Shifted Illusions

by C. E. Black

  Again, the decision was easy.

  Standing, I gripped the steel edge of the door and leaned over, gazing at the shrinking earth below. Icy wind whipped the hair around my face, and a sense of peace washed over me.

  “Drop the dramatics, Beth,” James shouted, seizing my wrist. “Sit down!”

  “I would rather die.” With all my strength, I shoved James, ripping my wrist out of his grip. He stumbled backward, landing on the control panel next to the pilot.

  Shouts rose out of the cockpit, blending with the raging engine of the helicopter as it took a drastic dip. But I drowned it all out as I closed my eyes and let go.

  HAWK

  A trap! It was a trap.

  Roman wasn’t flying the helicopter, that was obvious now. The shifters fighting on the ground cared nothing for Beth or the helicopter, too concerned with keeping us busy. And the only reason would be if they knew she wasn’t getting away.

  I had to get to her.

  But when I would have transformed and taken to the air, a lion shifter tackled me out of nowhere. I took him down easily and turned to look back. The helicopter was getting farther and farther away, but I was glad to see my eyesight had returned to normal. I could make out Beth standing in the opened door, her hair whipping around her. What the hell was she doing?

  I ripped off my shirt and unbuttoned my jeans as I checked on Leo. He was handling our attackers as best he could, but it wasn’t enough. There were three against one now. I looked back up at Beth in time see a commotion break out. She stumbled on her feet, then the chopper took a nosedive, and she fell.

  The transformation was the fastest I’d ever experienced. One second, I was watching the woman I love fall hundreds of feet to her death, and the next, I was in the air. My wings, fast and strong carried me toward her. But I couldn’t save her. Not like this, anyway.

  When I grew close enough, I forced the change, taking on my human form. She fell into my arms, and I wrapped them tightly around her.

  “Hold on to me!” I yelled, twisting my body so I would take the brunt of the impact.

  “Henri?” she said, her beautiful green eyes widening in horror. “No!”

  “Shh, Beth. I have you.”

  Then we hit, and the world went black.

  LEO

  The lion in front of me dropped to the ground, his neck broken. But the reprieve was short. Two more leaped into the fight while another circled us, looking for the best time to pounce.

  They gave me no time to finish my transition, which was in my best interest. I blocked a swipe of claws, ducked and spun, kicking their legs out from under them.

  When I gained my footing, the scene in the sky caught my attention, and I staggered back.

  As Beth fell from the chopper, a pain I’d never experienced before tore through my heart, but it completely stopped when Hawk caught her in his arms. The two plummeted through the air and disappeared behind the trees.

  I roared in anguish.

  The helicopter spun out of control and crashed into a mountain, the sound of the impact echoing throughout the clearing. It was all background noise to the screaming in my head.

  My feet carried me toward my lovers. I had to get to them. I had to see…

  The air was knocked from my lungs as I hit the ground face first. Grunting, I turned over, dislodging the shifter digging its claws into my flesh and noticed the pile of Hawk’s clothes a few inches away. The sight had me gritting my teeth to hold back the grief. I couldn’t lose it. Not yet.

  The lion swiped me in the face, and I hissed as my skin split open. I could have taken him out barehanded, but I had somewhere to be.

  I grabbed the gun peeking out from under the pile of clothes, aimed for the lion’s head and pulled the trigger.

  Shoving the dead lion off me, I rolled over and aimed at the two others, taking them by surprise.

  I swiped Hawk’s phone and jumped to my feet. I sprinted through the trees, scampered down a ravine, and skidded to a halt. My breath came out in white puffs as I kneeled next to the bodies. Blood pooled beneath his head, and I had to turn away. He held Beth in his arms still. Her eyes were closed, her red lips bright against her pale skin.

  I squeezed my eyes shut as agony washed over me. My scream echoed through the ravine, and I pounded the earth with my fist. Something sharp pierced my palm. It was Hawk’s phone. I’d cracked the case.

  Wiping the snot from my nose, I unlocked his phone to find dozens of missed calls and messages, but I ignored them all and dialed the first number back.

