re lighter. You were lighter with me.”

  “I never got a chance to be with you, Finn. You made that choice. Asher chose me.” She pointed to her chest, her anger growing. “He chose me when you walked away.”

  “For your own protection,” he insisted. Then he sighed, rubbing his hand
over his hair. “I know now that I made a mistake. I should’ve stayed. I’d do anything to take it back.”

  “It doesn’t work like that,” she said, surprising herself when tears suddenly formed in her eyes. “You really hurt me when you walked away. I told you I wanted a chance with you. I wanted you to be an option.”

  “I still am!”

  “You aren’t,” she said firmly. “I’m in love with Asher now.”

  “So you don’t have feelings for me anymore?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, running a hand over her forehead. “I don’t—”

  “Be honest.”

  “Of course I have feelings for you, Finn. Only God knows why, but I do. But I have feelings for Asher, too. And we’re engaged. This is just…it’s too complicated.”

  “So, you’re just going to take the easy road?”

  “Isn’t that what you did when you walked away?”

  He scoffed, looking at the door with an open mouth. “Is that what you think? You think anything about that decision was easy?” He stepped closer to her, running his tongue over his lips. His eyes searched hers. “Blythe, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Walking away from you that day, leaving you the note, knowing I’d never see you again…it destroyed me. Broke my heart. I’ve never felt toward anyone else the way I feel about you. Not even close. I…I think I’m in love with you.”

  She sniffled, the truth of his statement there in his eyes. “Finn…”

  “I know,” he said sadly. “I know this is the worst possible time, and I know I’m making your life more complicated. I get it. Honestly, I do. But I’m in love with you, Blythe. I think I may have been from the moment I met you.” He lifted his hand to cup her cheek. She should’ve pulled away, but she couldn’t move. “And if you can tell me you don’t feel the same way, I’ll let you go. I don’t know how, but I will. Only if you can tell me you don’t feel that way about me. That you don’t think we at least deserve a chance.”

  His eyes darted back and forth between hers, waiting for her to say something, to make a decision. Her mind was a completely blank slate, the lie on the end of her tongue. She was prepared to say it. To tell him that she was over him. That she loved Asher and only Asher. That she didn’t want to see Finn ever again.

  Before she could make herself spit out the lie that would break her heart in two, his eyes darted in between hers one last time before falling toward her lips, and then his mouth was on her mouth, his lips pressed to her lips. He slid his hand back from her cheek to her hair, his fingers tangled in her dark brown locks.

  Passion filled her stomach, her skin on fire as she fell into the kiss that felt more right than anything in her life. His other hand cradled the opposite side of her face, her body melting into him. Everything he said was right, every word of it. She was in love with Finn. And she was in love with Asher. Everything about her life was a total mess, and yet, she couldn’t wish it any different. What choice would she make? Which option did she want taken away?

  Asher—who had never done anything except love her? Or Finn—who set her on fire with passion, protected her in a weak moment, but walked away when she’d been set to choose him? Both sides of her heart were pulling against each other, rooting for different endings to her story. She’d never been so at war with herself.

  “Finn—” She pulled away, their foreheads pressed together. He opened his eyes slowly as if dreading her next words. And honestly, she was dreading them, too. “I can’t do this.”

  He nodded against her skin, backing away. “I know.”

  “I just…I’m engaged.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  “I’m sorry…” she whispered, unable to meet his eye.

  “Yeah, well, me too.” He grabbed hold of the door. “Take care of yourself, Blythe. Whatever you do, just…don’t be afraid of the thing that makes you the happiest. Even if it’s hard. Even if it’s not me. Whatever makes you happy, you fight for it with all of your strength. Like you said, if you don’t, what is the point of everything else?” He tapped the door. “Trust me, you don’t want to live with that kind of regret.”

  She nodded, watching him open the door but unable to summon any words. Tears filled her eyes. “Finn, I—”

  He stopped, looking back at her with slightly hopeful eyes. “It’s okay,” he said finally. “It doesn’t have to be me. I’ll be fine.” His smile was small but warm.

  “Thank you for everything.”

  “Anytime.”

  “I’m sorry…”

  “You don’t have to be.”

