Harlequin Presents: Once Upon A Temptation June 2020--Box Set 2 of 2

by Lynne Graham

  Luca turned back around and opened and closed his eyes in a slow, God-give-me-strength blink. ‘Look, you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, cara. You have so much to offer and I want you to be happy. I really do. But I’m not the person to make you happy. It’s not in my skill set. I don’t want the same things as you.’

  Artie pressed her lips together for a moment to stop them from trembling. ‘I think you do want the same things but you don’t feel you deserve them because of what happened to your father and brother. I understand that more than most people, because I’ve experienced the same guilt for the last ten years. It completely imprisoned me, kept me from having a life of my own. But meeting you changed that. You freed me from my prison of fear and showed me I could have more than I ever thought possible.’ She came up to him and placed her hand on his forearm. ‘I know you have deep feelings locked away inside you. I feel it every time you kiss me. I feel it every time you make love to me.’

  Luca brushed off her arm as if it was soiling his sleeve, his gaze hard, his mouth tight, his firewall still up. ‘You’re mistaking good sex for something else. It’s an easy mistake to make, especially when you’re not very experienced. But in time, you’ll gain experience and realise this is just a crush, an infatuation that can’t last.’

  ‘I don’t have to be experienced to know how I feel,’ Artie said. ‘They’re my feelings. I feel them. I own them.’

  ‘And I know how I feel and it doesn’t include the sort of love you’re talking about.’ He ran a hand over his face and continued, ‘I care about you, of course. I enjoy being with you but that’s all it is—companionship and mutual desire that has an end point, as per our agreement.’

  Artie’s heart gave a painful spasm, and for a moment she couldn’t locate her voice. He cared about her and enjoyed being with her but that was all it was? How could she have got it so wrong? She was sure he was developing feelings for her—sure enough to reveal her own. He thought her young and gauche, a girl in the throes of her first crush. How could she get through to him? How could she prove she loved him? Or was it pointless? Was she fooling herself that he would one day change? Didn’t so many deluded women fall for that fantasy? The vain hope that in time, enough love would change their difficult men to the man of their dreams?

  But what if Luca never changed?

  What if he was incapable of it?

  ‘Luca, I took a huge risk in leaving the castello for you,’ Artie said. ‘Why can’t you take a risk and allow yourself to feel what I know is in your heart? I know it’s scary to admit how much you care about someone. And I know the last thing you want to do is be reckless and spontaneous but we’ve connected in a way people rarely do. Surely you can’t deny it? We have so much in common, can’t you see that? We’re perfect for each other.’

  Luca turned his back, drawing in a deep breath, his hands on his hips in a braced position. ‘Stop it, Artie. This is a pointless discussion. You’re making me out to be someone I can never be.’

  Artie ran her tongue over her dry lips, tasting the metallic bitterness of disappointment. She clasped her hands together in front of her body, trying to contain the emotions rioting through her. ‘You’ll never be free of the prison of the past unless you learn to let go of control. To allow yourself to be reckless with your heart, to open it to the feelings I know you’ve buried there. I’ve let go of control. I’ve opened my heart to you. Why can’t you do it for me? If you won’t do it for me, then it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to continue in a relationship that is so out of balance.’

  ‘It’s not out of balance.’ Luca swung back around to face her. ‘I made it so we both get what we want. At the end of six months, you get to keep the castello and Nonno completes his chemo. It’s a win-win.’

  She shook her head at him. ‘It’s a lose-lose but you can’t see it. I would choose love over a run-down old castle any day. And how are you going to explain the end of our marriage to your grandfather?’

  He gave a dismissive shrug. ‘Marriages break up all the time. It won’t matter by then because he’ll have finished the course of treatment. As I said—win-win.’ His tone had a businesslike ring to it. No emotions. Ticking a box. Deal done.