  “Hawk! Thank God!” Bear answered, out of breath. “We’ve been trying to reach you. We were fucking ambushed.” Bear hesitated when I didn’t respond. “Hawk?”

  “It’s Leo.”

  He paused. “Roman should be there any minute with the chopper. Is everything okay?”

  I bowed my head as tears trickled down my face. “No. We… Beth and Hawk, they…” I gasped in pain. “I need you. I need all of you.”

  24

  Leo

  I hated hospitals. Even private ones.

  The smell of disinfectant and death along with the constant beeping from the machines could drive a person insane. And these damn uncomfortable chairs! I shifted in my seat and grumbled. Knowing the beeping was Hawk’s heartbeat was the only reason I wasn’t pulling my hair out. As long as the noise persisted, he would be fine, I kept telling myself. It was the only thing keeping me going.

  Since we first arrived at the Division Hospital, I’d split my time between Beth and Hawk’s rooms. Beth had woken shortly after I’d called Bear. Hawk hadn’t. And though he’d survived the fall, we weren’t given any promises.

  I stood to stretch my legs and ended up next to the bed, watching him sleep, or whatever it was he was doing. The Doc told us they’d put him in a medically induced coma while his internal injuries healed. Looking at him, you’d think he was perfectly fine, although a little pale. His head wound had healed, and the broken bones he sustained were healing, but slowly. According to the Doc, a transformation would speed up the process, but under the circumstances was impossible.

  Beth… I sighed, so thankful she was okay. They had made her stay overnight for observation, but she was perfectly fine. Thanks to Hawk. I grasped his hand and brought it to my lips. I was so thankful he’d saved our Beth and so fucking pissed at the same time. I sighed again.

  “I remember when it was you lying there, complaining about my whining and moaning,” Bear said as he walked into the room. “You okay?”

  I placed one more kiss to the back of Hawk’s hand before turning to face my friend. “No, I’m not okay,” I admitted. “I haven’t been okay for a long time. And for a minute—a single fucking minute—I thought I would be. Now…” I gently placed Hawk’s hand back on the bed and stuffed my hands in my pockets. “He can’t die.”

  “You and Hawk, huh?” Bear asked.

  I snorted. “Is that what you came away with? Yes, Bear, I’m with Hawk. And we’re with Beth. Is that a problem?”

  Bear frowned and shook his head. “No, Leo, I don’t have a problem with who you love. I wanted to know because I care about you, both of you. I’m damn glad you found happiness. Hawk has always been good for you. I’m glad you both finally admitted your feelings for each other. Stop being defensive for one second and talk to me.”

  I ducked my head and sighed. “I’m lost, man. I don’t want to leave his side. I can’t lose him. And I need to get to Beth. I have to take her home.”

  “She’ll understand if you want to stay here.”

  “But that’s the thing. I want to take her home. I want to hold her in my arms. I thought I’d lost her too. And it’s all my fucking fault.” I clamped my teeth together to stem the tears.

  Bear put his arm around my shoulders and encouraged me to lean against him. I meant to give him a one-armed hug to indulge him. Instead, I turned and buried my face into his shoulder, my fist clenched in his shirt.

  He said nothing as I s
obbed my fucking heart out. He held me until I settled, then let me push him away.

  “That was fucking embarrassing,” I sniffed.

  “Why, because you were all over me?” Bear asked. I snapped my head to look at him, and he grinned. “I won’t tell Hawk. Your secret’s safe with me.”

  I shook my head. “If Hawk wakes up, I don’t care what you tell him. As long as he wakes up.”

  “He will. Listen, I’ll stay with him for a while. Take Beth home, hold her, because she needs you as much as you need her right now. You can come back to check on Hawk in the morning.”

  I nodded. “I could use a few hours of sleep.”

  “At least.” Bear sighed and settled into the chair. He cursed and shifted his hips. “What the hell kind of torture device is this?”

  I smirked and leaned over to place a kiss on Hawk’s lips. I expected them to be cold, but they weren’t. They were warm and soft just like I remembered. I breathed in his scent before stepping back.