  “I know,” she said. “But I am anyway.”

  With that, he shut the door and disappeared from her life—possibly for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  TWO MONTHS LATER

  “There,” Blythe said. “The last of our invitations is officially done.” She placed the seal over the flap to close it.

  “I don’t know if my fingers will ever straighten out completely again,” Asher joked, holding out his hands as if they were claws.

  She chuckled, leaning over onto his shoulder. “Thank you for helping me with this.”

  “Of course,” he told her. “What better excuse to play hookie than to spend time with you? Even if it’s doing the worst possible thing imaginable…which it was.”

  She wrinkled her nose at him. “I can’t believe the wedding is almost here.”

  “It’s flown by, hasn’t it?” he asked. “I’m so ready to marry you.”

  “I know.” She paused. “Your mother deserves to be a professional wedding planner with all the work she’s put into ours.”

  “I’m pretty sure she’s been preparing for this event my whole life,” he told her, smirking when she sat up off his shoulder. “This is her Olympics.”

  She smiled sadly, looking away.

  “You’re okay with it, right?” he asked. “I know she can be pushy.”

  “Of course,” she agreed. “Your family is a godsend, Asher.”

  “But they make you miss yours,” he said. It wasn’t a question, but he was right.

  She nodded. “They do.”

  He kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry, babe. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.”

  “You’re already doing it,” she told him. “You’re amazing, Asher.”

  He shook his head. “I wish that was true.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, sensing a strange tone in his voice.

  “Just…you’re the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve made so many mistakes, Blythe.”

  “Mistakes?” She turned to face him on the couch. “What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t know.” He groaned. “I never really thought I’d get here with my parents after all the craziness I put them through. In a lot of ways, it’s like you repaired our relationship.”

  “I don’t think that’s true,” she thought aloud. “Your family loves you.”

  “I know they do,” he said. “I do.”

  “I do?” she repeated his words. “Now those words sound amazing coming out of your mouth.”

  “They do, do they?” he asked, a smile creeping onto his lips. “I’ll bet they sound even better coming from yours.” He ran a finger across her thigh, trailing it up her stomach in an attempt to tickle her. She let out a loud laugh, pushing him away, and he laughed, too. Then his face went serious after a moment. “You’re without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know how I’d ever survive losing you.”

  “You’ll never have to,” she assured him, taking his arm in her hand. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” he told her, picking up the stack of envelopes and walking to lay them on his desk.

  “Hey, Asher?” she asked.

  He turned back to face her. “Yeah?”

  “Why don’t you work for your dad? Because of your past?”

  He nodded. “Nobody wants someone with a past like mine managing their finances
.” He grimaced. “Besides, I wanted to do something for myself. I wanted my money, my things, to be my own. I never liked relying on my father to take care of me.”

  “I can understand that,” she said, although it wasn’t completely true. She never wanted more than her parents could give her, and they hadn’t had nearly the money Asher had. “I just wondered. I mean, you’re the only son. Does it bother him that you don’t work for his company? He said a few of your cousins do.”

  He frowned. “We’ve never really talked about it. I think it’s…tense, you know, obviously. But it is what it is.”

  She stood from the couch. “I like that you make your own money.”

  “I’m always going to take care of you, Blythe. You know that, right?” He took a step toward her, meeting her in the middle as she moved toward him.

  “I do,” she said, letting the all-powerful words slip from her tongue.

  He smiled, leaning in for a slow kiss. “See, I was right. It sounds much better coming from you.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  TWO MONTHS LATER

  Blythe stood in front of the long mirror at the church. The white gown hugged her curves, the ballgown skirt giving her princess vibes. She was wearing Grandmother Lorene’s veil, a design on it that matched the ring she’d recently gotten back from being sized. The veil was beautiful, just like the ring, and so were the flowers Blythe and Mona had slaved over for months. Everything had come together in just seven months—the wedding of her dreams.

  She hadn’t heard from Finn since that night just four months ago. She’d spent the next week in her apartment telling Asher she needed to pack since she only had a few months left to get it done, but in reality, she was trying to make a decision that would shape the rest of her life.