  Artie steepled her fingers around her nose and mouth, concentrating on keeping calm even though inside she was crumbling, the very foundations of her under assault as self-doubts rained down on her. She wasn’t worthy of his love. She wasn’t good enough. She was defective, damaged. He didn’t love her. He would never love her. He had only married her as a means to an end, and yet she had fooled herself he was developing feelings for her. She was a fool for thinking he felt more for her than companionship and care.

  Her old friend panic crept up behind her…lurking in the background.

  You can’t survive on your own. Stay with him. Put up and shut up.

  Her skin prickled, fear slid into her stomach and coiled around her intestines, squeezing, tightening.

  You’ll lose the castello if you leave him now.

  But Artie knew she couldn’t lock herself in another prison. Staying with Luca in a loveless marriage for the next few months would be the same as locking herself in the castello. Shutting herself away from her hopes and dreams. From her potential.

  From love.

  She couldn’t go back to being that frightened person now. She had to forge her way through with the strength and courage Luca had inspired in her. He had awakened her to what she most wanted in life and it would be wrong to go backwards, to silence the hopes and dreams she harboured. She owed it to herself to embrace life. To live life fully instead of living in negative solitude.

  Artie lowered her hands from her face and straightened her shoulders, meeting his cold gaze with a sinking feeling in her stomach. ‘I don’t think there’s any point in waiting out the six months. It will only make it harder for me. It’s best if I leave now.’

  A ripple of tension whipped over his face and his hands clenched into fists by his sides. ‘Now? Are you crazy? You can’t leave. We made an agreement.’ There was a restricted quality to his voice. ‘You’ll lose everything if you leave now.’

  Artie sighed. ‘I can’t be with you if you don’t love me. It wouldn’t be healthy for me. It would only reinforce the negative feelings I’ve had about myself in the past. That I’m not worthy, that I’m somehow the cause of everything bad that happens to me and those I care about. I need to leave that part of my life behind now. I need to embrace life as a fully awakened adult woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.’

  His hand scraped through his hair, leaving tracks in the thick black strands. He muttered a curse word in Italian, his mouth pulled so tight there were white tips at the corners. ‘I can’t stop you leaving but I should warn you there will be consequences. I’m not going to hand over a property with the potential of Castello Mireille just because you’ve pulled the plug on our agreement. I will keep it. I will develop it into a hotel and then I’ll sell it.’ His eyes flashed with green and brown sparks of anger. An anger so palpable it crackled in the air.

  Artie ground her teeth, fighting to keep control of her own anger. ‘Do what you need to do, Luca. I won’t stand in your way. And I don’t expect you to stand in mine.’ She moved across to where she had left her phone. ‘I’m going to call Rosa to come and get me.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Luca said. ‘It’ll take her hours to get here.’

  Artie faced him, phone in hand, eyebrows arched. ‘Will you drive me?’

  His top lip curled and his eyes turned to flint. ‘You must be joking.’

  Her chin came up. ‘I’m not.’

  He released a savage breath and muttered another curse. ‘I’ll organise a driver.’ He took out his own phone and selected a number from his contacts.

  Artie turned away as he told his employee to come and collect her for the journey back to Umb
ria. There was nothing in his tone to suggest he was shattered by her decision to leave him. He was angry, yes, but not devastated. Not as devastated as she was feeling. But how could he be? He didn’t love her, so why would he feel anything but anger that she was pulling out of their agreement? His plans had been disrupted. His heart was unaffected.

  Luca slipped the phone back in his pocket, his expression set in cold, emotionless lines. ‘Done. Emilio will be here in five minutes.’

  Artie moistened her parchment-dry lips again. Was this really happening? He was letting her go without a fight? It validated her decision to leave now, before she got even more invested in their relationship. But how much more invested could she be than what she was now? She loved him with her entire being and yet he felt nothing more for her than he would for a pet or a pot plant. He cared about her. That wasn’t enough for her. It would never be enough. ‘Thank you. I’d better go and pack a few things.’ She turned for the door, waiting, hoping for him to call her back. She even slowed her steps, giving him plenty of time to do so. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four…

  ‘Artie.’