  “Thanks, Bear,” I said as I turned to leave.

  “No thanks necessary. I had to get you out of here so I could spend some time with my bro. But if you want to be nice, ask a nurse to bring me a man-sized chair, please.”

  I grinned. “Will, do.”

  “And Leo?”

  “Yeah?”

  “It wasn’t your fault.”

  I opened the door and left without comment, too afraid I’d say something I regretted. It was my fault, and if he thought otherwise, I worried for his sanity.

  “Doctor Smalls,” I said as I passed her in the hallway.

  She looked up from the file she was reading and gave me a sympathetic smile. “Leo, I’ve told you to call me Olivia a hundred times.”

  I shrugged. “Can’t help it, Doc. Is Beth ready to go?”

  “Yes. She’s getting dressed now.”

  “I’ll wait out there.” I pointed to the double doors that led to the waiting room. “Call me if anything changes with Hawk?”

  She grasped my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I will, Leo. Get some rest. We’ll take good care of him. I promise. Oh, and I’ll arrange for more comfortable seating,” she said with a wink.

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  As I expected, almost everyone was waiting when I pushed through the double doors. I looked at all of their faces: Roman, Paul, Foxy, Jordan, Sam, Alex, and Sōm. Elizabeth was probably watching the kids for Jordan, Sam, and Alex. Teij… I wasn’t sure where he was, but I was relieved I didn’t have to face him yet. I had a lot to account for and wouldn’t be surprised if he fired me at first sight.

  Sam jumped from her seat and wrapped me in a hug.

  “How is he?” Foxy asked.

  I kissed Sam on the top of her head and pulled away. “He’s still in the medically induced coma. We won’t know anything until his internal injuries heal.”

  Paul stood next to his wife and put an arm around her shoulders. “What about Beth?”

  “She’s okay.” I shook my head, in awe that she walked away from such a fall. “Hawk took the brunt of the impact.”

  “He saved her,” Sam said.

  “And might die for it,” I whispered because if I didn’t, I would scream. If I were Hawk, I would have made the same decision, but it didn’t mean I had to be happy he was paying for it now.

  The room fell unnaturally silent, and I looked behind me to see Beth waiting. Her clothes were ripped and dirty, and dark circles shadowed her eyes, but the sight of her standing on her own calmed me.

  “Ready to go?” I asked.

  She wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. Foxy hurried to cover Beth’s shoulders with a knit sweater. “Here you go. I thought you might not have a coat.”

  I cursed under my breath for not thinking of it first. I always knew I’d be a shitty boyfriend. I should have brought her clean, warm clothes to change into. I ground my teeth together, frustrated with myself. I couldn’t do anything right.

  Beth gave me an odd look I couldn’t decipher, then dropped her head. “Thanks, Foxy.”

  “Get some rest and call me if you need anything. You too, Leo.”

  “Thanks,” I told her. “You guys staying?”

  “For a little while longer,” she answered. “We wanted to see him.”

  “Okay.” With a hand on Beth’s lower back, I led her out of the hospital and toward my car. She was quiet as we strapped in, and I was too tired to make conversation. I wanted to wrap myself around Beth and sleep for a week.

  “You can drop me off at a hotel,” Beth said, breaking the silence. “But I don’t have any money,” she sighed. “Marguerite might take me in.”

  It took me a few seconds to catch up. “Hawk’s place should be safe now. I don’t know if anyone told you this, but James is dead. The helicopter crashed right after you fell. There were no survivors.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I’m a bad person for being relieved, aren’t I?”

  “No, kitten. I’m fucking ecstatic the piece of shit is gone. You’re safe now.”

  “Yeah…” She didn’t sound convinced.

  “Listen, Hawk’s alarm system should still be online. We’ll be safe. But if you aren’t comfortable—”

  “No, no, you’re right. I just thought… It doesn’t matter. I’m tired.”

  “Me too, kitten. Me too.”

  We finished the drive in silence, and when we pulled up to Hawk’s cabin, I noticed someone had cleaned up the mess. “No dead lions lying around. At least something is going right today,” I said, and Beth flinched. I guessed she didn’t want to hear about the dead mountain lions. “Sorry.”

