Love Conquers All
Page 21
Chapter 18
Michal came into the world as an easy and speedy delivery. “You were born to breed, Talia,” Dr. Gordon complimented her. “Will I see you here next hear, then?
She was too happy to answer him, although she felt he deserved a response—a polite yet forceful response, that would make it clear to him, without offending, how much she resented the condescending manner he’d adopted since becoming the “gynecologist of the rich and famous.” On the whole, she thought contentedly, he was a good practitioner, and she knew she would want to use him in the future. Talia smiled at him and closed her eyes. The important thing was that the delivery went well, and the baby girl was beautiful, perfect.
She was staying in the same room she had when Udi was born. But the next day, she realized how things had changed over the course of the year; she was spared the stream of visitors, the pile of telegrams, the telephone calls that accompanied the previous birth. Only the two joyful grandmothers and her closest friends came to visit. Talia was not sorry; she enjoyed the rest and privacy that were granted her this time.
And the room wasn’t overflowing with flowers, either. She felt a subtle connection between the paucity of bouquets and Jonathan’s dejected mood. She secretly judged his reaction to the newborn. He visited several times, murmuring words of endearment and funny nicknames, as he had with Udi, but something was obviously missing. Was he not happy with the new baby? Had something happened she didn’t know about? Maybe he’s had enough of her and her pregnancies? Maybe her intuitions were correct, and her heart telling her the truth, that he no longer loved her?
In the last few months she’d suffered several jealous fits and outbursts that she later regretted, leaving her feeling ugly and clumsy. But when it seemed that Jonathan lavished too much attention on a female acquaintance or looked admiringly at a passing woman, she was again gripped by fury and apprehension. Her inner core had become a repository of seething resentment that expressed itself in complaints, gripes and cross- examinations. Jonathan, however, was amused by this behavior and never showed any anger. “Get this into your head, Talinka: I love only you. I said ‘forever,’ remember?” And sometimes he explained, “It’s the pregnancy, darling. But we’ll get through it together. Lucky that pregnancies don’t last forever!”
She loved him when he comforted her and soothed her fears. That was all she needed—his words. They were her medicine and restored her self- confidence.
“But darling Jonathan,” she cooed in that childish voice she sometimes affected, “I’m being s-o selfish. You have much more serious problems, and I’m bothering you with my trivial complaints.”
“Nonsense, Talinka, Don’t worry about me. I’ll solve my own problems by myself, as I always do.” He hugged her and kissed her, sniffing her skin like a puppy, gurgling and humming. “Your skin, Talia, is like an elixir to me. You are my elixir...”
But, underneath the usual routines, she detected some ominous signs. The uncanny silence that surrounded Jonathan the last few weeks, the strange looks and whispers that ceased when she came close; even the excessive care her mother showed her worried her. “Talia, are you all right? Are you sure? And Jonathan, is he okay? Did he tell you anything?” What should Jonathan have told her? Her mother was never one to display tenderness of solicitousness. On the other hand, she had never been good at concealing her thoughts, either. Had something happened that she was trying to hide from her? Talia had been perturbed by these thoughts, but as her due date approached, she slipped into a kind of fatalistic tranquility, as if waiting for some event that would change everything.
Now, after the delivery, the invasive worries she thought had disappeared reared their ugly heads once more, filling her with anxiety and a profound sense of loss. Her protective walls seemed to have crumbled. Her head ached and tears welled in her eyes and flowed down her face like a stream. The more she cried, the more tears gathered in her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks like a flood. She cried and cried, overwhelmed by a sense of impending doom.
On the third night, Jonathan came in with a huge bouquet: gladiolas, hyacinths, purple irises and carnations in all shades of pink. Carnations were her favorite flower. She made an effort to stop crying, and smiled wanly, ashamed of her weakness.
He kissed her, tasting the salty tears. “Talinka, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying? Did someone upset you? Just tell me and I’ll get rid of them!” He picked up the blanket and pushed her gently to the wall. “Ready to receive a guest? I miss hugging you. Do you know how cold it is in bed without you?”
She laughed, happy again. This was the Jonathan she knew and loved, Jonathan who knew how to allay her fears, how to chase away the bad dreams about evil fairies waiting for a sign form a vindictive goddess of doom. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore,” she whimpered childishly. Jonathan loved her being a little weak, a little vulnerable, in need of protection. At times she merely played along with this image, but now she really did feel vulnerable and totally dependent on him.
“Talinka, what do you say we go to London for a while?” He gently removed her silken nightgown, a prelude to making love that for now was just a token and promise of things to come. He caressed her legs with his soft fingers, light as feathers. Talia abandoned herself to the pleasure of his touch, forgetting the pangs in her contracting belly. Dr. Gordon had warned her that after the third pregnancy, the pains caused by the uterus returning to its original proportions would be greater, as each birth taxes the womb further. The pains were almost unbearable. She sighed silently, inwardly.
She clung to Jonathan, ignoring the pain, gently kissing his lips. He continued to caress her, hovering, barely touching her shoulder. A tingle of delight shot through her body, her usual response to his touch. It’s only three days after the delivery, she wondered, and he arouses me!
“So what do you say, Talinka?” Jonathan wrenched her from her self-absorption, all the while continuing to stroke her, his eyes closed.
“A trip? So soon, Jonathan? Isn’t it too early?”
“No, Talinka, I need some time off, and I also want to get to know the money market there. It might come in handy in the future. As soon as you get your strength back, we’ll take the babies and the nanny and go away for year, what do you think?”
“And what about Na’ama?”
“We’ll take her with us, of course, what did you think, Talinka? Just give me the green light and I’ll go there next week and rent a house. I’ll find us the nicest house, you’ll see.”