  Her heart lifted like a helium balloon and she spun around. Had he changed his mind? Would he beg her to rethink her decision?

  Oh, please, beg me to stay. Tell me you love me.

  ‘Yes?’

  His expression was mask-like but his throat rose and fell over a tight swallow. ‘Keep safe.’ His tone was gruff.

  An ache pressed down on her chest, an avalanche of emotion that made it impossible for her to take a breath. Her eyes burned with unshed tears. She. Would. Not. Cry. Not now. She would not make herself look any more gauche and desperate. She would take a dignified stance. She would take a leaf from his relationship playbook—she would be cool and calm and collected, detached. Their business deal was over and she would move on. End of story. ‘You too. And thanks for…everything.’ She pulled the heirloom engagement ring off her finger as well as the wedding band and held them out to him. ‘You’d better take the rings back. The earrings and pendant are upstairs. I’ll leave them on the dressing table.’

  ‘Keep them.’

  ‘But they’re family heirlooms—’

  ‘I said, keep them.’ The words were bitten out through a paper-thin slit between his lips, a savage frown pleating his brow.

  Artie put the rings on one of the side tables and then turned and walked out of the room, closing the door softly but firmly behind her.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  AS SOON AS the car carrying her away disappeared from sight Luca sucked in a breath that tore at his throat like wolf claws. What did she expect him to do? Run after her and beg her to stay? He had told her the terms from the outset. He had made it clear where his boundaries were.

  But you shifted the boundaries. You slept with her.

  He dragged a hand down his face, his gut clenching with self-disgust. Yes, he had shifted the boundaries and he should have known better. Artie was so young and inexperienced, and sleeping with him had made things so much worse. It had fuelled her romantic fantasies about him, fantasies he could never live up to. But he hadn’t been able to help himself. He’d wanted her the moment he met her, maybe even before that.

  She was light and he was darkness.

  She was naïve and trusting and he was ruthless and cynical.

  She was in touch with her emotions and he had none…well, none that he wanted to acknowledge. Emotions were not his currency. It was a language he didn’t speak and nor did he want any fluency in it.

  Luca picked up the engagement and wedding rings from the side table, curling his fingers around them so he didn’t have to look at the mocking, accusing eyes of the diamonds. He rattled them in his hand like dice and tossed them back on the table, turning away with an expletive.

  He was not going to go after her. He. Was. Not. He was not going after her. His old self would have run up the stairs even before she packed and got down on bended knee and begged her to stay.

  But he was not that reckless teenage boy any more. He was able to regulate his reactions, to think logically and carefully about his actions. He was able to weigh the checks and balances and act accordingly…except when it came to making love with her. That had been reckless and ill-advised and yet he had done it anyway. Done it and enjoyed every pulse-racing second of it. Artie had got to him in a way no one else ever had.

  He felt different.

  Something inside him had changed and he wasn’t sure he could dial it back. But he was damn well going to try.

  * * *

  Artie spent the first month back at Castello Mireille vainly waiting for the phone to ring. She longed to hear Luca’s voice, she longed to feel his touch, to be in his arms again. She was suffering terrible withdrawal symptoms, missing the stroke and glide of his body within hers, the passionate press of his lips on her mouth, her breasts and her body. She reached for him in the middle of the night, her heart sinking when she found the other side of the bed cold and empty.

  She realised with a sickening jolt that this was what her father had gone through after the accident. He had grieved both physically and emotionally for her mother. The loss of an intimate partner was felt on so many levels, little stabs and arrows every time you were reminded of the person, every time a memory was triggered by sight, sound, taste, touch or hearing.

  Losing Luca was like a death. He was gone from her life and she couldn’t get him back, not unless she compromised herself in the process. And hadn’t she compromised herself enough for the last decade? Denying herself any sort of life, any sort of enjoyment and happiness out of guilt?