  Giving me a clipped nod, she climbed out of the car. I followed her to the door and let her inside where she stopped in the living room and looked around, lost.

  “What’s wrong? Besides the obvious,” I said, sighing when she squeezed her eyes shut as if in pain. I always say the wrong fucking thing.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked.

  She shook her head no. “I just want to sleep. But I don’t know where to go.”

  I shrugged, unsure what the problem was. “Same place you’ve been sleeping?” My gaze lifted to the loft. “I have an idea.”

  I held out a hand, surprised when she hesitated to take it. Trembling, her hand slid into mine, and I led her upstairs. Hawk’s scent was the strongest in his room, and I needed to smell him. Placing my phone on the nightstand, I removed my clothes and slid under the covers of Hawk’s bed. I buried my nose in his pillow and finally relaxed. And realized I was alone.

  I turned over with drawn brows. Beth stood at the door still, fully clothed, like she was ready to run. “What’s wrong?”

  “I—” She shook her head and gestured behind her. “Maybe I should sleep downstairs.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…” She tilted her head and looked me in the eye for the first time since we left the hospital. “You want me to sleep with you?”

  “Is this a trick question? Beth, what the fuck is going on?”

  “Nothing… I just thought…” She shook her head again and slowly began to remove her clothes. She set the sweater Foxy had given her carefully on an armchair next to the bed, then piled the rest of her clothes on the floor of the bathroom. I would have put them in the trash, myself, but I could do that later.

  “I want a shower,” she said as she climbed into the bed. “But I’m too tired.”

  “Same,” I murmured, my eyes falling shut. I waited for Beth’s warm body to press into mine, but when my side stayed cold, I cracked my lids open. Beth laid on the edge of the bed, with her back to me, as far away from me as she could get. What the hell?

  “Scoot over here,” I said, reaching for her, but she flinched away. “What… Oh.” I’d fucked up and put her life in danger over a fucking lead. No wonder she wanted nothing to do with me.

  I rubbed a hand over my face and groaned. “I’m so fucking sorry. If I could go back, I’d…”

  “You’d what?” She ask
ed, turning over to face me. “You’d never agree to go on a date with me? Let those men in the alley take me back to my uncle? You should have never brought me here.” She sniffed and her eyes filled with tears.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Henri might die because of me.”

  I rubbed her shoulder and moved closer to her. “No, Beth. He saved you.”

  She shook her head hard. “He shouldn’t have. He wasn’t supposed to.”

  “I would have done the same thing.”

  Her eyes widened. “You would?”

  “Of course, Beth! I love you.” Her lips parted at my confession. “How are you surprised?” I asked.

  “You shouldn’t love me. You can’t. It’s my fault, Henri…”

  “You fell, Beth. That’s not your fault. The chopper lost control, and you fell.”

  “No,” she whispered. “I didn’t fall.”

  My brows furrowed as my gaze wandered over her features. “What are you talking about?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. When her eyes opened, they were full of pain. “I jumped, Leo. I jumped. I didn’t know Henri would catch me.”

  “What?” I whispered, suddenly unable to take a breath. It felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. “Why?”

  “I couldn’t go back with James. I just couldn’t.”

  “So, you chose to kill yourself?”

  “You have no idea the hell he put me through. I refused to go through that again.” She gripped her hair, her expression shifting to anguish. “I didn’t know Henri would try to save me. He wasn’t supposed to save me.” She sobbed.

  I wrapped her in my arms and held her tight as she cried into my chest. My heart broke in two. The mere thought of her jumping out of that helicopter intent on killing herself had tears sliding down my cheeks. I’d put her in that position.

  “Shh,” I whispered into her hair. I pushed the curly strands out of the way to kiss her wet cheek. “It’s not your fault, Beth.”

  She nodded against my chest, and I squeezed her tighter. “No, it’s not. It’s mine. I compromised our location. Your uncle got his hands on you because of me. It was my fault you had to make that decision. I’m so sorry, Beth. I’m so sorry.”