  She was no longer the girl in a psychological coma. She was awake to her potential, awake to what she wanted and no longer afraid to aim for it, even if it meant suffering heartbreak along the way. Luca was everything she wanted in a husband, but if he didn’t love her, then how could she ever be happy settling for anything less than his whole heart?

  Artie was working in the morning room on a christening gown for one of the villager’s baby, waiting for Rosa to bring in morning tea. There was a certain sadness in working on babies’ clothes when it was highly likely she would never have a baby now. How could she without Luca, the only man she wanted to have children with? The only man she could ever love? She placed another neat stitch in the christening gown, wondering what he was doing now. Working, no doubt. Visiting his grandfather. Taking a new lover to replace her… Her insides revolted at the thought of him making love to someone else. Artie forced herself to concentrate on her embroidery rather than torturing herself. The weeks since coming home, she had decided to pour her energy into her craft and had even set up a social media page and website. To take it from a hobby to a business. She had orders coming in so quickly she could barely keep up. But it gave her the distraction she needed to take her mind off Luca and their broken marriage.

  Rosa came in carrying a tray with their refreshments. She set it on the table in front of Artie and then sat down beside her, taking a cup of tea for herself off the tray. ‘I’m thinking about taking a little holiday. I know my timing isn’t good, given the situation with you and Luca, but I thought it was time I saw a bit of the world outside these walls now you’re a little more independent.’

  Artie put the christening gown to one side, wrapping it in the white muslin cloth she used to protect it. ‘Oh, Rosa, I feel bad you’ve been stuck here with me for so long. But you don’t have to worry about me now. I’ve been to the village several times this week on my own and even had coffee at the café a couple of times. I can’t say it’s easy, but I do it and feel better for it.’

  ‘I’m so glad you’re able to do more.’ Rosa sighed and continued, ‘While you were staying with Luca, I realised I might have been holding you back. Don’t get me wrong—I wanted to help you, but I think my reasons were not as altruistic as you think.’

  Artie frowned. ‘Wh
at do you mean?’

  Rosa looked a little shamefaced. ‘When I got my heart broken all those years ago, I locked myself away here working for your family. It was my way of avoiding being hurt again. But I worry that I might have inadvertently held you back by allowing you to become dependent on me.’

  ‘You haven’t done any such thing,’ Artie said. ‘I held myself back and now I’m moving forward. But I can’t thank you enough for being there when I needed you.’

  Rosa’s expression was tender with concern. ‘Have you heard from Luca?’

  Artie sighed and shook her head. ‘No. Nothing.’

  ‘Have you called or texted him?’

  Artie leaned forward to reach for a teacup. ‘What would be the point? I told him how I feel and he didn’t feel the same, so end of story. I have to move on with my life. Without him.’

  Rosa toyed with the hem of her flowered dress in an abstracted manner. ‘What will you do if or when he sells the castello?’

  ‘I’ll find somewhere else to live. I can’t live in a place this big. It’s not practical.’ Artie’s shoulders went down on a sigh. ‘I’ll always have wonderful memories of being here with Mama and Papa before the accident but it’s well and truly time to move on. Someone else can live here and make their own memories.’

  Rosa straightened the folds of her dress over her knees. ‘The holiday I was telling you about…? I’m going with a…a friend.’

  Artie’s interest was piqued by the housekeeper’s sheepish tone. She put the teacup back down on the table in front of her. ‘Who is the friend?’

  Twin spots of colour appeared in Rosa’s cheeks. ‘Remember I told you about the love of my life who got away? Well, Sergio and I met up while you were staying with Luca. We’ve been seeing each other now and again since. He’s asked me to go away with him for a short holiday. I won’t go if you need me here, though.’

  Artie leaned over to give Rosa a hug. ‘I’m so happy for you.’ She leaned back to look at her. ‘I will always need you, Rosa, but as a friend, not as a babysitter.’